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“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#1 May 14, 2013
DEAR AMY: I started dating a woman in July of last year. After a month of seeing each other, she was still having trouble detaching from her former romantic partners.

I told her to wait until she was ready to date me. After almost a month, she asked me to start a relationship. It was great until we found out that she was pregnant. Ultimately she terminated the pregnancy, and we continued to date.

At Christmas she informed me that she had cheated on me numerous times with both of her ex-boyfriends. I was heartbroken but in love.

I forgave her under the condition that she stop communicating with them. About a month later, she told me she couldn't handle not talking to them but promised they were just friends.

For three months I thought we were in an exclusive relationship, but two days ago she said we were just "friends with benefits" and that she is starting to have feelings for someone else.

Should I listen to my heart and wait for her to realize that what we had was important? Should I wait and hope that she comes back? Or should I walk away and come to terms with the fact that she just doesn't want me in her life. Please help. I'm in love and can't help it, and I'd love your neutral opinion.-- Concerned

DEAR CONCERNED: The relationship I'm most concerned about -- and the one you should pay the most attention to -- is the one you have with yourself.

Your erstwhile girlfriend is a one-woman relationship wrecking ball. She is chronically unable to commit to anyone, and your efforts to control her do not work.

If listening to your heart means that you will continue to commit to someone who is cruel and depleting, then you must work hard to change this script.

Love is not cruel. Love is kind. Someone who loves you will never ask you to compromise your own personal integrity to be in a relationship. My neutral opinion is that you should disassociate completely from this cold-hearted relationship killer. Find a thoughtful friend or therapist to discuss this with. Your personal goal should be to reclaim your own life, love yourself more and love her not at all.

DEAR AMY: I support gay equality, but most of the people in my circle are strict fundamentalists.

They're close family or family friends, so cutting them out of my life is out of the question.

Is there a way to ease my way out of this circle or change their opinions?-- Liberal

DEAR LIBERAL: It is fairly easy to ease your way out of a circle -- you simply evolve and change enough that your social circumference grows. You don't cut your family off, necessarily, but you grow. They can grow along with you or -- more likely -- stay right where they are.

If your family members bring up this particular topic, then you should definitely be ardent and honest in stating your case.

I may be unusual in this regard, but I really don't like to fight with people I suspect will never change their views. If you share this basic temperament, you need only tell yourself that history will overtake the narrow-minded, as history always does. And their views will either grow or they will be left behind.

DEAR AMY: "The Lesser Sister" described how her "alpha" sister manipulated and controlled her through extravagant gifts. I wonder if people realize how oppressive this can be. My mother-in-law used to do this; the pressure it created was extreme. I grew to dread any package.-- Overgifted

DEAR OVERGIFTED: When gifts come with strings attached, they're not really gifts, but gift-grenades.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#2 May 14, 2013
1- Turn in your man-card, ya Sally.

2- "Strict fundamentalists," "change their opinions," "they can grow," "narrow-minded," "left behind."

See? More proof that gay supporters are intolerant and close-minded.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#3 May 14, 2013
L1: "Should I listen to my heart and wait for her to realize that what we had was important? Should I wait and hope that she comes back?" Absolutely! This is EXACTLY what you should do! Good call!!!

L2: The only thing that changes people's opinions, generally, is personal experience. So lectures from you won't do anything. I recommend that you continue to be a voice for equal rights for our gay citizens, but do it with quiet dignity. Simple comments to rebut obnoxious statements from the people who say hateful or unfair or unkind things about gays. Otherwise, you'd do well to find other friends. You don't need to get rid of friends/family, but just find MORE friends, only this time, try to find some that haven't lost their humanity and who see gay people as equals, not as second class citizens.

L3: It's only pressure if you make it pressure. Some of us don't give a flying rip about such things. You want to shower me with expensive gifts and I can't reciprocate? Bring it on!

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#4 May 14, 2013
1 Doormat. Listen, she's prolly Poly, so either get into it of leave.

2 What exactly is being said? I get the impression, YOU want to talk about how great gays are, and you family just doesnt care.

3 Gift grenade....One woman wrecking ball. Lamy is on a roll today.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

#5 May 14, 2013
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
try to find some that haven't lost their humanity and who see gay people as equals, not as second class citizens.
THIS is exactly what I'm talking abut. Insulting those who have a broader view of things isn't a verry effective way to get them to see things your way. It has the opposite affect actually.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#6 May 14, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
THIS is exactly what I'm talking abut. Insulting those who have a broader view of things isn't a verry effective way to get them to see things your way. It has the opposite affect actually.
You don't have a broad view on ANYTHING.

I have heard way more hateful crap about gays coming from people like you than I"ve ever heard from gays about people like you.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#7 May 14, 2013
RACE wrote:
2 What exactly is being said? I get the impression, YOU want to talk about how great gays are, and you family just doesnt care.
I suspect LW is sick of gay bashing and anti-gay comments from those close to him. Imagine being related to Edog and having to listen to his stupidity in person.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#8 May 14, 2013
I went back and re-read. I thought the lw was a girl but could be a guy I guess. and they asked how to dissociate themselves, so I think you are more correct.

And I could care less about mutts gay bashing, but if he starts in on politics.....

