Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#74196 Oct 9, 2012
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>Stay out of other people's drama. Share your opinion and offer her support but she's gonna make her own decisions.
I'm sorry, babe. Do we get a volvo discount?

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#74197 Oct 9, 2012
Matilda77 wrote:
That's messed up, Jam. But I think that if she told you this, you have the right to dole out advice. I think she absolutely knows it's wrong, but hearing it from someone else might validate that.

Who *are* these guys and why do they think this stuff is okay?
I think she should say something too. The guy sounds like a total nut job.

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#74198 Oct 9, 2012
As big of an as$ as he is, you'd think it would bring her satisfaction to tell the guy to f' off.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#74199 Oct 9, 2012
Say to your friend, "If I were with a guy treating me like this, would you want me to stay with him?"

Since: Mar 09

Miami, FL

#74200 Oct 9, 2012
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
Say to your friend, "If I were with a guy treating me like this, would you want me to stay with him?"
Oooh, that's a good one.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#74201 Oct 9, 2012
Thats the nicest thing you have ever said to me! Thanks!
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>What would the Beatles have been like without the LSD during the later years? Boring. What would Jim Morrison's poetic rock songs be like if he wasn't stoned while writing? Think of Sid Barrett era Pink Floyd without the crazy.
Beer is race's creative spark.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#74202 Oct 9, 2012
RACE wrote:
Thats the nicest thing you have ever said to me! Thanks!
<quoted text>
Rush is awesome!

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#74203 Oct 9, 2012
j_m_w wrote:
So my friend A came over to hang out and watch some of Monday Night Football, she just left.
On Saturday night, she was with her boyfriend and a guy she used to date texted her. It was pretty out of the blue because they would only ever exchange "hi, how are you" every few months or so. He said a bunch of stuff about wanting her back, etc. and her boyfriend had already made it clear that whenever she receives a text, he wants to know who it is and all that. So she showed him the text and her boyfriend ended up in a text conversation with this guy for an hour, taking screen shots and emailing them to himself, and then he deleted the conversation so she doesn't know what was said. THEN he made her log into Facebook and block this guy - they weren't even friends anymore but this prevents him from being able to contact her. I almost shit my pants, this sounded so scary. What should I do? For real? My friend S had a friend who had a controlling boyfriend and he ended up murdering her.
She's GOT to get away from him. Pretty soon she'll just disappear. Can you talk some sense into her? Have an "intervention" with family or something. This is VERY scary.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#74205 Oct 9, 2012

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#74206 Oct 9, 2012
I don't think I'm overreacting. That is the actions of someone trying to keep her to himself. Normal people would TRUST the woman to handle the old BF the right way or they wouldn't be in that relationship (they'd either end it or never let the relationship get to the next level).

Just sayin. I'm worried about your friend, as I'm sure you are as well.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#74207 Oct 9, 2012
Toj wrote:
<quoted text>
She's GOT to get away from him. Pretty soon she'll just disappear. Can you talk some sense into her? Have an "intervention" with family or something. This is VERY scary.
Not disagreeing with anyone, but its just interesting that since I have really not been around any violent people in my life, I don't automatically jump to the conclusion that he is violent. My initial reaction to all that's been said about him is that he is just an asshole. But you all are probably head on with your assessment that the situation could be scary.

In my entire life, I can think of only one person I knew that had a violent spouse/gf/bf. It was an aunt, and since I was never really exposed to it, its just not something that I easily consider.

Since: Mar 09

Miami, FL

#74209 Oct 9, 2012
Toj wrote:
I don't think I'm overreacting. That is the actions of someone trying to keep her to himself. Normal people would TRUST the woman to handle the old BF the right way or they wouldn't be in that relationship (they'd either end it or never let the relationship get to the next level).
Just sayin. I'm worried about your friend, as I'm sure you are as well.
I am highly worried, and I agree that his behavior is far from normal.

He also told her that she could hang out with her friends during the week but that the weekends are his, and he's been finding reasons for her to go to his place for the weekend instead of vice versa. And he's pressuring her to get rid of her dog because he wants to be her number one priority. It sounds like a textbook abuser to me.

