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“Not a real reg”

Since: Jan 13

Location hidden

#1 Jun 26, 2013
DEAR AMY: How do I stop a bad relationship cycle? My relationships start out great, but then slowly fall apart. These men just stop caring about my feelings. I’m ignored during the holidays, my birthday isn’t mentioned and anniversaries are forgotten.

I have let them know these events are important to me, but when these days come around, I have gifts for them but receive nothing in return.

It’s not just gifts, it’s other things. For instance, I always go to their place. My last guy only came to my house once and that was because the electricity went out at his place.

This same guy bought chocolates for his sister for no reason, but when I mentioned that he had not acknowledged my birthday his response was,“Are you really that needy?”

I told him I wasn’t being “needy” but that a small token to show he actually cared would be nice. I realize I’m not a child, but I still want to be treated well.

We broke up after this. What’s wrong with me? Am I overly sensitive, or am I a “jerk magnet”? I have always believed you should treat others the way you would like to be treated, so where did I go wrong?-- Not Needy

DEAR NOT NEEDY: You are a jerk magnet. The questions you need to ask yourself are: Why your particular form of magnetism draws jerks toward you, why on earth you settle for this and how you can change it.

I suspect these jerks reveal themselves to you in many small ways before they act out so badly that you are forced to let them break up with you. Rather than pout and blame them, you should make a list of everything you typically do when you start a relationship: i.e. call or text him without reciprocation, baby him, give him gifts, tell him how to treat you. Review this list and then — this is the tough part — do every single thing differently.

I often hear from men who tell me that women don’t like “nice guys.” You are proving them right.

DEAR AMY: Several years ago a friendship my husband and I had with another couple ended. The wife of the couple continues to send us (and our adult daughters) cards for every holiday and occasion. We have not reciprocated and yet the cards continue to come, and are now sometimes accompanied by gifts, too.

In the beginning we thought she would run out of steam. In hindsight, we probably should have asked her to stop right away. We don’t have friends in common, and we don’t live in the same town.

We have not seen this couple or talked to them in years, but now we end up writing cordial, neutral thank-yous for the gifts and cards. I don’t feel indebted, and I don’t feel guilty, but there is a “stalker”-ish quality to this, especially when she lists our recent activities in her communications. What should we do?-- It’s Over

DEAR OVER: It’s a little surprising that this contact creates so much discomfort. However, you have no interest whatsoever in reviving or responding to this friendship, and so in your final note of acknowledgment you can say,“Deirdre, you have been in touch frequently over the years but it would be easiest on us if you didn’t continue to contact us. Your thoughtfulness puts us on the spot because we feel our relationship has run its course.”

DEAR AMY: Why the harsh response to “A Refined Palate”? I have suffered through dinners of raw chicken, raw pineapple upside-down cake, raw apple strudel and various burnt dishes from similar good friends.

I say eat a little ahead of time and offer to bring something. Let them know that you enjoy salads. Just eat the salad without the homemade dressing to “save calories.” You can’t avoid the invitations but you can enjoy the company and a little wine.-- Friends Are Priceless

DEAR PRICELESS: Mr.“Refined” wrote that even the dog refused scraps of this friend’s cooking. I thought this was such an unkind and “unrefined” comment that I, in turn, judged him harshly. Many readers agreed with you.

Since: Dec 07

DuPage County

#2 Jun 26, 2013
1: Stop looking for arm candy and look at the men you've most likely dismissed because of their average or below average looks. Pretty boys are almost always jerks.

2: Try blocking these people from your profiles on Facebook.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#3 Jun 26, 2013
L1: Talk to your friends to see what they think, then take that info to a therapist and go from there.

L2: I wouldn't send TY notes or respond in any way. If she wants to spend her money on me/my family, good for her. I see no reason to respond or react other than to use the gift cards, whatever. Goofy people.

L3: I'm not eating salad without dressing. THe guy who wrote the original letter rubbed a lot of people the wrong way.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#4 Jun 26, 2013
L2: It sounds like LW2 tried to do the fade away and the friends didn't get that the friendship was over in her mind. THey apparently are FB friends?

“Fort Kickass”

Since: Sep 09

Bloomington, IL

#5 Jun 26, 2013
L1: I bet the LW is so needy, that by the time her birthday rolls around, they just don't care anymore.

L2: Do what I did when J's psycho ex sent us a Christmas card. RETURN TO SENDER on the envelope, pop in mailbox.

L3: Well, we can't all be Paula "N-word" Deen.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#6 Jun 26, 2013
Speaking of Paula... does it seem harsh that they fired her?

