Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#82172 Mar 12, 2013
Jess in NJ wrote:
I guess I just think it is ridiculous that the church is charging so much for a little piece of brass.
Well, that's what I was thinking. Like, she collected all that money from people and she needs to add more of her own to buy the plaque?
Jess in NJ wrote:
Several people arranged to have masses said for my FIL at various churches throughout the year. My MIL's overbearing sister thought it would be a good idea to schedule one to be said on my MIL's birthday in October. "Just a reminder, your husband isn't here to celebrate with you this year!" Ugh.
With sisters like that, who needs enemies?

“Fort Kickass”

Since: Sep 09

Bloomington, IL

#82173 Mar 12, 2013
Ah, my MIL is busy trying to convince J that SIL needs to go to community college next year. Ah...no. On so many levels. No.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#82174 Mar 12, 2013
Matilda77 wrote:
Ah, my MIL is busy trying to convince J that SIL needs to go to community college next year. Ah...no. On so many levels. No.
Because she wants SIL to go to school near home?

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#82175 Mar 12, 2013
dahgts wrote:
<quoted text>
Way back in the day before internet, etc. I was leaving a job and wanted a reference from my boss, who I was also friends with. She told me to write it up for her. So another friend and I went to a bar and composed a very good one. The more vodka, the better I sounded.
So, do yourself proud.
To me, that sounds great. I had a former co-worker(different department) who complained to us about how when she asked her boss's boss, the VP of Operations for a letter of recommendation, he told her to write something up and he'd sign it. <sigh> She was young and idealistic and looked at it from the perspective of him being too lazy to write something himself.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#82176 Mar 12, 2013
Jess in NJ wrote:
I promise I have other things to discuss than funerals, but I have to ask. Where y'all live, is it customary to give money to the family of the deceased money at or around the time of the funeral? I guess I understand why this would have been done in the past (before insurance was widely available) or if the community knows that the widow is left in great hardship, but I just don't get it sometimes.
My MIL received around $1300 in cards and envelopes at the wake, PLUS flowers, food baskets, etc. My FIL had life insurance and they have no dependents.
She is going to spend it all (plus some of her own $) on a memorial plaque with his name on it at the back of the church.
I am not familiar with such practices. But am I reading it right that you seem somewhat annoyed by it?

Since: Mar 09

Miami, FL

#82177 Mar 12, 2013
Matilda77 wrote:
Ah, my MIL is busy trying to convince J that SIL needs to go to community college next year. Ah...no. On so many levels. No.
Why would she encourage her to take a step BACKWARD?

Oh, wait... forgot who we're talking about for a second.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#82178 Mar 12, 2013
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>To me, that sounds great. I had a former co-worker(different department) who complained to us about how when she asked her boss's boss, the VP of Operations for a letter of recommendation, he told her to write something up and he'd sign it. <sigh> She was young and idealistic and looked at it from the perspective of him being too lazy to write something himself.
HA!*HE* is the lazy one? He probably hardly even knew her!

“Fort Kickass”

Since: Sep 09

Bloomington, IL

#82179 Mar 12, 2013
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
<quoted text>
Because she wants SIL to go to school near home?
Yeah. He mentioned tuition costs in passing and she freely offered to make her come home. How generous. MIL also told J to "make sure she's not taking advantage of you" financially. If that ain't the pot calling the kettle black.

“Fort Kickass”

Since: Sep 09

Bloomington, IL

#82180 Mar 12, 2013
j_m_w wrote:
<quoted text>
Why would she encourage her to take a step BACKWARD?
Oh, wait... forgot who we're talking about for a second.
The key to understanding her logic is to take your own logic and do the opposite.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#82181 Mar 12, 2013
Matilda77 wrote:
<quoted text>
Yeah. He mentioned tuition costs in passing and she freely offered to make her come home. How generous. MIL also told J to "make sure she's not taking advantage of you" financially. If that ain't the pot calling the kettle black.
Geez, she's a new/young adult. It's not taking advantage of: It's just NEED.

“What's it to ya?”

Since: Mar 09

Location hidden

#82182 Mar 12, 2013
Jess in NJ wrote:
I promise I have other things to discuss than funerals, but I have to ask. Where y'all live, is it customary to give money to the family of the deceased money at or around the time of the funeral? I guess I understand why this would have been done in the past (before insurance was widely available) or if the community knows that the widow is left in great hardship, but I just don't get it sometimes.
My MIL received around $1300 in cards and envelopes at the wake, PLUS flowers, food baskets, etc. My FIL had life insurance and they have no dependents.
She is going to spend it all (plus some of her own $) on a memorial plaque with his name on it at the back of the church.
The only time I ever encountered it was when Chris died. Lots of people sent me cards with checks (and cash) in them. Because he had no life insurance it definitely helped out...a lot, but whenever anyone else that I knew (family or otherwise) I've never known that to be a "thing."

