Thanks for that. It helps (psychologically) when other people see it the way I do. I'm not her mother you know? Even if I was, like I said, she's gonna be 46 years old in 5 days. Seriously, she has an almost-20-years-old kid. Not like she's some kid just starting out and not knowing how the world works.<quoted text>
IMO that is THE most important thing for you. You can't jeopardize yourself. She has to appreciate that there are reasonable limits to her expectations, and you are entitled to her respect of those limits.
FWIW I know I'm all over the map. She *is* my sister, and if she doesn't get out for good he *will* kill her. I can see the writing on the wall. I *have* to help her however I can. I can't NOT do something, but I am so totally pissed off that it's necessary at all...if that makes sense to you guys. <sigh>