RedheadwGlasses wrote:
<quoted text>
I suspect LW is sick of gay bashing and anti-gay comments from those close to him. Imagine being related to Edog and having to listen to his stupidity in person.

“What's it to ya?”

Since: Mar 09

Location hidden

#9 May 14, 2013
1: Run.

2: You aren't going to change them. Avoid them whenever possible because even at a distance, like internet discussion columns, like this one for example, that kind of BS can wear on you. <sigh>

3: I get what the LW's saying, but Team Angela all the way.

“What's it to ya?”

Since: Mar 09

Location hidden

#10 May 14, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
THIS is exactly what I'm talking abut. Insulting those who have a broader view of things isn't a verry effective way to get them to see things your way. It has the opposite affect actually.
I love the way you've been trying lately to make it seem as though you're the one with an open mind and all those "damn liberals" are the ones who can't see the forest for the trees. Way to (try to) manipulate the situation. Kudos.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#11 May 14, 2013
LW1: This is not the droid you're looking for.

LW2: Limit time around your family if you really can't just ignore the negativity.

LW3: The analogy you're looking for, Amy, is a trojan horse, not a grenade ya dummy.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

#12 May 14, 2013
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
<quoted text>
You don't have a broad view on ANYTHING.
I have heard way more hateful crap about gays coming from people like you than I"ve ever heard from gays about people like you.
What "hateful" things have I said?

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

#13 May 14, 2013
Mimi Seattle wrote:
<quoted text>
I love the way you've been trying lately to make it seem as though you're the one with an open mind and all those "damn liberals" are the ones who can't see the forest for the trees. Way to (try to) manipulate the situation. Kudos.
Its true, though. You don't even realize it.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#14 May 14, 2013
Mimi Seattle wrote:
<quoted text>
I love the way you've been trying lately to make it seem as though you're the one with an open mind and all those "damn liberals" are the ones who can't see the forest for the trees. Way to (try to) manipulate the situation. Kudos.
He's learning from his puppet masters.
Stina

Saint Petersburg, FL

#15 May 14, 2013
LW1: Holy cow, you're blind. You might have been dating her exclusively, but it aprears she was dating you PLUS the whole hockey team (and footballteam, baseball team, lacrosse team, league of male ballet dancers, etc) exclusively.

LW2: I generally consider myself a bit conservative, but I believe gays should have equal rights and be able to marry. What *I* am curious about is, how often do you get in conversations about this topic with these people? And why would you get in conversations about it with these people. Shouldn't this just be one of those things you don't discuss? If you loved these people, it would be. I don't like you, just from what you've written. You come off as a sanctomonious PITA. You can't accept that people have different views and you see it as your personal mission to make sure everyone around you changes so that they all agree with you. The fact that you would want to ditch close family and friends over this is very telling. Most people have friends that differ on some things and can still remain friends. I have a VERY close friend that is VERY liberal. We know what topics to avoid. You seem to think your opinion is the be-all and end-all. They'd be good to be rid of you.

“What's it to ya?”

Since: Mar 09

Location hidden

#16 May 14, 2013
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
<quoted text>
He's learning from his puppet masters.
Oh, I know. They are all so closed minded but they have figured out that they need to redirect and deflect and throw the onus of not being "open minded" back on liberals in order to make themselves appear to have legitimacy. Fortunately most people aren't dumb enough to fall for it. Liberals and moderates I mean. The Limbaugh crowd, et.al. will be sucked in, but then again, is anyone really surprised by that. We just need to keep calling them out on it every single time they try to get away with it.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#17 May 14, 2013
Stina wrote:
You come off as a sanctomonious PITA. You can't accept that people have different views and you see it as your personal mission to make sure everyone around you changes so that they all agree with you... You seem to think your opinion is the be-all and end-all.
Typical liberal! They sure do fit the part! If you don't think their way, then you're just a homophobic, narrow-minded, unevolved, dark age living, complete and total MORON!(And yet, they love to spout off about how "tolerant" they are. They need to look up the definition, apparently.)

I'm a bit surprised you haven't gotten slammed for this post. But maybe saying you support gay marriage is what gave you a pass?

“What's it to ya?”

Since: Mar 09

Location hidden

#18 May 14, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
Typical liberal! They sure do fit the part! If you don't think their way, then you're just a homophobic, narrow-minded, unevolved, dark age living, complete and total MORON!(And yet, they love to spout off about how "tolerant" they are. They need to look up the definition, apparently.)
I'm a bit surprised you haven't gotten slammed for this post. But maybe saying you support gay marriage is what gave you a pass?
She's talking about you.

Ever read the bible? See that thing about doing unto others?

How about the one of rendering to god what is god's (religion) and Caesar (the state) what is Caesar's? Yeah, Jesus was all about keeping the church and state separate. Try to emulate that.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

#19 May 15, 2013
Mimi Seattle wrote:
<quoted text>
She's talking about you.
Ever read the bible? See that thing about doing unto others?
How about the one of rendering to god what is god's (religion) and Caesar (the state) what is Caesar's? Yeah, Jesus was all about keeping the church and state separate. Try to emulate that.
I'll remind you what the Bible says about gays. But Jesus was talking about taxes, not the separation of church and state. That didn't come into play until the constitution was written.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#20 May 15, 2013
The bible actually says very little about gays, and the Pre-King-James version says even less.

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