Amy 4-4

Posted in the Chicago Forum

Comments

Showing posts 1 - 20 of35
< prev page
|
Go to last page| Jump to page:

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#1
Apr 4, 2014
 
DEAR AMY: I hope your answer will settle a disagreement my mid-50s husband is having with me and our 15-year-old son, "Bart," regarding his choice to have long hair.

Bart is a good student, plays a sport for the high school and is well liked on the team. He has buddies who are also good kids, is liked by his teachers, participates in church activities, has a good sense of humor and is occasionally "sassy" at home (he is a teenager, after all).

While he's not perfect, as far as teenagers go he's an all-around good kid except, apparently, for his hair, according to my husband.

Bart has hair just below his shoulders, and my husband has been on him (and me) repeatedly over the years to get his hair cut. He has now issued a deadline.

When asked why, he replies, "Because it looks stupid."

I've tried to probe my husband on various occasions to understand his possible true feelings on this, but to no avail.

I'm tired of the tension this causes and feel that if this is the biggest point of rebellion for a 15-year-old, who cares? Viva la long locks!

Your thoughts?-- Wife and Mom

DEAR MOM: As someone roughly your husband's age, I well remember the "hair wars" of my own childhood. When your husband and I were young, having long hair signified more of a social statement about rebellion, and boys wearing their hair long were often judged harshly.

I thought the lesson those of us who grew up in the '60s and '70s learned was that hair can be an important identifier for a teen, and that how a teen wears his/her hair truly should not matter to anyone else, even parents.

Your husband saying your son "looks stupid" is rude and alienating. It is not your job to persuade and/or tackle your son to have his hair cut against his will.

You should discuss this with your husband privately. Find his old high school yearbook and leaf through it with him. Surely there were guys he knew who had shoulder-length hair and turned out OK (I looked up teenage photos of Steve Jobs and Bill Gates, and both sported long locks).

I have a feeling your husband's attitude can be traced back to how he was treated by his father. Urge him to be respectful and to pick his battles more carefully, because even if he "wins" this one, he still loses.

DEAR AMY: My husband and I have small children together and recently got a divorce because he cheated on me.

He has expressed his wish that we get back together or at least have me and our kids move in with him temporarily while I find a job where he is now living (four hours away), so he can see the kids more easily.

He has said in the past that he was leaving his girlfriend to get back together with me, but then he ran back to her. He says he has changed. I'm not sure if I should take the chance and move four hours away from my family to be with him.

What do you think?-- Seriously Confused

DEAR CONFUSED: Given your ex-husband's pattern, it is not a good idea for you to uproot yourself and your children to determine whether he has changed.

If he wants to be closer to his children and renew his commitment to you, he should look for a job closer to where you live and follow through, to prove the sincerity of his intentions.

DEAR AMY: Regarding the letter from "Not Appreciated," who was upset because a frequent dinner guest never brought wine or a dessert -- it must be a generational thing.

If I "hosted" many dinner parties over the years, I would expect, as host, to provide for my guests, not from my guests. Yes, the friend could be more gracious, but so could the "hostess." -- Old School Host

DEAR OLD SCHOOL: I completely agree about the most satisfying function of a great host, which is to give generously.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#2
Apr 4, 2014
 

Judged:

1

1

1

1 Your husband is afraid your son will turn gay and start wearing dresses.

2 Yes you should. He told you he changed, what more proof do you need? He wont leave you for the other woman again, she will just be a booty call on the side.

3 Showing up empty handed is the same as bringing your own plate.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#3
Apr 4, 2014
 

Judged:

2

1

1

Lw1: Your husband is unflinchingly conservative and you will not get him to change his opinion. Did he say what is going to happen at this deadline? I'd check the kid's shampoo for Nair.

Lw2: He cheated. He moved away. Ans he expects YOU to uproot your life to cater to his daddy needs? F him. Let him make the changes in his life.

Lw3: What lw said.

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#4
Apr 4, 2014
 

Judged:

2

2

1

L1: I'd ignore him b/c I don't think talking to him at this point will do any good. Get temporary dye (that shampoos out) and dye the kid's hair bright blue or green. Get hennas tattoos up and down his arms. A fake nose or eyebrow pierce...

L2: I always wonder how people can be this dense. Of course you should not take him back on a promise he's broken before.(Gibbs slap)

L3: I still wonder how the original LW had any friends.

