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“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#1 Feb 24, 2014
DEAR ABBY: Can you be sexually harassed/abused by your spouse? My husband talks dirty to me and grabs at my breasts. I have repeatedly asked him to stop, but he doesn't listen and continues to do it. We have two small kids at home, and by the time they go to bed, I could care less about being intimate.

His behavior disgusts me, and to be honest, I don't want to have sex with him. I have female problems and have told him it hurts, but it makes no difference to him. He touches me in front of the kids, and I have to slap his hand away.

I can't leave him because I don't have a car or income for myself, nor do I have family or friends close by. I can't go to his family because they see him in a different light. What would you suggest, and is it harassment -- and could I press charges?-- LEAVE MY AURA ALONE

DEAR AURA: You have mentioned so many problems in your short letter that it's hard to know where to begin. While your husband's attempts at foreplay are beyond clumsy and ineffective, I can't help but feel some sympathy for him because it appears you have him on a starvation diet.

How long this can continue for either of you is uncertain. Rather than try to charge harassment, why not schedule an appointment with your gynecologist and find out why having sex is painful for you. It is not supposed to be, and your doctor may be able to help you resolve the problem. Marriage counseling might also help, because it's clear you and your husband aren't communicating on any meaningful level.

If these problems are not resolvable, you can't continue living like this and neither can he. Because your family isn't nearby and you have no transportation, call or write them and let them know you may need their help to return. If they are unable to help you, contact a domestic abuse hotline. Unwanted sexual advances could be considered harassment, and sex without consent is rape.
Shopper Is Peeved By Parents' Let Kids Chew On Merchandise

DEAR ABBY: It absolutely frosts me when parents head for the toy department so their children will have something to play with while they shop. Then, after the kids have spent time drooling, teething, sneezing, etc., they leave the dirty toys at the end of the aisle for someone else to buy.

Yesterday I saw a child sucking on the paw of a stuffed animal. When I commented on how that must be the child's favorite toy, the mother said it wasn't theirs -- she was just keeping the little boy quiet while she shopped.

Last week I stood behind someone in the checkout line. In her child's mouth was the ribbon from a Mylar balloon. When the mother finished loading her groceries onto the conveyor belt, she said, "Time to put this back now!"

It's my pet peeve: First the germs they get from sucking on this stuff, then the ones everyone else is exposed to from the child. And on top of that there's the stealing, because I have seen children break toys.

This is wrong, and we're all paying for it. Why can't these parents throw something in the diaper bag before they leave home?-- PUT IT DOWN! IN VIRGINIA

DEAR PUT IT DOWN: Because the parents aren't doing their job -- they are forgetful or lazy, and have no consideration for the store owners or other shoppers. Sadly, parents like the ones you have described raise children who are just like themselves.

“Where is Tonka?”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#2 Feb 24, 2014
1 Whoa! Abby standing up the the guy! You sound like a total pill, theirs more than one way to satisfy your man.

Oh, and yeah, call the cops and have him arrested, that will really fix your cash flow problem.

2 What kind of horrid little creatures are they raising in Virginia? I have not seen this kind of thing, and it sounds like you spend way too much time shopping. Give the CC a rest.
Cass

Claremont, CA

#4 Feb 24, 2014
LW1 - You need to see a doctor for your female problems. You should also get a job outside the house. Both you and your hubby should see a couples therapist for intimacy problems. You both seem to be stuck in the love-making habits of horny teenagers. Time to learn how to be intimate like adults.

LW2 - Methinks this LW is exaggerating a bit.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

East Hartford, CT

#5 Feb 24, 2014
2- I have never encountered anything like this. You are way too concerned with other people. How about MYOGDB

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#6 Feb 24, 2014
LW1: I’m pretty sure he showed all these signs before you married him and had kids with him.

That’s not appropriate to do in front of kids, and he’s setting a horrible example especially if you have any boys about respecting a woman’s wishes when it comes to her body and how it is touched.

I’m not sure what she means about “female problems,” however and it hurting her. Sounds like maybe sex is painful for her … in which case she really needs to the doctor. I dunno what couples do in those situations. I wouldn’t like being in that situation. Sex isn’t everything, but I think a good sex life helps keep a relationship strong and prevents it from going stale.

A medical condition is one thing, but refusing to have sex with your partner, just because you have kids, is wrong, IMO. If my spouse did that to me, I’d be pretty distant instead of trying to force the issue, however.

LW2: They sound clueless, but MYOB

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#7 Feb 24, 2014
Cass wrote:
Time to learn how to be intimate like adults.
What does that mean? My wife and I still go at it like we did when we first met (not in front of kids, but we didn't do that when we were teens). We know each other better and have more experience, but I can't say fundamentally sex is all that different.

We were talking about it this weekend. She had dated a guy before me for awhile and he pawed her and got aggressive one day at his house. They had been dating for a few months and he was trying to get to second base, but was forcing the issue. She ran out of his house. Date one, we just talked and I gave her a peck good bye. By the end of date two she jumped on me .. I had her shirt of and was dry effing her until she came. I thought she was so shy too.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#8 Feb 24, 2014
LW1: What, he hasn't just dragged you off by your hair yet? Because that is how you are making him sound. And that tendency doesn't just show up one day after you've had a couple of kids.

Go see a doctor about the pain but I suspect that even after there is none, you will not want to have sex with your husband. Maybe your OB/GYN will have the name of a good marriage counselor...

LW2: This can't happen as much as you say it does, or you are looking for it everywhere.

