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“Not a real reg”

Since: Jan 13

Location hidden

#1 May 30, 2013
DEAR ABBY: I am friendly with a married couple. The husband, "Grant," is my best friend and we talk about everything. His wife, "Sharon," and I are equally close. Their wedding date was last summer.

I have known for a while that Grant didn't want to get married. He did it to please everyone around him. Sharon, however, was elated. He hoped that after the wedding his feelings would change. Now they have been married for nine months Grant tells me he can't continue on, that he is unhappy and no longer wants to be married.

I have begged and pleaded with him to level with Sharon. He keeps making excuses about why he hasn't told her yet. He says he'll do it -- but each day he moves the discussion further and further back. When I talk with her, she tells me she has the feeling he doesn't want to be married anymore.

Please help. This is stressing me out. I want to let Grant tell her, but I feel I should say something because he hasn't. At the same time, I don't want to have anyone mad at me. What should I do?-- CAUGHT IN THE MIDDLE

DEAR CAUGHT: Step back and keep your mouth shut. You are in a no-win situation.

It is Grant's job to find the courage to tell his wife he made a mistake by marrying her. While it may be painful for her to hear, it probably won't come as a shock, from what she's telling you.

You help neither of them by letting them discuss their marital problems with you instead of with each other. So do them both a favor and remove yourself from the middle.

DEAR ABBY: When I was 15, I was diagnosed with bi-polar disorder, severe anxiety and social phobia. I am now 20 and have been on countless medications and tried different forms of therapy. I wish for nothing more than to be a fully functioning adult, but I am exhausted from trying my hardest to feel better internally only to find myself where I started.

What's your best advice for young adults dealing with crippling mental illness? How can we live our lives without fear of being rejected or shunned for our illness?-- FRUSTRATED IN WASHINGTON

DEAR FRUSTRATED: There is still ignorance, stigma and fear about mental illness mostly because it is misunderstood. However, 50 percent of adults will have a diagnosable mental illness at some time in their lives -- including the ones you have.

I discussed your letter with Dr. David Baron, psychiatrist in chief at the University of Southern California hospital. He suggested that I stress to you the importance of finding a mental health professional you can trust and confide in, and have another thorough evaluation done.

In recent years newer drugs and therapies are being used which may help you, so you shouldn't give up. In a case like yours, a combination of medication and talk therapy can be helpful.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 7-year-old boy in the second grade. There is a girl named "Kate" in my class and she wants to marry me. She sits next to me and she is really annoying. What should I do?-- NOT READY TO SETTLE DOWN

DEAR NOT READY: Start running. And if she appeals to you when you're about 14, slow down.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#2 May 30, 2013
1 I think you should hold an intervention for them, or maybe spill the beans playing charades.

2 Well, since all the meds aint helping, maybe you should quit them and try to figure stuff out without them. Your looking for an answer in a pill, and maybe its time you stopped, and looked for the answer within yourself.

3 I am sure edog will have some snark for this young man.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#3 May 30, 2013
L1: Even if you tell the wife, she will turn on you. Abby was right: Step back and say nothing. Stay out of other people's relationship problems.

L3: Grab her boobies or text her a picture of your junk. They'll keep you away from her after that.
ChicagolandChica

Chicago, IL

#4 May 30, 2013
RACE, while I think talk therapy is highly recommended for this person, bipolar disorder pretty much needs medication to help even out the brain chemistry. I don't think you know of what you speak. Many mental health issues are not "mind over matter" and you can't just talk yourself out of it.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#5 May 30, 2013
Let me be the first to say that I have no clue of what I speak. But I do believe that maybe this person is not really bipolar at all. It could have been just a convenient label to slap on the kid and dope them up for awhile, to mask their real problem (pms, depression, or just needing to develop coping skills to handle disappointment or failures)

When I was a kid, I acted like I was on a sugar high all day every day. I would have been pumped full of crap to stop my hyper attention disorder and just to slow me down. Thank God they did not have any of that stuff then.

