Since: Mar 09

Miami, FL

#21 Jan 9, 2013
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
<quoted text>
Yeah, it's an overshare that ruins everything. Like telling your date about your crazy violent ex, the abortion you had in college, how abusive your parents were, whatever. Keep it all sane, folks.
Well... but she HAS cancer. Present tense. I completely agree with you guys that she should wait to share, but I do think it's different from talking about crazy stuff in your past. It's happening now.
ChicagolandChica

Atlanta, GA

#22 Jan 9, 2013
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>??? Is it your contention that every "teacher" in college is referred to as a professor? I've never heard of such a thing. I certainly did not refer to all my teachers / instructors as "professor". Isn't that a title earned by advanced degree or research? Similar to doctor?
Yes. I'm not saying that everyone who teaches a college class IS a professor or refers to themselves as such; I'm saying that someone who teaches full time in college is generally referred to as such. And that for shorthand's sake, if you were writing to an advice columnist about someone who taught college classes, you would probably refer to them as a professor.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#23 Jan 9, 2013
j_m_w wrote:
<quoted text>
Well... but she HAS cancer. Present tense. I completely agree with you guys that she should wait to share, but I do think it's different from talking about crazy stuff in your past. It's happening now.
I think the problem might be that when she tells someone that she has cancer they think: "OMG -- I don't know this broad and I certainly don't want to nurse her to health. I just want someone to do fun things with."

Since: Mar 09

Miami, FL

#24 Jan 9, 2013
Toj wrote:
<quoted text>
I think the problem might be that when she tells someone that she has cancer they think: "OMG -- I don't know this broad and I certainly don't want to nurse her to health. I just want someone to do fun things with."
I totally agree. That, or they don't want to GET to know her and love her just to lose her.
Kuuipo

Monterey, CA

#25 Jan 9, 2013
LW1: What Tonka and Sublime said. I would have packed my bags and DTMF after computer affair #1.

LW2: First dates shouldn't get TOO heavy and I agree with Sublime about the things that should be disclosed early on. I recently went on a first date and the guy asked me if I was married! LOL! I told him "if I was married, I wouldn't be out with you." But I guess that's not the case with everyone...
Sam I Am

Knoxville, TN

#26 Jan 9, 2013
1. He's good to you "except for his unhealthy sexual preoccupation with teen girls?" Really? I was watching Top Chef the other night and Tom had a line "When you mix bland and seasoned you get bland." When you mix bad with good you get bad. Your hubby needs to get professional help now or you need to get gone.

2. If they don't want to hang around, you wouldn't want them anyway.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#27 Jan 9, 2013
pde wrote:
<quoted text>
It's more about the position held within the university. A title which includes "professor", you call them professor. Otherwise, it's Mr., Mrs., or Miss Whatever-their-last-name-is.
(Unless they ask the class to call them by first name. A lot of my TAs/non-professor teachers in both undergrad and grad school just had us call them by first name.)
Professors typically have PhDs. When I was in college, we called the teachers (typically grad students) "TAs" -- teaching assistants.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#28 Jan 9, 2013
j_m_w wrote:
<quoted text>
Well... but she HAS cancer. Present tense. I completely agree with you guys that she should wait to share, but I do think it's different from talking about crazy stuff in your past. It's happening now.
Who asked you to make an excellent point???

“What's it to ya?”

Since: Mar 09

Location hidden

#29 Jan 9, 2013
Not all college teachers are professors even though a large majority of them are "Dr. Whoever." I refer to mine a "Dr..." and address them likewise unless they state that they prefer a different form of address. Occasionally, very occasionally, I will refer to/address them as "professor" whether they are or not, though I can't pull up an example just now. Wait til I have more coffee...or actually care. <shrug>
pde

Homer Glen, IL

#30 Jan 9, 2013
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
<quoted text>
Professors typically have PhDs. When I was in college, we called the teachers (typically grad students) "TAs" -- teaching assistants.
But especially with the limited number of tenure-track positions, there are a lot of people with PhDs at universities who are not professors of the university.

