“Fort Kickass”

Since: Sep 09

Bloomington, IL

#81864 Mar 6, 2013
Ah, suck, Jess. I'm really sorry. I hope he isn't suffering.

“bELieve”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#81865 Mar 6, 2013
squishymama wrote:
<quoted text>Do you think the boys will be upset they're not going to get to say goodbye?

I'm not sure I approve of keeping family away from someone who is dying; I understand why no kids in the ICU, but 'cmon, this is going to be their last chance.

But in the same breath, I'm not sure I'd want my kids seeing a person they love in an ICU. All the tubes and machines, it's got to be frightening when you're just a little person.

Sorry for the ramble there, Jess. I'll just stop now and send another hug your way. <hug>
The boys are going to be really upset and I am upset on their behalf. My husband just called to say that he died and my heart is breaking for him. I have to respect the way his family does things because they are traditionalists, but Ry was able to say goodbye to my Grandfather in hospice (I know that was a little different, but still) and I think it is an important part of the transition process to be able to say goodbye if possible.

To answer RACE's question, my husband is going to tell them tonight when he gets home. He is heading over to the funeral home with his mom right now. They are going to have a Friday wake and a Saturday funeral. I don't know if we are going to keep the kids home from school - I guess that will be their call.

“bELieve”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#81866 Mar 6, 2013
Also, this is kinda hard for me because some of you old timers will recall that I didn't particularly like my father in law. The people I love did, though, and I would do anything to ease their pain.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#81867 Mar 6, 2013
Jess, hang in there.

I remember when I was younger when my grandmother died. You don't totally get death at a young age. I think kids are more tied into how their parents are feeling because they don't quite get it.

Take care of yourselves. Looking over pictures and fun times (maybe not today -- but at some point), are good ways, I believe, of personally celebrating that person's life and what it meant to you.

“bELieve”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#81868 Mar 6, 2013
Toj wrote:
Jess, hang in there.

I remember when I was younger when my grandmother died. You don't totally get death at a young age. I think kids are more tied into how their parents are feeling because they don't quite get it.

Take care of yourselves. Looking over pictures and fun times (maybe not today -- but at some point), are good ways, I believe, of personally celebrating that person's life and what it meant to you.
Thanks. They went through this with my Grandfather last year. They know it very well.

Since: Mar 09

Miami, FL

#81869 Mar 6, 2013
Jess in NJ wrote:
<quoted text>
The boys are going to be really upset and I am upset on their behalf. My husband just called to say that he died and my heart is breaking for him. I have to respect the way his family does things because they are traditionalists, but Ry was able to say goodbye to my Grandfather in hospice (I know that was a little different, but still) and I think it is an important part of the transition process to be able to say goodbye if possible.
To answer RACE's question, my husband is going to tell them tonight when he gets home. He is heading over to the funeral home with his mom right now. They are going to have a Friday wake and a Saturday funeral. I don't know if we are going to keep the kids home from school - I guess that will be their call.
So sorry for your family's loss, Jess.
{hugs}

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#81870 Mar 6, 2013
Jess in NJ wrote:
Also, this is kinda hard for me because some of you old timers will recall that I didn't particularly like my father in law. The people I love did, though, and I would do anything to ease their pain.
Sweetie, just because you didn't like him doesn't mean you wished him dead. No regrets. Seems to be while you didn't exactly see eye-to-eye you appreciated the way he enriched your family's life. Those two things can live in harmony.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#81871 Mar 6, 2013
PEllen wrote:
<quoted text>
If you are wearing wrist braces around the office or if you taledk at all about your hand problems and what teh doctor said, your boss is ticked because the ergonomics seminar is probably aimed at you.
Nope, I just wear 'em while I sleep!

“Fort Kickass”

Since: Sep 09

Bloomington, IL

#81872 Mar 6, 2013
Jess in NJ wrote:
Also, this is kinda hard for me because some of you old timers will recall that I didn't particularly like my father in law. The people I love did, though, and I would do anything to ease their pain.
I definitely understand this.

So sorry for your loss.

“Fort Kickass”

Since: Sep 09

Bloomington, IL

#81873 Mar 6, 2013
squishymama wrote:
<quoted text>
Do you think the boys will be upset they're not going to get to say goodbye?
I'm not sure I approve of keeping family away from someone who is dying; I understand why no kids in the ICU, but 'cmon, this is going to be their last chance.
But in the same breath, I'm not sure I'd want my kids seeing a person they love in an ICU. All the tubes and machines, it's got to be frightening when you're just a little person.
Sorry for the ramble there, Jess. I'll just stop now and send another hug your way. <hug>
Everyone does it different, I suppose, but I'm glad I wasn't really exposed to much of it. I was a hot mess just having to deal with open caskets.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#81874 Mar 6, 2013
Oh, Jess, I am so sorry for you and your husband and the boys. The boys, especially Ry, will be old enough to remember him as they grow up. Telling good stories about Grandpa creates the way they will think about him and , to an extent, will give them a model of how to be grandfathers when it is their turn.

