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“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#1 Oct 17, 2012
DEAR ABBY: My 15-year-old stepson, "Justin," doesn't drink or do drugs. For the most part, he stays out of trouble. The problem is, he has been caught for the third time having unprotected sex.

My anger isn't at Justin so much as at his parents, obviously his father. Justin has lied repeatedly about this. His father lets him get away with many things, for the most part minor. But this is different. A 15-year-old boy can't take care of a baby, and having sex with multiple partners means exposing everyone involved to STDs.

My husband is a smart man, but for some reason he seems to think this will end well. I worry about his son becoming a father too soon and missing out on his full potential. My husband and his ex have dealt with this by trying to ignore it, and for the most part I haven't involved myself. But the more I think about it, the more I see the danger of Justin's life being changed forever because his parents don't want to make him unhappy for a minute.

I love my husband and stepson. Allowing this to continue isn't the right path for anyone. Am I overreacting? If not, what can I do that won't cause a huge blowup with my husband?-- ALARMED IN CHICAGO

DEAR ALARMED: You're not overreacting. Your husband is doing his son no favors by enabling his irresponsible behavior instead of asserting himself and acting like a parent. Justin may think that fathering a child will make him a "real man." But unless your husband can get through to him that real men take care of themselves and their partners, and real men don't risk bringing children into the world they can't take care of, then face it: He's letting his son play baby roulette, and it's only a matter of time until he'll be a grandpa.

DEAR ABBY: My son has a wonderful girlfriend, "Michelle." They live with my ex-husband and visit my husband, "Daryl," and me twice a month and on special occasions. Michelle is sweet, caring, smart and funny. The problem is, she doesn't wear a bra. Ever.

Relatives have commented about it to us at family gatherings because she's not flat-chested. We already know. It's obvious. Daryl feels a woman should go without a bra only in the privacy of her own home, and I agree. He thinks I should buy Michelle a bra as a "subtle hint." I don't think that's wise, and I don't want to offend her.

Because it doesn't seem to matter to my son, should we continue to keep our opinions to ourselves?-- SEES A NEED FOR SUPPORT IN FLORIDA

DEAR SEES A NEED: Because people are talking, it would be a kindness to say something to Michelle -- but delicately, so she doesn't think you are criticizing her. If you have a good relationship with her, invite her to join you for lunch and, while you're on the subject of the last gathering, mention that some of the relatives noticed her bralessness. Then tell her that you need to go lingerie shopping and invite her along. Ask her to help you pick out a few pretty things for yourself, and then offer to treat her to some things she likes. She just may take you up on it.

Since: Dec 09

Smalltown, Colorado

#2 Oct 17, 2012
LW1 - Maybe Justin's sperm, like their donor, will be too stupid to find the egg.

LW2 - Stupid answer, Abby. Michelle knows where to buy bras and would buy one if SHE WANTED ONE. The busybodies are just jealous they don't look like Michelle.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#3 Oct 17, 2012
You know Abby is really scraping the bottom of the barrel when the rehash letters are from 1975.Bra-less?! Oh horrors! What's next? Women's lib?!!

Did you notice she didn't do anything for alarmed except to say she was right to be alarmed?

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Bronx, NY

#4 Oct 17, 2012
1- not sure how you "catch" someone having unprotected sex, but, multiple partners at 15? Yeah, he might be a daddy before he can drive a car, but you go, Justin!

2- let those puppies breathe!

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#5 Oct 17, 2012
L1: talk to him like you'd want someone to talk to your own son. Do this even if his parents don't want you to. Go behind their backs if necessary. His parents suck.

L2: Oh my god. You all need to grow the hell up. If she doesn't want to wear a bra, it's NONE of your business. Tell everyone, including your husband, to stop staring at her t*ts.

"Because people are talking..."? WTH? They need to stop gossiping about someone else's choice of dress and find something else to talk about. Your family is full of small-minded people.

l3:

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#6 Oct 17, 2012
LW1: Ask him to calculate how much money he's made thu allowance, part time jobs, birthday gifs , rtc for his whole life up to that point. Once he comes up with a number, throw at him an estimate of how much he would have to pay in child support for 18 years. Then throw a box of condoms at him.

LW2: MYOB. Other people's underwear choices are not your concern. And I think it would be awkward to not only invite her to lunch alone, but then to invite her bra shopping. Any of you ladies think this would go over well? Can't imagine not feeling uncomfortable if my girlfriend's dad invites me to lunch alone, and then says "lets go shopping for some briefs!"

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#7 Oct 17, 2012
Mister Tonka wrote:
LW1: Ask him to calculate how much money he's made thu allowance, part time jobs, birthday gifs , rtc for his whole life up to that point. Once he comes up with a number, throw at him an estimate of how much he would have to pay in child support for 18 years. Then throw a box of condoms at him.
I also think it's worth pointing out to him that he doesn't get to decide whether he becomes a father: If he gets a girl pregnant, that choice is all hers. So he could be (1) on the hook for parenting responsibilities and child support or (2) left wondering "what if" if the girl decides to terminate the pregnancy. The only say he has in his parenting options right now is to not get a girl pregnant in the first place.

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#8 Oct 17, 2012
LW1: How do you know he’s having unprotected sex? How about you talk to him and make condoms available?

LW2: Who cares?
pde

Palatine, IL

#9 Oct 17, 2012
Mister Tonka wrote:
LW2: MYOB. Other people's underwear choices are not your concern. And I think it would be awkward to not only invite her to lunch alone, but then to invite her bra shopping. Any of you ladies think this would go over well? Can't imagine not feeling uncomfortable if my girlfriend's dad invites me to lunch alone, and then says "lets go shopping for some briefs!"
If my MIL tried to come out and actually suggest that we go bra shopping, I would laugh so hard.