And this "And on top of that there's the stealing, because I have seen children break toys." How is this stealing? Stealing implies that the object left the store un-paid for, this is called breakage and stores have a way to cover that as a cost of doing business ('cause yanno, sh!t happens).

I agree that parents that allow this are rude, but all you really get to do about it is roll your eyes at them.
rings90

Gillett, WI

#9 Feb 24, 2014
lW#2 Parents do it all the time where I work. Kids are chewing on the stuffed animals, tearing pages in the books while "looking" at them, than they bring them to us & say oh this page is ripped. And walk out of the store. Or we find the stuff animal set somewhere in strange in the store.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

East Hartford, CT

#10 Feb 24, 2014
rings90 wrote:
lW#2 Parents do it all the time where I work. Kids are chewing on the stuffed animals, tearing pages in the books while "looking" at them, than they bring them to us & say oh this page is ripped. And walk out of the store. Or we find the stuff animal set somewhere in strange in the store.
Guess things like that can happen when you work in a day care
rings90

Gillett, WI

#11 Feb 24, 2014
I work in a retail store. Which most parents mistake to be a daycare.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#12 Feb 24, 2014
rings90 wrote:
I work in a retail store. Which most parents mistake to be a daycare.
most?
Kuuipo

Marina, CA

#13 Feb 24, 2014
LW1: I'm wondering where the two small kids came from and what your intimate life was like before they were born. Did your female problems happen as a result of childbirth or were they always present? Has your husband always been an inconsiderate lover or is his grabbiness and vulgarity something new? Abby's answer is as good as you're going to get with the information you provided.

LW2: I've seen some ill-behaved children in stores, too; particularly the one who deliberately broke a ceramic dish right in front of me. I could not believe it! His mother rushed him out of the store and the clerks could have cared less.
rings90

Gillett, WI

#14 Feb 24, 2014
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>most?
Yeah, there's actually a FEW families that come in, and the Parents actually take care of their kids & expect them to behave.

Was spoken too about 2 weeks ago because the parent left their kid in the kids area & they walked to another part of the store, and I had to leave the area. Mom was PISSED that the area was "unstaffed" while her boy was there. Told her I don't get paid to babysit while I'm here. I'm paid to do work for the store. The manager told her leaving a 4 yr old alone in back of the store is not a very good idea & the employees have work to do, not babysitting.

“On Deck”

Since: Aug 08

French Polynesia

#15 Feb 24, 2014
L3. Yeah. I accidently broke a bottle of extra-virgin olive oil in the grocery store a few weeks ago.
The guy down the aisle just rolled his eyes at me. LOL
I went to the service counter and offered to pay for my mistake, but they said it was on the house and not to worry.

“Where is Tonka?”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#16 Feb 24, 2014
You should have told them, "No it's not. It's on the floor in isle 3".

I crack myself up!
loose cannon wrote:
L3. Yeah. I accidently broke a bottle of extra-virgin olive oil in the grocery store a few weeks ago.
The guy down the aisle just rolled his eyes at me. LOL
I went to the service counter and offered to pay for my mistake, but they said it was on the house and not to worry.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#17 Feb 24, 2014
L1 What on earth did you marry him for? He was like that bedfor you got married, I guaranty it.

Eve so I was mildly sympathetic to an overworked mother o 2 little kids until you signed the letter "LEAVE MY AURA ALONE".

You are ditz.

To fix it, do what Abby says
pde

Bothell, WA

#18 Feb 24, 2014
loose cannon wrote:
L3. Yeah. I accidently broke a bottle of extra-virgin olive oil in the grocery store a few weeks ago.
The guy down the aisle just rolled his eyes at me. LOL
I went to the service counter and offered to pay for my mistake, but they said it was on the house and not to worry.
I once picked up a glass jar of olives off the stack at Trader Joe's, and apparently the stack was unstable because CRASH went the stack.

Luckily two employees saw it happen and were mainly concerned that I hadn't been hurt and finding the floor-cleaning device.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#19 Feb 24, 2014
rings90 wrote:
I work in a retail store. Which most parents mistake to be a daycare.
I've worked in retail and never encountered this problem. I've shopped at Toys R Us and never saw this. Maybe I'm too busy minding my own business and doing my job to worry about or pay attention to other people's children. Does it happen? I'll concede that it does. Does it happen with the frequency LW is describing? Not likely. And she claimed this is a "pet peeve" of hers, so she's likely looking for it. Then thought it was a big enough issue to write Abby for.

And any public place is crawling with germs. Not just from little kids, think of the shopper grabbing something off the shelf, handling it, and putting it back. The slobber of a toddler isn't something to be concerned about.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#20 Feb 24, 2014
I don't really have an opinion for L1. I guess Abby's advice is good enough. Sex shouldn't hurt (unless you WANT it to, heh heh heh.) Dude's prolly acting this way because he aint getting any. Talking to your doctor and maybe a little marriage counseling might be in order.
cheluzal

Plant City, FL

#21 Feb 24, 2014
1: Can I take both sides equally today?
HERS: A guy not respecting your boundaries is disgusting. To keep pawing after being told no is gross.
HIS: She made two little people and cut you off and expects you to deal. Totally uncool and it p!sses me off everytime a woman does this, and wonders why her guy is frustrated.

I also loathe martyrs who marry a guy, don't get their own income and way, and whine about staying in a bad marriage because of it. Sorry, but that pathetic excuse is so lame. Bet she married him right out of high school without doing anything to better herself.

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