“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#1 Oct 7, 2013
DEAR ABBY: My son and his wife, "Carole," have been married for two years. I was recently introduced to her father, "Ted," who has been alone for 13 years. Carole told me later in no uncertain terms that I cannot have a romantic relationship with her father. Then she repeated the same thing to him.

Do you think it's right for adult children to dictate to their parents who they can and cannot see? Ted and I are perplexed. We really like each other and would like to see where this relationship could go. We laugh easily together, cook in the kitchen well together, can talk for hours and generally are very compatible. We have both discussed our pasts and have been honest with each other. What's your opinion?-- DESERVES TO BE HAPPY IN FLORIDA

DEAR DESERVES: Before the relationship goes further, you and Ted should step back and ask yourselves what might happen if this romance doesn't work out. Would the hurt feelings disrupt the family dynamic? If this can be handled thoughtfully, with grace and maturity, I agree that you deserve to be happy. While adult offspring may try to dictate what their parents can and cannot do, as mature adults, you do not have to blindly accept it.

DEAR ABBY: I have been friends with "Kurt" for many years. We met during Little League, and as we got older we stood up in each other's wedding. He was my best man.

Kurt's marriage is in trouble because he has a gambling problem. I feel guilty because I never said anything to him about it when we were together at the casino and he was spending more money than he could afford. I was with him only a handful of times, but I still think I should have spoken up.

Should I have? Or wouldn't it have mattered if I did? Kurt is going to Gamblers Anonymous meetings now, trying to save his marriage.-- GUILTY IN WISCONSIN

DEAR GUILTY: You could have said something to your friend, but the question is, would Kurt have listened and accepted what you were trying to convey? People who have addictions are usually in denial until they have no other choice but to face it.

Your feeling guilty won't help this situation. Being supportive of your longtime friend and making sure that when you're together there is no wagering happening (i.e., on sporting events) would be helpful. The rest is up to him.

DEAR ABBY: I recently ended a two-year relationship with my boyfriend. We are both 20. He was a great boyfriend -- always patient, kind, gentle and loving. However, I was often impatient, short-tempered and controlling. These issues were my personal problems. I always tried to work on them, but although it got better, I knew I wasn't treating him the way I should. I ended things with him because I felt guilty.

It has been a month now, and I'm having second thoughts about having ended it with an almost-perfect person. I miss him. Would it be unwise to reach out to him again?-- BROKEN UP BUT NOT OVER IT

DEAR NOT OVER IT: Not necessarily. But before you do, allow yourself a period of introspection during which you focus less on your missing him and concentrate on why you were abusive to him. A man with his qualities deserves to be treated with more respect than you showed him. The truism, "If you don't value what you've got, you will lose it," applies to relationships.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#2 Oct 7, 2013
1- What does your husband think? Anyway, listen to your DIL. They don't want to become brother and sister. And cast your nets in a different pond.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#3 Oct 7, 2013
1 Unless your an invalid, your DIL can go pound sand. I just wanna know why you did not meet at the wedding?

2 Your comments would have fallen on deaf ears.

3 Your 20, cant even get wasted yet. Forget Mr Perfect and find Joe good enough for now.

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#4 Oct 7, 2013
LW1: They have been married for two years and you just met him? You guys didn’t see each other at the wedding?

Um, you can see whoever you want.

LW2: How do you know how much $$ he has to spend? Also, unless they are in an altered state, it’s not your job to babysit your friends or protect them from themselves. You are also pretty naive to think you could get a person with a gambling addiction to stop gambling by telling them maybe they should stop gambling.

Since: Jun 09

Saint Petersburg, FL

#5 Oct 7, 2013
You guys have it covered today!

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#6 Oct 7, 2013
Or, maybe the reason the parents did not meet each other at the wedding IS the reason Carole is so adamant against a hook up.

Does anyone else find it odd that LW did not mention why either she or Ted are available. Like I am divorced, widowed, was a single mom, etc. Makes me think thee might be something in Edog's wisecrack.

On L2, I agree with Race

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#7 Oct 7, 2013
LW1: Carole can pound sand.

LW2: If it's as bad as you describe, you might not still be his friend if you *had* said something. Addicts don't take too kindly on being called out. Be there for him now.

LW3: Poor guy. Just leave him be and find someone less nice to abuse. Then you won't feel so guilty.

Since: Feb 10

Location hidden

#8 Oct 7, 2013
Meh, not everyone has a wedding, so I don't think it's weird that they didn't meet there. I think it's just that the DIL thinks it would be awkward to have her father and MIL become a couple. Too bad - suck it up, Buttercup. It's not DIL's concern.

Unless Carole knows something about the past that LW and Ted have not been honest about...I would like to know if Carole gave a specific reason, or if it's just because she thinks it's "icky" or she is a moron who thinks dad and MIL marrying would make her own marriage incestuous.
Kuuipo

Marina, CA

#9 Oct 7, 2013
PEllen wrote:
Or, maybe the reason the parents did not meet each other at the wedding IS the reason Carole is so adamant against a hook up.
Does anyone else find it odd that LW did not mention why either she or Ted are available. Like I am divorced, widowed, was a single mom, etc. Makes me think thee might be something in Edog's wisecrack.
Exactly. LW omitted a lot of information. It could be that Carole was raised by her stepparents and Ted wasn't part of her life. Maybe their children eloped. Maybe LW just wanted to focus on the fact that her son and DIL were trying to control their choice. Considering that LW and Ted hadn't met during the 2 years that their children have been married (nor during the time that they were dating), I suspect that there aren't too many family gatherings that could prove troublesome. I also think Carole and LW's son's attitude may have made LW and Ted feel curious and rebellious. I don't think this is the wisest choice, but it's their choice, not their children's.

LW2: Team Race.

LW3: Abby nailed it.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#10 Oct 7, 2013
L1: Barring any weird thing in the relationship, I think they should tell their "children" they appreciate their input but will make their own choices.

L2: You probably should have spoken up, but it doesn't change anything here. He may or may not have listened to your advice. Be supportive now since you can't do anything about the past.

L3: Go find yourself and quit subjecting this nice young man to you.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Brooklyn, NY

#11 Oct 7, 2013
I'm guessing the dad wasn't a big part of Carol's life. Maybe the lw is a "loose" woman -hence the lack of details- and the daughter doesn't want her dad involved with her. The part about them being open about their "pasts" tells me neither has the best track record. Sounds like a bunch of trailer drama.
pde

Palatine, IL

#12 Oct 7, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
I'm guessing the dad wasn't a big part of Carol's life. Maybe the lw is a "loose" woman -hence the lack of details- and the daughter doesn't want her dad involved with her. The part about them being open about their "pasts" tells me neither has the best track record. Sounds like a bunch of trailer drama.
Or Carole knows her dad screws everything that moves in his general direction, including the sheep, and doesn't want her MIL involved in that.
cheluzal

Plant City, FL

#13 Oct 7, 2013
1: Eh...7 billion people and you have to marry, making your kids spouses and step-siblings? gross.

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