I talked to my friend S this morning (he's the big brother I never had) and told him what Angela said about turning the tables and asking A if I was telling her this stuff, would she want me to stay with someone like this. S really liked this, and he also said that I need to speak up because I could end up regretting it forever if I don't. Finally, he told me not to over-think this (which is my tendency) and just talk to her. I told him that last night, I was careful to control my reactions because I don't want to do or say anything that I'll regret, because the last thing I want to do is make A feel like she can't tell me things. The flow of information I'm getting is the only good thing about this situation.
Sam I Am

Schaumburg, IL

#74210 Oct 9, 2012
j_m_w wrote:
So my friend A came over to hang out and watch some of Monday Night Football, she just left.
On Saturday night, she was with her boyfriend and a guy she used to date texted her. It was pretty out of the blue because they would only ever exchange "hi, how are you" every few months or so. He said a bunch of stuff about wanting her back, etc. and her boyfriend had already made it clear that whenever she receives a text, he wants to know who it is and all that. So she showed him the text and her boyfriend ended up in a text conversation with this guy for an hour, taking screen shots and emailing them to himself, and then he deleted the conversation so she doesn't know what was said. THEN he made her log into Facebook and block this guy - they weren't even friends anymore but this prevents him from being able to contact her. I almost shit my pants, this sounded so scary. What should I do? For real? My friend S had a friend who had a controlling boyfriend and he ended up murdering her.
Wow, that is horrible. The bad thing is that you can't tell her she's making a mistake, but you can help her figure it out if you really want to but based on the fact that she told you all this, it is going to be pretty rough. A person with a healthy sense of self would be to ambarrassed to share that with you. Of course, a person with a healthy sense of self would not date someone like that in the first place. I would not go to her and say "Hey your bf is an a-hole," but the next time she tells you one of these stories, I would simply ask her if she thinks what her bf did is normal. The first thing she needs to realize is that it's not. From there you can take her to why does she put up with it and doesn't she think she deserves better. All that said, she's prly in it until he crosses some line that is well beyond what you or most other women would tolerate.
Sam I Am

Schaumburg, IL

#74211 Oct 9, 2012
So Jerry Sandusky got 30-60, which means that he'll spend the rest of his life in jail getting raped and smacked around on a daily basis. That sounds about right.

“Fort Kickass”

Since: Sep 09

Bloomington, IL

#74212 Oct 9, 2012
j_m_w wrote:
<quoted text>
I am highly worried, and I agree that his behavior is far from normal.
He also told her that she could hang out with her friends during the week but that the weekends are his, and he's been finding reasons for her to go to his place for the weekend instead of vice versa. And he's pressuring her to get rid of her dog because he wants to be her number one priority. It sounds like a textbook abuser to me.
I talked to my friend S this morning (he's the big brother I never had) and told him what Angela said about turning the tables and asking A if I was telling her this stuff, would she want me to stay with someone like this. S really liked this, and he also said that I need to speak up because I could end up regretting it forever if I don't. Finally, he told me not to over-think this (which is my tendency) and just talk to her. I told him that last night, I was careful to control my reactions because I don't want to do or say anything that I'll regret, because the last thing I want to do is make A feel like she can't tell me things. The flow of information I'm getting is the only good thing about this situation.
Is this...the same friend with the guy she's been dating for only a month with all the Facebook status drama?

“Fort Kickass”

Since: Sep 09

Bloomington, IL

#74213 Oct 9, 2012
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>Not disagreeing with anyone, but its just interesting that since I have really not been around any violent people in my life, I don't automatically jump to the conclusion that he is violent. My initial reaction to all that's been said about him is that he is just an asshole. But you all are probably head on with your assessment that the situation could be scary.
In my entire life, I can think of only one person I knew that had a violent spouse/gf/bf. It was an aunt, and since I was never really exposed to it, its just not something that I easily consider.
I think, as females, we're kind of taught to look out for that kind of thing more than males would be. And the controlling is generally how it starts. It may never escalate to physical abuse, but generally physical abusers don't just out of the blue start decking their SO.