“Fort Kickass”

Since: Sep 09

Bloomington, IL

#7 Jun 26, 2013
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
Speaking of Paula... does it seem harsh that they fired her?
I heard it also may have had to do with her sinking ratings. Like they took it as an opportunity to dump her.
pde

Homer Glen, IL

#8 Jun 26, 2013
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
Speaking of Paula... does it seem harsh that they fired her?
I think her star has been descending, and the scandal proved an easy out for them not to renew her contract.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#9 Jun 26, 2013
1 You are a train wreck. date married men, then you have an excuse for being ignored.

2 Team Matilda.

3 If you are friends with these peeps, then be honest and teach them to friggin cook.
tiredofit

Los Angeles, CA

#10 Jun 26, 2013
I feel a little bad for Paula. I think her style has gone kind of sour. Her diabetes put an added emphasis on her indulgent cooking. The network is just backing away in a not so kind way.

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#11 Jun 26, 2013
Matilda77 wrote:
<quoted text>
I heard it also may have had to do with her sinking ratings. Like they took it as an opportunity to dump her.
I still like her, though. In very small doses. There are only so many "y'alls" I can take.

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#12 Jun 26, 2013
L1: All things considered, I agree with Amy. It's gotta be something she's doing or the type of guy she's picking.
L2: I'm with Matilda. Return to Sender. Done.

“Fort Kickass”

Since: Sep 09

Bloomington, IL

#13 Jun 26, 2013
Toj wrote:
<quoted text>
I still like her, though. In very small doses. There are only so many "y'alls" I can take.
I've never been a fan of cooking shows. Don't make food in front of me that I can't smell or taste immediately.

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#14 Jun 26, 2013
Matilda77 wrote:
<quoted text>
I've never been a fan of cooking shows. Don't make food in front of me that I can't smell or taste immediately.
The cooking shows I like best are the competitive ones. I'm in love with Michael Symon (one of the Iron Chefs).

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#15 Jun 26, 2013
RACE wrote:
1 You are a train wreck. date married men, then you have an excuse for being ignored.
2 Team Matilda.
3 If you are friends with these peeps, then be honest and teach them to friggin cook.
Train wreck indeed. She is dating a married man with kids who is also her boss and she doesn't sound particularly discreet about it ( dating is public vs "seeing" which is presumably more private).

Prediction:
He will not leave his wife and kids for her
Someone will lose their job, probably her.
She doesn't sound like she is being harassed, so no lawsuit for her either.

Check back when she is 35, hears her biological clock ticking and her man has child support to pay for 2 other kids at least, and she doesn't have a date who can publicly accompany her to things or is available for holidays and birthdays, etc.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#16 Jun 26, 2013
LW1: Get a dog.

LW2: Team Matilda.

LW3: Well, my refined palate does not care for rehash. So there.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#17 Jun 26, 2013
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
Speaking of Paula... does it seem harsh that they fired her?
Only a little. I don't care for her "I'm just a good 'ole southern girl and sometimes the n-word slips out" defense.

She knew it was wrong and to continue using it and treating people like they work on a plantation is deliberate on her part.

But honestly, I could really care less. I hate cooking shows - mostly because I hate cooking.
:D

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#18 Jun 26, 2013
I dont like cooking shows either, not sure why, but I think its because of them knowing which spices to use. I never know, and rarely use any one single spice. I use the ones with a bunch of spices in them (and I dont buy spices where salt is listed as the first ingredient)

But I do like cooking, and that's because I enjoy eating, and If I am not going to like a meal it's going to be because I screwed it up.
squishymama wrote:
<quoted text>
Only a little. I don't care for her "I'm just a good 'ole southern girl and sometimes the n-word slips out" defense.
She knew it was wrong and to continue using it and treating people like they work on a plantation is deliberate on her part.
But honestly, I could really care less. I hate cooking shows - mostly because I hate cooking.
:D

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#19 Jun 26, 2013
LW1: You are a jerk magnet. Be a little more selective and maybe don't give it up right away, until you can tell whether the guy has any class. They are probably just using for sex.

LW2: Just stop sending thank you notes and hopefully she’ll get the hint.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#20 Jun 26, 2013
I like America's Test Kitchen because they cover the failed attempts. "We tried this the traditional way, and it turned out soggy. So we tried it with this other pan, and it turned out a little better. Then we tried it with this other pan, and it was perfect." They share those mistakes so you can learn from them.

My favorites are Lydia's Italian Kitchen and the grilling guy Steve something (used to be Grill U, but they changed the name to "Primal Grill"). He's all about meat, meat, and more meat, but also other stuff you can grill. He looks a lot like an old boyfriend, so I enjoy watching him.:)

http://www.pbs.org/food/shows/primal-grill-wi...

(I think he's hot!)

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