“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#1 Mar 1, 2014
DEAR AMY: I have a very attractive wife. In my opinion, she is much better looking without makeup; however, whenever we get dressed up and go to "nicer" places, she likes to fix herself up. The more makeup she uses, the more it detracts from her appearance. I didn't have the heart to tell her, but she looked like she was ready for the morgue the other evening when we met another couple at an upscale restaurant. She looked jaundiced.

I have thought about discussing this sensitive issue with her friends as I think they would agree with me, but I am struggling with the delivery of the message. As a man, I know we're sorely lacking in communication skills. Your take?-- Bruce (2003)

DEAR BRUCE: Other men might have trouble communicating, but you seem fine to me. Let's start by not talking to her friends, OK? That's got disaster written all over it. In lipstick. On the mirror.

I took your letter across the street to my department store makeup counter, and the ladies there suggest that a gift certificate for your wife would give her an opportunity to "freshen up" her style. The bad color might just be because of poor lighting in her bathroom, and a good makeup person can identify that and other issues, such as the impulse to make herself up like Gene Simmons from KISS for special occasions.

May I add that your feeling that your wife is perfect as she is, is reason enough to scrape off the greasepaint. Have you told her this? That statement, accompanied by one tube of perfectly pink lipstick from you, might take care of the whole matter.

DEAR AMY: I belong to a social group of women who quilt together. One of the group who professed to be our friend has spread untrue stories about two of us, and these untruths have gotten back to us.

This has been going on for more than a year. Should we confront her or continue to ignore what she is doing?-- Elaine (2004)

DEAR ELAINE: Women working with needles -- shouldn't throw barbs.

You might be tempted to quilt your response to this rumor-mongering directly into your most recent creation: "(Insert name here) is something that rhymes with stitch!"

Instead, do your best to clear the air at your next meeting by speaking to her directly. Just say something on the order of, "We're so worried that you seem to have a misunderstanding about us, Martha; what's going on?"

Stand quietly and wait for her to answer.

Remember: "Those who sew together, grow together." I made that up, but feel free to needlepoint it onto a pillow.

DEAR AMY: I continue to be impressed with your warmhearted, insightful answers in the paper each day, so I thought I'd write to you and pose a question I've been wondering about for years.

I am allergic to nuts, and every once in a while someone will give me a gift of food that has peanuts or other nuts in it. If I thank the giver and say nothing about my allergies, I feel I am encouraging him or her to give me similar items in the future. I do not wish to be rude, though. What is the best way to handle this situation?-- Amy from Elgin (2004)

DEAR AMY: I guess you could demonstrate your problem by having your tongue swell up to three times its size and asking the gift-givers for a lift to the emergency room. But maybe you should just say something on the order of: "Thank you so much! I'm going to pass this on to my kids because I can see it has nuts in it and I'm allergic, but it certainly looks delicious."

When the givers say they're sorry they didn't realize, you can tell them that you're grateful all the same and that sometimes you just forget to tell people about the allergy.

But enough about the nuts thing. Let's get back to me.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#2 Mar 1, 2014
edogxxx wrote:
.
DEAR AMY: I continue to be impressed with your warmhearted, insightful answers in the paper each day.
Bwahahaha! As if!
edogxxx wrote:
But enough about the nuts thing. Let's get back to me.
Bwahaha again! You ARE nuts!
cheluzal

Plant City, FL

#3 Mar 1, 2014
1: You stick your peen in this woman, share a bed with her, meals, make or will make little people.....and you can't find the words to say "I think you are beautiful with less make-up."
Most girls would love that! Well, ones with a smidgen of security. Is she insecure?
I had an arse ex who told me he liked me better with make-up. This was when he surprised me one morning and I was still asleep. Yeah, no shock Sherlock. I do too which is why I wear it, but he was a vain man who cared about others' perceptions too much.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#4 Mar 1, 2014
This is a girl thing. The way you see yourself in the mirror, the way you think you look good is set fairly early in life and it is hard to change.(For those who have seen me you should know how hard it was to stop doing Liz Taylor Cleopatra yes and move onto Liza Minnelli false eyelashes ( which I still have in the medicine cabinet upstairs

For me it is eye makeup. For others, they would never go out without lipstick.

It is 11 years now but some tricks include, paging through a woman's magazine when she is around and say something like, "This is nice. I wonder how it would look on you" when you find a style you like. Alternately, look at her stuff. I dentify a brand she uses. Check on line for their ads to see their current style and find out if the department stores near you carry that line and if they do makeovers. Get her a gift certificate.

Here is te risk. Make up can accentuate how bad you look if you are tired or sick. My cousin is one of those make up ladies from the department store. When she is okay she can look good even though sometimes "painted". When she is tired she looks like an overaged hooker at the end of her shift.
pde

Bothell, WA

#5 Mar 1, 2014
I never really thought those makeup counter ladies were considered good places to go for advice. Their job is to sell lots of expensive makeup. I'm sure there's some of them who consider the person, their face, and how they look best, but the few times I've had friends try them out, they've come back looking "painted" rather than "made up".
Pippa

Hancock, NY

#6 Mar 1, 2014
1: I used to put on makeup when going to work or some place special. Other women I asked said I did a nice job with the makeup. My husband used to say he didn't understand why women had to put stuff on their faces and lipstick was the worst of all. So I decided to do him a favor a stopped using makeup. I mean, I did it primarily for him and if he didn't appreciate it, why should I bother? And no, it wasn't that I did a bad job. I have photos both with and without makeup and my complexion was far better with it.

