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“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

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#1
Sep 3, 2013
 
DEAR AMY: I am very confused about a decision that will most likely cause hurt feelings between family members. My sister is gay (this isn't a problem -- I also have a gay brother). She has been in an abusive off-and-on-again relationship with "Jean" for many years.

At first they had a pretty good relationship, until alcohol entered the picture. Jean would become very abusive (verbally, mentally, physically and emotionally) when she drank too much. Their volatile relationship ended seven years ago. My sister endured a breakdown so severe that she spent nearly a week in a psychiatric ward.

My mother, myself and her friends supported her though this. My sister then moved on and had other partners in her life.

Two years ago she and Jean reunited. Since then, they have parted ways twice -- the last time was so bad I feared that my sister would end up having another breakdown.

Now they are planning to get married. I love my sister and want her to be happy, but I cannot support a relationship that has been so emotionally draining. I do not wish to attend my sister's wedding, nor do most of my siblings (there are six others, and I am her only sister).

How can any of us support a relationship that has been so abusive and watch my sister marry someone who tells her she is ugly, good for nothing and will never amount to anything?-- Concerned Sister in MN

DEAR CONCERNED: You need to act on your own conscience, but this is tricky. Be aware that your refusal to attend your sister's wedding will have no impact on her choice but will alienate her from you.

For now you should not make any statements one way or the other (because of their pattern, you can expect another breakup).

If your sister forces the issue, you should speak only for yourself and tell her, "I want for you to be happy, but it breaks my heart to see you with someone who is so dangerous to you. I can't stand by and watch you marry 'Jean,' but I want you to know that I love you and will always be in your corner -- in this case, from a distance."

DEAR AMY: I have been friends with "Terri" for more than 50 years. I work in a tiny office of two employees. When one of the employees had to leave for surgery, our boss asked if I knew anyone who could help us out for a couple of months.

I asked Terri's 24-year-old daughter if she wanted to work. She is like a daughter to me.

We hired her. We kept her on even after the other employee returned to work. After a year of work, she was still not getting it. She was getting lackadaisical and making lots of mistakes. I covered for her many times.

My boss fired her three months ago. I have tried to call my best friend to explain and have left several messages. She has not replied. Should I keep trying or just let this very long friendship go?-- Upset

DEAR UPSET: Your friend's daughter is the principal player in this workplace drama. She was given an opportunity, she blew it and she doesn't seem to have acknowledged that you were instrumental in employing her in the first place.

You could email her to say, "I'm sorry it didn't work out for you, but I hope you realize I had no role in your dismissal. I wish you all the best moving forward."

After that, leave it alone. Your friend thinks she is advocating for her daughter when she is actually enabling her.

DEAR AMY: The letter from "Afraid for a Friend" sent shivers up my spine. Like the friend referred to in this letter, I was an abused and battered wife, locked into a terrifying marriage.

I escaped to a shelter and from there into a new life. I hope these women are able to support their friend through this. She will need it.-- Survivor

DEAR SURVIVOR: I'm so happy you were able to build a new life for yourself. I hope this friend is able to do the same.

Since: Jan 10

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#2
Sep 3, 2013
 

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L1: I think your sister needs her family there more *because* her relationship is abusive. Show her you love her.

Personally, I think you should treat Jean as if she were a man: Have a family friend beat the crap out of her and tell her if she lays a finger on your sister again, she's dead. It's worth a shot, eh?

L2: Your friend sounds incredibly immature. And what you did was akin to nepotism, which I am against and which often turns out badly.

“On Deck”

Since: Aug 08

French Polynesia

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#3
Sep 3, 2013
 

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L1. Medical professionals generally avoid the use of obsolete words like 'wards' and prefer to use a more nondescript words like 'unit' instead.

Here are some example:
Cardiac Care Unit
Intensive Care Unit
Burn Unit
NeoNatal Unit
Bone Marrow Transplant Unit
Pediatric Unit
Psychiatric Unit
And so on....

