“Fort Kickass”

Since: Sep 09

Bloomington, IL

#81096 Feb 25, 2013
Totally not trying to steer the conversation away from religion but...quick poll:

Those of you that went away to college and stayed in a dorm, how often did you come home?

J and I had a blowout last night after SIL and her fiance left--SIL has been home at least once a month since she left for school. Since November, she's had her fiance with her every time, which means there's somebody sleeping in my living room every morning. I'm tired of houseguests. J doesn't see how it's an inconvenience. They come home Friday evening--about an hour after I get home from work and leave right as I'm about to go to bed Sunday night. That's my entire weekend.

Blowup occurred after SIL saw an invite we got for a first birthday party for a friend's kid in three weeks. SIL's all "Oh, I'll have to come back for that!" J's all "Yeah!"

Granted, they go out and do stuff when they're here, and I have my own social life, but fuuuuuuck. I don't want this go on for the next 3.5 years. I'm TIRED, y'all. Am I being unreasonable?

“Fort Kickass”

Since: Sep 09

Bloomington, IL

#81097 Feb 25, 2013
I should add that we had at least 1 meal with them all three days, which was mostly fine. Like--eating around a table, quality time shiz. We did the Polar Plunge thing with them, which they were ill prepared for, prep wise--we had to help them decide what to bring, Fiance forgot a swimsuit so J let him borrow one (gross). My SIL was being a over-dramatic priss most of the weekend, and there was all the drama around Fiance losing his glasses.

So, me, every chance I get, I'm retreating to our bedroom, which J had a problem with. It was either that or drink.

Since: Mar 09

Miami, FL

#81098 Feb 25, 2013
Matilda77 wrote:
Totally not trying to steer the conversation away from religion but...quick poll:
Those of you that went away to college and stayed in a dorm, how often did you come home?
J and I had a blowout last night after SIL and her fiance left--SIL has been home at least once a month since she left for school. Since November, she's had her fiance with her every time, which means there's somebody sleeping in my living room every morning. I'm tired of houseguests. J doesn't see how it's an inconvenience. They come home Friday evening--about an hour after I get home from work and leave right as I'm about to go to bed Sunday night. That's my entire weekend.
Blowup occurred after SIL saw an invite we got for a first birthday party for a friend's kid in three weeks. SIL's all "Oh, I'll have to come back for that!" J's all "Yeah!"
Granted, they go out and do stuff when they're here, and I have my own social life, but fuuuuuuck. I don't want this go on for the next 3.5 years. I'm TIRED, y'all. Am I being unreasonable?
I'm fully on Team Matilda. Granted, I have an higher-than-normal aversion to houseguests, but even accounting for that, I think coming home from college that often is... well, too often. She should be focusing on making a life for herself there. And to bring another person along every time is asking too much of you and J (theoretically... I guess in reality, it's just you since he's cool - but I'll bet it would get old to him too after awhile).

Since: Mar 09

Miami, FL

#81099 Feb 25, 2013
Random vent: I'm never waiting until 3 weeks out from a trip to book a flight again. It's a work trip so the insane price isn't coming out of my pocket, but I'm stuck with middle seats. To Vegas, so 4 separate flights and not a short amount of travel time.

“FD&S is no way to be.”

Since: Feb 13

Knoxville, TN

#81100 Feb 25, 2013
RACE wrote:
Your lack of faith is obvious, and you and sub attempts to pigeon hole peoples choices for their faith is in my opinion simply your way of religion bashing.
What is your point about not knowing about other faiths that cripples these people? How are they more mentally stunted they yourself? You dont even have a faith, so who are you to preach?
<quoted text>
Your insecurity is showing. I am not "bashing." I am sorry if your identity is so wrapped up in a tradition that you can't withstand a little critical thinking. I laid out a position and backed it up with statistics. And your persecution complex turns that into bashing and me calling people mentally stunted? Please show me where I said that. That's your insecure interpretation.

My point stands. There is seldom any analysis or critical thinking that goes into "choosing" a religion. The fact is that most people don't choose. Choosing implies that multiple options were considered, and a selection was made based on certain criteria. Most people don't choose, they adopt. Your parents are Christian, you're Christian. You parents are Hindu, you're Hindu. That's not bashing, that's just acknowledging reality.

“What's it to ya?”

