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“Checks and Balances”

Since: Apr 13

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#87493
Jun 20, 2013
 
Matilda77 wrote:
<quoted text>Tell me about it. And, yes, she does. But for now, I don't think she sees that she's the problem, and that's kind of the issue. I'm fine with her staying with us as long as she's working/looking for work, or in school, but if she decides to not make progress in life, she can go back with her parents.

It's really hard to be like "F you, get out." because of what we'd be sending her back to.

And I b1tch a lot on here, and it's frustrating, but she's made a lot of positive steps since we took her in 2.5 years ago.
How do his parents feel about them being joined at the hip? Do you and J know them?

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

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#87494
Jun 20, 2013
 
Stina wrote:
<quoted text>
WHich company are you using. Mine is "pay as you go", so I just buy minutes and then buy more when I need them. I thought about doing one of the $40/month plans, though.
Virgin Mobile. Works for me.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

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#87495
Jun 20, 2013
 
Well, it looks like I'm down to just two step-sisters.

The "bride" discovered that my good step-sis told my niece's bio aunt and grandma about the allegations because she is concerned for the well-being of the child. The "bride" did not take kindly to that and declared they are done and my sis will never see her or my niece again.

Then after I told Dickie about this, he went and sent the "bride" this message on FB:

I'm sure you don't care about what I say or feel at this point but here's the deal..
You have really gone over the line with this last episode of "drama with Helen". The accusations you have made NEED TO BE EXPLAINED TO THE REST OF THE FAMILY!!! My children have spent time with you and your family and if there is a predator amongst us (if that's true which I donít think it is) then for the safety of all our kids you need to explain what happened!! If you really are a family member then act like it. Again, not that you care about my opinion but I have told the rest of the family that until we get some answers, if you're around at the holidays WE WILL NOT COME!!!! Good luck to you and try to do right by your daughter because right now YOU'RE NOT!!!

I immediately started getting stressed out but then remembered that I don't have to. I will let Dickie fight this one for all of us; he could care less how abusive she may get. He's done with her.

We've been putting up with her BS for ages and we were all sick of it but tried for the sake of my step-mom to keep the family together after she died; it was one of the last things she asked of us.

uh oh, good sis just read the above email (Dickie asked that I forward it to her) and she is not happy. She wants him to try and un-message it from FB. Is that even possible?

<trying not to care, trying not to care, trying not to care>

“It made sense at the time....”

Since: May 09

Schaumburg, IL

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#87496
Jun 20, 2013
 
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
<quoted text>
ARe you sure they can't keep their numbers? I switched to another pre-paid phone and was able to keep my number.
my understanding (which goes back 8 years or so), is that you can move numbers around within teh same type of phone= house, contracted cell, or pre-paid/pay-as-you-go cell - but you can't take a number from home to cell, pre-paid to contract, etc. But, it's been 8 years since i've worked selling cell phones (but not by the sea shore), so i don't knwo if the laws have changed.

Hell, i'm almost at thepoint of askign hubby to take them on our plan just to get her to STFU. my dad doesn't care, as long as he can call and the equipment works and keypad locks, he's all good.

“It made sense at the time....”

Since: May 09

Schaumburg, IL

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#87497
Jun 20, 2013
 
Squishy, good luck with teh family... sounds like a mess, but sounds like you have a good champion for your immediate group in your corner. we can meet for coffee somewhere if you need another ear to vent to...
Stina

Saint Petersburg, FL

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#87498
Jun 20, 2013
 
squishymama wrote:
Well, it looks like I'm down to just two step-sisters.
The "bride" discovered that my good step-sis told my niece's bio aunt and grandma about the allegations because she is concerned for the well-being of the child. The "bride" did not take kindly to that and declared they are done and my sis will never see her or my niece again.
Then after I told Dickie about this, he went and sent the "bride" this message on FB:
I'm sure you don't care about what I say or feel at this point but here's the deal..
You have really gone over the line with this last episode of "drama with Helen". The accusations you have made NEED TO BE EXPLAINED TO THE REST OF THE FAMILY!!! My children have spent time with you and your family and if there is a predator amongst us (if that's true which I donít think it is) then for the safety of all our kids you need to explain what happened!! If you really are a family member then act like it. Again, not that you care about my opinion but I have told the rest of the family that until we get some answers, if you're around at the holidays WE WILL NOT COME!!!! Good luck to you and try to do right by your daughter because right now YOU'RE NOT!!!
I immediately started getting stressed out but then remembered that I don't have to. I will let Dickie fight this one for all of us; he could care less how abusive she may get. He's done with her.
We've been putting up with her BS for ages and we were all sick of it but tried for the sake of my step-mom to keep the family together after she died; it was one of the last things she asked of us.
uh oh, good sis just read the above email (Dickie asked that I forward it to her) and she is not happy. She wants him to try and un-message it from FB. Is that even possible?
<trying not to care, trying not to care, trying not to care>
YAY, DICKIE!!! I don't think he should un-message it. I feel SO BAD for "bride's" daughter. I hope she comes out of all this OK. Please keep letting Dickie take care of it!
Stina

