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“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#1 May 18, 2013
DEAR ABBY: I am the mother of a 5-year-old daughter I'll call Mandy. Her father and I separated when she was 16 months old and now we are divorced. I am newly engaged to a wonderful man and very happy.

I have just learned that my ex is having a baby boy with a woman he has stated he does not love and isn't even in a committed relationship with. I would like to protect Mandy from any pain this might cause her because she is a Daddy's girl.

How should I deal with this and maintain my composure regarding the sibling who will now forever be a part of my daughter's life (and mine)?-- STRESSED OUT IN SAN DIEGO

DEAR STRESSED OUT: It is not appropriate to show your disgust with this situation to your daughter. Because your ex has gone on record that he doesn't love the woman he impregnated, and he is not in a committed relationship with her, you may be worrying needlessly. He will have a financial obligation to his son, but whether he's willing to be a father in the best sense of the word we don't know.

If Mandy interacts with her half brother she will have to learn to share, which is an important life lesson every child must learn sooner or later.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 40-something divorced female. After my divorce I met a man I enjoyed being with. He led me to believe he cared for me and I bought into it. It was a vulnerable time for me and, unfortunately, I let my guard down. I did something stupid and co-signed for a student loan for him. He has stopped making payments, has blocked my calls, moved, etc., and now I'm stuck with the financial burden.

I have learned that he had a fiancee while we were involved and they are now married. Abby, he was bilking me the whole time.

I need to know what legal recourse I have. I know where he lives and possibly where he works, so if he needs to be served with papers, he can be found. I regret that I didn't keep my guard up, and I don't feel he should get away with this. What should I do now?-- LET MY GUARD DOWN IN OHIO

DEAR LET YOUR GUARD DOWN: It appears you have been the victim of a fraud. If I were you, the first thing I'd do is share his address with the loan company. Then I'd discuss this matter with the police to find out if he has a history of bilking women and if I could file charges. If that isn't possible, the next thing I'd do is talk with a lawyer about any legal remedies available to me. And that's what I'm advising you to do.

DEAR ABBY: I work in the media and meet a lot of people. I have arthritis in my hands. I have always believed in a firm handshake, but I'm finding that receiving one is crippling my hand. I don't want to appear unfriendly by not reciprocating a handshake, but I don't want my hand to ache for hours on end after meeting someone. Any suggestions?-- HURTING IN DOVER, DEL.

DEAR HURTING: It would not be unfriendly to simply say, "It's nice to meet you, but I can't shake hands because I have arthritis." Many people do, and it's the truth.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#2 May 18, 2013
1- How bout you bug out of your ex's business? You sound bitter and jealous that he knocked someone else up.

2- Talk to a lawyer.
(Jebus, Abby, do you realize ANYONE can do your job?)

3- Retire.

“On Deck”

Since: Aug 08

French Polynesia

#3 May 18, 2013
L3. Fistbump.
Cass

Rancho Cucamonga, CA

#4 May 18, 2013
LW1 - What edog said.
LW2 - Ay. I thnk you are screewwwwed.
LW3 - Speak up.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#5 May 18, 2013
1 Do you want some cream with your drama or do you prefer it black?

2 Boy, he not only screwed you, he screwed you too.

3 Get on of those fake hands,

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#6 May 18, 2013
1. Encourage the kids to know each other: if he is as fickle as you say, he won't be around the new baby and bay mama much. You will probably have a problem getting your child support because he will have 2. Don't bad mouth him. He will shoot himself in the foot sooner or later.Freak him out by getting to be BFF with the baby mama- you two have a lot in common.

2. Lawyer-up. Something similar happened to a good friend of mine. She got a judgement against him- not that it will do her much good because he is in jail, but still...

“What's it to ya?”

Since: Mar 09

Location hidden

#7 May 18, 2013
1: MYOB

2: You're screwed. Lenders don't give a ratsass if you got taken. Likely nothing the police did either. You say he played you. He says "I did love her, then I fell out of love and in love with someone else. The heart wants what the heart wants..." Oh well. Never co-sign anything you aren't willing to be 10% responsible for. Duh.

3: Use your words.
tiredofit

Los Angeles, CA

#8 May 18, 2013
Can you believe these letters today. Stupid!

“What's it to ya?”

Since: Mar 09

Location hidden

#9 May 18, 2013
tiredofit wrote:
Can you believe these letters today. Stupid!
They're almost always stupid. <shrug>
Kuuipo

Salinas, CA

#10 May 18, 2013
LW1 and LW3: What Abby said.

