“Not a real reg”

Since: Jan 13

Location hidden

#1 Aug 27, 2013
DEAR ABBY: I am a 65-year-old active woman who still works. I play tennis several times a week and have a loving relationship with my kids. I know with certainty that I have many good things in my life. However, since my sister died last year, I have been having second thoughts about a lot of the decisions I have made over the years -- especially regarding relationships and my choice of jobs.

I realize now that more than a few of my decisions were based on low self-esteem, although I don't come across that way. I'm feeling depressed and lonely, and it's hard to be positive. I feel like my world is shrinking, and I don't know how to get back on track and be a positive and happy person again. As it is, I'm faking it with my children, and my friends have no idea how I really feel. How do I improve my life at this late stage?-- DEPRESSED IN SAN DIEGO

DEAR DEPRESSED: One way would be to be more honest with your friends and fake it less. If they are good friends, they'll be willing to listen and give you an honest perspective or the benefit of their life experience. That's what friends do for each other.

You are lucky to be vital and active, because it means your world doesn't have to shrink any more than you want it to. Because you say you're lonely, perhaps it's time to consider enlarging your circle of acquaintances.

The loss of your sister is probably what started your re-evaluation of your life and choices, and that's normal. But please remember that regret is the cancer of life. You can't change the past, and you mustn't allow it to cloud your future. While you may be having second thoughts about choices you made when you were younger, the lessons you learned from them have made you the person you are today.
DEAR ABBY: I think our culture is severely lacking when we don't teach our children how to politely and non-aggressively stand up for themselves when the need arises. People suffer in all sorts of relationships -- work, family, friends -- because they're afraid of confrontation. Raising a subject that may be embarrassing and risking angering someone isn't fun, but it's communication.

If you have a problem, large or small, address it in private with the individual. And if someone tries to talk to you about something you'd rather not hear, be an adult, listen and respond civilly instead of reacting childishly.

We teach children to respect authority, be kind to others and be leaders -- but we don't teach them healthy confrontation, which is something we all encounter in our lives.-- TALKING IT OUT IN INDIANA

DEAR TALKING IT OUT: I agree with you. The kind of communication you're describing is a skill. It requires not only a strong ego on the part of the "confronter," but also tact and diplomacy. And the "confrontee" needs to have the ability to listen without responding with hostility to what is being said.

DEAR ABBY: In my university classroom, students place their feet on chairs, teachers lecture while sitting on their desks, and the dean of the school herself sits atop her desk and places her feet on a chair in front of her. Please tell me that this is not OK!-- PROPER IN WASHINGTON

DEAR PROPER: It appears you come from a generation or culture in which the atmosphere has always been quite formal. I can tell you it's "not OK" if it will make you feel better, but if it's acceptable to the teacher, the dean and the school, then it's time for you to loosen up.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#2 Aug 27, 2013
L1: So keep faking it. WHat's the alternative?

L2: If we did this, Abby and Amy would be out of jobs. And I'd actually have to get more work done during the day with less entertaining stuff to read online.

L3: you are a gigantic pain in the butt if you have such a problem with teachers being comfortable while they present information for an hour.$10 says you are one high-maintenance biotch.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#3 Aug 27, 2013
1 Whats depressing you is the realization of your own mortality. You should join an online forum and spend you day posting.

2 WTF are you babbling about? Who is the "We" that failed our children. My kid is fine, if you raised an idiot, thats on you not me.

3 Get that chalkboard outta your butt.

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#4 Aug 27, 2013
L1: Fake it 'til you feel it. And get grief counselling. Studies show when you fake it, sometimes it makes you get to the place you want to be sooner.

L2: Our culture is severely lacking in many things. Why did you write Abby?

L3: Get togther with LW2 and make a club.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#5 Aug 27, 2013
LW1: Fake it 'til you make it.

LW2: Shut up.

FW3: Another one that needs to shut up.

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#6 Aug 27, 2013
LW1: Stop worrying so much about the past all you can do is change how you live going forward. Wallowing in regret of past mistakes isnt exactly a good way forward. A therapist may be able to help you.

LW2: Or you could just punch them in the face.:p

LW3: Who gives a f?

Since: Jun 09

Saint Petersburg, FL

#7 Aug 27, 2013
sigh
Cass

Claremont, CA

#8 Aug 27, 2013
LW3 - Oy vey. Is it a corn cob stuck up your derriere? It might be more comfortable to sit with it up there if you lean back and put your feet up on an empty chair in front of you.

“What's it to ya?”

Since: Mar 09

Location hidden

#9 Aug 27, 2013
3: WHICH Washington? Which school? Got news for you babe, if it's MY Washington, and MY school, you are not gonna get very far at all.

Seattle is a cosmopolitan city (I have more adjectives but I have a pedicure on my mind and am getting ready to head out the door) and people are mostly not all uptight here.

This is SEATTLE bitch, UW is a top of the line public university and one of the main reasons is because of the diversity of the staff, faculty, and students who are allowed to not be stick-in-ass types.

Ok, can't concentrate properly...paraffin wax on my mind...I'll be back later.
not a ghost

San Antonio, TX

#10 Aug 27, 2013
What would LW1 still like to accomplish that she
can still do well? That's what she should give
her best effort as she rises above her regrets,
grief, or anything else that is sapping her of seeing what she does still have.

LW2 and LW3 are too arrogant for me....
cheluzal

Plant City, FL

#11 Aug 27, 2013
1: You need Jesus.

2: AGREE!
I also think these anti-bullying campaigns are misguided. You won't do away with bullies. Let's teach children basic coping skills so they can stop killing themselves over a temporary moron in their lives.

3: I hate seeing feet on working tables at uni. It is disgusting. 90% of people have fecal matter on their shoe soles.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#12 Aug 27, 2013
Then dont lick the table..
cheluzal wrote:
3: I hate seeing feet on working tables at uni. It is disgusting. 90% of people have fecal matter on their shoe soles.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#13 Aug 27, 2013
1- You're regretting prior relationships and choice of jobs?? Hmmm... Former stripper/hooker? Your sister's death has put your own life in perspective and you're looking back with regrets. I don't agree with the keep faking it till you make it line of thought. That won't seem to accomplish anything. You can't change what you were or what you did. Just learn to come to terms with it.

2- Tell me about it. We're raising an entire generation of entitled pansies who can't stick up for themselves. And yet, some think the BULLIES are the ones to blame...

3- Schools are run and controlled by hippies, what do you expect?
boundary painter

San Antonio, TX

#14 Aug 28, 2013
I come back from vacation to find LW2 and LW3 giving Indiana and Washington a bad name?

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