Abby 11-9

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“Derecho”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

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#1
Nov 9, 2012
 
DEAR ABBY: My brother lost his wife, the love of his life, three years ago. He has three children. His oldest, a 25-year-old daughter, "Jenny," told him that "when you marry, it is for life." She has threatened that if he dates someone or sees anyone, she will be out of his life and he won't be able to see his future grandchildren.(Jenny is getting married next summer.)

My brother is very upset. He wants to settle this argument before she is married. He hasn't dated anyone, but feels she shouldn't be trying to control his life. Please help, Abby. I'll show Jenny your answer and hope it helps them.-- SISTER KATY IN MAINE

DEAR SISTER KATY: I'm very sorry Jenny lost her mother, but her attitude is off base. At 25, it's time for her to grow up and stop making selfish, childish threats she will regret.

While I agree that marriage should be "for life," her parents' marriage did last for life -- the life of her mother. That she would begrudge her father continuing to live his life is cruel and wrong. If she cuts him out of her life, she will deprive her future children of a relationship with a loving grandparent, and that would be a shame.

DEAR ABBY: I have a manners dilemma. I was raised in a home where "Yes, ma'am" and, "No, sir" were expected, and I have used that respectful form of address throughout my life. Yes, I grew up in the South.

Six months ago, my husband and I moved north with our two children for job relocation. My co-workers are giving me a hard time about my constant use of "ma'am" and "sir." They feel offended!

I have tried to respect their request not to say it to them. Some are my age, younger or older, but I'm used to saying it to everyone, all the time. It simply rolls off my tongue.

I sense that upper management and my supervisor like being addressed that way. But what do you suggest I do with the rest of my co-workers?-- OL'-FASHIONED IN OHIO

DEAR OL'-FASHIONED: I suggest you explain to your co-workers, as you have to me, that using this respectful form of address is a custom you were raised with. And because old habits are hard to break, that they please cut you some slack because you are trying to offend no one.

P.S. They appear to be clueless.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 15. A few nights ago a guy friend of mine asked me to "sext." I was furious, but played along with him and said "yes." Than I sent him a picture of an elderly woman in a bikini.

After that, I went off on him. I told him how wrong it was for him to ask me for that. No girl deserves to be treated that way. I haven't spoken to him since.

He texted a close friend of mine, telling her what happened and saying how much he regretted it and loved me. He said he cares for me, but that now there's no chance because I hate him.

He has sent me texts apologizing for what he did, but I have ignored them. Should I accept his apology? Or save my heart from being broken again?-- DISAPPOINTED TEEN IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR DISAPPOINTED TEEN: Your guy friend made a mistake and has apologized. If you still have feelings for him, accept the apology and give him another chance. However, if he continues to ask you to do something that you feel is wrong, that will be the time to end the relationship.

Since: Mar 09

Paterson, NJ

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#2
Nov 9, 2012
 

Judged:

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L1: Wow, Abby really dropped the ball on this one and gave NO advice whatsoever, just validation. Jenny needs to grow up and maybe get some therapy, otherwise maybe her dad needs to call her bluff. It's a moot point right now anyway since he's not even dating.

L2: They're offended by your manners? Eff 'em.

L3: Sexting is illegal if you're underage.

Since: Jan 10

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#3
Nov 9, 2012
 

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L1: Wow, Jenny sounds like a spoiled, selfish little brat. I trust that if she believes marriage is for life, she also will follow all of the many harsh and contradictory rules set forth in the same book from which she got "marriage is for life."

L2: Your coworkers sound like asshats.

L3: You both need to grow up.

Since: Mar 09

Pittsburgh, PA

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#4
Nov 9, 2012
 
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
L1: Wow, Jenny sounds like a spoiled, selfish little brat. I trust that if she believes marriage is for life, she also will follow all of the many harsh and contradictory rules set forth in the same book from which she got "marriage is for life."
Are they LDS?

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

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#5
Nov 9, 2012
 

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1 Marriage is till death do us part. Well thats what happened. Tell Jenny she needs to STFU and let him live his life.

2 Team JMW.

3 I'm 15... <snip>

Since: Jan 10

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#6
Nov 9, 2012
 
VAdame wrote:
<quoted text>
Are they LDS?
By "book" I mean the Bible, not the Mormon bible specifically. Jenny sounds like she's making stuff up just so she doesn't have to deal with her dad moving on.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

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#7
Nov 9, 2012
 

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LW1: What Abby said.

LW2: What Abby said.

LW3: Teen nonsense. Don't care.

“Derecho”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

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#8
Nov 9, 2012
 
1- What was Abby's advice?

“Licensed to Ill”

Since: Aug 08

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#9
Nov 9, 2012
 

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LW1: Obviously your brother and his deceased wife werenít very good parents. All I can say is that itís never too late to grow a spine.

LW2: Just be who you are. There is nothing wrong with that.

LW3: I stopped reading at ďIím 15.Ē

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

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#10
Nov 9, 2012
 

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LW1: Jenny needs to have her bluff called.

LW2: What jmw said.

There's an episode of My Little Ponies that has them in combat gear to harvest a bunch of apples (don't ask) and an elderly female pony is giving orders. Pinkie Pie answers her "Yes, sir, ma'am sir!" and now that how my kids answer when I ask them to take care of some chore. However, they always get hung up when they try to answer their father the same way. It usually comes out "Yes, sir, ma'-sir, sir!" Very cute.

