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“Not a real reg”

Since: Jan 13

Location hidden

#1 Oct 30, 2013
DEAR AMY: Last year I met my boyfriend. I became pregnant quickly in the relationship, and now we have a baby together. I was never completely satisfied with the relationship, but he was such a caring person that I’ve tried to see it through.

He has intense religious views that I just don’t share. He originally lived an hour away but has since moved in with my mother and myself, and we all take care of the baby.
I’m still not satisfied with the relationship. Anything physical is completely undesirable to me. He’s a good person, but he lacks initiative and any sort of drive to make himself better, even for our daughter.

He cares about us both deeply, but I just don’t have the feelings I think I should have for him. I also never wanted to raise a baby, but with so much pressure from him and his family I felt that there was no other way (I was interested in adoption).

I now love my baby girl with my whole heart but just can’t get past this distant feeling I have for him. I don’t want to tell him I feel this way because I think he would be crushed, but I also don’t want to spend my whole life not being entirely happy because of a slip-up I had at age 20.

Should I try to stick it out or should I tell him the truth?-- Wondering

DEAR WONDERING: Your primary and most important job is to be your baby’s mother. This needs to come above your romantic dreams at this point.

From the way you describe it, it sounds as if your boyfriend is a good person and involved dad. If he is available to be the primary caregiver in your mother’s home for now (it sounds as if he is), you could pursue your education, job training or whatever outside goals you have.

You are very young, and it is natural at your age to want to be “entirely happy.” But happiness comes in many forms, and for the first year or so of your daughter’s life you may have to shelve youthful happiness in favor of the satisfaction that you are doing the best thing for your child.

If after six to nine more months you know you cannot make it with your boyfriend as a romantic partner, you will have to act like a responsible adult and be honest, kind and respectful as you both work out what will be best for your daughter. Eventually, you may determine that your child could do best living with the child’s father and his family, with you co-parenting as you can.

DEAR AMY: The mother of my young grandson — she’s not married to my son — is charming and bright but lies constantly. Often the lies are about insignificant issues. She is in her early 20s.

I hate to think of my grandson growing up with this role model. Do you have any suggestions on how to approach her, especially as she is a very defensive person?-- Worried Grandma

DEAR GRANDMA: If this young woman lies directly to you and you catch her, then you get to call her on it.(If she lies to other people, they, not you, should respond.)

The only way to do this is honestly, knowing in advance that this young mother may not respond well and it might not affect her behavior. You say,“I’m concerned and confused because what you are saying just isn’t true. How would you feel if I wasn’t honest with you? How would you feel if your little boy wasn’t honest with you?”

DEAR AMY:“Concerned Suitemate” had to tolerate one guy airing his personal business through nightly Skype calls to his girlfriend in the common area. It would make much more sense for the roommates to just hand some headphones to Skyping guy and say plainly,“Use these. We’re tired of hearing your personal stuff. We’re trying to study; please respect that.”

Majority rules. Skype guy is the one trodding on other people, not the other way around.-- Tired

DEAR TIRED: Well done.

“Fort Kickass”

Since: Sep 09

Bloomington, IL

#2 Oct 30, 2013
L1: You should totally have another baby with him. That will fix it.

L2: I can't stand those kinds of people. Just start calling her out on it. Every single time.

L3: How would headphones do anything? He's still talking. Just tell him to take it elsewhere.
liner

Brooklyn, NY

#3 Oct 30, 2013
L1: He has "intense religeous views", after getting his gf preggers? Gosh, I want to join his church!

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

United States

#4 Oct 30, 2013
1- It's the bed you made, darlin. Deal.

2- Butthefuk out, grandma! Who cares about "insignificant" lies?

3- No, it would make more sense for the roommates to tell the guy to go elsewhere. Idiot.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#5 Oct 30, 2013
L1: If you really believe you need to get out of this relationship, the sooner the better. Don't wait until you disrupt a toddler's life. The dad having physical custody and the mom having visitation seems the way to go in this instance.