Since: Mar 09

Location hidden

#81101 Feb 25, 2013
RACE wrote:
How many atheists even know what a church or religion is all about? <quoted text>
::raises hand::
RACE wrote:
They only see the surface.<quoted text>


Not true for me.
RACE wrote:
Why should picking a religion be equated with buying a car?
<quoted text>
Agreed.

“FD&S is no way to be.”

Since: Feb 13

Knoxville, TN

#81102 Feb 25, 2013
Matilda77 wrote:
Totally not trying to steer the conversation away from religion but...quick poll:
Those of you that went away to college and stayed in a dorm, how often did you come home?
J and I had a blowout last night after SIL and her fiance left--SIL has been home at least once a month since she left for school. Since November, she's had her fiance with her every time, which means there's somebody sleeping in my living room every morning. I'm tired of houseguests. J doesn't see how it's an inconvenience. They come home Friday evening--about an hour after I get home from work and leave right as I'm about to go to bed Sunday night. That's my entire weekend.
Blowup occurred after SIL saw an invite we got for a first birthday party for a friend's kid in three weeks. SIL's all "Oh, I'll have to come back for that!" J's all "Yeah!"
Granted, they go out and do stuff when they're here, and I have my own social life, but fuuuuuuck. I don't want this go on for the next 3.5 years. I'm TIRED, y'all. Am I being unreasonable?
They should be invited, not inviting themselves. You have certainly done more than your share for SIL. Why is J so willing to have her and the fiance around so often? I would have no problem planning a ladies night/weekend for the next time they are going to come visit, and if J enjoys having them around all weekend that much, he can have them all to himself.

“Fort Kickass”

Since: Sep 09

Bloomington, IL

#81103 Feb 25, 2013
j_m_w wrote:
<quoted text>
I'm fully on Team Matilda. Granted, I have an higher-than-normal aversion to houseguests, but even accounting for that, I think coming home from college that often is... well, too often. She should be focusing on making a life for herself there. And to bring another person along every time is asking too much of you and J (theoretically... I guess in reality, it's just you since he's cool - but I'll bet it would get old to him too after awhile).
I don't think he'd ever get sick of it. It's just his personality.

I should also add that we believe they're isolating themselves at school, too. I think he gets along with his roommates okay, but she is odd woman out on her floor (shocker, I know). Everyone else, according to them, is "stupid". They're doing well academically, because they study together all the time, but I don't think they're doing any activities that would make them any new friends. Neither have jobs.

“Fort Kickass”

Since: Sep 09

Bloomington, IL

#81104 Feb 25, 2013
j_m_w wrote:
Random vent: I'm never waiting until 3 weeks out from a trip to book a flight again. It's a work trip so the insane price isn't coming out of my pocket, but I'm stuck with middle seats. To Vegas, so 4 separate flights and not a short amount of travel time.
4 separate flights each way or two each way?

“What's it to ya?”

Since: Mar 09

Location hidden

#81105 Feb 25, 2013
Matilda77 wrote:
I should add that we had at least 1 meal with them all three days, which was mostly fine. Like--eating around a table, quality time shiz. We did the Polar Plunge thing with them, which they were ill prepared for, prep wise--we had to help them decide what to bring, Fiance forgot a swimsuit so J let him borrow one (gross). My SIL was being a over-dramatic priss most of the weekend, and there was all the drama around Fiance losing his glasses.
So, me, every chance I get, I'm retreating to our bedroom, which J had a problem with. It was either that or drink.
The whole point of her going AWAY to college was for her to grow the hell up. Kids go away and then come home at Thanksgiving and/or Christmas (winter break) and in the summer. Most kids go elsewhere for spring break. You are right here. He is enabling her to remain dependent.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#81106 Feb 25, 2013
No, you are bashing and wrapping it in a nice little bow.
You think people who have faith are lemmings, you try to say that since they have not sampled all the religions, they are just mindless drones. And you say this only because you feel superior to them and you want to mock them and their faith.

Your contempt for them is so apparent, and you are kidding only yourself in thinking yourself clever.

Or perhaps you would like to tell me how much respect you have for people who have found a faith, no matter how they found it.
Bet you wont!
Sam I Am GEAM wrote:
<quoted text>
considered, and a selection was made based on certain criteria. Most people don't choose, they adopt. Your parents are Christian, you're Christian. You parents are Hindu, you're Hindu. That's not bashing, that's just acknowledging reality.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#81107 Feb 25, 2013
I believe I made sure to clarify I was not speaking about people such as yourself.
Mimi Seattle wrote:
<quoted text>
::raises hand::
<quoted text>
Not true for me.
<quoted text>
Agreed.