“Fort Kickass”

Since: Sep 09

Bloomington, IL

#82183 Mar 12, 2013
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
<quoted text>
Geez, she's a new/young adult. It's not taking advantage of: It's just NEED.
Yeah. I feel like helping her pay for her education is an investment. Mostly in her, but the better off she is in life, the better off we all are.

Since: Mar 09

Miami, FL

#82184 Mar 12, 2013
Matilda77 wrote:
<quoted text>
The key to understanding her logic is to take your own logic and do the opposite.
HA!

“FD&S is no way to be.”

Since: Feb 13

Knoxville, TN

#82185 Mar 12, 2013
Matilda77 wrote:
<quoted text>
Yeah. I feel like helping her pay for her education is an investment. Mostly in her, but the better off she is in life, the better off we all are.
Darn Socialist.

“bELieve”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#82186 Mar 12, 2013
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
<quoted text>Well, that's what I was thinking. Like, she collected all that money from people and she needs to add more of her own to buy the plaque?

Jess in NJ wrote, "Several people arranged to have masses said for my FIL at various churches throughout the year. My MIL's overbearing sister thought it would be a good idea to schedule one to be said on my MIL's birthday in October. "Just a reminder, your husband isn't here to celebrate with you this year!" Ugh."

With sisters like that, who needs enemies?
Holy cow - just got off the phone with her and she got another $2k in the mail today. His mom was a teacher and his dad was a plumber (who worked for the family business then a regional supermarket for their corporate office, but still as a technician). They live in a blue collar town. This is blowing my mind.

It shouldn't. People around here think nothing of putting $150-$200 into an envelope for someone's wedding and you are supposed to invite everyone and their brother.

F'ing crazy.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#82187 Mar 12, 2013
Matilda77 wrote:
<quoted text>
Yeah. I feel like helping her pay for her education is an investment. Mostly in her, but the better off she is in life, the better off we all are.
I'm glad we're in agreement. Next up for you to help: Your sister! ;)

“bELieve”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#82188 Mar 12, 2013
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>I am not familiar with such practices. But am I reading it right that you seem somewhat annoyed by it?
Yeah, I'm not real comfortable with materialism for materialism's sake. The people my MIL grew up with seem to think they have to show how much they care by how much money they spend on things. I prefer genuine shows of affection.

For example, my MIL's cousin drove down from upstate NY to come to the wake, but MIL is complaining today because she didn't give her a card, much less $. I place more importance on her being there in person.

I guess that's my problem. I love generosity and when a community takes care of its own. In a case like this, money takes on a whole new meaning and it makes my stomach turn.

“bELieve”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#82189 Mar 12, 2013
Matilda77 wrote:
<quoted text>Yeah. I feel like helping her pay for her education is an investment. Mostly in her, but the better off she is in life, the better off we all are.
Beautifully stated!!!

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#82190 Mar 12, 2013
Jess in NJ wrote:
<quoted text>
Yeah, I'm not real comfortable with materialism for materialism's sake. The people my MIL grew up with seem to think they have to show how much they care by how much money they spend on things. I prefer genuine shows of affection.
For example, my MIL's cousin drove down from upstate NY to come to the wake, but MIL is complaining today because she didn't give her a card, much less $. I place more importance on her being there in person.
I guess that's my problem. I love generosity and when a community takes care of its own. In a case like this, money takes on a whole new meaning and it makes my stomach turn.
NOt to mention what it costs in gas these days to drive that far. MIL is grumbling about that in light of all that's happened?

Enjoy having a widowed MIL to pester you.

“bELieve”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#82191 Mar 12, 2013
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
<quoted text>NOt to mention what it costs in gas these days to drive that far. MIL is grumbling about that in light of all that's happened?

Enjoy having a widowed MIL to pester you.
As my husband's cousin said today, we know that things are getting back to "normal" if he has started complaining :)

I also feel bad that I vent to you guys so often. I am sympathetic to the fact that she just lost her husband and I am trying not to say anything to upset her (even if I think she's a bit too sensitive). That's why I turn to you.

She actually asked me to help her draft a thank you note to the owner of the grocery stores who has known the family for years and paid for the luncheon after the funeral. That was very nice of her and I'm a little humbled by her request. She thinks very highly of this man and I will say that I'm lucky to have a MIL who treats me like a daughter.

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