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“bELieve”

Since: Jun 09

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#82681
Mar 21, 2013
 
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>Are you being serious? Your kids are what, 4 to 6ish? I think that's a little young to encourage them to play with themselves, even in private.
Encourage?! They do it! Either I tell them no, which makes it seem like they are doing something bad or dirty and gives them a complex, or I tell them not to do it in front of people.

I have a 4 year old and a 7 year old.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

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#82682
Mar 21, 2013
 

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edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
Are you being serious? Your kids are what, 4 to 6ish? I think that's a little young to encourage them to play with themselves, even in private.
WTF? I missed that part of her post. Sorry, but that is just nuts to me. Sex and masturbation are going to happen on their own. I see no reason to encourage it. That's just weird.

Jess, serious question. If you are instructing a boy not to stop touching himself, but to simply do it in private, are you ok with getting a daughter a vibrator, since you seem to be so open and ok with it? I can't imagine ever telling my boys to go yank it in his room.

I don't think I'm a prude, but this seems way over the line to me.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

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#82683
Mar 21, 2013
 
Jess in NJ wrote:
<quoted text>
Encourage?! They do it! Either I tell them no, which makes it seem like they are doing something bad or dirty and gives them a complex, or I tell them not to do it in front of people.
I have a 4 year old and a 7 year old.
If my kid is doing something in public that is inappropriate, I have no problem just telling them not to do it. Period. I don't want to have to deal with them determining WHEN something is ok or not.

Take going to the bathroom and being naked. My kid has not modesty. He will go to the bathroom with the door open and not care. Doesn't matter what he's doing in there. I have to keep on him to close the damn door. My wife, does not think its a big deal. But then when the neighbor kids are over, to play in the pool, one of which is a girl in 3rd or 4th grade, and he leaves the door open, or walks out naked cause he can't find his swim trunks, I consider that a problem. Instead of struggling to get him to differentiate that being naked in situation A is ok but situation B,C,D,E,& F are not, I am fine with, keep the f'n door closed when you are in the bathroom.

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

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#82684
Mar 21, 2013
 
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>WTF? I missed that part of her post. Sorry, but that is just nuts to me. Sex and masturbation are going to happen on their own. I see no reason to encourage it. That's just weird.
Jess, serious question. If you are instructing a boy not to stop touching himself, but to simply do it in private, are you ok with getting a daughter a vibrator, since you seem to be so open and ok with it? I can't imagine ever telling my boys to go yank it in his room.
I don't think I'm a prude, but this seems way over the line to me.
Tonka -- that's apples and oranges here. I agree with Jess. To tell them sternly, "Stop that!" makes them feel they are doing something wrong. Telling them not to do it in front of people is teaching them it's a private thing. Kids have no boundaries and do not know what is appropriate, when.

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

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#82685
Mar 21, 2013
 
Also, I don't see it as encouraging it. I see it as a statement. You do it in private.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

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#82686
Mar 21, 2013
 

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Jess in NJ wrote:
<quoted text>
Encourage?! They do it! Either I tell them no, which makes it seem like they are doing something bad or dirty and gives them a complex, or I tell them not to do it in front of people.
I have a 4 year old and a 7 year old.
Well boo hoo, we can't have kids getting a complex, that will damage their precious little egos. It's FAR more important to allow a four year old to yank it.

“I Am Mine”

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#82687
Mar 21, 2013
 
Jess in NJ wrote:
<quoted text>
Encourage?! They do it! Either I tell them no, which makes it seem like they are doing something bad or dirty and gives them a complex, or I tell them not to do it in front of people.
I have a 4 year old and a 7 year old.
By the way, my kid did go thru a phase where he was grabbing himself all the damn time. We knew it was going on and tried like hell to get him to stop. His karate teacher brought it to our attention as did a teacher. "Just don't do it in public" never entered my mind. we wanted him to stop. Period.

"Do you have to go to the bathroom? No? then stop grabbing your peepee."

