Topix Chitown Regulars

“bELieve”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#79047 Jan 24, 2013
j_m_w wrote:
Just got a text from A saying "I don't think I want to be with [boyfriend] anymore." I'm anxiously awaiting further details.
I hope she has the strength to follow through with that.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#79048 Jan 24, 2013
Mister Tonka wrote:
When I was pondering whether or not to call them back, an idea popped into my head. I have heard that call centers do not like being recorded and I have read that they often times will end the call if they find out they are being recorded, so I was going to use my phone's voice recorder and let them know at the start of the call that it may be recorded for quality assurance.
:)
Oh I love this.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#79049 Jan 24, 2013
j_m_w wrote:
Just got a text from A saying "I don't think I want to be with [boyfriend] anymore." I'm anxiously awaiting further details.
Well, she's starting to wake up. Great!

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#79050 Jan 24, 2013
he-he,
You told her about me didn't ya!
j_m_w wrote:
Just got a text from A saying "I don't think I want to be with [boyfriend] anymore." I'm anxiously awaiting further details.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#79052 Jan 24, 2013
SUBLIME LENGTH POST FOLLOWS
==========

OK, imaginary peeps. I don't usually come here seeking answers, but instead to be entertained and to share my brilliance with the rest of you. But seeing as how I went to the well today with the debt collector question, I figured I might as well go back to the well and solicit opinions, analysis, and advice from the arm chair child psychologists.

We have been having a behavior problem with my 6 year old. Nothing terrible as far as the things he is doing, but just constantly finding the wrong thing to do(ie: the problem is with the consistent misbehavior not so much the actual acts themselves.) Both at home and in school.

Our school sends home a daily behavior score of sorts. For this entire month, there has had only 3 good days(all in a row). But every day he comes home with varying levels of misbehavior.

We have tried a number of things to attempt to modify his behavior.
-take things away when he misbehaves at school. What it is depends on how poor his behavior was. Ranges from no snack when he gets home to no tv/video games. That did not consistently work.

-A friend who works as some sort of school counselor suggested that instead of punishment, we go with reward and praise for good behavior. Has not worked.

-The other day, I tried a new one. Put him to work. Our trash men suck and anything that falls out of the can, is fre to blow around the neighborhood. So I gave him some gloves and had him go around our yard and 4 adjacent neighbors picking up trash. He thought it was fun. The next day he came home with a poor report again, and was looking forward to that same "punishment". Not really a deterrent to bad behavior if you look forward to it.

-I tried the shame/disappointment/pointless card. On the way to school, one day, I pretty much told him I was not even going to bother encouraging him to behave cause I knew he could not do it. Strangely, that worked. That was the first day of the 3 day stand of good behavior . Even came home bragging to mom that dad didn't think he could do it. Of course I don't want to use that as a normal way to motivate him, but at that point, I was pretty frustrated and figured it was worth a try once. Haven't played that card since then and have had nothing but bad days at school.

Which brings me to something we've done twice to strange results. Sentences. Bart Simpson style writing something over and over. "I will not talk in class" Of course he sandbags it and it takes forever. That's when I threaten to start taking things away if he does ot pick up the pace. And twice that has lead to exorcist type tantrums. He actually loses it. Starts shaking and kicking and flipping out seemingly uncontrollably. Took 3-5 minutes for him to calm down and get over it tonight. Never seen shit like that.

We've taken toys away before. Often. Sometimes he gets mad, sometimes he just deals with it. But never a tantrum of this caliber. Once he calmed down tonight, he got back to it and finishd it without further incident. Actually wrote as many lines in 20 minutes as he wrote in the 2 hours prior when he was complaining about it.

He has been so consistently bad at school lately that the teacher actually called my wife today to let us know how many things he had done by lunch time today andthat they have some sort of behavioral action plan they want to start trying with him at school(don't know the details yet).

And while my tale has focused on the misbehavior at school, its at home as well. Unless I am breathing down his neck he will find some way to do something he's not supposed to be doing.

We are also about to completely eradiate sugar from his diet. No more cookies in his lunch bag. No more waffles and syrup for breakfast. Sugar is about to be only a memory for him.

So. Thoughts? Suggestions? The floor is open.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#79053 Jan 24, 2013
1. I have no advice. I'm sorry you are dealing with this. This is way above my paygrade. I look forward to other suggestions. I also think you could find some *really* good help at a certain Washington Post forum. The knowledge there -- esp. a few specific people, depending on the issue -- is astounding.

