Topix Chitown Regulars

“Checks and Balances”

Since: Apr 13

Location hidden

#85996 May 22, 2013
j_m_w wrote:
Advice needed!

If you've been paying attention, haha, you know that I've been dating D. Last Saturday, my friend A met him for the first time (all went well, blah blah, no story there). While we were all hanging out, A talked about how she's going to have a get-together at her house this Friday because her cousin B is arriving for a visit from out of state (B is female, I've met her several times, she and A and I have been on vacation together, etc.). A was planning to invite a few friends from work, one of her neighbors, and D and I. Mixed group of guys and girls.

A was traveling for work this week and got back last night. I emailed her a little while ago to ask what the plan is for Friday and she wrote back saying that last night she decided to just make it a girls night because she doesn't have time to prepare for a full-blown thing. So it would just be me, her and B.

My dilemma is that while I understand that things change and she's trying to catch up from traveling, it's sort of rude to invite someone and then basically un-invite them. It would be better to just cancel/reschedule altogether IMO. On the other hand, I don't want to be that girl who ditches her friends for a guy.

Thoughts?
My first thought is that you made plans with D based on something that A invited you to. You did not make plans with A and invite D along, right? If A changes her invite then you, as the couple who was originally invited, are free to decline.

However, if B is only going to be there for the weekend and throwing a big get-together is too much for A to manage, then you have a couple of other options. You can throw something at your place that includes D and everyone else on the original invite list, or you can just talk to D about the change of plans (it's not like this was a formal party with engraved invites that were sent up - it sounds like it was half a step up from an impromptu get together). I can't imagine that he wouldn't be understanding and supportive of your desire to hang out with two girlfriends, one of whom you rarely see.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#85997 May 22, 2013
ScarletandOlive wrote:
I just got off the phone with my Mom. Her cat is 18 years old and just started limping this morning and couldn't jump onto her ledge. She made an appt with the vet for later today, just thinking that she hurt herself, but when she looked in the litterbox there was blood mixed in with everything else.
I know that the cat has led a long life, but it still stinks when you can see the end. My Mom is afraid that the vet is going to ask her to make a decision about whether or not to put her down, and she can barely decide what curtains to put up in the living room (the windows were bare for 10 years). I wish I was there for her :(
I"ve encountered this a few times. Kidneys. IF the cat is in that much pain that he can't jump up, he could be days away from total kidney failure. BTDT>

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#85998 May 22, 2013
(I mean, that plus the blood in the litter box.)

Since: Mar 09

Miami, FL

#85999 May 22, 2013
ScarletandOlive wrote:
<quoted text>
My first thought is that you made plans with D based on something that A invited you to. You did not make plans with A and invite D along, right? If A changes her invite then you, as the couple who was originally invited, are free to decline.
However, if B is only going to be there for the weekend and throwing a big get-together is too much for A to manage, then you have a couple of other options. You can throw something at your place that includes D and everyone else on the original invite list, or you can just talk to D about the change of plans (it's not like this was a formal party with engraved invites that were sent up - it sounds like it was half a step up from an impromptu get together). I can't imagine that he wouldn't be understanding and supportive of your desire to hang out with two girlfriends, one of whom you rarely see.
Yes, the original plans were made to include everyone, not a "tag along" type thing. A actually invited D directly.

B is going to be in town until June 3rd or 4th, I don't remember. A and I talked about the three of us doing a beach day this Sunday (Memorial Day weekend) and also getting together next weekend, so I'll definitely see B anyway.

I'm not going to host something myself because the other people, with the exception of C, are A's friends, not mine. And one of them (her neighbor) I've never even met.

I'm sure D would totally understand and I know that guys are way different about this kind of stuff than girls. I'm just annoyed that A's rudeness is putting ME in a position where I have to be rude too. And I'm surprised that she just assumes that I'm still going vs. leaving it open either way since she changed the plans.

Ugh, not looking forward to either conversation. I feel like I have to be the mediator, and almost like I have to make excuses for A since D has only met her once and I don't want him to think less of her because of this.

“Checks and Balances”

Since: Apr 13

Location hidden

#86000 May 22, 2013
j_m_w wrote:
<quoted text>And I'm surprised that she just assumes that I'm still going vs. leaving it open either way since she changed the plans.

Ugh, not looking forward to either conversation. I feel like I have to be the mediator, and almost like I have to make excuses for A since D has only met her once and I don't want him to think less of her because of this.
Her assumption would bother me, too. Hopefully she will understand when you say "We have already made a couple of other plans for just the three of us while B is in town and I'm really looking forward to that, but D and I planned to hang out together this Friday and if you are not up to hosting I understand, but I'm not going to break my plans with D."

