“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#79891 Feb 8, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
I'm with you. I don't see 4 and 5 yr olds going around blowing each other with such reckless abandon.
They're not. It's one child that is the instigator. I'm sure s/he has seen or, even worse, been involved with something at home.
edogxxx wrote:
It's like the people who claim 10 and 11 yr olds are non-stop, sex-crazed, sex-machines.
You don't remember being 10-11, do you?

Since: Mar 09

Miami, FL

#79892 Feb 8, 2013
Aisle Sitter wrote:
JMW - i'm bettign that just by finding and starting with a professional to help you out, you'll start making progress... about 15 months ago i was in a similar quandry, but about getting wound up at work, thinking it was ADD/ADHD. i would wake up at 2 am and stay awake for a couple of hours (thank god for Nick at Nite!). teh day i made an appointmetn, i started feeling less tightly wound. I was given things to start doing differently when i recognized certain patterns developing, and that helps a lot.
To contrast with the Amby letter today about teh 20 YO manic depressive who isnt' treating, you ARE recognizing that you need to do something else, adn you WILL do it!=-) Good for you!!
Thanks. I do know I need to do something, and I do know intellectually that it's not the end of the world. Just need to convince my heart of that.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#79893 Feb 8, 2013
jmw, Matilda gave the advice that I was going to give.

Start excersizing a lot. It will take your mind off stuff, wear you out so you can sleep, and make you a hottie for the next guy.

It's a win-win-win!

Since: Mar 09

Miami, FL

#79894 Feb 8, 2013
Matilda77 wrote:
<quoted text>
Internet hug. It *will* get better, I promise you. You're doing the right thing, getting a shrink. They can suggest ways to deal with things and it helps to have a neutral party to talk to. Might even get you on antidepressants, which, I gotta say, have made a world of difference in my life. In the meantime, get out and exercise. Make a music playlist of upbeat songs and walk your dogs until their legs fall off. And get some sun. There's none here, it's all grey and brown and cold.
I had a shrink and antidepressants during/after my divorce... I never could really tell a difference with the meds, but at this point I'll try anything.

Others have suggested exercise. Considering my plans for tonight fell through (dinner with a female friend... not one who's so close that I would have been tempted to talk about myself all night), a nice long walk with the dogs may be in order.

Thank you....

Since: Mar 09

Miami, FL

#79895 Feb 8, 2013
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
<quoted text>
Her chat is almost over, so save it for next Friday! it's more likely to get in then.
I was kidding, but do you think I should? Ask Carolyn, I mean? I don't really know that there's any more "advice" anyone can give me. I'm looking for therapy to learn actual techniques for coping. Cognitive, yanno?

Never thought I'd end up a LW....
;)

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#79896 Feb 8, 2013
j_m_w wrote:
I'm sure some, if not most or all, of you are sick of me and my problems. But since in this forum, you can choose to read or scroll by or judge me with a silly icon, too bad... here goes. Fair warning for those who DON'T want to hear it anymore.
I'm climbing the walls with anger and despair. Unless I have something to really concentrate on, my own mind is my worst enemy. Work helps a little but only if it's a problem to solve - the routine stuff doesn't keep my mind off of the whole situation with Jasper.
People keep saying this is normal, etc. but I haven't been through enough relationships ending to know firsthand. I can barely function, and can only sleep with sominex. I pulled myself through the initial pain last fall by staying busy, but my energy is spent and I don't feel like I have it in me to start all over again.
Of course, back then I was caught up in A's drama with the boyfriend (who is currently weaseling himself back into the picture, but I can't and won't consume myself with that... unless it's a needed distraction?). I can't spend all my time with my close friends dumping on them, and people keep asking me if I'm okay because I "look sad." I feel like I should be walking around dripping blood, how visible my hurt is.
I've taken a first step toward finding a professional to talk to and it feels good - as good as anything feels right now - to take action. But in the meantime, I'm miserable. And everywhere I look at home, it's memories. Different apartment but all the same stuff.
Anyway... I don't really know what I'm trying to accomplish by telling you guys this. It's just an outlet, I guess. And I really do feel bad for coming across so melodramatic. It's not like anyone died.
You're doing the right things. JMW, since you have not been through this before it's probably more difficult.

You need to make plans for the future so you're busy looking forward and then you can look back with your therapist, unwind that so your heart catches up with the rest of you.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#79897 Feb 8, 2013
Walk your dogs from your place to mine, you will have forgotten all about z by then, and you will be tight as a drum!
j_m_w wrote:
<quoted text>
I had a shrink and antidepressants during/after my divorce... I never could really tell a difference with the meds, but at this point I'll try anything.
Others have suggested exercise. Considering my plans for tonight fell through (dinner with a female friend... not one who's so close that I would have been tempted to talk about myself all night), a nice long walk with the dogs may be in order.
Thank you....