Since: Mar 09

Miami, FL

#74214 Oct 9, 2012
Matilda77 wrote:
<quoted text>
Is this...the same friend with the guy she's been dating for only a month with all the Facebook status drama?
Yes.

Since: Mar 09

Miami, FL

#74215 Oct 9, 2012
Matilda77 wrote:
<quoted text>
I think, as females, we're kind of taught to look out for that kind of thing more than males would be. And the controlling is generally how it starts. It may never escalate to physical abuse, but generally physical abusers don't just out of the blue start decking their SO.
That's why I think this sounds like a textbook abuser: controlling, trying to isolate her from her friends ("weekends are mine" and wants her to always go to him instead of him coming up here), makes threats. The level of intensity this early in the relationship freaks me out, too. I thought this stuff was usually a lot more gradual.

Since: Feb 08

Location hidden

#74216 Oct 9, 2012
j_m_w wrote:
<quoted text>
That's why I think this sounds like a textbook abuser: controlling, trying to isolate her from her friends ("weekends are mine" and wants her to always go to him instead of him coming up here), makes threats. The level of intensity this early in the relationship freaks me out, too. I thought this stuff was usually a lot more gradual.
The smarter, craftier ones are more gradual about it.
This one is impatient, which (IME) usually means that when he does get physical, it won't be as minor an assault. The less impatient ones will start with more subtle things and by the time they actually strike the woman they've already gotten her conditioned by restraining, pushing/shoving and other smaller assaults.
I hope she gets out before she gets hurt.

“Fort Kickass”

Since: Sep 09

Bloomington, IL

#74217 Oct 9, 2012
j_m_w wrote:
<quoted text>
That's why I think this sounds like a textbook abuser: controlling, trying to isolate her from her friends ("weekends are mine" and wants her to always go to him instead of him coming up here), makes threats. The level of intensity this early in the relationship freaks me out, too. I thought this stuff was usually a lot more gradual.
The dog thing gets me. I'm assuming she didn't adopt the dog in the last 30 days...so he knew she had one shortly after or even before dating her. I think I'd leave my marriage before I'd give up my dogs...

Tell me when this thread is updated:

Subscribe Now Add to my Tracker

Add your comments below

Characters left: 4000

Please note by submitting this form you acknowledge that you have read the Terms of Service and the comment you are posting is in compliance with such terms. Be polite. Inappropriate posts may be removed by the moderator. Send us your feedback.

Chicago Discussions

Title Updated Last By Comments
Dear Abby 11/24/14 1 min RACE 9
Barack Obama, our next President (Nov '08) 8 min woodtick57 1,142,553
BARACK OBAMA BIRTH CERTIFICATE: Suit contesting... (Jan '09) 10 min Atticus Tiberius ... 180,725
Last word + 2 (Mar '12) 25 min Hatti_Hollerand 700
{keep A word drop A word} (Oct '11) 55 min Hatti_Hollerand 4,863
Once slow-moving threat, global warming speeds ... (Dec '08) 1 hr Earthling-1 48,466
Messianic Jews say they are persecuted in Israel (Jun '08) 1 hr J RULES 70,589
Chicago Dating
Find my Match

Chicago People Search

Addresses and phone numbers for FREE

Chicago News, Events & Info

Click for news, events and info in Chicago

Personal Finance

Mortgages [ See current mortgage rates ]

NFL Latest News

Updated 4:52 pm PST

Bleacher Report 4:52PM
Takeaways from Bears' Win vs. Bucs
NBC Sports12:53 AM
Colts seeking improvement after beating Jags 23-3 - NBC Sports
Bleacher Report 1:28 AM
Hilton's Big Day Highlights Colts' Transition at WR
NBC Sports 3:20 AM
Between the touchdown and the new daughter, T.Y. Hilton had quite a Sunday
NFL 6:34 AM
Matt Forte: Coaches told us we played 'worst half'