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

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#82688
Mar 21, 2013
 
Toj wrote:
Kids have no boundaries and do not know what is appropriate, when.
Exactly. So instead of expecting them to be able to analyze each situation to determine whether something is appropriate, I am fine with "this is not appropriate".

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

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#82689
Mar 21, 2013
 

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Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>Exactly. So instead of expecting them to be able to analyze each situation to determine whether something is appropriate, I am fine with "this is not appropriate".
To each his own. I believe in teaching kids when things are appropriate and giving correct information at a level they can handle.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

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#82690
Mar 21, 2013
 

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Jess in NJ wrote:
<quoted text>
Encourage?! They do it! Either I tell them no, which makes it seem like they are doing something bad or dirty and gives them a complex, or I tell them not to do it in front of people.
I have a 4 year old and a 7 year old.
I hear ya, Jess.

We have a similar problem with Nunu and because she is such a mischievious little girl, the more we make a big deal about something, the more likely it is that she will do it. She likes the attention, good or bad. I don't try and tell her what she can do while she's in the tub in private, but once I come in to bathe her, I will tell her to stop. She's about over this phase anyway, thank goodness.

“Fort Kickass”

Since: Sep 09

Bloomington, IL

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#82691
Mar 21, 2013
 
...and yet, this conversation is somehow still more riveting than when this thread goes all political-y.

Team Toj and Jess on this one. I assumed that was kind of the standard in parenting these days.

“bELieve”

Since: Jun 09

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#82692
Mar 21, 2013
 

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Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>WTF? I missed that part of her post. Sorry, but that is just nuts to me. Sex and masturbation are going to happen on their own. I see no reason to encourage it. That's just weird.
Jess, serious question. If you are instructing a boy not to stop touching himself, but to simply do it in private, are you ok with getting a daughter a vibrator, since you seem to be so open and ok with it? I can't imagine ever telling my boys to go yank it in his room.
I don't think I'm a prude, but this seems way over the line to me.
How do you equate telling a boy not to touch himself in front of people to buying a girl a vibrator? If I had a girl, I would be telling her the same thing (because little girls discover that it feels good to rub up against things). That doesn't mean that I am going to be buying my children (of any age) sex toys. It just means that I want them to respect their bodies by keeping some things private.

It also means that I want to keep an open dialogue with my children. If they are in pain or if someone is doing something inappropriate, I have already shown them that I am willing to talk about things instead of just telling them "no" or shutting them down. I don't want them thinking that their only resource is their friends when things start to happen to their bodies (I am not looking forward to puberty) or when girls start acting weird instead of just being one of the guys.

I set limits and have rules in my house. I am not a person who believes that as long as kids are having sex under their parents' roof it is better than them sneaking off and doing it somewhere else. I don't give my kids (or any other kids) alcohol before they are 21 (well, not since I became a parent). But communication and education are really important to me because I always took a lack of willingness on the part of adults to address difficult subjects as a challenge to explore them on my own. Kids are smarter than most adults give them credit for.

“FD&S is no way to be.”

Since: Feb 13

Huntingdon, TN

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#82693
Mar 21, 2013
 
Today's quote brought to you by Ricky Gervais:

"Just because you're offended doesn't mean you're right."

“bELieve”

Since: Jun 09

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#82694
Mar 21, 2013
 
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
Well boo hoo, we can't have kids getting a complex, that will damage their precious little egos. It's FAR more important to allow a four year old to yank it.
I don't think you get it. 4 year olds get erections, but they do not ejaculate. That doesn't happen until puberty. I know you went through this, but you seem to need more explanation. At this age it is about something happening to their bodies that they don't understand, but feels good or seems funny to them.