Since: Aug 08

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#4
Sep 3, 2013
 

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LW1: Have your gay brother scratch Jean with his nails and pull her hair until she agrees to never see your sister again.:p

Regardless of what you do, they probably are still going to get married. So, I fail to see what you seek to accomplish by not showing up to what should be a festive occasion. I could see if it would be drama laden, but it likely won’t.

LW2: Write a letter and then be done with it.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

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#5
Sep 3, 2013
 

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LC, sometimes i wonder if maybe you are an escapee from the whack-ward,,,er, Unit.

As for the letters...
1 I cant imagine needing to be baker acted just because my SO left me, especially if she was punching me in the face.

Hey, if they get married and then she decides to leave for a battered womens shelter, do you think her (husband?) could trick the cops into finding out where she is because she is a female and do more harm?

That future aside, the girl needs to spend time in a therapy unit not a wedding unit.

2 If terry cant figure out that the job was only a temp position to begin with, and her daughter got canned because she turned out a crappy product, then just let her stew in her own juices.

3 See #1

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

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#6
Sep 3, 2013
 
L1: I liked what Amy said to say. I think a better idea is to say what Amy said BEFORE the wedding and go to the wedding.

L2: Use email or FB messaging (do not post on the wall). Your friend is either ticked off or very embarrassed for her daughter's behavior.

L3: Finding a way to leave an abusive relationship is a good thing and people do need support to do that.

“On Deck”

Since: Aug 08

French Polynesia

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#7
Sep 3, 2013
 

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I know that I'm off on a tangent and that the word 'ward' is still widely used in law, but in medicine it is somewhat verboten and is not really used by the staff.

Since: Aug 08

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#8
Sep 3, 2013
 

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loose cannon wrote:
I know that I'm off on a tangent and that the word 'ward' is still widely used in law, but in medicine it is somewhat verboten and is not really used by the staff.
She's not in the medical field. Who cares?

“On Deck”

Since: Aug 08

French Polynesia

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#9
Sep 3, 2013
 
So there you have it. Ward is a term belonging to the law and they can keep it.
Today it should be used in a legal sense only if one wants to sound bright.

Since: Jun 09

Saint Petersburg, FL

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#10
Sep 3, 2013
 
What do wards have to do with this article? I am confused...

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

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#11
Sep 3, 2013
 
LW1: It seems you have some brothers; go with Red's idea and if that doesn't work <mimishrug> looks like you'll have a wedding to go to.

LW2: Maybe "Terri" is embarassed by the way her daughter acted. Probably not, but it could happen.

LW3: Can you talk to LW1's sister for us? That would be great!

Since: Jan 10

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#12
Sep 3, 2013
 
Stina2 wrote:
What do wards have to do with this article? I am confused...
I am wondering the same thing.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

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#13
Sep 3, 2013
 

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squishymama wrote:
LW2: Maybe "Terri" is embarassed by the way her daughter acted. Probably not, but it could happen.
No. The daughter is a victim. Someone else is to blame for her getting fired and it must be the LW.

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

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#14
Sep 3, 2013
 
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
No. The daughter is a victim. Someone else is to blame for her getting fired and it must be the LW.
Thank goodness you cleared that up, Edog. How did you find it out?

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

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#15
Sep 3, 2013
 
Toj wrote:
<quoted text>
Thank goodness you cleared that up, Edog. How did you find it out?
Because I'm a frikken genius.

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

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#16
Sep 3, 2013
 

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edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
Because I'm a frikken genius.
Now that I did not know. I don't think anyone is really aware of that either.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

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#17
Sep 3, 2013
 
Toj wrote:
<quoted text>
Now that I did not know. I don't think anyone is really aware of that either.
Well now you know. And why are you being such a btch?

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

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#18
Sep 3, 2013
 
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
Well now you know. And why are you being such a btch?
Oh, I'm sorry honey. If you think that's btchy, you must be the more sensitive type.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

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#19
Sep 3, 2013
 

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Because you bring out the best in people.
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
Well now you know. And why are you being such a btch?

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

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#20
Sep 3, 2013
 
RACE wrote:
Because you bring out the best in people.
<quoted text>
Ha! I was actually being sarcastic/funny and didn't mean anything by it.

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