Saint Petersburg, FL

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#87499
Jun 20, 2013
 
Aisle Sitter wrote:
<quoted text>
my understanding (which goes back 8 years or so), is that you can move numbers around within teh same type of phone= house, contracted cell, or pre-paid/pay-as-you-go cell - but you can't take a number from home to cell, pre-paid to contract, etc. But, it's been 8 years since i've worked selling cell phones (but not by the sea shore), so i don't knwo if the laws have changed.
Hell, i'm almost at thepoint of askign hubby to take them on our plan just to get her to STFU. my dad doesn't care, as long as he can call and the equipment works and keypad locks, he's all good.
Yeah, it's changed in the last couple of years. I think, with the prepaid, it's only changed inthe last year or 2.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

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#87500
Jun 20, 2013
 
Hey Squishy,
I lost track of all the players but just wanted to weigh in with my .02

Tell good sis that Dickie (D from now on in my book)
has expressed what he feels to be true, and he has every right to find out if there is a potential abuser with access to his children. Drama aside, him protecting his kids is his right and duty.

“suffers from formicophilia ”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

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#87501
Jun 20, 2013
 
Mimi Seattle wrote:
Morals? Are you married? Have you EVER had sex? Thought so. STFU hypocrite!
Please explain how my comment makes me a hypocrite? It is not hypocritical to say some people don't have sex before marriage yet not engage in that myself. So am I missing something? And people are really getting tired of all your nastiness and name-calling. Try to grow up.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

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#87502
Jun 20, 2013
 
Aisle Sitter wrote:
Squishy, good luck with teh family... sounds like a mess, but sounds like you have a good champion for your immediate group in your corner. we can meet for coffee somewhere if you need another ear to vent to...
Thanks AS! I think we're going to need it.

Good sis is now feeling terribly guilty for telling me (and others) and that the bride has every reason to be pissed and is justified in cutting her out of her + niece's life. I feel so bad that good sis is taking all this on herself; *she* did nothing wrong in my eyes.

“Checks and Balances”

Since: Apr 13

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#87503
Jun 20, 2013
 
Squishy - wow! I second everything Stina said.

You chose well with Dickie. Stick with him, not the family you didn't choose who seems to enjoy drama and secrets over common sense.

“suffers from formicophilia ”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

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#87504
Jun 20, 2013
 
squishymama wrote:
We've been putting up with her BS for ages and we were all sick of it but tried for the sake of my step-mom to keep the family together after she died; it was one of the last things she asked of us.
I applaud your husband for sticking up for you and the children and the rest of the family, and understand trying to keep the "family" together for the sake of your deceased step-mother. But....

Given my own experience, I stayed on good terms with my step brother and two step sisters after my step father's passing. Until my step brother started being a total jerk and fighting with my mother on belongings step bro felt he was entitled to (my step father was a simple man and left everything he owned ((which wasn't much but a few personal items)) to my mother). For a while I chalked it up to his grief, but then he started being a total jerk to me and trashing my mother. It took a few years, but I slowly eeked him out of my life. He only lives about five miles away and I haven't seen or spoken to him in years.

I'm FB friends with both former step sisters now, but don't have a relationship with them outside of that. And there is no way I'd get drawn into any of their drama.

Short story long, I basically said all that to say, there's really no reason to hold onto the relationship with your toxic, former step sister anymore. As cold hearted as it is, she's not really "family" anymore so don't deal with this drama. Cut ties and move on.

Easier said than done, I understand, but start backing away little by little. Eventually, both of you will move on to greener pastures.

“What's it to ya?”

Since: Mar 09

Spanaway, WA

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#87505
Jun 20, 2013
 
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
Please explain how my comment makes me a hypocrite? It is not hypocritical to say some people don't have sex before marriage yet not engage in that myself. So am I missing something? And people are really getting tired of all your nastiness and name-calling. Try to grow up.
You're right. Hypocrite wasn't a good word choice. Arrogant, misogynistic, racist, homophobic, judgmental, pompous, self-righteous, aass is a much better option.

“What's it to ya?”

Since: Mar 09

Spanaway, WA

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#87506
Jun 20, 2013
 
squishymama wrote:
<quoted text>
Thanks AS! I think we're going to need it.
Good sis is now feeling terribly guilty for telling me (and others) and that the bride has every reason to be pissed and is justified in cutting her out of her + niece's life. I feel so bad that good sis is taking all this on herself; *she* did nothing wrong in my eyes.
Walk...away. Let Dickie take care of it. Can't un-send from FB anyway, so it's out there. Bad-stepsis is toxic. What would you tell a LW in that situation?