I am not encouraging my boys to go off and do anything, but neither am I discouraging them from learning about their own bodies (note I did not say other people's bodies). The better you know your own body, the better you can recognize when you are sick, when you are hungry, when you are tired, etc. It is about awareness.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

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#82695
Mar 21, 2013
 

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Maybe if parents would stop having sex in front of the kids, they would not be so anxious to masturbate.
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
Well boo hoo, we can't have kids getting a complex, that will damage their precious little egos. It's FAR more important to allow a four year old to yank it.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

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#82696
Mar 21, 2013
 

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Jess in NJ wrote:
<quoted text>
I don't think you get it. 4 year olds get erections, but they do not ejaculate. That doesn't happen until puberty. I know you went through this, but you seem to need more explanation. At this age it is about something happening to their bodies that they don't understand, but feels good or seems funny to them.
I am not encouraging my boys to go off and do anything, but neither am I discouraging them from learning about their own bodies (note I did not say other people's bodies). The better you know your own body, the better you can recognize when you are sick, when you are hungry, when you are tired, etc. It is about awareness.
Once again you guys are trying to tell me what I do or don't "get."

I'm not sure if this borders on abuse or not, but it's definitely a collossial parenting failure on your part. You are doing your children a great disservice by never saying "no" to them or never telling them not to do something because you don't want them to "get a complex." They're gonna grow up and learn the hard way that they can't get and do whatever they want.

So we've learned that it's okay to have sex while your children are in bed with you, and now it's okay to teach a young child how to masturbate. You people are unbelievable.

“I Am Mine”

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#82697
Mar 21, 2013
 
Jess in NJ wrote:
I am not encouraging my boys to go off and do anything,
When you tell them "Don't do that HERE", or "NOW", and say, "Do that in your room, it's encouragement."

You wanted to know how I made the leap to a vibrator, I think its a pretty straight line. Instead of saying, "don't play with yourself", you're saying "keep it in your room". There's a difference between understanding that something is going to occur, and sending a message to go ahead and do it. So if you're saying, "Hey, its cool. Go do your thing in your room" to a 7 year old, it would not be surprising at all if your older daughter asked you for a vibrator and you said, sure. "Just keep it in your room"

And I'm glad you noted that you are NOT one to say, "Well, they're gonna drink anyway. Better to do it under my roof", because to me, that's the same line of thinking.

And what's even more strange to me about this whole thing is that you're a woman. I cannot imagine the level to which I'd be horrified if my mother caught me spanking it or wanted to talk about it. I think kids figure that out just fine on their own.

“bELieve”

Since: Jun 09

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#82698
Mar 21, 2013
 
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>Once again you guys are trying to tell me what I do or don't "get."

I'm not sure if this borders on abuse or not, but it's definitely a collossial parenting failure on your part. You are doing your children a great disservice by never saying "no" to them or never telling them not to do something because you don't want them to "get a complex." They're gonna grow up and learn the hard way that they can't get and do whatever they want.

So we've learned that it's okay to have sex while your children are in bed with you, and now it's okay to teach a young child how to masturbate. You people are unbelievable.
Huh? I tell them no. I am so confused here.

When did we learn that it's ok to have sex while your kids are in bed with you?

“FD&S is no way to be.”

Since: Feb 13

Huntingdon, TN

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#82699
Mar 21, 2013
 
Jess in NJ wrote:
<quoted text>
Huh? I tell them no. I am so confused here.
When did we learn that it's ok to have sex while your kids are in bed with you?
"We" didn't, just another case of Mutt taking the ball and running too far with it.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

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#82700
Mar 21, 2013
 
Jess in NJ wrote:
<quoted text>
Huh? I tell them no. I am so confused here.
When did we learn that it's ok to have sex while your kids are in bed with you?
We didn't learn that yesterday on the Abby thread. Edog just wants to keep believing that's what I said.

I'm confused too. I thought that as men, they would understand that the little head has a mind of its own and be a little more understanding that you don't want your boys to be ashamed of what their bodies do naturally. I understand that you are not "encouraging" them to do anything; from what I know of boys, no encouragement is necessary. It's not like you're giving them pointers on techinque, you are simply telling them that that activity is private-time activity.

They are going masturbate; we can either make that feel that it's something normal or that it's something to be ashamed of. I believe we've had enough of the later.

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