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“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

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#1
Aug 14, 2013
 
DEAR ABBY: My 22-year-old daughter and her two young children live with me. She doesn't work, which is fine. I don't mind supporting her because I'd rather have the kids see their mom.

I spent most of my life as a single mom, working long hours and not seeing my kids. My work has finally paid off, and I'm at a point where, while not rich, I can support my daughter and grandbabies.

The problem is the baby daddy. He has a history of drug abuse, theft and jail time. He works only part-time jobs, which he loses monthly. He gives my daughter nothing and treats her as if she owes him.

I don't want to support him, but he has moved in and won't leave my house. I have told him to go, that he's welcome to visit the kids, but he ignores me. It's like talking to a wall. He won't even acknowledge that I told him to leave. He acts like he's king of the castle when it's my home! I can't take it anymore. I pay all the bills.

I told my daughter, and she ignores me as well. My oldest son has offered to talk to them for me. I don't want to lose my grandbabies. They are my purpose in life. Please help.-- FURIOUS IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR FURIOUS: Part of your problem may be the degree to which you enable your daughter. You won't be around forever. She needs to learn to be independent so she can support herself and those children. Clearly, Baby Daddy isn't man enough to be of any assistance.

If he has lived with you for a while, you may need a lawyer to get him out. According to Los Angeles attorney Lee Dresie: "You can get rid of the freeloader by giving him a 30-day 'notice to leave' in writing. It should say,'You have 30 days to leave my home. If you don't, I will bring an action to evict you.' If he still refuses to go, consult an attorney who specializes in eviction law."

This is Abby again: Be sure you have a witness present when the notice is given so Baby Daddy can't deny receiving it. Your son could be that witness, and yes, he should be asked to lead the discussion on how to resolve this situation.

It is also troubling that the daughter for whom you provide food and shelter is ignoring you. You're treated this way because you don't assert yourself. Please do it before Baby Daddy impregnates her again and you have four people to support.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 27 and have an issue that has bothered me for most of my life. I have overly hot/sweaty hands and feet. When I was dating women, they wouldn't want to hold my hand, which bothered me a lot. Also, my friends sometimes make fun of me for it.

I am entering a profession that will require lots of handshaking with potential clients. This will be an issue for me because I don't want to make a bad impression. Do you have any suggestions?-- SWEATY IN NORTH DAKOTA

DEAR SWEATY: Yes! There is help for your problem, and the way to get it is to talk with a dermatologist. There is a product that can curb the excessive sweating (hyperhidrosis), but a doctor must prescribe it for you. Botox injections could also help, but they should be administered by a physician. There is also a machine used to treat this condition. The dermatologist can help you decide which solution would be the best for you.

Since: Mar 09

Pittsburgh, PA

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#2
Aug 14, 2013
 

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Hey, yesterday's Amy LW's baby-mama-mama wrote to Abby! ;-)

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

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#3
Aug 14, 2013
 
1- Lady, you are letting people walk all over you. No wonder they aren't taking you seriously. First of all, get your s1ut daughter on birth control. If you want to raise her and her kids, that's on you, but Abby's right, you are doing her a disservice by enabling her. Secondly, if some low-life loser arbitrarily decided to move into my house and refused to leave... well, I don't know what I would do because that would never happen. If I tell someone to move out, they're gone that day or the next. Period. Find your backbone.

2- Ok, I have a similar but opposite problem. My hands are overly cold, especially in wintertime. Think it even cost me one or two relationships -women don't like to be held by a man with cold hands. Any remedies for that? Anyone?

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

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#4
Aug 14, 2013
 

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1 Welcome to doormatville population you. Jeez lady you write in about this lame stuff when there are women dealing with dying mothers and dogs? You should be ashamed of yourself

2 How about those hand sanitizer things? Or go Gay.

“Fort Kickass”

Since: Sep 09

Bloomington, IL

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#5
Aug 14, 2013
 
edogxxx wrote:
2- Ok, I have a similar but opposite problem. My hands are overly cold, especially in wintertime. Think it even cost me one or two relationships -women don't like to be held by a man with cold hands. Any remedies for that? Anyone?
Were they like "It's not you, it's your hands..."?

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

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#6
Aug 14, 2013
 

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Let's do the math. Your daughter is holding ou hostage using the grandbabies. However, you were a single mother, and assuming you were young when that happened, and she is 22, you are perhaps 40 now. Get pregnant. Then you can have another batch to be your purpose in life. Try not to mess up batch 2 like you did batch 1.
Or, if the guy is into drugs, rat on him to the cops. If he is in jail he isn't at your house.

Either stunt is consistent with your established behavior.