My friend had her PhD and was teaching for a decade before she found her tenure-track position (at a different university). She said that the official stance was that she was not a "professor" until she had a job position with either the title "associate professor" or "professor". She was Dr. Her-Last-Name though if she wanted her students to call her that.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#31 Jan 9, 2013
pde wrote:
<quoted text>
But especially with the limited number of tenure-track positions, there are a lot of people with PhDs at universities who are not professors of the university.
My friend had her PhD and was teaching for a decade before she found her tenure-track position (at a different university). She said that the official stance was that she was not a "professor" until she had a job position with either the title "associate professor" or "professor". She was Dr. Her-Last-Name though if she wanted her students to call her that.
I have a relative who is a HS teacher. She has her PhD (in math no less). PhDs are not as uncommon as they once were.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#32 Jan 9, 2013
Sublime1 wrote:
<quoted text>
You'll have to show me where I said lay all your cards on the table on the first date. I don't believe I ever said that.
I don't think there are bright-line rules, but certain things certainly should be disclosed, including, but not limited to:
1: I used to be a man;
2: I used to be a woman;
3: I have kids (to me it's not so much about being open ... it's just that I would honestly think that would naturally come up if I spent an evening with a woman ... not that I would want to focus on it or go on and on about my kids ... I would question how good of a mother she is if she didn't mention them at all ... I don't think you should be ashamed of having kids or hide them like they are some dirty secret);
4: I'm a professional porn actor; and
5: I'm currently married.
Cancer can wait date at least date two. Not saying you should spring it on the guy on date 5.
regardless of the specific words used, we were talking about a dude who was hesitant to let his first dates know he had a kid because it could potentially scare them off before they got to know them. Forgive me if my memory is not razor sharp enough to remember your exact words, but you thought that to be poor disingenuous behavior. I think you considered it a bit deceptive.

How is that different to this woman? You're cool with letting her keep that potential dating deal breaker under wraps but not kids? In both hcases, the intent is the same: to hide a particular fact about yourself for a short time so the other person gets to know YOU, thus making it a bit harder to just disqualify you as a dating candidate once that fact is is revealed.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#33 Jan 9, 2013
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
<quoted text>
Professors typically have PhDs. When I was in college, we called the teachers (typically grad students) "TAs" -- teaching assistants.
That's how I saw it. And what did you call the ones in between? Surey there are college teachers who are neither a grad student nor have a PHD. To my recollection, anyone who had the phd was referred to as Doctor So and So. All else was Mr. So & So.
pde

Homer Glen, IL

#34 Jan 9, 2013
Toj wrote:
<quoted text>
I have a relative who is a HS teacher. She has her PhD (in math no less). PhDs are not as uncommon as they once were.
Oh yea. At least two of my co-workers here have PhDs. At the textbook publishing firm where I used to work, the entire middle school science department had PhDs in physics and/or astrophysics.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#35 Jan 9, 2013
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>That's how I saw it. And what did you call the ones in between? Surey there are college teachers who are neither a grad student nor have a PHD. To my recollection, anyone who had the phd was referred to as Doctor So and So. All else was Mr. So & So.
It's been so long, I have no memory!

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#36 Jan 9, 2013
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>That's how I saw it. And what did you call the ones in between? Surey there are college teachers who are neither a grad student nor have a PHD. To my recollection, anyone who had the phd was referred to as Doctor So and So. All else was Mr. So & So.
I just asked a coworker -- whose wife has a master's degree and teaches grad students at the U of Minnesota -- what her students call her since she doesn't have a doctoral and she's not a professor. "Jessie."

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#37 Jan 9, 2013
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>regardless of the specific words used, we were talking about a dude who was hesitant to let his first dates know he had a kid because it could potentially scare them off before they got to know them. Forgive me if my memory is not razor sharp enough to remember your exact words, but you thought that to be poor disingenuous behavior. I think you considered it a bit deceptive.
How is that different to this woman? You're cool with letting her keep that potential dating deal breaker under wraps but not kids? In both hcases, the intent is the same: to hide a particular fact about yourself for a short time so the other person gets to know YOU, thus making it a bit harder to just disqualify you as a dating candidate once that fact is is revealed.
Why donít you put on your thinking cap and ask yourself how itís different? Ask yourself,ďTonka, how is oneís medical information possibly different than oneís parent status?Ē

When doing so, please ask yourself why arenít there any federal laws that protection disclosure of oneís parental status, despite there being laws that protect against disclosure of medical history?