“Licensed to Ill”

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#5
Apr 4, 2014
 

Judged:

1

1

1

LW1: I don’t plan on fighting those battles, but I also think that type of stuff has been going on since we lived in caves.

If the worst the kid has to deal with is not being able to have long hair, he should consider himself lucky.

LW2: If he truly wanted you, he wouldn’t have run back to her. He would be courting you and doing all he can to prove he wants you in his life. Boy are you dumb to even consider it.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#6
Apr 4, 2014
 

Judged:

1

1

1

1- Dude, who's in charge? Sneak up behind him with a pair of scissors

“An Apple a day”

Since: Jun 08

nil carborundum illegitemi

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#7
Apr 4, 2014
 

Judged:

1

1

1

1. Leave the kid alone. He's practicing his gayness.

2. This guy is NOT going to leave his girlfriend(s) and come back to you except to use you as a meal ticket. Have fun with that.

3. Grow up already.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#8
Apr 4, 2014
 
1.Rent a copy of Hair; if nothing else he will remember the music. I thought we fought this battle 50 years ago. Literally.

2.No not a good idea to have him move to LW's hometown. That is where GF is.
4 hours drive is not that bad. Its between Chicago and Springfield. People do that all the time.
3. Meh

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#9
Apr 4, 2014
 
And if the worst thing your kid does is have long hair, you should consider yourself lucky.

I cant think of a single time my father even mentioned anything about my hair. Once I started earning money, I had my hair cut when I wanted, and had it styled as I liked it.
Sublime1 wrote:
LW1: I don’t plan on fighting those battles, but I also think that type of stuff has been going on since we lived in caves.
If the worst the kid has to deal with is not being able to have long hair, he should consider himself lucky.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#10
Apr 4, 2014
 
LW1: I think in your husband's mind "it looks stupid" = "he looks gay" though he may not consciously understand that or be willing to examine why he feels so intensly about this.

But continueing to harp on the kid about his hair will do nothing but alienate him and then he will go out and get a haircut that is definitely stupid.

LW2: I'm seconding Toj's Gibbs slap. Maybe getting it twice will shake up this lady's brain into actual thinking mode.

LW3: I'm hungry.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#11
Apr 4, 2014
 

Judged:

1

Dudes with long hair where I went to school were teased mercilessly

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#12
Apr 4, 2014
 

Judged:

1

edogxxx wrote:
Dudes with long hair where I went to school were teased mercilessly
Seriously? All the hot guys had long hair when I went to school.

“Licensed to Ill”

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#13
Apr 4, 2014
 

Judged:

1

1

RACE wrote:
And if the worst thing your kid does is have long hair, you should consider yourself lucky.
I cant think of a single time my father even mentioned anything about my hair. Once I started earning money, I had my hair cut when I wanted, and had it styled as I liked it.
<quoted text>
True, but parents have had idiosyncratic rules forever. Some parents want your room to be kept spotless. My dad made my bro take out an earring. Was that necessary? Probably not, but he was the father.

The LW doesn’t have to feel the same as the husband does about it, but she shouldn’t be undermining him.

Rather than getting the husband to change, the thing to do is sit the kid down and say I don’t think having long hair is a big deal, but your father doesn’t like it … he thinks you look sloppy and messy with it … that's just the way he feels ... he does a lot for all of us, including you … you live under our roof for now and you need to respect your father … when you turn 18 and go away to college you can do what you want to do, but for now, for the sake of harmony in the house, you need to listen to your father and perhaps we can see if we can work on some sort of compromise in between long hair and short hair.

Parents need to raise kids as a team, not in competition where you are constantly undermining each other.

“Licensed to Ill”

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#14
Apr 4, 2014
 
edogxxx wrote:
Dudes with long hair where I went to school were teased mercilessly
When I was in high school, they were usually goths or hold out mullets who didn't know the 1980s wanted it's hair style back.

No one teased anyone, about it, tho. Just different circles of people, many of which overlapped.
Kuuipo

Monterey, CA

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#15
Apr 4, 2014
 

Judged:

1

1

1

LW1: An older gentleman that I know who now wears what little hair he has left very short once expressed this opinion: "I am so glad that I wore my hair long when I was young - and I HAD hair!" So I am passing that tidbit on. And this - as a parent, you need to pick your battles. Hair IMHO, is trivial. I wouldn't go to war over it on an otherwise good kid.

