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“bELieve”

Since: Jun 09

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#81859
Mar 6, 2013
 
They don't expect him to make it through the day and he is in the ICU, so the boys won't be able to visit (no visitors under 18). We're going out to dinner.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

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#81860
Mar 6, 2013
 
edogxxx wrote:
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Illinois, for one. I thought that was common practice?
No. In Illinois the jury makes a finding of guilty or not guilty. The judge sets the sentence. The jury can decide someone is guilty of a lesser offense that carries a lower sentence, but it is the judge who has the final word in what to impose ( subject to sentencing guidelines which have nothing to do with the jury)

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

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#81861
Mar 6, 2013
 
edogxxx wrote:
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I doubt the company orchestrated an entire seminar just for Angela.
Hers is a relatively small office . If the boss did not want to single her out in front of the whole office, the logical thing is to require everyone to attend. Protective coloration sort of thing.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

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#81862
Mar 6, 2013
 
Jess in NJ wrote:
They don't expect him to make it through the day and he is in the ICU, so the boys won't be able to visit (no visitors under 18). We're going out to dinner.
Do you think the boys will be upset they're not going to get to say goodbye?

I'm not sure I approve of keeping family away from someone who is dying; I understand why no kids in the ICU, but 'cmon, this is going to be their last chance.

But in the same breath, I'm not sure I'd want my kids seeing a person they love in an ICU. All the tubes and machines, it's got to be frightening when you're just a little person.

Sorry for the ramble there, Jess. I'll just stop now and send another hug your way. <hug>

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

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#81863
Mar 6, 2013
 
That totally blows. Are you going to tell the kids tonight or wait till tomorrow? or is that a tacky question?
Jess in NJ wrote:
They don't expect him to make it through the day and he is in the ICU, so the boys won't be able to visit (no visitors under 18). We're going out to dinner.

“Fort Kickass”

Since: Sep 09

Bloomington, IL

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#81864
Mar 6, 2013
 
Ah, suck, Jess. I'm really sorry. I hope he isn't suffering.

“bELieve”

Since: Jun 09

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#81865
Mar 6, 2013
 
squishymama wrote:
<quoted text>Do you think the boys will be upset they're not going to get to say goodbye?

I'm not sure I approve of keeping family away from someone who is dying; I understand why no kids in the ICU, but 'cmon, this is going to be their last chance.

But in the same breath, I'm not sure I'd want my kids seeing a person they love in an ICU. All the tubes and machines, it's got to be frightening when you're just a little person.

Sorry for the ramble there, Jess. I'll just stop now and send another hug your way. <hug>
The boys are going to be really upset and I am upset on their behalf. My husband just called to say that he died and my heart is breaking for him. I have to respect the way his family does things because they are traditionalists, but Ry was able to say goodbye to my Grandfather in hospice (I know that was a little different, but still) and I think it is an important part of the transition process to be able to say goodbye if possible.

To answer RACE's question, my husband is going to tell them tonight when he gets home. He is heading over to the funeral home with his mom right now. They are going to have a Friday wake and a Saturday funeral. I don't know if we are going to keep the kids home from school - I guess that will be their call.

“bELieve”

Since: Jun 09

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#81866
Mar 6, 2013
 
Also, this is kinda hard for me because some of you old timers will recall that I didn't particularly like my father in law. The people I love did, though, and I would do anything to ease their pain.

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

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#81867
Mar 6, 2013
 
Jess, hang in there.

I remember when I was younger when my grandmother died. You don't totally get death at a young age. I think kids are more tied into how their parents are feeling because they don't quite get it.

Take care of yourselves. Looking over pictures and fun times (maybe not today -- but at some point), are good ways, I believe, of personally celebrating that person's life and what it meant to you.

“bELieve”

Since: Jun 09

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#81868
Mar 6, 2013
 
Toj wrote:
Jess, hang in there.

I remember when I was younger when my grandmother died. You don't totally get death at a young age. I think kids are more tied into how their parents are feeling because they don't quite get it.

Take care of yourselves. Looking over pictures and fun times (maybe not today -- but at some point), are good ways, I believe, of personally celebrating that person's life and what it meant to you.
Thanks. They went through this with my Grandfather last year. They know it very well.

Since: Mar 09

United States

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#81869
Mar 6, 2013
 

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Jess in NJ wrote:
<quoted text>
The boys are going to be really upset and I am upset on their behalf. My husband just called to say that he died and my heart is breaking for him. I have to respect the way his family does things because they are traditionalists, but Ry was able to say goodbye to my Grandfather in hospice (I know that was a little different, but still) and I think it is an important part of the transition process to be able to say goodbye if possible.
To answer RACE's question, my husband is going to tell them tonight when he gets home. He is heading over to the funeral home with his mom right now. They are going to have a Friday wake and a Saturday funeral. I don't know if we are going to keep the kids home from school - I guess that will be their call.
So sorry for your family's loss, Jess.
{hugs}

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

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#81870
Mar 6, 2013
 

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Jess in NJ wrote:
Also, this is kinda hard for me because some of you old timers will recall that I didn't particularly like my father in law. The people I love did, though, and I would do anything to ease their pain.
Sweetie, just because you didn't like him doesn't mean you wished him dead. No regrets. Seems to be while you didn't exactly see eye-to-eye you appreciated the way he enriched your family's life. Those two things can live in harmony.