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#79898 Feb 8, 2013
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
From Carolyn Hax's live chat:
In the in box recently (I've condensed a bit): Email #1 from "Bob" to two dozen people, friends and relatives alike: Help! Someone talk some sense into my wife, I just found out she's having an affair with my son's soccer coach. Email #2 about an hour later: Oops, that was dumb. Never mind, forget I said anything, don't forward my email or repeat this, we're going to handle this privately, sorry to bother you. Email #3 from "Mary" (Bob's wife) next day: "Well, we all make mistakes. But *I* won't go on about our marriage problems (which are many and long-standing) in public like *some* people."
***
Wow.
Ha! I gotta go read Hax.
PEllen

Chicago, IL

#79899 Feb 8, 2013
j_m_w wrote:
I'm sure some, if not most or all, of you are sick of me and my problems. But since in this forum, you can choose to read or scroll by or judge me with a silly icon, too bad... here goes. Fair warning for those who DON'T want to hear it anymore.
I'm climbing the walls with anger and despair. Unless I have something to really concentrate on, my own mind is my worst enemy. Work helps a little but only if it's a problem to solve - the routine stuff doesn't keep my mind off of the whole situation with Jasper.
People keep saying this is normal, etc. but I haven't been through enough relationships ending to know firsthand. I can barely function, and can only sleep with sominex. I pulled myself through the initial pain last fall by staying busy, but my energy is spent and I don't feel like I have it in me to start all over again.
Of course, back then I was caught up in A's drama with the boyfriend (who is currently weaseling himself back into the picture, but I can't and won't consume myself with that... unless it's a needed distraction?). I can't spend all my time with my close friends dumping on them, and people keep asking me if I'm okay because I "look sad." I feel like I should be walking around dripping blood, how visible my hurt is.
I've taken a first step toward finding a professional to talk to and it feels good - as good as anything feels right now - to take action. But in the meantime, I'm miserable. And everywhere I look at home, it's memories. Different apartment but all the same stuff.
Anyway... I don't really know what I'm trying to accomplish by telling you guys this. It's just an outlet, I guess. And I really do feel bad for coming across so melodramatic. It's not like anyone died.
Talk therapy is a good start. Pouring out here is part of that.

When I split from my first husband after 7 years of marriage I signed up for a bunch of aerobic classes and worked myslf til I dropped. It pre-dated VCR or similar media, but being in the midst of other people and sweating my butt off helped.

I buried myself in grad school, spy thrillers and romanc novels so I didn't have to think.

I dated some real dogs, memorably the one who had spent the weekend and when I was going to make dinner asked me to make what I thought he was worth- the range was from peanut butter to steak.

I signed up to learn how to fence and joined a ski club both for the social club part and to learn to ski. Neither had anything to do with my ex.

One of the guys I did some work with saw me looking much the way you describe yourself and kindly asked what was wrong and offered to ( ahem) have something happen to my ex if I wanted. Being shocked and appalled will put a humorous spin on things or at least provide differeent fantasies.

FWIW the precipitating incident for the breakup was his flying from Chicago to West Palm to spend a weekend with a woman who was a good friend of ours who had moved down there. They got married about 1 1/2 years later.

Tincture of time, kid. It will get better. I promise.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#79900 Feb 8, 2013
So you spent the weekend with a dog and cooked him a steak because he was well hung?

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#79901 Feb 8, 2013
squishymama wrote:
<quoted text>
They're not. It's one child that is the instigator. I'm sure s/he has seen or, even worse, been involved with something at home.
<quoted text>
I feel for that kid.:(

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#79902 Feb 8, 2013
j_m_w wrote:
<quoted text>
I was kidding, but do you think I should? Ask Carolyn, I mean? I don't really know that there's any more "advice" anyone can give me. I'm looking for therapy to learn actual techniques for coping. Cognitive, yanno?
Never thought I'd end up a LW....
;)
\

She'll probably have some good insight, but the fact that you have a head shrinker lined up might make that moot!

Since: Mar 09

Miami, FL

#79903 Feb 8, 2013
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
<quoted text>\
She'll probably have some good insight, but the fact that you have a head shrinker lined up might make that moot!
I guess I have a week to decide. I won't be at work next Friday though so that might make it trickier (I dearly hope not to spend the afternoon in front of the computer AT HOME).

Since: Mar 09

Miami, FL

#79904 Feb 8, 2013
RACE wrote:
Walk your dogs from your place to mine, you will have forgotten all about z by then, and you will be tight as a drum!
<quoted text>
How long would it take to walk 60 miles? I'm guessing on the distance, city to city.

Since: Mar 09

Miami, FL

#79905 Feb 8, 2013
PEllen wrote:
<quoted text>
Talk therapy is a good start. Pouring out here is part of that.

.....

Tincture of time, kid. It will get better. I promise.
Thanks.

“Fort Kickass”

Since: Sep 09

Bloomington, IL

#79906 Feb 8, 2013
j_m_w wrote:
<quoted text>
How long would it take to walk 60 miles? I'm guessing on the distance, city to city.
You could bike that!

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#79907 Feb 8, 2013
j_m_w wrote:
<quoted text>
I guess I have a week to decide. I won't be at work next Friday though so that might make it trickier (I dearly hope not to spend the afternoon in front of the computer AT HOME).
Next week's live chat is on Thursday!:)

“Fort Kickass”

Since: Sep 09

Bloomington, IL

#79908 Feb 8, 2013
Also, don't drink alone and be careful with dem sleeping pills.

Since: Mar 09

Miami, FL

#79909 Feb 8, 2013
"...there has been a schedule change for next week: I am chatting Thursday sted Friday. Yes, Thursday is Feb. 14. In honor of that, it will be ... an anti-Valentine's Day chat! Or, if you're sick of the hating, it can be an anti-anti-Valentine's Day chat! Or, if you couldn't care less about Valentine's Day, it will be just another chat! In short, it is anything you want it to be, except it won't be on Friday."

Carolyn, you are my HERO.
PEllen

Chicago, IL

#79910 Feb 8, 2013
RACE wrote:
So you spent the weekend with a dog and cooked him a steak because he was well hung?
He wasn't worth steak and he didn't get steak.

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