Dear Abby

[Mimi Seattle]

DEAR ABBY: While standing in a checkout line yesterday, I witnessed a cashier speak to the older woman in front of me in a condescending manner. She kept calling her "Sweetie" and talking to her as if she were a 3-year-old. The woman was obviously offended, but said nothing.

I experienced this kind of behavior often when my mother was alive. Receptionists, waitresses, store clerks and others would direct their questions to me and talk to me while my mother stood there, perfectly capable of answering the questions herself. I'm sure these people did not intend to be rude or disrespectful. However, it was extremely annoying to both Mother and me.

Because a person is elderly does not mean he or she is senile. Regardless of their mental capacity, older people have earned the right to be treated with dignity and respect.-- OFFENDED IN KINGSPORT, TENN.

DEAR OFFENDED: I'm glad you wrote. I have seen it happen, too, and with people who should have known better. And when it did happen, the offender was sometimes called on it in a way that wasn't at all "sweet."

Readers, if this letter strikes a familiar chord, please remember that most senior citizens are completely in control of their faculties and treat them accordingly.(Or risk losing a customer.)

DEAR ABBY: At least two or three times a week, I receive requests for donations from various organizations. Many times the envelopes contain address labels, calendars and notepads. As much as I would like, I can't afford to donate to every cause. Is it wrong to use these "gifts" if I don't contribute? It's a shame to waste them -- especially the address labels. No one else can use them.

I'm sure I'm not the only person who struggles with this moral dilemma. I'd really like your input.-- FEELING GUILTY IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR FEELING GUILTY: The organizations that send those unsolicited mailings count on the recipients feeling so guilty that they'll send something. If using the unsolicited "gifts" makes you feel guilty, toss them or don't open the envelope in the first place.

Compile a list of those causes that you wish to give to, decide what amount you have to donate to all of them, divide the total and send your checks. And as you do, check them off your list to make sure you won't accidentally give twice because many (not all) organizations solicit more than once a year, hoping donors will forget they have given and send more.

DEAR ABBY: I am seeing a therapist for my depression. The problem is I find myself wanting to have sexual relations with him. I'm 23, and he's older than my father, who is 63! What's wrong with me? Obviously, I can't have an affair with my therapist, and I desperately do not want to change doctors. Please help.-- LOVESICK PATIENT IN MONTANA

DEAR LOVESICK: What's going on with you is very common. There is a name for it: transference. While this may be embarrassing to you, I assure you your therapist has heard it before. It's not necessary that you change doctors, but it is important that you be honest about your feelings.(Nobody ever said therapy was for the faint of heart!)

[Mimi Seattle]

http://www.topix.com/forum/chicago/TH4MT3IN94...

[AngelaMN]

L1: Service people do this not only to the elderly, but to older kids, retarded adults, people in wheelchairs, etc. It's stupid, but what are you gonna do?

L2: Use them without a second thought.

L3: You need to tell your therapist. They're trained to deal with this, and it's a very common problem. If he in any way makes you feel like you should act on your feelings, get out, get a new shrink, and report him immediately to the appropriate licensing board.

[Shari23]

AngelaMN wrote:

L1: Service people do this not only to the elderly, but to older kids, retarded adults, people in wheelchairs, etc. It's stupid, but what are you going to do?

This used to happen to my grandmother. I would tell the person, "Grandma can answer your questions". After that I would not respond to them. This would work for any of the situations. When I worked in retail, I made a point to speak directly to people in wheelchairs. They seemed to appreciate it.

[j_m_w]

L2: This is a rehash disguised as an original letter.

L3: What 23-year-old uses terminology like "wanting to have sexual relations"?

[PEllen]

j_m_w wrote:

L2: This is a rehash disguised as an original letter.
L3: What 23-year-old uses terminology like "wanting to have sexual relations"?

Someone who is conflicted and emabarrassed about the impulse and is writing to a stranger

[AngelaMN]

j_m_w wrote:

L2: This is a rehash disguised as an original letter.
L3: What 23-year-old uses terminology like "wanting to have sexual relations"?

Since they rewrite the letters to fix bad wording, spelling, etc., I wonder if she said "I wanna [f] this guy" and they cleaned it up., Abby style.

[Sioux Warrior]

PEllen wrote:

<quoted text>Someone who is conflicted and emabarrassed about the impulse and is writing to a stranger

Just curious, how do you know about the nc forum?

[edogxxx]

L3: This is common?
Damn, I shoulda been a therapist.

[PEllen]

edogxxx wrote:

L3: This is common?
Damn, I shoulda been a therapist.

No, no, NO. That takes a person who is already messed up and messes them up even more. The shrink loses their license and goes to jail. No one wins
I know someone it happened to. Don't joke about it Dog, its bad stuff

[PEllen]

Sicangu Nation wrote:

<quoted text>Just curious, how do you know about the nc forum?

I won a free trip there of course

Join teh conversation. New people are welcome, especially guys

[AngelaMN]

PEllen wrote:

<quoted text>No, no, NO. That takes a person who is already messed up and messes them up even more. The shrink loses their license and goes to jail. No one wins
I know someone it happened to. Don't joke about it Dog, its bad stuff

Yeah, it’s like when a clergyperson takes advantage of a vulnerable person who comes to them for help. It really messes with a person’s head.

[Sioux Warrior]

PEllen wrote:

<quoted text> I won a free trip there of course
Join teh conversation. New people are welcome, especially guys

What?... I was just wondering what you were getting at yesterday.

[Pixx]

Lw1 Yeah, I hate it when I see that. I get it every once on awhile; sometimes people are either condescending/ speak to me like I'm retarded/ just plain stand offish and rude to me, presumably because I am young and look even younger.

[cycle003]

PEllen wrote:

<quoted text> I won a free trip there of course
Join teh conversation. New people are welcome, especially guys

Uhh? Everyone's welcome but especially WOMEN!(Fixed that typo for you)

[Sublime1]

LW1: And your question is???

LW2: What in the hell would compel a person to write about this to an advice columnist?

LW3: I dunno, but something tells me these feelings might interfere with her therapy. Maybe she should look for a female therapist who looks like Rosie.

[Sublime1]

cycle003 wrote:

<quoted text>
Uhh? Everyone's welcome but especially WOMEN!(Fixed that typo for you)

Uhh? Everyone's welcome but especially HOT (Fixed that typo for you) WOMEN!

[squishymama]

LW1: Look, sweetie. You got a question?

LW2: Guilty? For using some free stuff that you didn't ask for? You need to get out more.

LW3: Somewhere Freud is laughing his a$$ off.

[cycle003]

Sublime1 wrote:

LW1: And your question is???
LW2: What in the hell would compel a person to write about this to an advice columnist?
LW3: I dunno, but something tells me these feelings might interfere with her therapy. Maybe she should look for a female therapist who looks like Rosie.

Aww, this is no fun; I agree.

L2: If this woman is getting 2-3 of these a week, she's on the suckers list. Perhaps she should try getting off the mailing lists.

[Mister Tonka]

cycle003 wrote:

L2: If this woman is getting 2-3 of these a week, she's on the suckers list. Perhaps she should try getting off the mailing lists.

F that. I'm pissed that I HAVEN't gotten any free address labels in a while. Keep me ON the list. If I get crap in the mail I don't want, I have several trash cans around my house as well as a cross cut paper shredder. Junk mail don't bother me none.