Topix Chitown Regulars

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

#95310 Jan 10, 2014
Stina2 wrote:
<quoted text>
Wow! I didn't know you guts were having...
Are you calling us fat?

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#95311 Jan 10, 2014
40 degrees? Rain? We must be in the grips of a Tropical vortex
cheluzal

Plant City, FL

#95312 Jan 10, 2014
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
<quoted text>
heh luckily my nurse today showed me better how to use it. I was using it without both ends of the tube being hooked up last night!:) Once I used it correctly, it worked well!
Ha! Good.
Bro's was attached to his trach over his throat...we got annoyed (as did he) and would just rest it between pillows with the blue tubing blowing right in his face, rofl.
You get very creative to be as comfy as possible!
cheluzal

Plant City, FL

#95313 Jan 10, 2014
Matilda77 wrote:
<quoted text>
Yikes. Did Florida feel left out when the rest of the country was having shyte weather earlier this week or something? Glad you're okay!
Eeek, hope not!
I just want something consistent. I hate cold but if it's cold, stay cold.
This 45 one day and 77 the next is annoying. It really ruins my clothes choices, lol!

Since: Oct 12

Location hidden

#95314 Jan 10, 2014
Matilda77 wrote:
<quoted text>
Yikes. Did Florida feel left out when the rest of the country was having shyte weather earlier this week or something? Glad you're okay!
On the local news down here, areas of Boynton Beach and Delray Beach got 21 inches of rain in 7 hours.....it's sad when people's engines die, from trying to drive thru it.....a lady drove into a lake and died, not knowing..where the road ended in a strange neighborhood.......

“Fort Kickass”

Since: Sep 09

Bloomington, IL

#95315 Jan 10, 2014
cheluzal wrote:
<quoted text>
Eeek, hope not!
I just want something consistent. I hate cold but if it's cold, stay cold.
This 45 one day and 77 the next is annoying. It really ruins my clothes choices, lol!
We went from -17 Tuesday to 40ish today. I'm still wearing the same thing, but invariably when the temp jumps like that, everybody gets nasty colds.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#95316 Jan 10, 2014
Pick up lines for accountants during tax season

10."You've got a lovely pair of W-2's."

9."Please, baby, let me withhold you."

8."Technically, having sex with me is a charitable gift."

7."In my office,'I.R.S.' stands for 'I'm really sexy.' "

6."If I help you screw Uncle Sam, can I be next?"

5."You're entitled to a $5,000 tax break on your municipal bond income...now let's do it."

4."Let's fill out a 1040 -- you're a 10, and I'm 40."

3."You're the kind of girl I could take home to mother - which is good, since I still live with her."

2."Lady, you make my pants file for an extension."

1."Nice assets."

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#95317 Jan 11, 2014

“Fort Kickass”

Since: Sep 09

Bloomington, IL

#95319 Jan 11, 2014
Did not realize Ariel Sharon had been in a coma for the last 8 years. I need to get a living will, because eff that.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#95321 Jan 11, 2014
(Where did everybody go? My jokes aren't that bad.)

Two Norwegian bachelor farmers are walking down the srtreet when they spot a sign outside the cinema. "Hey Sven" says Olaf, do you fancy going to the cinema to see Moby Dick. "No thanks" says Sven, "I don't like porn films". "Moby Dick isn't a porn film you eejit", says Olaf, "It's a film about whales". "No thanks" says Sven, "I can't stand them Welsh fuckers either".

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#95322 Jan 11, 2014
A tourist visiting Wales walks into a pub and orders an ale. Sitting next to him is a man from the small village with a disgruntled and angry look on his face. Wanting to strike up a conversation and meet the locals, the tourist says, "Hello, I'm John Jones - I'm from the US and came here to trace down my family genealogy.

The disgruntled local Welshman says, "My name is Hayden - not that a name means a damn!"

The tourist, taken by surprised by the Welshman's remark says, "Sorry? Why doesn't a name mean a damn?"

Hayden sighs loudly, downs his last swallow of Brains Bitter, turns to the confused tourist, points out the pub window and says:

"You see that floating quay wharf stretching out into the sea for docking boats? I built that wharf with my own two hands, but do they call me Hayden the Wharf builder? NO!"

"And look at the stone wall lining this roadway for 1000 meters! I built that too, alone with my own two hands, but do they call me Hayden the stone mason? NO!"

"And look at all the roofing workmanship throughout the village! I roofed nearly every home in this village with my own two hands, but do they call me Hayden the roofer? NO!"