Again, since this was an informal get together I'm sure D won't think anything of A deciding that she's not up to hosting a party that she was trying to throw together on such short notice.

Since: Mar 09

Miami, FL

#86001 May 22, 2013
ScarletandOlive wrote:
<quoted text>
Her assumption would bother me, too. Hopefully she will understand when you say "We have already made a couple of other plans for just the three of us while B is in town and I'm really looking forward to that, but D and I planned to hang out together this Friday and if you are not up to hosting I understand, but I'm not going to break my plans with D."
Again, since this was an informal get together I'm sure D won't think anything of A deciding that she's not up to hosting a party that she was trying to throw together on such short notice.
I'm sure D won't care that we're not going to A's, but I'm sure he wouldn't be thrilled if *I* cancelled on him too.

I just wrote A back and asked if she was working on Friday or not and told her that I have a half day and offered to go to her house in the afternoon to hang out instead. I feel like that's a good compromise, but if she's working then I don't know.

Today has sucked in other ways too, just annoying stuff like the computer issues and other things, so I'm not feeling particularly gentle right now, but I tried my best to be tactful.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#86002 May 22, 2013
j_m_w wrote:
My dilemma is that while I understand that things change and she's trying to catch up from traveling, it's sort of rude to invite someone and then basically un-invite them. It would be better to just cancel/reschedule altogether IMO. On the other hand, I don't want to be that girl who ditches her friends for a guy.
Thoughts?
Don't make things into a drama, just go. Like you said, plans change. If the boys feel bad about being uninvited, they can go cry in their beer. I'm sure they'll be fine.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#86003 May 22, 2013
Sorry, but while I get she may have over extended herself on the invites and prep, but honestly. How much extra work is it to include D? Yeah he will be the only guy, so what you do is tell him he will be the only guy. He will either get a woody or decline to go.

j_m_w wrote:
<quoted text>
I'm sure D won't care that we're not going to A's, but I'm sure he wouldn't be thrilled if *I* cancelled on him too.
I just wrote A back and asked if she was working on Friday or not and told her that I have a half day and offered to go to her house in the afternoon to hang out instead. I feel like that's a good compromise, but if she's working then I don't know.
Today has sucked in other ways too, just annoying stuff like the computer issues and other things, so I'm not feeling particularly gentle right now, but I tried my best to be tactful.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#86004 May 22, 2013
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
The Red RIver is going to flood again (Minnesota/North Dakota). Every freaking year, they spend a minimum of $500K to sandbag to save the same 85 homes. The same homes get flooded year after year and we pay for it.
In Florida, so long as your home is homesteaded, regardless of its value, the government will pay to rebuild.$10M mansion on the water? Hurrican destroyed it? Free home gets build. Way to go.
The government shouldn't allow anyone to live in coastal areas. The government shouldn't allow anyone to live around lakes and rivers. The government shouldn't allow anyone to live in flood plains, or tornado alley. They shouldn't allow anyone to live in areas prone to wild fires. Or avalanches.

Do you ever actually listen to yourself?

Let me guess, you'll say, fine, people can live there, but they shouldn't get any government assistance if disaster happens?

Alright, fine. But if a lightening strike knocks down a branch and it crashes through your roof, it's your own fault for living somewhere where lightning can strike, so you're on the hook for any repairs.

Jebus, somehow PEOPLE are being blamed because they're victims of natural disasters. Next thing you know, you're gonna try blaming people for global warming....

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#86005 May 22, 2013
Jess, have you seen this? Priests weigh in on the change in the mass (as we discussed the other day):

http://www.washingtonpost.com/national/on-fai...

Since: Oct 12

Location hidden

#86006 May 22, 2013
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
<quoted text>
The Red RIver is going to flood again (Minnesota/North Dakota). Every freaking year, they spend a minimum of $500K to sandbag to save the same 85 homes. The same homes get flooded year after year and we pay for it.
In Florida, so long as your home is homesteaded, regardless of its value, the government will pay to rebuild.$10M mansion on the water? Hurrican destroyed it? Free home gets build. Way to go.
Also on the Outter Banks in the Carolinas and even some mudslides in Laguna Beach, California.....i live in Florida, but have never thought of any more, than just what our insurance pays......My understanding was that the Sandy relief, was for infrastructure, not to individuals?.....

Since: Oct 12

Location hidden

#86007 May 22, 2013
ScarletandOlive wrote:
<quoted text>
You are an ass. I know I'm getting personal, but right now I'm taking your comment personally because I still drive past the houses that were not in a flood zone but were destroyed by Sandy every day.
The cost of living is probably much lower in OK, too, and the area is less densely populated (I imagine), so the total $ amount to rebuild is significantly higher for Sandy than for this tornado.
The significantly higher rebuilding costs....would have been accounted for by paying the commensurate insurance premiums.....am i missing something here?.....Aren't we all responsible for our lives, especially if we want to LIVE ON THE BEACH AREAS?.......

