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21 - 35 of 35 Comments Last updated Jan 14, 2013
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pde

Homer Glen, IL

#21 Jan 14, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
Wow. Do you hold such negative views for all men, or just these guys?
Just these guys.

It sounds like the letter writer may have been attracted to a particular type of rather controlling personality when she was younger (and that's on her).

If the guys really did write her and explicitly express regret and guilt (as she said in the letter), that rings all types of alarm bells for me. She should be asking why they would do this, rather than fearing that she's denying them closure. I also doubt that they actually feel regret and guilt. But you can express regret and guilt to a particular manipulative end because you know it's expected.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#22 Jan 14, 2013
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
L2: you're a condescending, smug person. Stop thinking that people who are physically flawed need a boost from you.
So no one should have batted an eye when we hand an olympian with fake legs? Recognizing the amazing feat they are accomplishing does not sound smug or condescending. You don't think that what they've been able to accomplish is amazing?

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#23 Jan 14, 2013
pde wrote:
<quoted text>
I was reading the sentence "within the past one or two years expressing regret and guilt over their treatment of me"
That sounds like more than a simple friend request.
Could be. But again, it still shows the difference in how we interpret it. I see a girl who made way more of a big deal out of those relationships than the guys did, so in turn, I see her interpretation of whatever they said in their request as much more than what they really said. I just don't buy that multiple guys are seeking her out to make reparations for past transgressions. I just don't think most people do that.
pde

Homer Glen, IL

#24 Jan 14, 2013
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text> I just don't buy that multiple guys are seeking her out to make reparations for past transgressions. I just don't think most people do that.
And I think that if she has had multiple people do that, those are people to be rather wary of.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

#25 Jan 14, 2013
pde wrote:
<quoted text>
Just these guys.
It sounds like the letter writer may have been attracted to a particular type of rather controlling personality when she was younger (and that's on her).
If the guys really did write her and explicitly express regret and guilt (as she said in the letter), that rings all types of alarm bells for me. She should be asking why they would do this, rather than fearing that she's denying them closure. I also doubt that they actually feel regret and guilt. But you can express regret and guilt to a particular manipulative end because you know it's expected.
I'm still not understanding where your pessimism is coming from. I know I was a different person back in high school than I am now. I may have a regret or two about how I treated some people, and given the chance, I would like to apologize. What's so hard to believe about these guys really feeling bad for how they treated the lw and truly wanting to make amends?
pde

Homer Glen, IL

#26 Jan 14, 2013
Tonka:

You are saying that normal people don't do this, so she's exaggerating.

I am saying that normal people don't do this (same), so if she has had multiple guys do this to her, she needs to regard them as not-normal-people. And wonder if she had bizarre radar for those with sociopathic tendencies.
pde

Homer Glen, IL

#27 Jan 14, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
I'm still not understanding where your pessimism is coming from. I know I was a different person back in high school than I am now. I may have a regret or two about how I treated some people, and given the chance, I would like to apologize. What's so hard to believe about these guys really feeling bad for how they treated the lw and truly wanting to make amends?
Well, as Tonka and others have pointed out, they don't believe that normal people do things like this. Thus, they don't even believe the letter writer has been approached in this manner by these guys.

I also agree that normal people don't generally do things like this, but have seen situations where these types of regrets/apologies have been offered. And it's shown out, time after time, to be another attempt at some form of manipulation.

About the only time I'd believe such an apology is if the person offering it is going through a twelve-step program, and that's because making those apologies is a required step.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

#28 Jan 14, 2013
pde wrote:
And wonder if she had bizarre radar for those with sociopathic tendencies.
Now they have sociopathic tendencies?! Good God.

And I don't think it's all that odd to run into someone from your past and have some regrets about how you may have treated them back then and now wish to make amends. Common? No. But I don't think it's far-fetched.
pde

Homer Glen, IL

#29 Jan 14, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
Now they have sociopathic tendencies?! Good God.
And I don't think it's all that odd to run into someone from your past and have some regrets about how you may have treated them back then and now wish to make amends. Common? No. But I don't think it's far-fetched.
And what reaction do you expect in return for this apology? If the person refuses to make amends with you, what would your reaction be?

Since: Mar 09

Miami, FL

#30 Jan 14, 2013
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>Could be. But again, it still shows the difference in how we interpret it. I see a girl who made way more of a big deal out of those relationships than the guys did, so in turn, I see her interpretation of whatever they said in their request as much more than what they really said. I just don't buy that multiple guys are seeking her out to make reparations for past transgressions. I just don't think most people do that.
I agree with you.

And the common denominator is her.

Since: Jul 10

Location hidden

#31 Jan 14, 2013
pde wrote:
<quoted text>
Well, as Tonka and others have pointed out, they don't believe that normal people do things like this. Thus, they don't even believe the letter writer has been approached in this manner by these guys.
I also agree that normal people don't generally do things like this, but have seen situations where these types of regrets/apologies have been offered. And it's shown out, time after time, to be another attempt at some form of manipulation.
About the only time I'd believe such an apology is if the person offering it is going through a twelve-step program, and that's because making those apologies is a required step.
I would totally agree with you if she said one, or even two, had looked her up and wanted to apologize. If that were the case, I would say she needs to be wary of his (their) intentions. But several of them? All within a very short time frame? To me, that screams drama-queen.
Either way, I think the advice to ignore them is good. If they are looking to reconnect in order to manipulate her, ignoring them is the best option and they will move on to other victims. If she is imagining the whole thing, it's still best to ignore them and not show everyone how delusional she is.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#32 Jan 14, 2013
pde wrote:
<quoted text>
And what reaction do you expect in return for this apology? If the person refuses to make amends with you, what would your reaction be?
I would expect nothing. And if they were unwilling to make amends, it would be no skin off my nose.

But whereas I applaud these men for wanting to apologize for their past behavior, you are assuming they're just trolling for people with self-esteem issues who they can control.

I just think that's quite a leap to make given the fact you know nothing about the situation. It's an assumption a man-hater would make.
pde

Homer Glen, IL

#33 Jan 14, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
I would expect nothing. And if they were unwilling to make amends, it would be no skin off my nose.
But whereas I applaud these men for wanting to apologize for their past behavior, you are assuming they're just trolling for people with self-esteem issues who they can control.
I just think that's quite a leap to make given the fact you know nothing about the situation. It's an assumption a man-hater would make.
What we know about the situation is the that common denominator is her. And there are two possible conclusions that can be drawn from that ...

either (a) she's a drama queen and (and see other's posts for expansion on that theory)
or (b) she herself states that she tended to date emotionally unavailable/emotionally abusive guys.

If she really did tend to date guys like that, it's a lot more likely they are trolling through their past for those they know have emotional issues than wanting to truly make amends for those actions. A leopard doesn't change it spots. People who already screwing up teenaged relationships to the degree described pretty often don't mature out of that. One of her past guys could. Multiple past guys, no way.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#34 Jan 14, 2013
I think the girl was emotionally clingy, and...Well probably loose in the thighs. She made every boyfriend the love of her live and was crushed when they all turned tail after getting some tail.

But I also see the point of these guys trolling for a little bit of rehash from the past, and spinning a yarn of regrets in the hopes of another roll in the hay.

Too close to call who is the oddball here.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#35 Jan 14, 2013
Se was in hs/college. How mature are boys age 16 to 21?

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