Then he leans in close to the tourist and whispers, "...but you f*ck one sheep!"

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#95323 Jan 11, 2014
I Like my men how I like my books...
Thick and bound in leather

XXXX

It'd be crazy if we had toilet seats that swiveled.
That would mean some twisted sh*t

XXXX

I used to be a phone sex operator

but I got hearing aids.

XXXX

Ever had sex while camping?
It can be f**ing intents

XXXX

Sweet dreams are made of cheese.
Who am I to dis a brie?

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#95324 Jan 11, 2014
A Poor elderly couple walk into a fastfood restaurant and order one value meal. They quietly go to their table And the man gets a knife and cut the hamburger in half, gets a plastic cup, And proceed to equally divide the drink that came with the menu drop by drop. He then divide the fry's one by one so they both get exactly the same amount.

Another costumer noticed this and gets to the couple: "It seems you can't afford to get a meal for both. I be happy to buy you an additional meal". The man replies: "No its OK. we are used to sharing. We share everything since we are together.", and the costumer go back to his table but still observe the couple.

He sees how the man drinks half of their drink. He sees how the man eats his part of the fry's and he sees how the man eat his half of the hamburger, he noticed his wife haven't eat a single bite.

He goes back to the couple and ask the wife:"Well what are you waiting for?",

The wife replied:"the teeth".

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#95325 Jan 11, 2014
Matilda77 wrote:
Did not realize Ariel Sharon had been in a coma for the last 8 years. I need to get a living will, because eff that.
As I recall , there were religious reasons he could not be removed from life support

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#95326 Jan 11, 2014
Pellen wrote:
A lot of people enjoy cereals from the fine folks at Post. Some examples are; Post Alphabets, Post Toasties and Post Bran Flakes. However, some of their products did not fare so well. They include:
Post Nasal Drip
Post Menstrual Douche
Post Mortem
Postdated Checks
Post Partum Depression
Those are just a dew that didn't make the cut!
I am sort of flattered, but...

Accept only the genuine, signed in PEllen with over 12,000 posts.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#95327 Jan 11, 2014
Race: "That really cool moment you find out your grandfather ran the Daytona 500."

Me: "He ran it? Aren't you supposed to drive it?"

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#95328 Jan 11, 2014
Stina2 wrote:
For you oldtimers - just had lunch with Flawless! It was great catching up with her!
Married to David and aren't they expecting a baby?

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#95329 Jan 11, 2014
A friend asked me, What is the capitol of Alaska?

Me: A

xxxx

A friend asked me, What is the capitol of Alaska?

Me2:Nome?

Friend, Yeah he is a good friend.

xxxx

A friend asked me, What is the capitol of Alaska?

Me3 Nome?

Friend: Not well, but he trolls around on Topix occasionally

Night all

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#95330 Jan 12, 2014
During the Lebanon war in 1982, Sharon -- a former army general then serving as Israeli defense minister -- was held indirectly responsible by an Israeli inquiry in the 1983 massacre of Palestinians by a Lebanese Christian military at the Sabra and Shatila refugee camps.

The inquiry -- which led to Sharon's prompt resignation -- found he did nothing to stop Christian militiamen allied with Israel from entering the camps, despite fears they might seek to avenge the killing of their leader the previous day.

Many in the Arab world dubbed Sharon "the Butcher of Beirut," and Palestinians attempted to bring war crimes charges against him in European courts.
---
Sharon, who early in his political career promoted the establishment of settlements on occupied land, appeared to do an about face in 2005 when he ordered the Israeli withdrawal from 25 settlements in the West Bank and Gaza.

Under Sharon's order, the military dragged settlers from their homes. The move was part of Sharon's plan to pull Israeli troops from Gaza, ending nearly four decades of control.

While considered an essential move for peace talks, Sharon's right-wing Likud Party was outraged. It lead Sharon to break with his party and form a new one -- Kadima, Hebrew for "Forward."
---
in 1953 he helped form Unit 101, a unit that carried out reprisals for the slaying of an Israeli woman and her two children. His troops blew up more than 40 houses in Qibya, a West Bank village then ruled by Jordan, slaughtering 69 Arabs. Sharon later said he thought the houses were empty.
---
After Israel's 1956 invasion of Egypt's Sinai Peninsula, Sharon was rebuked for engaging his troops in what commanders regarded as an unnecessary battle with Egyptian forces. Some 38 Israeli soldiers died along with more than 200 Egyptians.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#95331 Jan 12, 2014

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