LW2: You should be asking an attorney, not Abby, but here's what I'd do if I were you. One, contact an attorney and have him/her tell you what recourse you have. At the very least, s/he can compose a letter on company letterhead that will let him know that you aren't going to pay his debt. Two, don't make any more payments on the student loan.(This will screw up your credit temporarily.) Three, I would definitely tell the loan company where he lives and works and tell them that they can get their money there. Four, if none of the above works, move with no forwarding address and change your phone number, or at least block the loan company's number and do not take any calls from numbers that you don't recognize. The loan and collection company will go after the person who will most easily give in and pay the money, so make sure that person is not you.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#11 May 18, 2013
Kuuipo wrote:

move with no forwarding address and change your phone number
Gee, why not simply go into the witness protection program??

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#12 May 18, 2013
That is another option...
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
Gee, why not simply go into the witness protection program??

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#13 May 18, 2013
Kuuipo wrote:
LW1 and LW3: What Abby said.
LW2: You should be asking an attorney, not Abby, but here's what I'd do if I were you. One, contact an attorney and have him/her tell you what recourse you have. At the very least, s/he can compose a letter on company letterhead that will let him know that you aren't going to pay his debt. Two, don't make any more payments on the student loan.(This will screw up your credit temporarily.) Three, I would definitely tell the loan company where he lives and works and tell them that they can get their money there. Four, if none of the above works, move with no forwarding address and change your phone number, or at least block the loan company's number and do not take any calls from numbers that you don't recognize. The loan and collection company will go after the person who will most easily give in and pay the money, so make sure that person is not you.
Won't work. If you co-sign on a loan, you are stuck.
Someone correct me if I am wrong on this, but I think student loans can't be discharged in bankruptcy or renegotiated more than once or something.
Kuuipo

Salinas, CA

#14 May 19, 2013
PEllen wrote:
<quoted text>Won't work. If you co-sign on a loan, you are stuck.
Someone correct me if I am wrong on this, but I think student loans can't be discharged in bankruptcy or renegotiated more than once or something.
If you co-sign for a loan AND the lender can't get the money from the other borrower, THEN you are stuck. But if LW refuses to pay the loan and tells the lender to get it from the slimy ex, the lender might start trying to collect from him. I just hope it wasn't a secured loan. Years ago, a close friend of mine used her car to secure a loan for her then husband. He became her ex-husband less than a year after she co-signed that loan and he agreed to pay it in their divorce agreement. Imagine her surprise when the lender contacted my friend and threatened to repossess her car if she didn't start making payments. Because of her experience, I have NEVER co-signed a loan for anyone.
Dear Abby

Dallas, TX

#15 May 19, 2013
People think I look like George Clooney. They have never actually said it, but I can tell thats what their thinking. How do I stop them from lusting after me behind my back. Or should I just ignore it?
Stina

Saint Petersburg, FL

#16 May 20, 2013
PEllen wrote:
<quoted text>Won't work. If you co-sign on a loan, you are stuck.
Someone correct me if I am wrong on this, but I think student loans can't be discharged in bankruptcy or renegotiated more than once or something.
Yes, I believe that a student loan is the one loan you can't get rid of in a bankrupcy. I know an attorney and she has joined the crusade to get that changed.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#17 May 20, 2013
Great, now we will have doctors and lawyers graduating, and then filing for bankruptcy, just to skip out on 400K of student loans.
Stina wrote:
<quoted text>
Yes, I believe that a student loan is the one loan you can't get rid of in a bankrupcy. I know an attorney and she has joined the crusade to get that changed.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#18 May 20, 2013
RACE wrote:
Great, now we will have doctors and lawyers graduating, and then filing for bankruptcy, just to skip out on 400K of student loans.
I agree. I have no love lost for the loan pariahs, they tried to ram it up my @zz with a barbed rod and laugh all the way to the bank. But you're gonna end up with people spending hundreds of thousands to get through college then file bankruptcy and get a free education. That's why the housing market collapsed. A more proactive approach is the answer. Bring the cost of education DOWN. It costs hundreds of thousands of dollars for a degree in a job that only pays 30 to 40 thousand a year. It's ridiculous.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#19 May 20, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
I agree. I have no love lost for the loan pariahs, they tried to ram it up my @zz with a barbed rod and laugh all the way to the bank. But you're gonna end up with people spending hundreds of thousands to get through college then file bankruptcy and get a free education. That's why the housing market collapsed. A more proactive approach is the answer. Bring the cost of education DOWN. It costs hundreds of thousands of dollars for a degree in a job that only pays 30 to 40 thousand a year. It's ridiculous.
Alternatively, quit marketing college like a car as something that everyone just has to have

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#20 May 20, 2013
PEllen wrote:
<quoted text>Alternatively, quit marketing college like a car as something that everyone just has to have
...says the proud mother of a recent college graduate. You telling me that you didn't stress/establish the expectation that she go to college?

Does a college education not greatly increase one's chances of landing a good paying job/career? Is a college education not a major step in the direction of a poor kid getting out of the ghetto?

I don't understand what you're suggesting? Downplaying he importance of education? Whatever you are suggesting, would you have applied that thinking to YOUR children when they were still in high school?

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