Since: Jan 10

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#81871
Mar 6, 2013
 
PEllen wrote:
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If you are wearing wrist braces around the office or if you taledk at all about your hand problems and what teh doctor said, your boss is ticked because the ergonomics seminar is probably aimed at you.
Nope, I just wear 'em while I sleep!

“Fort Kickass”

Since: Sep 09

Bloomington, IL

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#81872
Mar 6, 2013
 

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Jess in NJ wrote:
Also, this is kinda hard for me because some of you old timers will recall that I didn't particularly like my father in law. The people I love did, though, and I would do anything to ease their pain.
I definitely understand this.

So sorry for your loss.

“Fort Kickass”

Since: Sep 09

Bloomington, IL

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#81873
Mar 6, 2013
 
squishymama wrote:
<quoted text>
Do you think the boys will be upset they're not going to get to say goodbye?
I'm not sure I approve of keeping family away from someone who is dying; I understand why no kids in the ICU, but 'cmon, this is going to be their last chance.
But in the same breath, I'm not sure I'd want my kids seeing a person they love in an ICU. All the tubes and machines, it's got to be frightening when you're just a little person.
Sorry for the ramble there, Jess. I'll just stop now and send another hug your way. <hug>
Everyone does it different, I suppose, but I'm glad I wasn't really exposed to much of it. I was a hot mess just having to deal with open caskets.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

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#81874
Mar 6, 2013
 

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Oh, Jess, I am so sorry for you and your husband and the boys. The boys, especially Ry, will be old enough to remember him as they grow up. Telling good stories about Grandpa creates the way they will think about him and , to an extent, will give them a model of how to be grandfathers when it is their turn.

My dad's father, Papa Eddie was, politely put, a rascal and a rogue. He died when I was 31, but we still tell Papa Eddie stories and still look at his pictures in the various albums and it is teh colorfulthings that are foremost, not the heartache he caused my mom and my grandma.

That is your gift to your husband and teh boys- to help reember the good stuff.

I'm sorry, kid. I'm glad your husband was able to be there.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

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#81875
Mar 6, 2013
 
Matilda77 wrote:
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Everyone does it different, I suppose, but I'm glad I wasn't really exposed to much of it. I was a hot mess just having to deal with open caskets.
I'm still a hot mess with open caskets.

I had to go to the wake for the wife of my former department head. He worked with my mom for years, so I went as a favor for her. But all I did was wait in line to give him a hug, studiously avoiding looking at the open casket of a woman I never knew. Luckily, there were LOTS of family photographs around.

Once I made nicey-nicey, I was outta there.

“What's it to ya?”

Since: Mar 09

Tacoma, WA

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#81876
Mar 6, 2013
 
Jess in NJ wrote:
<quoted text>
The boys are going to be really upset and I am upset on their behalf. My husband just called to say that he died and my heart is breaking for him. I have to respect the way his family does things because they are traditionalists, but Ry was able to say goodbye to my Grandfather in hospice (I know that was a little different, but still) and I think it is an important part of the transition process to be able to say goodbye if possible.
To answer RACE's question, my husband is going to tell them tonight when he gets home. He is heading over to the funeral home with his mom right now. They are going to have a Friday wake and a Saturday funeral. I don't know if we are going to keep the kids home from school - I guess that will be their call.
Sorry Jess. If you want/need to talk or vent or anything, you know how to find me. Hoping for the easiest way through this time for you, your kids, your husband and his family. Lots of love and good thoughts for all coming at you from this side of the country.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

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#81877
Mar 6, 2013
 
squishymama wrote:
<quoted text>
I'm still a hot mess with open caskets.
I had to go to the wake for the wife of my former department head. He worked with my mom for years, so I went as a favor for her. But all I did was wait in line to give him a hug, studiously avoiding looking at the open casket of a woman I never knew. Luckily, there were LOTS of family photographs around.
Once I made nicey-nicey, I was outta there.
We don't have open caskets at Jewish funerals. The family is allowed to say good bye privately before the casket is closed, if they want to. I never saw my grandparents in their caskets nor my one uncle who died.

The first open casket wake I attended was of a much older gentleman who had sort of professionally adopted me and ran professional interference for me when I was still in grad school. I reacted like Squishy even more because I had been to visit him in the hospital what turned out to be the day before he died.
angela

Saint Paul, MN

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#81878
Mar 6, 2013
 
Sorry, Jess.:(

i remember when my grandpa died, it was all about me (I was 12, first loss of my life). I didn't get why my mom was so upset though. She's a grownup (she was 32). Shouldn't she have a better grip on things?

Sorryfor being a clueless 12yo, mom.

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