Topix Chitown Regulars

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#87877 Jun 28, 2013
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
Weekend plans?
...Date night with Nick and the kids.
This.
I officially declare you middle aged.

“What's it to ya?”

Since: Mar 09

Location hidden

#87878 Jun 28, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
But we can't procreate until we've been sanctioned by God. So let us marry!
God has nothing to do with it. It's a contract. It would need to be sanctioned by the state.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#87879 Jun 28, 2013
Mimi Seattle wrote:
<quoted text>
Society has a vested interest (look it up) in making sure that incestuous relationships between uber close relatives don't happen
.
The definition of "uber close" has changed at different times.It wasn't always just blood relatives.

The biggest example is that Henry VIII married what was essentially his SIL (his dead brother Arthur's widow). The fuss over that one resulted in Lutherans, but there was no risk of flawed offspring from marrying a SIL.

There are other examples where 2nd cousins needed dispensation for consanguinity. To my knowledge that was not an issue in MD in 1969(my fiance's bf married his 2nd cousin then), so I don't know when that line was moved.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#87880 Jun 28, 2013
Mimi Seattle wrote:
Does anyone know if the Hax chat can be gotten to anywhere else but WaPo?'Cause I'm not paying for it...
This was in the Hax files. I would be interested to hear peoples comments vis a vis the Paula Deen debacle.

To CH

You have said a few times something along the lines of ďWe are not responsible for someone elseís feelings,Ē and when it comes to the extremes of narcissistic or victim-playing behavior, I get this. But if I do or say something legitimately hurtful, prejudiced, etc., to someone else, whether through malicious forethought or benign error, itís hard for me not to feel at least a little responsible for the likely distress that person then feels, and I do my best to make amends. True, some of us have an especially Zen approach to life, and each of us ultimately chooses how we react to what life throws at us, but I think Iím understanding your comment much more coldly and heartlessly than you intended. Could you please help clarify?

Anonymous

Fr CH

Truth is, I think a lot of what I advise and espouse amounts to a system ó an emotional word problem, in a way. Therefore, talking about it involves breaking down very emotional things into transactions, which is inherently cold.

But thatís just in the mechanics; the result is an emotional exchange, which, if handled with respect and fair concern for all involved, tends to be the opposite of cold.

Take the transaction you cite: If you ďdo or say something legitimately hurtful, prejudiced, etc., to someone else,Ē youíre still not responsible for the other personís feelings; itís his or her place alone to decide what to think about and do with your actions. BUT: You are responsible for you ó which means you make a good-faith effort to express your regret and repair or mitigate any damage when you do something you recognize as wrong.

Short version: Your actions can cause pain, of course, but you canít reach in and personally adjust the pain levels. You can only change your actions.

It is a cold word problem, but it also shows the path to a happy result where people care about each other while also recognizing the line between what is under your control (the outcome you intend) and isnít (outcome you get).

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#87881 Jun 28, 2013
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text> Nope. But since its MY pug, I would not consent to such a thing. But feel free to marry your own pug. When you consummate the marriage, will you be in front or behind?
(uh, Tonka, come here a minute....http://wgntv.com/201 3/06/03/man-arrested-for-havin g-sex-with-pit-bull-at-city-po und/)

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#87882 Jun 28, 2013
PEllen wrote:
<quoted text>
(uh, Tonka, come here a minute....http://wgntv.com/201 3/06/03/man-arrested-for-havin g-sex-with-pit-bull-at-city-po und/)
Why are you showing this to me? Dogg's the one who frequently talks about marrying dogs.

“What's it to ya?”