My dad's father, Papa Eddie was, politely put, a rascal and a rogue. He died when I was 31, but we still tell Papa Eddie stories and still look at his pictures in the various albums and it is teh colorfulthings that are foremost, not the heartache he caused my mom and my grandma.

That is your gift to your husband and teh boys- to help reember the good stuff.

I'm sorry, kid. I'm glad your husband was able to be there.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#81875 Mar 6, 2013
Matilda77 wrote:
<quoted text>
Everyone does it different, I suppose, but I'm glad I wasn't really exposed to much of it. I was a hot mess just having to deal with open caskets.
I'm still a hot mess with open caskets.

I had to go to the wake for the wife of my former department head. He worked with my mom for years, so I went as a favor for her. But all I did was wait in line to give him a hug, studiously avoiding looking at the open casket of a woman I never knew. Luckily, there were LOTS of family photographs around.

Once I made nicey-nicey, I was outta there.

“What's it to ya?”

Since: Mar 09

Location hidden

#81876 Mar 6, 2013
Jess in NJ wrote:
<quoted text>
The boys are going to be really upset and I am upset on their behalf. My husband just called to say that he died and my heart is breaking for him. I have to respect the way his family does things because they are traditionalists, but Ry was able to say goodbye to my Grandfather in hospice (I know that was a little different, but still) and I think it is an important part of the transition process to be able to say goodbye if possible.
To answer RACE's question, my husband is going to tell them tonight when he gets home. He is heading over to the funeral home with his mom right now. They are going to have a Friday wake and a Saturday funeral. I don't know if we are going to keep the kids home from school - I guess that will be their call.
Sorry Jess. If you want/need to talk or vent or anything, you know how to find me. Hoping for the easiest way through this time for you, your kids, your husband and his family. Lots of love and good thoughts for all coming at you from this side of the country.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#81877 Mar 6, 2013
squishymama wrote:
<quoted text>
I'm still a hot mess with open caskets.
I had to go to the wake for the wife of my former department head. He worked with my mom for years, so I went as a favor for her. But all I did was wait in line to give him a hug, studiously avoiding looking at the open casket of a woman I never knew. Luckily, there were LOTS of family photographs around.
Once I made nicey-nicey, I was outta there.
We don't have open caskets at Jewish funerals. The family is allowed to say good bye privately before the casket is closed, if they want to. I never saw my grandparents in their caskets nor my one uncle who died.

The first open casket wake I attended was of a much older gentleman who had sort of professionally adopted me and ran professional interference for me when I was still in grad school. I reacted like Squishy even more because I had been to visit him in the hospital what turned out to be the day before he died.
angela

Inver Grove Heights, MN

#81878 Mar 6, 2013
Sorry, Jess.:(

i remember when my grandpa died, it was all about me (I was 12, first loss of my life). I didn't get why my mom was so upset though. She's a grownup (she was 32). Shouldn't she have a better grip on things?

Sorryfor being a clueless 12yo, mom.
angela

Inver Grove Heights, MN

#81879 Mar 6, 2013
Okay, wait, your husband's father died? I kept thinking it was his GRANDfather!

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#81880 Mar 6, 2013
Jess in NJ wrote:
<quoted text>The boys are going to be really upset and I am upset on their behalf. My husband just called to say that he died and my heart is breaking for him. I have to respect the way his family does things because they are traditionalists, but Ry was able to say goodbye to my Grandfather in hospice (I know that was a little different, but still) and I think it is an important part of the transition process to be able to say goodbye if possible.

To answer RACE's question, my husband is going to tell them tonight when he gets home. He is heading over to the funeral home with his mom right now. They are going to have a Friday wake and a Saturday funeral. I don't know if we are going to keep the kids home from school - I guess that will be their call.
I'm so sorry to hear that. You and your family are in my thoughts.

“bELieve”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#81881 Mar 7, 2013
I feel helpless. The people I love most are in so much pain and there is so little I can do to comfort them. Ry kept drawing pictures of broken hearts last night. I told him that drawing pictures or writing stories are good things to do.

My husband can't sleep. His father lost consciousness 5 minutes before he got to the hospital and never regained it. He feels like he was asked to make the decision about whether or not to take drastic measures to save his father's life, though there was no real decision to make because his body was failing and if a machine could keep him alive it would not be for very long.

Today, we will just be thankful for supportive family and friends.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#81882 Mar 7, 2013

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#81883 Mar 7, 2013
Jess in NJ wrote:
I feel helpless.
Normal to feel that way.
Jess in NJ wrote:
The people I love most are in so much pain and there is so little I can do to comfort them.
Showing love and support is a great deal of comfort for them.

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