Amy 11-04-12 -- Abby says 11-3 b/c PEllen is confused ;)

Posted in the Chicago Forum


“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#1 Nov 4, 2012
Ask Amy: After dinner, they grapple for the check (11/4/2012)
POSTED: 11/04/2012 12:01:00 AM MDTBy Amy Dickinson
Tribune Media Services
Dear Amy: My girlfriend is great. Her parents are very prosperous. Whenever we go out to dinner, my girlfriend's father lunges for the check and won't let us pay. I swear I try to get it but don't want to create a scene.

I appreciate this generosity, but it makes me a little uncomfortable. I hate that I'm not paying my way. We're young and haven't quite struck it rich, but I could certainly afford to pay for a meal here or there.

Given that I am being prevented from demonstrating my generosity, I'm wondering what you would think about sending them a thank-you note along with a token of my appreciation. Would a gift card be appropriate? I'm not sure how this would come off, but I can't think of anything else to do? Grateful Boyfriend

Dear Grateful: I love your issue because you give me the opportunity to fly the flag for all the under-recognized people out there who actually want to demonstrate their generosity and gratitude.

There are many ways to reciprocate other than treating at a restaurant. You and your girl could get tickets to the theater or a concert for her folks. Or you could cook them a dinner at one of your homes. If you are available and so inclined, you could also volunteer for a "chore day" at their house.(You'd earn my undying gratitude if you'd grab a ladder and clean out my gutters. They might have a similar reaction.)

Do send a thank-you note (but not a gift card).

Dear Amy: When is it appropriate to stop giving gifts to grandchildren? We give each of our 16 grandchildren money for birthdays and Christmas. Several have graduated from college, some are in college and high school, and there are four under 16.

I don't want to appear selfish and it is not a hardship yet, but because of the ages of the older kids, they will be getting married and will be adding to the family.

My concern is that some could use a little assistance and look forward to the check. Their parents think we should discontinue giving monetary gifts to them and their children for Christmas and birthdays? Grandma

Dear Grandma: Respect their parents' wishes and discontinue giving monetary gifts to your grandchildren once they have graduated from college.

Save what money you would have given during these annual occasions and (if you are able and still want to give) present them with a larger gift on the occasion of a marriage, the birth of a child or a similar milestone event.

You sound like generous grandparents. Never forget that the best gift to family members is your attention and affection.

Dear Amy: "Not So Blushing Bride" wasn't crazy about the idea of her future father-in-law (a clergyman) officiating at her wedding. In addition to other issues, she was a Catholic and he's a Protestant.

I'm a "preacher's kid" and faced the same dilemma many years ago when I got married. I thought your advice was great. We compromised and had both faiths represented at our wedding, and my dad had his day in the sun too? Still Married

Dear Married: "Dad's day in the sun" speaks to one of "Blushing's" concerns. The ceremony should be about the couple.

Read more: Ask Amy: After dinner, they grapple for the check (11/4/2012)- The Denver Post
Read The Denver Post's Terms of Use of its content:


“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#2 Nov 4, 2012
L1: I don't know about "chore day" but getting them theatre tickets (or concert) for something they'd like is a good idea.

L2: I agree with Amy.

L3: Sunday Rehash.

Time to turn my attention to football. Go Bears!

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#3 Nov 4, 2012
Lw1: This is a problem to you? Look, if pops wants to pay, just say thank you. That's enough.

If you really fell like sending a card, then go ahead and send a gift card too. F Amy and her idea to not. You already said a verbal thank you. A paper thank you is not worth any more. Now if it were accompanied by a gift card, that would be a different story.

And I love how columns like this automatically assume "old" people would enjoy the theater. I can guarantee with 100% certainty that both my father and FIL would have zero interest in the theater.

Lw2: "Dear Amy: When is it appropriate to stop giving gifts to grandchildren?"
Dear dumb ass, when will people learn there is no one-size-fits-all answer to subjective questions? You think my has some special rulebook to refer to?

Tell me when this thread is updated:

Subscribe Now Add to my Tracker

Add your comments below

Characters left: 4000

Please note by submitting this form you acknowledge that you have read the Terms of Service and the comment you are posting is in compliance with such terms. Be polite. Inappropriate posts may be removed by the moderator. Send us your feedback.

Chicago Discussions

Title Updated Last By Comments
Barack Obama, our next President (Nov '08) 3 min Nostrilis Waxman 1,154,051
Once slow-moving threat, global warming speeds ... (Dec '08) 14 min mdbuilder 49,204
Messianic Jews say they are persecuted in Israel (Jun '08) 23 min JOEL 71,023
BARACK OBAMA BIRTH CERTIFICATE: Suit contesting... (Jan '09) 1 hr Rogue Scholar 05 181,831
New Beach Boys song. 4 hr The Beach Boys 1
Music Artists A to Z (Feb '14) 4 hr _Zoey_ 363
{keep A word drop A word} (Oct '11) 4 hr _Zoey_ 4,918
Topix Chitown Regulars (Aug '09) 8 hr Ralph 98,853
Chicago Dating
Find my Match
More from around the web

Chicago People Search

Addresses and phone numbers for FREE

Chicago News, Events & Info

Click for news, events and info in Chicago

Personal Finance

Mortgages [ See current mortgage rates ]

NFL Latest News

Updated 12:33 pm PST

NBC Sports12:33PM
1 thing even Rahm can't fix: Da Bears - NBC Sports
NBC Sports 1:01 PM
Cowboys' Murray listed as questionable for Colts - NBC Sports
NBC Sports 8:26 AM
Report: Executives suggest Bears could have to attach a draft pick to move Cutler
Bleacher Report11:56 AM
Eagles vs. Redskins: Live Score and Analysis for Philadelphia
Yahoo! Sports 5:54 PM
Eagles playoff hopes suffer with loss to Redskins