Since: Mar 09

Location hidden

#87883 Jun 28, 2013
PEllen wrote:
<quoted text>
This was in the Hax files. I would be interested to hear peoples comments vis a vis the Paula Deen debacle.
To CH
You have said a few times something along the lines of ďWe are not responsible for someone elseís feelings,Ē and when it comes to the extremes of narcissistic or victim-playing behavior, I get this. But if I do or say something legitimately hurtful, prejudiced, etc., to someone else, whether through malicious forethought or benign error, itís hard for me not to feel at least a little responsible for the likely distress that person then feels, and I do my best to make amends. True, some of us have an especially Zen approach to life, and each of us ultimately chooses how we react to what life throws at us, but I think Iím understanding your comment much more coldly and heartlessly than you intended. Could you please help clarify?
Anonymous
Fr CH
Truth is, I think a lot of what I advise and espouse amounts to a system ó an emotional word problem, in a way. Therefore, talking about it involves breaking down very emotional things into transactions, which is inherently cold.
But thatís just in the mechanics; the result is an emotional exchange, which, if handled with respect and fair concern for all involved, tends to be the opposite of cold.
Take the transaction you cite: If you ďdo or say something legitimately hurtful, prejudiced, etc., to someone else,Ē youíre still not responsible for the other personís feelings; itís his or her place alone to decide what to think about and do with your actions. BUT: You are responsible for you ó which means you make a good-faith effort to express your regret and repair or mitigate any damage when you do something you recognize as wrong.
Short version: Your actions can cause pain, of course, but you canít reach in and personally adjust the pain levels. You can only change your actions.
It is a cold word problem, but it also shows the path to a happy result where people care about each other while also recognizing the line between what is under your control (the outcome you intend) and isnít (outcome you get).
I don't really understand the LWs issue. No, you can not be responsible for how someone else feels about "X." However, when you do or say something that hurts someone, and you feel bad for hurting them, the generally accepted thing to do is apologize. "I'm sorry I hurt your feelings." Didn't we all learn that in kindergarten?

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#87884 Jun 28, 2013
Oh, we will, dont worry about that.
But I think your dream of ever marrying your toaster will never be realized. Yeah I know, she's great in the shower, but it just aint gonna happen.
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
Go ahead and call me a paranoid nut-case in a tin foil hat. In thirty, maybe even twenty years, you'll see I'm right.

“What's it to ya?”

Since: Mar 09

Location hidden

#87885 Jun 28, 2013
Still can't access the Hax chat.:( WTF am I supposed to do on Fridays now?

“Not a real reg”

Since: Jan 13

Location hidden

#87886 Jun 29, 2013

“Not a real reg”

Since: Jan 13

Location hidden

#87887 Jun 29, 2013
Mimi Seattle wrote:
Still can't access the Hax chat.:( WTF am I supposed to do on Fridays now?
Don't know if this will help. I'm not having any trouble yet.

http://live.washingtonpost.com/carolyn-hax-li...

This is the page I have bookmarked. Haven't been blocked yet.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/advic...

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#87889 Jun 29, 2013
Thanks Hgts gal.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#87890 Jun 29, 2013
Mimi Seattle wrote:
Still can't access the Hax chat.:( WTF am I supposed to do on Fridays now?
Did you try the technique I PM'd you? It worked for me.

Are you being blocked from anything else on WaPo?

“What's it to ya?”

Since: Mar 09

Location hidden

#87891 Jun 29, 2013
PEllen wrote:
<quoted text>Did you try the technique I PM'd you? It worked for me.
Are you being blocked from anything else on WaPo?
Just did. Going to go try it now. Thanks!

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#87892 Jun 29, 2013
Oh, and I the tap on the boxed wine I bought does NOT unscrew!
dahgts

Chicago Heights, IL

#87893 Jun 29, 2013
RACE wrote:
Oh, and I the tap on the boxed wine I bought does NOT unscrew!
don't forget to decant so it can breathe.:/

“What's it to ya?”

Since: Mar 09

Location hidden

#87894 Jun 29, 2013
PEllen wrote:
<quoted text>Did you try the technique I PM'd you? It worked for me.
Are you being blocked from anything else on WaPo?
Woo hoo it worked! THANK YOU! Now I can get my Has fix.:D

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#87895 Jun 29, 2013
Ha! It decanted as it sat in my glass waiting for me to guzzle it down.

Weekend, back to bottled wine. Bought some Naked Grape and Pennywise. Will see how they taste.
dahgts wrote:
<quoted text>
don't forget to decant so it can breathe.:/
cheluzal

Plant City, FL

#87896 Jun 29, 2013
So, my parents JUST got wifi today....*sigh*

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#87897 Jun 29, 2013
cheluzal wrote:
So, my parents JUST got wifi today....*sigh*
Do they have mobile devices to use with it?Pretty soon you can introduce them to Instagram

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