Topix Chitown Regulars

[j_m_w]

Speaking of dreams... last night I dreamed about Jasper moving away and us breaking up. In the dream, I was *devastated* but when I woke up, I remembered that my pain is less than that now. It was the opposite of what has happened a few times over the past several months: dreaming that we're still together and waking up to realize we're not, and being sadder IRL than in the dream.

Progress?

[Mimi Seattle]

j_m_w wrote:

Speaking of dreams... last night I dreamed about Jasper moving away and us breaking up. In the dream, I was *devastated* but when I woke up, I remembered that my pain is less than that now. It was the opposite of what has happened a few times over the past several months: dreaming that we're still together and waking up to realize we're not, and being sadder IRL than in the dream.
Progress?

Sounds like you're starting to accept the change. Not that you didn't, but more like a subconscious understanding that this is how things are instead of this is how you want things to be and reality being different. Does that make sense? Still working on my first coffee. LOL

[RedheadwGlasses]

j_m_w wrote:

Speaking of dreams... last night I dreamed about Jasper moving away and us breaking up. In the dream, I was *devastated* but when I woke up, I remembered that my pain is less than that now. It was the opposite of what has happened a few times over the past several months: dreaming that we're still together and waking up to realize we're not, and being sadder IRL than in the dream.
Progress?

Progress! That's great!

You know, I think part of the problem might be... you both hung onto the relationship longer than you might have had your circumstances been different (like taking into account his long stint of being unemployed), so when you finally did end things, it was done from a different place in your mind and heart than if you'd had the breakup sooner (which also may have been an uglier breakup).

[j_m_w]

Mimi Seattle wrote:

<quoted text>
Sounds like you're starting to accept the change. Not that you didn't, but more like a subconscious understanding that this is how things are instead of this is how you want things to be and reality being different. Does that make sense? Still working on my first coffee. LOL

It makes perfect sense.

Did I tell you guys about what my friend C said to me a few weeks ago? I told her I missed my life, and she kindly said to me "This IS your life now." I think that concept is finally permeating my subconscious.

[j_m_w]

RedheadwGlasses wrote:

<quoted text>
Progress! That's great!
You know, I think part of the problem might be... you both hung onto the relationship longer than you might have had your circumstances been different (like taking into account his long stint of being unemployed), so when you finally did end things, it was done from a different place in your mind and heart than if you'd had the breakup sooner (which also may have been an uglier breakup).

You're right. And I'm sure in some ways that was damaging, but from where I'm sitting right now, I'm really glad we didn't have an ugly, hateful breakup. I'm not planning the future more than a couple of weeks in advance right now - haha - but I still hold out hope that once enough time has passed, we can be friends. Probably not talk-on-the-phone-several-time s-a-week friends, but talking every couple of months with a random text, email, or Facebook comment thrown in here and there. I know he wants that, and I want it too... but I have to make sure I'm okay with it.

[RACE]

You made him gay?

RedheadwGlasses wrote:

Last night, I was thinking about my college boyfriend. Nothing scandalous, and I haven't really thought of him in quite a few years, and I was only wondering how old his kids would be right now. NO big deal.
Then today I Get an email from him. He's living in a hotel, is on his second divorce (First one wasn't his doing)... and he thinks he might be a woman on the inside. Reached out to me because of my PFLAG/GLBT background.
Holy. Crapoly.

[RedheadwGlasses]

j_m_w wrote:

<quoted text>
You're right. And I'm sure in some ways that was damaging, but from where I'm sitting right now, I'm really glad we didn't have an ugly, hateful breakup. I'm not planning the future more than a couple of weeks in advance right now - haha - but I still hold out hope that once enough time has passed, we can be friends. Probably not talk-on-the-phone-several-time s-a-week friends, but talking every couple of months with a random text, email, or Facebook comment thrown in here and there. I know he wants that, and I want it too... but I have to make sure I'm okay with it.

And then in 20 years he can tellyou he thinks he wants to be a woman.

I got a photo in an email today.

this is going to be weirder than I thought. I decided that I need to (1) decide how much support I'm wiling to give , and know that it's for the long haul, because it would be cruel to pullthe rug out from under a friend after a year of being there ("soryr, I'm just done, later"), and (2) find out what Nick is willing to accept, find out what his feelings are on this (I've told him what I've told you guys). I think Nick will say that so long as it doesn't impact our relationship in a serious way, and that he doesn't have to hear all about it, he is fine with my supporting an ex/old friend through a weird time. I think that's a perfectly fine stance.

I'm not giong to keep talking abuot this -- it's just thati t's a new thing that shocked me and is HUGE... This was a wonderful LTR and I would have married him in a heartbeat. In top 3 boyfriends ever. My ex husband isn't in that top 3.

And it's not my business, it's his -- his to share, not for me to share.

I promise, the comments will be kept to a minimum and I'm going to aim for a Matilda-inspired posting style (like how if her dad had his way, she'd be half asian) for any comments I may have about it. ;)

[Toj]

RedheadwGlasses wrote:

<quoted text>
And then in 20 years he can tellyou he thinks he wants to be a woman.
I got a photo in an email today.
this is going to be weirder than I thought. I decided that I need to (1) decide how much support I'm wiling to give , and know that it's for the long haul, because it would be cruel to pullthe rug out from under a friend after a year of being there ("soryr, I'm just done, later"), and (2) find out what Nick is willing to accept, find out what his feelings are on this (I've told him what I've told you guys). I think Nick will say that so long as it doesn't impact our relationship in a serious way, and that he doesn't have to hear all about it, he is fine with my supporting an ex/old friend through a weird time. I think that's a perfectly fine stance.
I'm not giong to keep talking abuot this -- it's just thati t's a new thing that shocked me and is HUGE... This was a wonderful LTR and I would have married him in a heartbeat. In top 3 boyfriends ever. My ex husband isn't in that top 3.
And it's not my business, it's his -- his to share, not for me to share.
I promise, the comments will be kept to a minimum and I'm going to aim for a Matilda-inspired posting style (like how if her dad had his way, she'd be half asian) for any comments I may have about it. ;)

Darn! I wanted to hear all about it. To me it's foreign and it would be a window into someone's life that I can't imagine experiencing. Yet, I think it would be helpful to understand what some people go through.