“suffers from formicophilia ”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

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#87507
Jun 20, 2013
 
Mimi Seattle wrote:
Arrogant, misogynistic, racist, homophobic, judgmental, pompous, self-righteous, aass is a much better option.
Agreed! Thanks!

“This is SPARTA!”

Since: Dec 08

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#87508
Jun 20, 2013
 
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
See? Matilda's SIL and boyfriend don't REALLY want to get married. If quitting/losing your summer job is preferable to working and saving money for a wedding, then your bluff has been called.
Someone needs to tell her it's okay to have sex without marring the guy.
I think it should be me.
Sorry if I'm splitting hairs but this is just bugging me.

Do you only equate the word "want" to someone who is actively pursuing what that want is?

If a fat person is not working out and eating right, does it mean they don't want to be thin?

If a blind man is not actively involved in vision research, does that mean he does not want to see?

I don't equate a lack of action to a lack of want.

I WANT to be a millionaire. I likely never will be. But if someone offered me million bucks, I'd take it. If someone stepped forward and offered to pay for their wedding, do you think they'd accept the offer? If the answer is yes, then I can't see how you say they don't really want to get married.

“This is SPARTA!”

Since: Dec 08

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#87509
Jun 20, 2013
 
Matilda77 wrote:
<quoted text>
Tell me about it. And, yes, she does. But for now, I don't think she sees that she's the problem, and that's kind of the issue. I'm fine with her staying with us as long as she's working/looking for work, or in school, but if she decides to not make progress in life, she can go back with her parents.
It's really hard to be like "F you, get out." because of what we'd be sending her back to.
And I b1tch a lot on here, and it's frustrating, but she's made a lot of positive steps since we took her in 2.5 years ago.
So you've watched her progression over 2 1/2 years. Do you think she's still making progress or do you think she's hit a wall(and if so, when was it), and do you think she will ever be able to recognize her role in her interpersonal relationship problems?

“This is SPARTA!”

Since: Dec 08

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#87510
Jun 20, 2013
 
j_m_w wrote:
Ugh, totally forgot about a lunch thing for work I'm supposed to go to today and just texted the dog walker basically begging. If she can't walk them today, I'll have to run home after the lunch and I'm sure that'll go over well. <eye roll>
Being a single mom is HARD.
(Disclaimer: I'm saying that tongue in cheek. I know dogs don't compare to kids, etc.)
Tell me again why you're dog can't just hold out till you get home after work?

“This is SPARTA!”

Since: Dec 08

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#87511
Jun 20, 2013
 
Aisle Sitter wrote:
<quoted text>
my understanding (which goes back 8 years or so), is that you can move numbers around within teh same type of phone= house, contracted cell, or pre-paid/pay-as-you-go cell - but you can't take a number from home to cell, pre-paid to contract, etc. But, it's been 8 years since i've worked selling cell phones (but not by the sea shore), so i don't knwo if the laws have changed.
Hell, i'm almost at thepoint of askign hubby to take them on our plan just to get her to STFU. my dad doesn't care, as long as he can call and the equipment works and keypad locks, he's all good.
It changed years ago.

http://www.fcc.gov/guides/portability-keeping...

“suffers from formicophilia ”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

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#87512
Jun 20, 2013
 
Mister Tonka wrote:
Sorry if I'm splitting hairs but this is just bugging me.
Do you only equate the word "want" to someone who is actively pursuing what that want is?
If a fat person is not working out and eating right, does it mean they don't want to be thin?
If a blind man is not actively involved in vision research, does that mean he does not want to see?
I don't equate a lack of action to a lack of want.
I WANT to be a millionaire. I likely never will be. But if someone offered me million bucks, I'd take it. If someone stepped forward and offered to pay for their wedding, do you think they'd accept the offer? If the answer is yes, then I can't see how you say they don't really want to get married.
I'm agreeing with Tonka. Just because someone WANTS to get married, doesn't mean they should run down to the local court house (as that's not everyone's ideal wedding.) Just because they WANT to get married, doesn't mean they should be pinching every dime from their minimum wage job.(Even THAT is hard to do, I've been working for 20 plus years and even *I* don't have thousands stashed away for a decent wedding.) I disagree with Angela's notion that just because they can't seem to hold down a camp counselor job and haven't run off to Vegas or the downtown courthouse, doesn't mean they don't desire to get married (with a REAL wedding) some day.

I actually applaud Mattie's SIL and fiance for wanting to do what they believe is right and have a "real" wedding, though they lack certain "people skills." I'm not quick to bash them for not throwing their morals out the window and just do whatever- like *someone* on here.

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