I think that drugs should be the last resort, not the first. Peeps brains (or is it peeps personalities) mature at different rates. I would like to see treatment changing the stimuli the kid receives not just dampen the kids reaction to it.

But again, I know not what I speak.
ChicagolandChica wrote:
RACE, while I think talk therapy is highly recommended for this person, bipolar disorder pretty much needs medication to help even out the brain chemistry. I don't think you know of what you speak. Many mental health issues are not "mind over matter" and you can't just talk yourself out of it.
ChicagolandChica

Chicago, IL

#6 May 30, 2013
Well, I agree with the full reassessment. If s/he doesn't truly have bipolar disorder, then maybe no medication is needed. But bipolar disorder can be very tricky to treat and almost always needs medication to keep the lows from getting too low or the highs from getting too high.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#7 May 30, 2013
LW1: I understand why you can't see it, but this is clearly an S.E.P.(Somebody Else's Problem). Let them handle this on their own.

LW2: A full reassessment sounds great, but I bet it's not as easy as it sounds. Good luck.

LW3: What is the point of this very fake letter?

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#8 May 30, 2013
L1: Suggest couples therapy to Grant to help him tell her in a better environment. He sounds chicken. Otherwise, keep your trap shut.

L2: Going off medication if you are bipolar could result in a suicide. Going off medication without medical supervision would be more than stupid, it could be life threatening. When you are 20 and in your teens and early adulthood, hormones make it tricky to get the right medication. You do have to switch from time to time. I have a friend who has a son who is bipolar and have known a few bipolars. I also know someone who committed suicide who was bipolar.

L3: If she's smart you might want to get her to do your homework.:D

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#9 May 30, 2013
2- I'm with Race. What the hell is "bipolar" anyway? You're happy with either of the pols? North and south? If the medication isn't helping, then maybe that's not the problem? Why don't you get off this woe is me attitude and quit wallowing in self-pity and get over yourself?

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#10 May 30, 2013
RACE wrote:
3 I am sure edog will have some snark for this young man.
Well, they're not too young to start having sex. But they should at least wait until highschool before getting married.

“It made sense at the time....”

Since: May 09

Schaumburg, IL

#11 May 30, 2013
i know 2 people who are diagnosed bi-polar (may know more, but these 2 i konw to be diagnosed). one gets very implusive when he's off his meds, and uproots teh family. he's been on and off his meds for years as he tries to find a counselor and drug taht works for him. the other gets suicidal in her lows. she thought she was just prone to depressive spells and knew enough to stay out of the kitchen where the knives are when she had an episode.

Both of these people have tried it without drugs, but when given the proper medication have felt alive again, and their families haven't had to worry about the patient or about other thingks in their lives.

not knowing the "life cycle" of medication effictiveness, but knowign that many of htem come with "black box warnings" for young adults, i'd say it's probably time for reevaluation of at least teh meds. It could be that wahtever inherant brain chemistry that matures may have done so and it's time for new meds.

BTW, for me, the decision to go on anti-anxiety meds was a big one..,. i didn't want to be "dependent' on soemthign, but it has eased things for me, along with talk therapy to help manage situations that still rile me...

“It made sense at the time....”

Since: May 09

Schaumburg, IL

#12 May 30, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
2- I'm with Race. What the hell is "bipolar" anyway? You're happy with either of the pols? North and south? If the medication isn't helping, then maybe that's not the problem? Why don't you get off this woe is me attitude and quit wallowing in self-pity and get over yourself?
it used to be called manic depression... one tends to be bouncing off the walls or wallwoign in depression. specific levels of mania or depression may vary. adn its not jsut a woe is me attitude... the families nad friends of people iwth bi-polar are on teh roller coaster ride of their lives, one they'd love to get off of.