I feel for him but I am puzzled by the little bit you have told -- not by you but by the situation. I can't imagine how puzzled he must be.

[RedheadwGlasses]

Oh, Toj, I don't even have any morei nformation to share. He sent two long emails, one with the photo, and I didn't read anything. I closed them right away. I wasn't in the right frame of mind. I decided to make a real effort to jsut let go of who I think he is and be open to wahtever has to say, stop trying to predict it.

[RedheadwGlasses]

Hey, Chicago folks, how about your Blackhawks? Our local radio Djs and sports guys are as impressed as hell. Congrats to you folks.

Go Wild!

[Toj]

RedheadwGlasses wrote:

Oh, Toj, I don't even have any morei nformation to share. He sent two long emails, one with the photo, and I didn't read anything. I closed them right away. I wasn't in the right frame of mind. I decided to make a real effort to jsut let go of who I think he is and be open to wahtever has to say, stop trying to predict it.

I think your approach to it all if perfect. I also think it didn't work out between you two b/c it wasn't suppose to. Call it karma, fate, intuition -- whatever. You were obviously suppose to meet Nick and help this guy.

You are not responsible for him, though, for the rest of your life. You help him until you cannot -- for whatever reason. Be it that you're drained, have other stuff going on in your life or simply can't anymore.

[Toj]

Your approach IS perfect. (sigh)

[RedheadwGlasses]

j_m_w wrote:

<quoted text>
It makes perfect sense.
Did I tell you guys about what my friend C said to me a few weeks ago? I told her I missed my life, and she kindly said to me "This IS your life now." I think that concept is finally permeating my subconscious.

C is right! Smart woman.

For some of us, life is a series of neverending changes. Of varying duration.

[RedheadwGlasses]

Toj wrote:

<quoted text>
I think your approach to it all if perfect. I also think it didn't work out between you two b/c it wasn't suppose to. Call it karma, fate, intuition -- whatever. You were obviously suppose to meet Nick and help this guy.
You are not responsible for him, though, for the rest of your life. You help him until you cannot -- for whatever reason. Be it that you're drained, have other stuff going on in your life or simply can't anymore.

Yeah, my attitude is one of sending supportive emails now and then. Not daily or constant contact. If he's wearing a dress and a wig, well, he's done some reading/research/interesting internet searching.

[edogxxx]

RedheadwGlasses wrote:

For some of us, life is a series of neverending changes. Of varying duration.

That's true for pretty much everyone, I think.

Don't fret the bad times, they won't last.

Enjoy the good times, because they won't last, either.

[dahgts]

RedheadwGlasses wrote:

Hey, Chicago folks, how about your Blackhawks? Our local radio Djs and sports guys are as impressed as hell. Congrats to you folks.
Go Wild!

Yep, they're doing great! But wait....Cubs opener is 4/1 (which should say it all). You'll really see something then.:>

[PEllen]

dahgts wrote:

<quoted text>
Yep, they're doing great! But wait....Cubs opener is 4/1 (which should say it all). You'll really see something then.:>

Umm, Blackhawks lost last night. But, hey it was a 23 game streak. Not bad.

I was at the 2010 rally following the Stanley Cup. I'll do it again this year.

[j_m_w]

RedheadwGlasses wrote:

<quoted text>
And then in 20 years he can tellyou he thinks he wants to be a woman.
I got a photo in an email today.
this is going to be weirder than I thought. I decided that I need to (1) decide how much support I'm wiling to give , and know that it's for the long haul, because it would be cruel to pullthe rug out from under a friend after a year of being there ("soryr, I'm just done, later"), and (2) find out what Nick is willing to accept, find out what his feelings are on this (I've told him what I've told you guys). I think Nick will say that so long as it doesn't impact our relationship in a serious way, and that he doesn't have to hear all about it, he is fine with my supporting an ex/old friend through a weird time. I think that's a perfectly fine stance.
I'm not giong to keep talking abuot this -- it's just thati t's a new thing that shocked me and is HUGE... This was a wonderful LTR and I would have married him in a heartbeat. In top 3 boyfriends ever. My ex husband isn't in that top 3.
And it's not my business, it's his -- his to share, not for me to share.
I promise, the comments will be kept to a minimum and I'm going to aim for a Matilda-inspired posting style (like how if her dad had his way, she'd be half asian) for any comments I may have about it. ;)

LOL at your first sentence.

Ang, we're here for you if you need someone to just "listen" or anything. And I'm sure Nick will be cool.

[j_m_w]

edogxxx wrote:

<quoted text>
That's true for pretty much everyone, I think.
Don't fret the bad times, they won't last.
Enjoy the good times, because they won't last, either.

True, true, true.

You're easy to agree with when you're in a good mood.
:)

Enjoy the date tonight!

[edogxxx]

PEllen wrote:

Umm, Blackhawks lost last night. But, hey it was a 23 game streak. Not bad.

Yeah, but Denver is 1200 ft above sea level. So they're still undefeated AT sea level.

(saw that in a fb post. I don't really care about the Hawks, hockey is for Canadians)