“What's it to ya?”

Since: Mar 09

Location hidden

#86008 May 22, 2013
j_m_w wrote:
<quoted text>
I'm sure D won't care that we're not going to A's, but I'm sure he wouldn't be thrilled if *I* cancelled on him too.
I just wrote A back and asked if she was working on Friday or not and told her that I have a half day and offered to go to her house in the afternoon to hang out instead. I feel like that's a good compromise, but if she's working then I don't know.
Today has sucked in other ways too, just annoying stuff like the computer issues and other things, so I'm not feeling particularly gentle right now, but I tried my best to be tactful.
"Dude, really? It's cool I 'get' it, but you know, D was already invited and un-inviting someone isn't cool -even though he will totally understand and be cool with it too- but I feel like I would be ditching him, on a weekend night, so I'm going to have to bail on Friday night, and get together with you guys for a girls' night/day later. Sorry..."

But, yanno, nicely, and no sarcasm on the "sorry" part.

“Checks and Balances”

Since: Apr 13

Location hidden

#86009 May 22, 2013
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
Jess, have you seen this? Priests weigh in on the change in the mass (as we discussed the other day):

http://www.washingtonpost.com/national/on-fai...
Thanks for sharing! I think the priests are mostly upset because they have to memorize new words when they have been saying the mass for years and they no longer feel above everyone else - they have to go through the same process as the congregation.

In general, though, I agree with most of the article. Mass is the one time that you should try to reach the lowest common denominator so that everyone understands, instead of using words an phrases that mean nothing to the average church goer.

Since: Oct 12

Location hidden

#86010 May 22, 2013
Aisle Sitter wrote:
<quoted text>
my earth sciences teacher in HS went through this... by now, i forget what her conclusion was, but i think upper midwest was her preference... no wild fires like in the arid south/southwest, weather not quite as extreme as in teh plains (tornadoes, hail, thunder storms), no coastal storms/hurricanes. yes, we get rain, snow and flooded rivers here, but they aren't as often or as extreme as what happens in the upper plains (blizzards) and our rivers closer to the Great Lakes haven't taken out the towns along them every 25 years with annual floods that close them in between...
Yeah...i was actually gonna nominate, the area my Grandfather's cabin was...northern portion of lower Michigan...Lotta woods and fresh lakes, great fishing....can't recall a tornado or forest fire, ever...the cold, comes with the safety and security....very secluded means not many jobs....

Since: Mar 09

West Palm Beach, FL

#86011 May 22, 2013
Mimi Seattle wrote:
<quoted text>"Dude, really? It's cool I 'get' it, but you know, D was already invited and un-inviting someone isn't cool -even though he will totally understand and be cool with it too- but I feel like I would be ditching him, on a weekend night, so I'm going to have to bail on Friday night, and get together with you guys for a girls' night/day later. Sorry..."

But, yanno, nicely, and no sarcasm on the "sorry" part.
I did a more passive-aggressive version of this, basically.

In other news, just now I went against everyone's advice for the first time and called Jasper. Got voicemail, left a message saying happy birthday and I hope he's doing well. Why did I choose today for this? No idea.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#86012 May 22, 2013
Mimi Seattle wrote:
but you know, D was already invited and un-inviting someone isn't cool -even though he will totally understand and be cool with it too- but I feel like I would be ditching him, on a weekend night
Geez, shame the dude can't have plans changed on him and be on his own devices on a Friday night. I'm sorry, I thought we were dealing with older and more mature people.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#86013 May 22, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
Geez, shame the dude can't have plans changed on him and be on his own devices on a Friday night. I'm sorry, I thought we were dealing with older and more mature people.
I'm with the dog. I don't see what the big deal is. This would not bother me at all.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#86014 May 22, 2013
Mister Tonka wrote:
I'm with the dog. I don't see what the big deal is. This would not bother me at all.
This is why you're my Topix man-crush. Hopefully together we can make these women understand that a dude being uninvited to his girlfriend's get together with a bunch of people he doesn't know and given a free Friday night isn't gonna upset his whole universe and force him to wallow alone in his own misery softly weeping while he flips through an old family album feeling lost and unwanted.

And if it does, she's dating the wrong man.

Since: Mar 09

West Palm Beach, FL

#86015 May 22, 2013
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>I'm with the dog. I don't see what the big deal is. This would not bother me at all.
The big deal is that *I* feel like I'm being forced to be rude. And *I* wouldn't appreciate being uninvited to something so I'm not going to do it to someone else. Golden rule and all that.
:)

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