“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#1 Feb 23, 2014
DEAR ABBY: When my son was 17, he met an "older girl" who was 21 and began an on-again, off-again relationship with her. Fast-forward two years: He now has a felony and several misdemeanors for fighting with her, and they have a wonderful little baby boy whom neither can take care of. I have been supporting the child.

The young woman is schizophrenic and bipolar and will not stay on her meds. I feel torn because I don't want to be raising children at 49, but my son refuses to take care of the baby because he "isn't ready to be a father."

I can't leave my grandson with a mother who can't take care of him (her other child was taken away from her), and she can't hold a job because she's in and out of the hospital all the time.

She won't feed him and treats him like a baby doll -- meaning she forgets about him and leaves. I'm afraid my son would abuse the child if he's forced to be a father. The alternative is putting the baby up for adoption, which would break my heart.

How can I make my son understand that this child is his responsibility and he needs to step up and be a dad?-- DESPERATE GRANDMA IN ILLINOIS

DEAR DESPERATE GRANDMA: Forgive me if this seems negative, but if you haven't been able to do it by now, your grandchild may become a man before your son does. If you aren't strong enough to assume responsibility for raising the little boy, then, as much as I hate to see another child go into "the system," he should be made available for adoption. However, if you think you could manage it, then talk to an attorney about getting formal custody of your grandson, so you will be given the authority you'll need to raise him without interference from either of his birth parents.
Four Year Engagement Continues To Be 'unresolved'

DEAR ABBY: My fiance and I have been together for four years now, and we have yet to set a wedding date because he has "unresolved issues" with my mother. Is there any way I can convince him to talk to her about them, or go to premarital counseling? I'm ready to set the date.-- UNSCHEDULED BRIDE IN GEORGIA

DEAR UNSCHEDULED: Four years is a long time for issues to go "unresolved." Are you sure this man still wants to marry you? If his behavior is any indication, this may be how he will deal with problems and disagreements after you are married -- and it isn't healthy.

Before you devote any more time to this "engagement," ask him when he plans to accompany you to premarital counseling, because if he's waiting for your mother to die, it could be a long time before you make it to the altar.
Nursing Home Residents Need Company All Year

DEAR ABBY: Year after year, people are reminded to visit elderly people in nursing homes, taking cookies and entertainment -- like children's choirs, etc.

My mother used to work in a nursing home and she said it made her sad to watch the huge influx of people during December, only to see January roll around to -- nothing. Once Christmas is over, people go back to their lives, feeling good about their visit to the nursing home or shelter. But the residents are still there come February, June, September. Perhaps the directors, volunteers and families could spread their visits over the entire year instead of focusing only on December.-- JUST A THOUGHT IN LUSBY, MD.

DEAR JUST: Your mother is a caring and sensitive person. What she said is valid, and I hope it will be given serious consideration.
Cass

Claremont, CA

#2 Feb 23, 2014
LW1 - Do the decent thing and call the CPS or a version of such in your state. This child needs a family who can adopt him and raise him with love and caring.

LW2 - Sorry, luv, he doesn't want to marry you.
Blunt Advice

Oakland, NJ

#3 Feb 23, 2014
LW1 - If you do decide to raise him, prepare yourself for early intervention and be aware of any signs of mental disorder as it seems there is family history (your son doesn't have it all upstairs either), and possible drug and alcohol use during conception and pregnancy. Babies are always cute, but they can grow into kids and teens with problems. If you don't have a strong support system around you (like a husband and extended family) it may be better to give him up for adoption.

LW2 - What Cass said. Dump him. Find someone who likes your mother.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#4 Feb 23, 2014
At this point the grandmother is not the one to decide whether the child is put up for adoption. Since the parents are present, CPS would have to have a fitness hearing and find they are unfit parents. A good predictor would be how the mother reacted when he had her first kid taken away.

I agree though. Call CPS
Kuuipo

Salinas, CA

#5 Feb 23, 2014
LW1: You are right. You cannot in good conscience leave your grandson with two unfit parents. Call CPS immediately. What you are doing now is enabling. You need to put your emotions aside and act in the best interest of the child. The longer you wait, the more likely it will be that your grandson develops psychological problems. He needs mature parents who will devote themselves to raising him properly. Your son and his girlfriend do not qualify.
Julie

Chicago, IL

#6 Feb 23, 2014
LW1: Life is rough in the trailer park.(Yeah, yeah, I know that's mean, but, c'mon, SERIOUSLY...)

LW2: You're a complete idiot. He has no intention of marrying you. Repeat: You're a complete idiot.
Blunt Advice

Oakland, NJ

#7 Feb 23, 2014
With LW1, while definitely hindsight, a 21 year old seduced a 17 year old....which is technically a sex crime against a child. This bimbo should have been thrown in jail too.
boundary painter

Waco, TX

#8 Feb 25, 2014
Team Cass for a double win.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#9 Feb 25, 2014
Blunt Advice wrote:
With LW1, while definitely hindsight, a 21 year old seduced a 17 year old....which is technically a sex crime against a child. This bimbo should have been thrown in jail too.
17 is the age of consent in Illinois, as long as the other person is under 25, or something like that.

Tell me when this thread is updated:

Subscribe Now Add to my Tracker

Add your comments below

Characters left: 4000

Please note by submitting this form you acknowledge that you have read the Terms of Service and the comment you are posting is in compliance with such terms. Be polite. Inappropriate posts may be removed by the moderator. Send us your feedback.

Chicago Discussions

Title Updated Last By Comments
News BARACK OBAMA BIRTH CERTIFICATE: Suit contesting... (Jan '09) 2 min Coffee Party 219,547
News Barack Obama, our next President (Nov '08) 4 min Grey Ghost 1,404,824
Topix Chitown Regulars (Aug '09) 39 min Sublime1 103,220
News Israeli troops begin Gaza pullout as Hamas decl... (Jan '09) 1 hr Ize Found 70,836
News Chicago Police union to officers: Don't request... 1 hr bozo 1
News Once slow-moving threat, global warming speeds ... (Dec '08) 1 hr Earthling-1 60,661
Malik Obama is voting for Donald TRUMP. 1 hr Malik BACKS TRUMP 2

Chicago Jobs

More from around the web

Personal Finance

Chicago Mortgages