Since: Mar 09

Miami, FL

#81108 Feb 25, 2013
Matilda77 wrote:
<quoted text>
4 separate flights each way or two each way?
Two each way. A friend of mine just told me to start checking with the airlines (there are two involved) about a week in advance. He said they'll start bumping platinum people, etc. to first class and that should free up some aisle or window seats. Fingers crossed!

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#81109 Feb 25, 2013
Matilda77 wrote:
Totally not trying to steer the conversation away from religion but...quick poll:
Those of you that went away to college and stayed in a dorm, how often did you come home?
J and I had a blowout last night after SIL and her fiance left--SIL has been home at least once a month since she left for school. Since November, she's had her fiance with her every time, which means there's somebody sleeping in my living room every morning. I'm tired of houseguests. J doesn't see how it's an inconvenience. They come home Friday evening--about an hour after I get home from work and leave right as I'm about to go to bed Sunday night. That's my entire weekend.
Blowup occurred after SIL saw an invite we got for a first birthday party for a friend's kid in three weeks. SIL's all "Oh, I'll have to come back for that!" J's all "Yeah!"
Granted, they go out and do stuff when they're here, and I have my own social life, but fuuuuuuck. I don't want this go on for the next 3.5 years. I'm TIRED, y'all. Am I being unreasonable?
No. You are not unreasonable. What it is -- you're probably an introvert and need your time and he's an extrovert and loves to have people all around him.

He doesn't understand you is all.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#81110 Feb 25, 2013
Matilda77 wrote:
<quoted text>
I don't think he'd ever get sick of it. It's just his personality.
I should also add that we believe they're isolating themselves at school, too. I think he gets along with his roommates okay, but she is odd woman out on her floor (shocker, I know). Everyone else, according to them, is "stupid". They're doing well academically, because they study together all the time, but I don't think they're doing any activities that would make them any new friends. Neither have jobs.
Her lesson to learn, Matilda. Sit down and tell J that you need your house to yourself (meaning you and him). Explain how it makes you feel.

If it is any way like me, I feel like I do not have privacy, I cannot do what I want to do b/c I have guests. It takes up extra time AND money.

Maybe tell him you don't live in a group home b/c that's not your style and it's starting to wear on you.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

United States

#81111 Feb 25, 2013
I think you should chillax, Mattie. Coming home for a weekend once a month shouldn't drain you emotionally. I would come home once or twice every month. I was only three and a half hours away and I had friends back home anyway.

“Fort Kickass”

Since: Sep 09

Bloomington, IL

#81112 Feb 25, 2013
Toj wrote:
<quoted text>
No. You are not unreasonable. What it is -- you're probably an introvert and need your time and he's an extrovert and loves to have people all around him.
He doesn't understand you is all.
That's very much what it is.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#81113 Feb 25, 2013
RACE wrote:
Why?
Why cant I tell an atheist that they cant NOT believe until they have studied all religions and then reject them all. How many atheists even know what a church or religion is all about? They only see the surface. Of course I am talking about the atheists who were never members of a church, not the ones who left theirs.
And why must a person research different religions? If you experience one, and it "Feels" right then why bother? Why should picking a religion be equated with buying a car?
<quoted text>
MOst atheists most likely grew up with religion, then rejected religion later in their life, rather than were raised as atheists.

“Fort Kickass”

Since: Sep 09

Bloomington, IL

#81114 Feb 25, 2013
Toj wrote:
<quoted text>
Her lesson to learn, Matilda. Sit down and tell J that you need your house to yourself (meaning you and him). Explain how it makes you feel.
If it is any way like me, I feel like I do not have privacy, I cannot do what I want to do b/c I have guests. It takes up extra time AND money.
Maybe tell him you don't live in a group home b/c that's not your style and it's starting to wear on you.
Oh, I do like that last line especially.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#81115 Feb 25, 2013
I don't need to shop around for different religions to know i"m a nonbeliever. Idon't believe in a deity. finding a different religion with different rules and beliefs isn't going to change that. I was fine with Buddhism (ressearch it, etc.) until I found out they have mysticism in their religion as well. Done with that.

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