LW3: I wouldn't do anything with this boy until he can carry on a face-to-face conversation with you. Texted his apologies...<eyeroll>

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

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#11
Nov 9, 2012
 

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L1: Jenny doesn't want to realize her mother is gone. If her dad gets involved it probably would make it more real for her. Get her into counselling if you can convince her. Then, do what you want. The father has to live his life, his daughter has to deal with her life.

L2: It does sound funny when someone over your or a colleague calls you "ma'am" or "sir". However, I wouldn't make fun of anyone.

L3: I know, show your mom and dad his texts and have them help you decide! Hee, hee.
PEllen

Chicago, IL

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#12
Nov 9, 2012
 

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I'll bet Dad has some money, or her mom has some nice jewelry and things and Jenny is worried that a new wife will get it rather than she and her siblings.

Here is hoping that Jenny's marriage lasts.

There is a difference between calling someone older, or with more authority ma'am or sir. That is accepted in teh North. Calling an equal with those terms sounds submissive in the wrong context. We are all expected to watch our language to avoid cursing in teh wrong place; LW can watch her language and avoid sirs and ma'am's in teh wrong place.
Sam I Am

Huntingdon, TN

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#13
Nov 9, 2012
 
1. Tell Jenny she has some growing up to do, and if she chooses to bow out, that is on her. It is understandable she is grieving, albeit very immaturely. Maybe she'll come around, maybe she won't, but let her know up front her emotional blackmail is wasted on you.

2. F'em. If someone is offended by courtesy, tough titties.

3. You're 15. None of this matters.

Since: Dec 07

DuPage County

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#14
Nov 9, 2012
 

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L1: My hope is to have such a huge wad of cash that my kids are too scared to try this kind of shyte with me or SalukiWife after we're widowed. I can hear it now, "Sorry you feel that way. You know, I always liked your sister more than you anyway. Thanks for making the changes to my will easy!"

L2: Eff'en Yankees......

“It made sense at the time....”

Since: May 09

Schaumburg, IL

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#15
Nov 9, 2012
 
LW2 - we have a young man from the South who started workign here a couple years ago. he has enough of a drawl to pull off hte yes sir/ma'am bit. he's getting over it some thoguh. on the flip side, our admin assistant here is always referrning to the leadership committe as Mr. RIch, Mrs. Donna, Mrs. Cindy... i think it's sucking up as opposed to anything cultural, but im not sure (she's mexican american). i feel like telling her we're not in preschool any more, so just call them by their first names LIKE EVERYONE ELSE IN THE BUISINESS WORLD...

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

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#16
Nov 9, 2012
 

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Aisle Sitter wrote:
LW2 - we have a young man from the South who started workign here a couple years ago. he has enough of a drawl to pull off hte yes sir/ma'am bit. he's getting over it some thoguh. on the flip side, our admin assistant here is always referrning to the leadership committe as Mr. RIch, Mrs. Donna, Mrs. Cindy... i think it's sucking up as opposed to anything cultural, but im not sure (she's mexican american). i feel like telling her we're not in preschool any more, so just call them by their first names LIKE EVERYONE ELSE IN THE BUISINESS WORLD...
There are a few hispanic people here that refer to their boss and some of hte other managers that way. I think its odd, but I don't think their sucking up.

“It made sense at the time....”

Since: May 09

Schaumburg, IL

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#17
Nov 9, 2012
 

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Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>There are a few hispanic people here that refer to their boss and some of hte other managers that way. I think its odd, but I don't think their sucking up.
oh, this one is, i think... she's hot and cold with people, and if you're in with her, she'll do anything you ask of her, but if you're not on the good list, she's surly and hostile. she flew off handle at me when i started here 5+ years ago and was more of a peer to her for an honest mistake involving gravity. Now, years later and with other people on her shit list, she stops by to chat.

she doesn't seem to think that she has to be polite, let alone nice, to new hires in their first 90 days. you can all but run into her in the morning, and she won't say anything to you, when most would say sorry, or whoops, what a way to start off the day, or SOMEthing. if she likes yuo, she'll drop off copy jobs and say here you go, let me kwno if you need antyhing else; if she doesn't, she'll drop them on your desk with a thud and not say anyting.

it's well known to the worker bees that she's like this, but she sucks up to mrs. donna, so managemetn doesnt see the true colors.
PEllen

Chicago, IL

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#18
Nov 9, 2012
 
Aisle Sitter wrote:
LW2 - we have a young man from the South who started workign here a couple years ago. he has enough of a drawl to pull off hte yes sir/ma'am bit. he's getting over it some thoguh. on the flip side, our admin assistant here is always referrning to the leadership committe as Mr. RIch, Mrs. Donna, Mrs. Cindy... i think it's sucking up as opposed to anything cultural, but im not sure (she's mexican american). i feel like telling her we're not in preschool any more, so just call them by their first names LIKE EVERYONE ELSE IN THE BUISINESS WORLD...
At my shop across the pond, lower level staff called upper level management Mr or Ms. I kept looking for my MIL when it was done to me.
Julie

Skokie, IL

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#19
Nov 9, 2012
 

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LW1: Your niece Jenny is an immature, controlling btch. Looking forward to her excuses when *her* marriage ends, not due to the death of her spouse, but because she's an insufferable brat.

“It made sense at the time....”

Since: May 09

Des Plaines, IL

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#20
Nov 9, 2012
 
PEllen wrote:
<quoted text>At my shop across the pond, lower level staff called upper level management Mr or Ms. I kept looking for my MIL when it was done to me.
im the only mrs. s in my in-laws family... so, i'd be looking for someone else altogether. i think i've been called mrs.s by someone besides my mom only once or twice, and it throws me every time. it's either by first name only or last name only, like at the car dealer recently.

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