L2: I'd point out her lies that she was telling directly to me.

L3: They deserve to be interrupted and having to listen to his Skyping b/c they are too chicken to have an honest discussion with their roommate.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#6 Oct 30, 2013
1 Boo Hoo! GTFU. Nobody is happy, everybody settles, the grass is always greener...Bla bla bla
Did I mention GTFU?

2 The best way is to make sure you dispose of the body properly.

3 Skype is the devils work. No good can come from it. Beware!

Since: Jun 09

Saint Petersburg, FL

#7 Oct 30, 2013
LW1: What RACE said. You are not ever really going to be happy. That's life. But I disagree you should wait 6-9 months to see what happens with the guy. I say address it now and work out what's best for the kid.
Blunt Advice

South Orange, NJ

#8 Oct 30, 2013
1. Break up, and neither of you should date for a long long time. Should have thought about the consequences before gettin naked. Raise your daughter well. Hopefully grandma is supportive and good role model.

2. Humiliate her with every little white lie. Those kind of people are annoying to say the least. Recommend counseling for her to cure her of her compulsive lying. Maybe there is hope.
Kuuipo

Marina, CA

#9 Oct 30, 2013
LW1: What everyone said and Use. Birth. Control.

LW2: What Matilda said.

LW3: The roommates need to firmly tell him to take his personal convos elsewhere.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

United States

#10 Oct 30, 2013
liner wrote:
L1: He has "intense religeous views", after getting his gf preggers? Gosh, I want to join his church!
He must be Catholic

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#11 Oct 30, 2013
Fail. "Intense religious views" implies extremest views irrespective of which religion it is.
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
He must be Catholic

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#12 Oct 30, 2013
Last year I met my boyfriend. I became pregnant quickly...
musta been f*king like bunny rabbits!

Since: Jun 09

Saint Petersburg, FL

#13 Oct 30, 2013
RACE wrote:
Fail. "Intense religious views" implies extremest views irrespective of which religion it is.
<quoted text>
I don't think he was commenting on extremist views, I think he was naming that religion as claiming to have the intense religious views, but then completely going against them. But that can also be with any religion, too.

I could be wrong, and I am defending dog. I have had a very off day, so what can I say...

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#14 Oct 30, 2013
I think he was saying catholics because he hates them, even though they support his views on gay marriage.
Stina2 wrote:
<quoted text>I don't think he was commenting on extremist views, I think he was naming that religion as claiming to have the intense religious views, but then completely going against them. But that can also be with any religion, too.
I could be wrong, and I am defending dog. I have had a very off day, so what can I say...

Since: Jun 09

Saint Petersburg, FL

#15 Oct 30, 2013
RACE wrote:
I think he was saying catholics because he hates them, even though they support his views on gay marriage.
<quoted text>
Very possible!

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#16 Oct 30, 2013
Catholics don't believe in birth control, and follow the mantra "be fruitful and multiply."

And Race, the Pope recently came out in support of gay marriage.

“Not a real reg”

Since: Jan 13

Location hidden

#17 Oct 30, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
Catholics don't believe in birth control, and follow the mantra "be fruitful and multiply."
And Race, the Pope recently came out in support of gay marriage.
explain your version of "support".
it wasn't quite that. it was just that they should be respected as human beings. that is not support of their lifestyle.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#18 Oct 30, 2013
dahgts wrote:
it wasn't quite that. it was just that they should be respected as human beings. that is not support of their lifestyle.
That's not what the supporters of gay marriage were crowing about. They acted like it was sanctioned.

“Not a real reg”

Since: Jan 13

Location hidden

#19 Oct 30, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
That's not what the supporters of gay marriage were crowing about. They acted like it was sanctioned.
Various church officials came out and quashed that view.... ha...came out...get it?

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#20 Oct 30, 2013
dahgts wrote:
<quoted text>
Various church officials came out and quashed that view.... ha...came out...get it?
The same officials that came out and quashed... little boys?... ha... get it!?

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