Although, she's already tried to do that, subtly. She's asked me several times while we were out shopping if I wanted to stop at VS. Thing is, one reason I don't wear bras is that almost no shop carries 32As (yes, I am a small person) in store. I have some which I've ordered online from VS, I just don't see the reason for wearing them if I'm not dressed professionally. And even for that, I've gone more to wearing tanks with shelf bras or finding dressy shirts with them already built in.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#10 Oct 17, 2012
pde wrote:
<quoted text>
If my MIL tried to come out and actually suggest that we go bra shopping, I would laugh so hard.
Although, she's already tried to do that, subtly. She's asked me several times while we were out shopping if I wanted to stop at VS. Thing is, one reason I don't wear bras is that almost no shop carries 32As (yes, I am a small person) in store. I have some which I've ordered online from VS, I just don't see the reason for wearing them if I'm not dressed professionally. And even for that, I've gone more to wearing tanks with shelf bras or finding dressy shirts with them already built in.
I have a friend who's a 32A probably. she doesn't wear bras, figures what's the point. She looks FINE without one. at that size, they'll be perky until you die of old age. Bras are expensive and uncomfortable. If you can go without them, more power to you!

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#11 Oct 17, 2012
1 How the hell do you catch a kid having any kind of sex let alone unprotected? Anyway, sit him down and tell him that he will be on the hook for support for a long long long, long time.

2 Not enough info, Pictures please.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#12 Oct 17, 2012
RACE wrote:
1 How the hell do you catch a kid having any kind of sex let alone unprotected? Anyway, sit him down and tell him that he will be on the hook for support for a long long long, long time.
Hide in his closet?

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#13 Oct 17, 2012
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
<quoted text>
Hide in his closet?
Set up a baby monitor in his room and watch the screen?

“Fort Kickass”

Since: Sep 09

Bloomington, IL

#14 Oct 17, 2012
L2: Also, not so much in my circle, per se, but the dessert reception is still quite popular among religious people who get married younger and might not have a lot of money. The pastor at the church I grew up in has two kids that got married in their early 20s and they didn't bother with individual invites for church people. Just a blanket invite to all the congregation. No RSVPs to deal with, you just buy a sh1t-ton of cake and punch.

“Fort Kickass”

Since: Sep 09

Bloomington, IL

#15 Oct 17, 2012
pde wrote:
<quoted text>
If my MIL tried to come out and actually suggest that we go bra shopping, I would laugh so hard.
Although, she's already tried to do that, subtly. She's asked me several times while we were out shopping if I wanted to stop at VS. Thing is, one reason I don't wear bras is that almost no shop carries 32As (yes, I am a small person) in store. I have some which I've ordered online from VS, I just don't see the reason for wearing them if I'm not dressed professionally. And even for that, I've gone more to wearing tanks with shelf bras or finding dressy shirts with them already built in.
I used to shop at The Limited Too (now I think it's called Justice) for bras until my mid/late-20s, when I apparently hit puberty (read: gained sedentary job weight). Now I definitely don't have that problem, but I miss the tanks with the shelf bras and wearing strappy tops/dresses without the acrobatics.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#16 Oct 17, 2012
L1: I'm wondering, too, how the hell does she know it's unprotected sex? This isn't a trick question, though. Buy a box of condoms after you give him pictures of what STDs on a penis look like and a table of how much it costs to raise a child. Actually, tell him how much diapers would cost in a month and that alone would stop a 15 year old.

L2: The people who are commenting to you about her bralessness are the ones that need to be spoken to. She's sweet, caring, smart and funny -- what more could you want? Tell those people you're not in the habit of picking out lingerie for your son's gfs and to MYOB.
Sam I Am

Nashville, TN

#17 Oct 17, 2012
1. Start segregating your funds so that your husband doesn't make you chip in to help pay for Junior's Junior.

2. Shut up. Like she doesn't know she's not wearing a bra?

Since: Mar 09

Boynton Beach, FL

#18 Oct 17, 2012
L1: Again, what Angela said, except the part about behind the parents' backs - I think that's looking for trouble, but the kid clearly needs SOMEONE to guide him and parent him.

L2: DO NOT BUY HER A BRA. Geez. This is exactly like the letter about the friend who wears unflattering booty shorts. She knows. It's nunya OR your family's beezwax.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#19 Oct 17, 2012
LW1: Does he fully understand that if he continues this behavior, he has the potential for two very bad things happening to him. Baby and/or AIDS, or some other nasty STD.

Since neither of his birth parents are stepping up to give this boy a reality slap, you should. And please provide him condoms, even if it's just your little secret.

LW2: I would sooooo love not to have to wear a bra.

Abby's advice would go over like a fart in an elevator, so please ignore it and while you're at it, ignore her lack of bra as well.
Kuuipo

Marina, CA

#20 Oct 17, 2012
LW1: Don't get me started. WTH! If you are a PARENT, please do not stop parenting when your children are 12. They need to know the facts of life and they should hear them from YOU. LW: You are destined to become young grandparents within the year if you don't impress upon this young man how fertile teens are and how expensive it is to raise a child. Buy some condoms yesterday and put them in his underwear drawer, his backpack, and his pants pockets.

LW2: You will regret taking Abby's advice. She clearly doesn't want to wear a bra. This wardrobe choice will not fly with most employers but other than that, it is nobody's business.

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