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“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#21 Mar 19, 2014
LW1: Geez, you can't even look at the phone? What a drama queen.

He must have another phone if he's going out and leaving one at home.

LW2: If it's a dealbreaker <mimishrug> then it's a dealbreaker.

LW3: It's gone daddy gone. Move on.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#22 Mar 19, 2014
j_m_w wrote:
Jumping off from L1, is it normal to exchange phone passwords (or email passwords or whatever) with an SO? I know a few married couples who have joint Facebook pages, but I don't think I know anyone who exchanges passwords just because.
I don't have one and Dickie's is a pattern that he uses on all his devices. But I would never go poking around in his email or FB.*I* trust my mate.

I just want the tablet so I can play Majhong or Ceramic Destroyer.

Since: Mar 09

Pittsburgh, PA

#23 Mar 24, 2014
LW2 (Wants to be a Dad)-- check out today's Dear Prudence! Have I got a girl for you. I would suggest a trade ;-)

Q. Changing Your Mind About Having a Baby: Is it OK to change your mind about having a baby? My husband and I have been together for over five years, and one of the things that we agreed upon completely during that time was that neither of us wanted children. I truly never thought I would. Over the last few years, though, I have had many friends, family, and co-workers have children, and for the first time been exposed to the joys and awesomeness of having kids (instead of just the horror stories). And Iíve found that my thoughts are turning more and more toward wanting a child. I have brought this up with my husband many times, and each time the discussion is shut down with,ďWe agreed we werenít going to have any kids.Ē I donít know where my thoughts and feelings are going to land on this issue, but I guess Iím wondering, is it fair to end a marriage if I decide that a child is something that I truly want, when the marriage is based in part on a mutual understanding that nobody wanted kids? Iím turning 32 this year, so Iím aware that time will soon become a factor, if it hasnít already.

A: One of the interesting things about life is that it can present us with the fact that what we thought we knew absolutely about ourselves is wrong. Well, sometimes itís not so much wrong, but it turns out what was right for one phase of our lives may be the opposite of what we want for another. I know there are many happily child-free people who have never wavered in their conviction. But Iíve often written that I think itís a good idea for people to test their certaintiesóespecially when it comes to having childrenóso Iíve heard from many people who knew they never wanted one, who then ecstatically send me pictures of their babies. Ideally, when you realize something you were certain about no longer is true, your partner has made the same shift, or is open to exploring it. As you are experiencing, itís wrenching when this isnít the case. More than that, biology sets a deadline and forces you to make life-altering decisions under pressure. You know that if you end your marriage in the hope you find a partner who wants children with you, you may not find this person.

Yes, you are trying to change a fundamental understanding of your marriage, but I donít think itís fair for your husband to simply shut you down. Tell him this is so important to you, and you feel so stymied in getting him to listen, that you want the two of you to go see a counselor. At the least that will help you clarify your short and long-term goals. If he refuses to go, and refuses to explore this with you, then that says something profound about what kind of life partner he is.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#24 Mar 24, 2014
VAdame wrote:
LW2 (Wants to be a Dad)-- check out today's Dear Prudence! Have I got a girl for you. I would suggest a trade ;-)
Q. Changing Your Mind About Having a Baby: Is it OK to change your mind about having a baby? My husband and I have been together for over five years, and one of the things that we agreed upon completely during that time was that neither of us wanted children. I truly never thought I would. Over the last few years, though, I have had many friends, family, and co-workers have children, and for the first time been exposed to the joys and awesomeness of having kids (instead of just the horror stories). And Iíve found that my thoughts are turning more and more toward wanting a child. I have brought this up with my husband many times, and each time the discussion is shut down with,ďWe agreed we werenít going to have any kids.Ē I donít know where my thoughts and feelings are going to land on this issue, but I guess Iím wondering, is it fair to end a marriage if I decide that a child is something that I truly want, when the marriage is based in part on a mutual understanding that nobody wanted kids? Iím turning 32 this year, so Iím aware that time will soon become a factor, if it hasnít already.
A: One of the interesting things about life is that it can present us with the fact that what we thought we knew absolutely about ourselves is wrong. Well, sometimes itís not so much wrong, but it turns out what was right for one phase of our lives may be the opposite of what we want for another. I know there are many happily child-free people who have never wavered in their conviction. But Iíve often written that I think itís a good idea for people to test their certaintiesóespecially when it comes to having childrenóso Iíve heard from many people who knew they never wanted one, who then ecstatically send me pictures of their babies. Ideally, when you realize something you were certain about no longer is true, your partner has made the same shift, or is open to exploring it. As you are experiencing, itís wrenching when this isnít the case. More than that, biology sets a deadline and forces you to make life-altering decisions under pressure. You know that if you end your marriage in the hope you find a partner who wants children with you, you may not find this person.
Yes, you are trying to change a fundamental understanding of your marriage, but I donít think itís fair for your husband to simply shut you down. Tell him this is so important to you, and you feel so stymied in getting him to listen, that you want the two of you to go see a counselor. At the least that will help you clarify your short and long-term goals. If he refuses to go, and refuses to explore this with you, then that says something profound about what kind of life partner he is.
and if he goes and still does not want one? Not sure I see a point in counseling. How much she wants a child is irrelevant. Unless he WANTS one, he should not become a father just to appease her.

Since: Mar 09

Pittsburgh, PA

#25 Mar 24, 2014
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>and if he goes and still does not want one? Not sure I see a point in counseling. How much she wants a child is irrelevant. Unless he WANTS one, he should not become a father just to appease her.
Well, Tonka, that's why I suggested they should get together and TRADE!

Trade spouses, that is.

Do I need to activate my <Sarca-Font(tm)>????

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#26 Mar 24, 2014
VAdame wrote:
<quoted text>
Well, Tonka, that's why I suggested they should get together and TRADE!
Trade spouses, that is.
Do I need to activate my <Sarca-Font(tm)>????
I wasn't responding to you, but whoever gave that advice. Already forgot what column you pulled it from.

Since: Mar 09

Pittsburgh, PA

#27 Mar 24, 2014
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>I wasn't responding to you, but whoever gave that advice. Already forgot what column you pulled it from.
Today's Dear Prudence.
I immediately thought of this guy but couldn't remember right away whose column it was!

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