Last thing. LW is in PA. Don't listen to a CA .
lawyer, go ask someone in PA Legal Aid.

2.Dog, if you are serious, there are a couple things you can do and one you should

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

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#7
Aug 14, 2013
 
Why do people ask Abby questions that are so obviously meant for someone else?

LW1: Talk to a lawyer.

LW2: Talk to a doctor.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

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#8
Aug 14, 2013
 

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edogxxx wrote:
2- Ok, I have a similar but opposite problem. My hands are overly cold, especially in wintertime. Think it even cost me one or two relationships -women don't like to be held by a man with cold hands. Any remedies for that? Anyone?
I guess the saying "cold hands, warm heart" does not apply to you then.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

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#9
Aug 14, 2013
 
PEllen wrote:
2.Dog, if you are serious, there are a couple things you can do and one you should
Such as?

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

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#10
Aug 14, 2013
 

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squishymama wrote:
<quoted text>
I guess the saying "cold hands, warm heart" does not apply to you then.
Not familiar with that saying, but I'm reminded of that Eagles song about the man with hands as cold as ice. Lyin Eyes, I think.

I'm sure that's probably not the "reason" the relationship ended, but it probably didn't help.

Since: Mar 09

United States

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#11
Aug 14, 2013
 
squishymama wrote:
Why do people ask Abby questions that are so obviously meant for someone else?
LW1: Talk to a lawyer.
LW2: Talk to a doctor.
I know! <facepalm>

It's like they're looking for the social versions of the answers instead of the actual answers.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

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#12
Aug 14, 2013
 

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Move to FL, chicks dig a personal A/C unit.
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
Such as?
Cass

Rancho Cucamonga, CA

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#13
Aug 14, 2013
 

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LW2 - Talcum powder. Or even loose face powder that matches your skin tone before important meetings where you will have to shake hands with a lot of people. You can use the loose face powder right before you go into the meeting - just make sure you dab it on a bit and shake off any excess.
Stina

Saint Petersburg, FL

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#14
Aug 14, 2013
 

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VAdame: I was thinking the same thing!!!

The LW needs to put her foot down. Her daughter can still work or go to school to better herself and STILL have time for her kids. And it's a better example to the kids anyway. That you need to work to support yourself and your family. At 22, being single and having 2 kids with a druggie is not the best example she's set up as it is. Teach the kids that you can better yourself after making stupid and selfish choices.

“What's it to ya?”

Since: Mar 09

Seattle, WA

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#15
Aug 14, 2013
 
1: Lawyer

2: Antiperspirant on your palms. I'm serious. Worked for my ex. Oh and a doctor. <shrug>

Since I no longer talk to Edog, if you guys could pass this on for his cold hands please...hand warmers, duh.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

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#16
Aug 14, 2013
 
HA!
Mimi Seattle wrote:
Since I no longer talk to Edog, if you guys could pass this on for his cold hands please...hand warmers, duh.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

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#17
Aug 14, 2013
 
Yeah, or I could rub them together really fast or touch them to a hot stove. I was looking for real solutions, not band aid ones.
Duh

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

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#18
Aug 14, 2013
 
Walk around with your hands in your pants. Yeah, peeps will think your a perv or some new age sagger, but who cares! Plus it will give your dates a little sniff of what they can expect!
edogxxx wrote:
Yeah, or I could rub them together really fast or touch them to a hot stove. I was looking for real solutions, not band aid ones.
Duh

Since: Mar 09

United States

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#19
Aug 14, 2013
 

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edogxxx wrote:
Yeah, or I could rub them together really fast or touch them to a hot stove. I was looking for real solutions, not band aid ones.
Duh
Cardio? Maybe your cold hands are due to poor circulation.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

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#20
Aug 14, 2013
 

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Mimi Seattle wrote:
1: Lawyer
2: Antiperspirant on your palms. I'm serious. Worked for my ex. Oh and a doctor. <shrug>
Since I no longer talk to Edog, if you guys could pass this on for his cold hands please...hand warmers, duh.
Hand warmers.The kind that you slip inside gloves.You tear open a small envelope and it keeps warm for like 8 hours. You can get a big box of teem at Costco in the fall. I give them to the homeless guys on the street in the winter.

Shake your hands often to keep the blood flowing.

Put gloves on while you are inside to trap the warmth. You can get some decent sport gloves that are insulated.

Se your doctor. There are a couple of conditions that manifest in part by cold hands. They have treatments that can help. It may also be a sentinel for other problems so if it bothers you ( and losing 2 gf in part should be bothersome) its worth checking out.

/s/ Dr Pelly and Nurse Mimi

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