2: I can't add much to Amy's reply. I do think it's entirely possible that once the lw and her friend bring up the situation to the woman in question, that the woman may stop attending the group out of embarrassment or she will become very defensive and try to claim she never said any such thing to anyone and will try to give a different spin on the situation. And then of course, she'll go around and tell all her friends that the lw tried to blame her for starting some kind of gossip (or other wrongdoing) or that something (which she may go on to describe making it up out of whole cloth) happened at the quilt meeting and she would never go back there again. No way will she admit she's to blame for the whole situation. Yes, I've seen this kind of thing happen before.
Pippa

Hancock, NY

#7 Mar 1, 2014
pde wrote:
I never really thought those makeup counter ladies were considered good places to go for advice. Their job is to sell lots of expensive makeup. I'm sure there's some of them who consider the person, their face, and how they look best, but the few times I've had friends try them out, they've come back looking "painted" rather than "made up".
I happen to agree with you. I never personally had a "makeover" at a cosmetics counter. However, both my daughters wanted to do it when they got to around 16 or so and had more disposable income to spend on makeup. So I figured why not. If nothing else, they could have a professional give them tips on using makeup. My girls are 5 years apart in age and we went to different department stores for the makeovers years apart. Neither one of them ended up looking really nice. I put it down to the fact that, as you point out, the women doing the makeovers used a lot of makeup products in an attempt to sell more products and the fact that neither store had decent lighting. I guess some will call it atmosphere. I say if I can't see something properly because the lighting is so bad, I won't buy it. My girls ended up buying one or two items and that was it. In both cases, I made them take the foundation back because it was way too dark for their complexions - a result of the poor lighting. So no, I don't recommend taking any advice from these salespeople without checking it out first with other people whose opinions I also respect.
Kuuipo

Salinas, CA

#8 Mar 1, 2014
PEllen wrote:
This is a girl thing. The way you see yourself in the mirror, the way you think you look good is set fairly early in life and it is hard to change.(For those who have seen me you should know how hard it was to stop doing Liz Taylor Cleopatra yes and move onto Liza Minnelli false eyelashes ( which I still have in the medicine cabinet upstairs
For me it is eye makeup. For others, they would never go out without lipstick.
It is 11 years now but some tricks include, paging through a woman's magazine when she is around and say something like, "This is nice. I wonder how it would look on you" when you find a style you like. Alternately, look at her stuff. I dentify a brand she uses. Check on line for their ads to see their current style and find out if the department stores near you carry that line and if they do makeovers. Get her a gift certificate.
Here is te risk. Make up can accentuate how bad you look if you are tired or sick. My cousin is one of those make up ladies from the department store. When she is okay she can look good even though sometimes "painted". When she is tired she looks like an overaged hooker at the end of her shift.
Exactly! I'm an eye makeup person too; I never leave my house without mascara, and I makeup more for a night on the town. Lately I have been cultivating a less-makeup daytime look, mascara, a light dusting of pink eye shadow, and sheer foundation.

Anyway, makeup is about confidence. As PEllen says, it's the way you think you look good. When you think you look good, you radiate with confidence.

Now, LW, when you critique your wife's application of makeup, you risk damaging that confidence and her own sense of how she likes to wear her makeup. A makeover is only going to show her how someone else likes her face to look. You could start by telling her that she has lovely skin and foundation takes away her beautiful glow. You could suggest that she apply her makeup in natural light. You should be able to tell her in a kind and gentle way, that she is beautiful and for her, using makeup is just a waste of time and money. Good luck.
Kuuipo

Salinas, CA

#9 Mar 1, 2014
LW2: I don't know what Elaine did about the situation, but typically a person who behaves like that has issues and others will learn not to believe anything that person says. I hope Elaine did speak to her directly and I also hope that she spoke to as many people in the group as possible to tell them to watch their backs.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#10 Mar 1, 2014
Kuuipo wrote:
<quoted text>
Exactly! I'm an eye makeup person too; I never leave my house without mascara, and I makeup more for a night on the town. Lately I have been cultivating a less-makeup daytime look, mascara, a light dusting of pink eye shadow, and sheer foundation.
Anyway, makeup is about confidence. As PEllen says, it's the way you think you look good. When you think you look good, you radiate with confidence.
Now, LW, when you critique your wife's application of makeup, you risk damaging that confidence and her own sense of how she likes to wear her makeup. A makeover is only going to show her how someone else likes her face to look. You could start by telling her that she has lovely skin and foundation takes away her beautiful glow. You could suggest that she apply her makeup in natural light. You should be able to tell her in a kind and gentle way, that she is beautiful and for her, using makeup is just a waste of time and money. Good luck.
Little known fact.

In most department stores the make up ladies work for a particular brand and get a commission for selling their product. At Nieman Marcus they work for the store, not the brand so they can sell products from different brands and lines.

The product costs the same at NM as it does at ,say, Macy's. Nieman's carries more of the high end brands but Clinique is Clinique is Clinique

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