Ask yourself why someone might be adverse to striking up a conversation about their medical history with someone they just met, while not being adverse to striking up a conversation about their children?

Is there a difference between discussing your irritable bowl syndrome with someone you just met verses the fact that you a parent? Or are these two things analogous?

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#38 Jan 9, 2013
The fact that a date has a terminal illness probably is a deal-breaker to me, but not later when I know him better, if he waits to tell me.

But the fact that he has a kid is an immediate deal breaker. Don't talk about your kids much on your first date -- you can mention them, like their names, genders, ages, but other thant hat, I don't want to hear about them. The first date is for two adults to get to know one another, not for you to talk about your kids for half an hour.

“It made sense at the time....”

Since: May 09

Schaumburg, IL

#39 Jan 9, 2013
pde wrote:
<quoted text>
It's more about the position held within the university. A title which includes "professor", you call them professor. Otherwise, it's Mr., Mrs., or Miss Whatever-their-last-name-is.
(Unless they ask the class to call them by first name. A lot of my TAs/non-professor teachers in both undergrad and grad school just had us call them by first name.)
i had mostly PhD instructors in college... some had us call them Dr. Whozit, some by their first name, some by another name - one used an americanized version of her chinese name in teh classroom, and antoehr professor used a shortened version of her last name familiarly.
i referred to the instructor as professor wehn speakign generically, as in 'sorry, can't meet up with you for lunch, i have to see a professor about a project". i think i was the only one in my group who did that in undergrad... in grad school, i think it was "i have to meet <last name> before class."
PEllen

Chicago, IL

#40 Jan 9, 2013
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>That's how I saw it. And what did you call the ones in between? Surey there are college teachers who are neither a grad student nor have a PHD. To my recollection, anyone who had the phd was referred to as Doctor So and So. All else was Mr. So & So.
We called them "profs" regardless of the degree obtained unless they had the smaller classes and then we called them instructors or TA's.
Professor is an honorific, not necessarily an academic title. If Aisle Sitter is around, she will recognize the German form of Herr Doctor or Herr Professor for teh perosn stands up front and lectures..

Tell me when this thread is updated:

Subscribe Now Add to my Tracker

Add your comments below

Characters left: 4000

Please note by submitting this form you acknowledge that you have read the Terms of Service and the comment you are posting is in compliance with such terms. Be polite. Inappropriate posts may be removed by the moderator. Send us your feedback.

Chicago Discussions

Title Updated Last By Comments
Once slow-moving threat, global warming speeds ... (Dec '08) 3 min LessHypeMoreFact 49,366
Barack Obama, our next President (Nov '08) 3 min Grey Ghost 1,156,211
BARACK OBAMA BIRTH CERTIFICATE: Suit contesting... (Jan '09) 32 min wojar 182,184
Messianic Jews say they are persecuted in Israel (Jun '08) 2 hr JOEL 71,272
last post wins! (Apr '13) 2 hr L Morales 411
Israeli troops begin Gaza pullout as Hamas decl... (Jan '09) 3 hr Mandela 68,913
Holiday Greetings 4 hr Ebeneizer Scrooge 3
Chicago Dating
Find my Match
More from around the web

Chicago People Search

Addresses and phone numbers for FREE

Chicago News, Events & Info

Click for news, events and info in Chicago

Personal Finance

Mortgages [ See current mortgage rates ]

NFL Latest News

Updated 6:03 am PST

NBC Sports 6:03AM
Jim Caldwell: No concerns about starting a rookie center
Bleacher Report 8:46 AM
What Are Experts Saying About Vikings?
NBC Sports11:28 AM
Bears extend Roberto Garza through 2015
NBC Sports 7:32 AM
Full-blown Bears house-cleaning could be coming
Bleacher Report 6:10 PM
Could Cutler, Shanahan Reunion Work for Jets?