2. I'm sorry, but i smiled at the part where he enjoyed picking up trash in the neighborhood. That seemed exactly what a 6yo might feel!

3. Does he give any reasons for his misbehavior? I'm just curious. I know much more about ages 1-3. They're simpler sometimes!

Good luck!

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#79054 Jan 24, 2013
Oh. When Nick's 3yo was having behavior issues, they took dairy away and that seemed to help. He's over whatever issues he had with dairy back then, so apparently, this thing can come then go.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#79055 Jan 24, 2013
Tonka-
Is there a peditatrician who knows him and you and your wife well enough to know waht his base line behavior was so that they could compare it to the current behavior?

Does your school district have a psychologist? He can't be the first kid who has acted out. Our district psychologist mostly handles the learning disability stuff but they are well trained on other aspects of children's behavior.

Ask your mom whether you went through any phase like this at teh same age and if so, how she dealt with it.

Good luck

“bELieve”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#79056 Jan 24, 2013
Mister Tonka wrote:
SUBLIME LENGTH POST FOLLOWS
==========

OK, imaginary peeps. I don't usually come here seeking answers, but instead to be entertained and to share my brilliance with the rest of you. But seeing as how I went to the well today with the debt collector question, I figured I might as well go back to the well and solicit opinions, analysis, and advice from the arm chair child psychologists.

...

So. Thoughts? Suggestions? The floor is open.
Do you have a good relationship with your pediatrician? If so, I would set up an appointment with him/her to discuss possible medical causes. They may also have some suggestions.

The only thing that has worked with Ry is a combination of goal setting with an agreed upon punishment if the goal is not met. He was having a period at school where he was getting in trouble every day. He and my husband sat down and came up with the plan together. If he had three weeks without getting in yellow at school (they start in green and move into yellow, orange, red, then blue with each infraction at school) then he would get a prize - a big prize. If he didn't meet his goal, there would be an agreed upon punishment (in Ry's case it would have been no video games for 3 weeks). We told his teacher about it so she could remind him of his promise when she saw that he was starting to get antsy.

This worked because Ry was involved in the process - external attempts to modify his behavior have no effect on him.

Good luck. Parenting can be rewarding, but it is really hard sometimes.

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#79057 Jan 24, 2013
I think all you can do is continue with the carrot and stick approach ... escalate the stick as necessary.

We went through a phase where my youngest was misbehaving at school. Not that bad, but we stuck with it ... it took awhile ... didn't happen over night ... but he's been doing much better.

For awhile he was sleeping up In his room by himself on weekends and the other two were having movie night and a sleep over in the living room. When they see they are missing out on stuff their siblings get to do, they don't like that. Maybe play that angle too. Can be ice cream ... A sleep over and movie night ... A day with out alone with daddy (that's a big deal to my boys ... Especially if it involves a ride on my bike (helps to be a cool dad, lol))

Not all kids are the same ... My middle son responds right away to carrot and stick stuff ... He actually foesnt require a lot of parenting ... Not my youngest though.

Just stick with it and be consistent. Give it time ... A month or even a few months is not the time scale where you will necessarily see results. It might take a half a year or a year or a few years.

We dealt with a lot of it last year and the first part of this year with my son. Same thing too ... Doing homework after school was like pulling teeth. He would drag his feet, do sloppy work, half as$ it. My middle son just comes home and does his shyte right away (with a special needs son and the youngest being a pickle sometimes we kind of needed an easy one).

My youngest, I'll make him redo something 5 times if I have to ... Until its done right ... He can cry all he wants ... If he starts having a tantrum in the process that's just going to make things even more difficult ...

Consistency, a lot of effort on your part and your wife's part (its work ... No bones about it), and time.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#79058 Jan 24, 2013
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
I also think you could find some *really* good help at a certain Washington Post forum. The knowledge there -- esp. a few specific people, depending on the issue -- is astounding.
what's the address?
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
2. I'm sorry, but i smiled at the part where he enjoyed picking up trash in the neighborhood. That seemed exactly what a 6yo might feel!
I hink his attitude on that punishment was great. It just eliminates it as legitimate form f punishment.
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
3. Does he give any reasons for his misbehavior?
Not really. More like excuses, explanations, and reationalizatins