i haven't seen it in awhile, but i seem to remember a lot of people on Intervention who were diagnosed with a latent mental illness taht "drove" them to hte drug abuse/addiction that had them "intervened". Address teh underlying condition adn teh need for the drugs/alcohol/etc tends to go away.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#13 May 30, 2013
Right, Aisle. Many mentally ill (or people with mental disorders, which is different) people self medicate with alcohol and pot. I've known people who drank because in their dysfunctional, abusive families, drinking was the name of the game. They learned from parents who drink.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#14 May 30, 2013
Aisle Sitter wrote:
it used to be called manic depression....
That's a frustrating thing

“What's it to ya?”

Since: Mar 09

Location hidden

#15 May 30, 2013
RACE wrote:
Thank God they did not have any of that stuff then.
<quoted text>
Yes they did. Ritilin. Only way back then they didn't hand it out like Tic Tacs to every kid who was energetic, you know, like kids are SUPPOSED to be.

I actually was ever only around one truly ADHD kid. He was a friend of Chris' when they were about 7 or 8. OMFG that kid wore me out. Hell he wore Chris, who was a normal active kid, out.

THAT kid needed something, but all these other kids being diagnosed as hyperactive, IMO they are just being kids and the adults can't take the activity levels (especially as so many people are waiting until damn near middle age to have kids now) and so they medicate them to keep them calm.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#16 May 30, 2013
Mimi Seattle wrote:
<quoted text>
Yes they did. Ritilin. Only way back then they didn't hand it out like Tic Tacs to every kid who was energetic, you know, like kids are SUPPOSED to be.
I actually was ever only around one truly ADHD kid. He was a friend of Chris' when they were about 7 or 8. OMFG that kid wore me out. Hell he wore Chris, who was a normal active kid, out.
THAT kid needed something, but all these other kids being diagnosed as hyperactive, IMO they are just being kids and the adults can't take the activity levels (especially as so many people are waiting until damn near middle age to have kids now) and so they medicate them to keep them calm.
I agree that they want to medicate them to keep them quiet for the most part.

I've known 2 truly ADHD kids. One is a nephew of mine. When he was younger he could not settle down to even learn his ABCs. It helped him tremendously, but his mother did not give it to him during the summer months.

The one was a friend of my kid. That kid was either on speed or ADD/ADHD. At the age of the kid at the time, I'm thinking ADD/ADHD.

“It made sense at the time....”

Since: May 09

Schaumburg, IL

#17 May 30, 2013
we've observed a couple of kids in teh neigborhood who seemed like they were hyperactive or SOMETHING... tehn all of a sudden, one of them calmed the hell down. he went from being a daredevil on 2 wheels to a "normal" speed demon seemingly overnight. a couple months later, his mom commendted in passing that the meds were workign. the other neighbor kid's mother is a friend of my mom's and she told my mom that that kid was going on soemthing. it helped, but he still had some issues wiht attention spans and answering appropriately for hte situation. turns out he also has tourettes...
Mimi

United States

#18 May 30, 2013
So do you guys think if we try hard enough that we can blame the culture of medicating kids on Obama? Bet Edog can..,

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#19 May 30, 2013
Actually, under obammacare kids will stop being medicated, they wont be able to afford...oh, wait. Dont the unemployed get free obammacare?
Mimi wrote:
So do you guys think if we try hard enough that we can blame the culture of medicating kids on Obama? Bet Edog can..,

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#20 May 30, 2013
Mimi wrote:
So do you guys think if we try hard enough that we can blame the culture of medicating kids on Obama? Bet Edog can..,
No, never my stance. Obamacare hasn't taken effect yet (except to shake down insurance companies to pay for it, but you probably haven't heard about that yet.) I blame the pharmaceutical companies. If the entire population was on medication, they'd (pharma companies) would be sittin pretty pretty. There is something wrong with all of us, take this pill and it will make you better.

But we teach our children to say no to drugs...

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