“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#1 Nov 22, 2013
DEAR AMY: I am a 24-year-old woman who has been involved with a man since high school.

In high school we'd hook up, and then afterward he'd act like he didn't know me. Now we are dating, and I still haven't met his family. When we get together he only seems to want to have sex, whereas I'd be happy to sit and watch a movie or make dinner.

I feel my biological clock ticking but want to get married before I have children. I don't know, but I don't see this happening with him because it feels more like a fling to me. Is he my boyfriend or am I just a fling?-- Confused About His Motives

DEAR CONFUSED: I'll state what you already know: You are a booty call. After several years of hooking up, if an actual friendship or romantic relationship was going to develop between you two, it would have happened long ago. I don't know if this arrangement even qualifies as a "fling," because, frankly, a fling sounds like more fun than what you are experiencing.

If you find you enjoy these encounters and accept them for what they are, then by all means continue. Do not try to marry this person. Do not try to "date" him. And, please, do not have a baby with him. If you are ready for commitment, you deserve to have someone in your life who wants to be with you in the daytime, who wants what you want, and who, yes, will be brave enough to go out in public with you.

DEAR AMY: My husband and I have two young children. I have been contemplating a divorce for more than a year.

My husband has been mostly out of work for five years, so I went to work full time. He was then diagnosed with operable cancer, and I understood his depression and his inability to find a new line of work and to get back in the swing of things.

Since our daughter was born, his drinking happens more and more and working happens less and less. It's been three years of him on unemployment, visiting the bar with drinking buddies almost daily, doing the minimum in caring for the children (who have both been in child care/school the entire time), coming home half in the bag and even urinating in bed, on the couch, etc.

I have been trying to fit in Al-Anon meetings and have been reading its literature as much as possible.

I don't yell at my husband very much anymore, but I find it extremely difficult to mask how I feel (disappointment, disgust, etc.). I don't want a divorce, but I know anything short of a total transformation probably won't make a difference in the long run. He refuses to seek treatment or therapy; he says going to the bar is his therapy. He has an incredible lack of patience and tolerance for our little kids, sober or not.

I worry most about our children being raised with him (like this) or without him. What do you suggest I do?-- Terribly Troubled Mom

DEAR TERRIBLY: You should take a long, dispassionate look at your home life and make a choice that puts your children's well-being first.

Your household (as you describe it) consists of one deeply depressed, angry and alcoholic parent, and one detached, frustrated (and paralyzed) parent.

Acceptance of your powerlessness over your husband's drinking is essential in maintaining your boundaries (and sanity), but it can be a cop-out if you can actually do something about your situation. I suggest a separation. Your husband has some challenging choices to make.

DEAR AMY: I'm responding to comments about the use of "party buses," on which bridal parties get drunk together between the wedding and reception.

The increase of binge drinking has taken an ominous turn. Binge drinking has quadrupled among young women since 1990.

I am a researcher on fetal alcohol syndrome. Half of all pregnancies are unplanned! Therefore, many young women drink at the most critical stage of pregnancy -- before they are aware they are pregnant.-- Laura in Wilmington, N.C.

DEAR LAURA: Binge drinking may also be a factor in some of these (unplanned) pregnancies.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

#2 Nov 22, 2013
3- Fetal alcohol syndrome explains where liberals must come from

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#3 Nov 22, 2013
1 Man, what a lucky guy! But if he were smart, he'd let you cook him dinner before he has dessert.

2 Actually agree with amy, separate and let him sink or swim.

3 Thanks for your little plug about your job and getting your name in the paper. But I dont think the invention of the party bus causes binge drinking.
Blunt Advice

Jersey City, NJ

#4 Nov 22, 2013
1 and 2. Get rid of them asap. Hopefully you will develop some self esteem and build a life not around some loser guy.

3. Anyone who spends that much on their wedding is using birth control, so I wouldn't worry about these brides popping out drunken fetuses 9 months from now.

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#5 Nov 22, 2013
LW1: Grow a spine. A relationship is a two way street. It’s shouldn’t be all about him. Only a selfish boor would act that way and only a doormat would tolerate it. You’d think after 6 years or more you’d have said something. Since you apparently haven’t even tried try cluing him that you have needs and wants too and if that doesn’t work, walk.

LW2: Wow! I’ve never been that drunk as to pee all over furniture. Give him an ultimatum and tell him he needs to go to marriage counseling, stop drinking, and be an equal partner or else you are leaving, and then follow through.

LW3: Blah, blah, blah, blah. The notion that everyone should drink according to what you think is safe due to the remote possibility that they could be pregnant is silly. Teetotalers like you would still object if the woman is on B.C. and the man triple wraps it.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#6 Nov 22, 2013
What about the rest of the wedding party?
Blunt Advice wrote:
3. Anyone who spends that much on their wedding is using birth control, so I wouldn't worry about these brides popping out drunken fetuses 9 months from now.
liner

Patchogue, NY

#7 Nov 22, 2013
L1: Admit it, you're still in high school aren't you?
L2: What Amy said.
L3: Party on dudes!
Kuuipo

Monterey, CA

#8 Nov 22, 2013
Today's topic - settling.

LW1: You deserve better than this and somewhere deep down inside of you, you know this. Kick him to the curb and demand respect first in your next relationship. And please do not get pregnant until you are with a man who truly wants to be a father.

LW2: LW1, here's a woman who had children with someone who can't take care of himself, much less be a father to his kids. LW2, take your kids and leave ASAP. You all deserve better than this. And use birth control until and unless you meet a man capable of responsible fatherhood.

LW3: There's nothing wrong with having a glass of bubbly between wedding and reception, but I agree that showing up to your reception already blitzed out of your mind is rude.

Since: Jun 09

Saint Petersburg, FL

#9 Nov 22, 2013
LW1: 24 and her biological clock is ticking???

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#10 Nov 22, 2013
Stina2 wrote:
LW1: 24 and her biological clock is ticking???
Hey, she's over the hill at 30
Julie

Chicago, IL

#11 Nov 22, 2013
Stina2 wrote:
LW1: 24 and her biological clock is ticking???
It's trying to make up for her brain, which obviously isn't ticking At All.

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