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#79059 Jan 24, 2013
PEllen wrote:
Tonka-
Is there a peditatrician who knows him and you and your wife well enough to know waht his base line behavior was so that they could compare it to the current behavior?
Nope. You know my attitude towards doctors. They provide a service. They are not "part of the team". That being said, his pediatrician sees him for a yearly checkup and not much else. He behaves himself while there. Doc has no baseline knowledge of how my child behaves.
PEllen wrote:
Does your school district have a psychologist? He can't be the first kid who has acted out. Our district psychologist mostly handles the learning disability stuff but they are well trained on other aspects of children's behavior.
During tonight's meltdown, my wife looked at each other and agreed that we just might have to take him to see some sort of behavioral doctor. If the school has such a thing, that would be great if it continues.
PEllen wrote:
Ask your mom whether you went through any phase like this at teh same age and if so, how she dealt with it.
Good luck
How dare you! How DARE YOU!?! I was a perfect child!

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#79060 Jan 24, 2013
Jess in NJ wrote:
<quoted text>
Do you have a good relationship with your pediatrician?
See answer to PE.
Jess in NJ wrote:
The only thing that has worked with Ry is a combination of goal setting with an agreed upon punishment if the goal is not met. He was having a period at school where he was getting in trouble every day. He and my husband sat down and came up with the plan together. If he had three weeks without getting in yellow at school (they start in green and move into yellow, orange, red, then blue with each infraction at school) then he would get a prize - a big prize.
We have the same color system, they start in green, then go to yellow, orange, or red. Blue is in the opposite direction. Blue is an outstandingly good day. And we set up the same type of punishments and expectations. get yellow, orange or red and there is a predetermined puishment, mainly loss of privileges. Get enough greens in a row, you get a big reward. He got the big reward once. But for the most part, he seems content with the predetermined punishments. Like he'll tell me, "I know I can't watch tv".

The cleaning the yard and writing sentences are the first foray in punishments that were intended to be unpleasant. Taking away privileges just left him open to finding something else that he was still allowed to do, so it was almost like, eh, whatever. I can go a day or so without xyz. I'll just entertain myelf doing abc.

Jess in NJ wrote:
We told his teacher about it so she could remind him of his promise when she saw that he was starting to get antsy.
I like this.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#79061 Jan 24, 2013
Sublime1 wrote:
When they see they are missing out on stuff their siblings get to do, they don't like that. Maybe play that angle too.
No doubt. Last night, though there was no meltdown, I had him writing sentences in his room. And of course I have to be there the entire to to make sure he's keeping at it. So I was on his be with his brother reading a book(or more accurately, having the tablet read him a book while he swiped the sreen to turn the pages, how do you like them apples, Race) and he was mad because he was writing while I did funs stuff with his brother. Just kept telling him that he could be doing funs stuff to if he finshed his sentences instead of procrastinating.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#79062 Jan 24, 2013

“bELieve”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#79063 Jan 24, 2013
Mister Tonka wrote:
But for the most part, he seems content with the predetermined punishments. Like he'll tell me, "I know I can't watch tv".

.
This made me laugh because it sounds like Ry. When I tell him that he can't watch TV for 2 days he'll respond with "Did you say 3 days?" That's why I usually don't come up with punishments on my own - I get his input.

Also, my husband taught him chess and battleship - board games. He knows that if he is good for a couple days in a row, then his father will play a game with him while I occupy E. He loves earning privileges that make him feel like a big boy.

Hang in there.

Since: Mar 09

West Palm Beach, FL

#79064 Jan 24, 2013
I agree with ang on points 1 &2.

“What's it to ya?”

Since: Mar 09

Location hidden

#79065 Jan 24, 2013
Mister Tonka wrote:
SUBLIME LENGTH POST FOLLOWS
==========
Thoughts? Suggestions? The floor is open.
When Chris was about that age (a little younger I think, but not much) we discovered that he was allergic to EVERYTHING IN THE WORLD and allergies can manifest that way...behavior problems, lack of attention, tantrums. I didn't know it, or believe it when someone told me about it, but sure enough, once he got tested and started an antihistamine regime (I chose not to go with the 2+ years of shots) he became my normal little kid again.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#79066 Jan 25, 2013

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#79067 Jan 25, 2013
Mister Tonka wrote:
We have tried a number of things to attempt to modify his behavior.
-take things away when he misbehaves at school....
-The other day, I tried a new one. Put him to work...
-I tried the shame/disappointment/pointless card...
Thoughts? Suggestions? The floor is open.
Have you tried the belt?

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