LW2: Team Amy. And Toj.

LW3: This one's getting stale, but I vote for being a gracious hostess - again.

“Licensed to Ill”

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#16
Apr 4, 2014
 

Judged:

1

Toj wrote:
<quoted text>
Seriously? All the hot guys had long hair when I went to school.
I didn't think guys wore their hair long in the 1940s?

;p

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#17
Apr 4, 2014
 
eh, a 15yr olds hair is part of their identity, and I think a kid should be allowed to express that about themself.
I think pops needs to unclench.
Sublime1 wrote:
<quoted text>
True, but parents have had idiosyncratic rules forever. Some parents want your room to be kept spotless. My dad made my bro take out an earring. Was that necessary? Probably not, but he was the father.
The LW doesn’t have to feel the same as the husband does about it, but she shouldn’t be undermining him.
Rather than getting the husband to change, the thing to do is sit the kid down and say I don’t think having long hair is a big deal, but your father doesn’t like it … he thinks you look sloppy and messy with it … that's just the way he feels ... he does a lot for all of us, including you … you live under our roof for now and you need to respect your father … when you turn 18 and go away to college you can do what you want to do, but for now, for the sake of harmony in the house, you need to listen to your father and perhaps we can see if we can work on some sort of compromise in between long hair and short hair.
Parents need to raise kids as a team, not in competition where you are constantly undermining each other.

“Licensed to Ill”

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#18
Apr 4, 2014
 
RACE wrote:
eh, a 15yr olds hair is part of their identity, and I think a kid should be allowed to express that about themself.
I think pops needs to unclench.
<quoted text>
I do too, but he's not going to.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#19
Apr 4, 2014
 
Then he should tuck his hair up under his hat and go in to ask him why..
(Signs, Signs, everywhere signs....)

Its FRIDAY!!!
Sublime1 wrote:
<quoted text>
I do too, but he's not going to.

“Licensed to Ill”

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

|
Report Abuse
|
Judge it!
|
#20
Apr 4, 2014
 
RACE wrote:
Then he should tuck his hair up under his hat and go in to ask him why..
(Signs, Signs, everywhere signs....)
Its FRIDAY!!!
<quoted text>
Hells yeah. I'm getting the boat ready for some fishing, hopefully Sunday. I doubt I will be fishing, tho. I'll try to just keep them from losing an eye.

I hope it goes better than last time. The last time I tried fishing with all 3 of them was maybe 5 or 6 years ago in Canada ... within 10 minutes of starting to fish, one of them dropped their pole in the water never to be seen again and two of them had their lines tangled in the propeller. It's so funny to look back at it now.

Tell me when this thread is updated: (Registration is not required)

Add to my Tracker Send me an email

Showing posts 1 - 20 of35
< prev page
|
Go to last page| Jump to page:
Type in your comments below
Name
(appears on your post)
Comments
Characters left: 4000
Type the numbers you see in the image on the right:

Please note by clicking on "Post Comment" you acknowledge that you have read the Terms of Service and the comment you are posting is in compliance with such terms. Be polite. Inappropriate posts may be removed by the moderator. Send us your feedback.

163 Users are viewing the Chicago Forum right now

Search the Chicago Forum:
Topic Updated Last By Comments
Israeli troops begin Gaza pullout as Hamas decl... (Jan '09) 3 min Abdurratln 67,842
Barack Obama, our next President (Nov '08) 3 min John Galt 1,078,102
Ill. House Approves Legalizing Same-Sex Civil U... (Dec '10) 5 min well 48,824
BARACK OBAMA BIRTH CERTIFICATE: Suit contesting... (Jan '09) 19 min Rogue Scholar 05 174,432
One kilometre high and counting (Jul '07) 45 min TW_sugar_daddio 3
Anti-Jewish leaflets: Anti-Semitic hate message... 48 min Danny_Livewire 4
Messianic Jews say they are persecuted in Israel (Jun '08) 52 min Eric 68,347
•••

Beach Hazards Statement for Cook County was issued at July 22 at 2:51PM CDT

•••
•••
Chicago Dating

more search filters

less search filters

•••

Chicago Jobs

•••
Enter and win $5000
•••
•••

Chicago People Search

Addresses and phone numbers for FREE

•••

Chicago News, Events & Info

Click for news, events and info in Chicago
•••

Personal Finance

Mortgages [ See current mortgage rates ]
•••