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dahgts

Skokie, IL

#1 Jan 12, 2013
DEAR ABBY: I am in high school and have always been able to get whatever guy I wanted. My reputation at school is sort of "loose and easy."

I haven't had sex in eight months because I met a sweet, amazing guy who I want to marry. He's a virgin, and I think he thinks I'm one, too. He doesn't go to my school, so he doesn't know about my old reputation.

Should I let him keep thinking I'm still innocent? I feel like a worthless used rag. When I'm with him, I am worth something -- I'm the whole world to him. I want it to stay like that. But I know that by not telling him, I'm lying. He doesn't deserve that -- and I feel I don't deserve him. Please help.-- NEW "ME" IN ARIZONA

DEAR NEW YOU: Before I answer your question, there are some things I would like you to understand. First, you are "worth something" whether you are with this boy or not. It is dangerous to judge yourself through the eyes of another person. It is far more important that you can look at yourself in a mirror and know you are a good person because you try every day to do what is moral and right. Practice that, and no one will ever again make you feel like a used rag.

You are still in high school, and that's early to be thinking about marriage. I'm advising you to tell this boy the truth because if you don't, there is a good chance that eventually he will hear it from someone else. If he drops you because of it, it will not be because you don't deserve him, but because he doesn't deserve you.

DEAR ABBY: I'm wondering if you can help me. I have been friendly with couples, and when an argument arises I have been caught in the middle. Sometimes I have felt forced to take sides. Then what happened was, they wound up mending fences and repeating to the other what I said during their split. It has put me in an awkward position when we're together. How should I handle this in the future?-- TORN IN DALLAS

DEAR TORN: In the future, when your friends have a spat with a spouse or significant other and start to dump on you, politely decline to listen. Say, "If you have a complaint about (), you should work it out with him/her because I'm not comfortable hearing this." Either that, or do a lot of listening and comment, "Oh, that must be painful." Period. That way you're saying nothing you won't later regret.

The exception would be if you were told about an abusive relationship, in which case you should recommend a domestic-violence hotline.

DEAR ABBY: My husband of 30 years is easily startled. If I enter a room without a warning, he reacts as though he is in danger. He yells, "Don't do that, or you'll give me a heart attack!"

Since our retirements, this has become an issue. I don't understand his reaction -- he wasn't in the military, didn't have a dangerous job and hasn't been in a disaster. I feel like an intruder in my own home. He doesn't think he has a problem. Your thoughts?-- WIFE OF A JUMPY HUBBY

DEAR WIFE: Has your husband always been this way, or is this new behavior? If it's new behavior, it should be discussed with his doctor. He may suffer from a hearing loss or some other problem. And because he finds being "surprised" upsetting, try to accommodate him and not take it personally.

“Where is Tonka?”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#2 Jan 12, 2013
1 Way to not tell this loose tramp about getting checked for STD, and Please lets not overlook the man bashing your doing. Like the man is the one denegrading her.

She has esteem issues, its probably why she sleeps around, she's looking for love and acceptance, but shoot right by that to bash the man. Your pathetic amby.

2 When this happens again, stick your fingers in your ears and shout MY GUNS! MY GUNS! MY GUNS!

And of course amby had to throw in another man bash.

3 Would it kill you to knock?

Since: Mar 09

West Palm Beach, FL

#3 Jan 12, 2013
L1: What Race said. Abby dropped the ball on this one, I'm a little surprised. This is more of an Amy-type answer (sans the lame movie reference).

L2: "How should I handle this in the future?" By butting out. I think you like the drama.

L3: Intern must've stepped in, this is a decent answer.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#4 Jan 12, 2013
LW1: Stopped caring after "high school".

And I even reread Amy's response RACE, and I'm not seeing the man bashing.

LW2: Still not caring.

LW3: Wear bells around your ankles until you can get his hearing checked.

“Where is Tonka?”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#5 Jan 12, 2013
I read it as amby saying that it was the mans fault that the girl
valued herself only to the extent of what a man thought she was worth.
squishymama wrote:
LW1: Stopped caring after "high school".
And I even reread Amy's response RACE, and I'm not seeing the man bashing.
LW2: Still not caring.
LW3: Wear bells around your ankles until you can get his hearing checked.
Kuuipo

Salinas, CA

#6 Jan 12, 2013
LW1: Agree w/RACE about LW getting tested for STDs, and that the girl has self-esteem issues. Disagree with the labeling and I am not seeing the man-bashing.

LW2: HA! This happened to me back in the day when my good friend got into a fight with her sister. I learned that lesson. I never say anything bad about someone's SO.

LW3: What squishymama said.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#7 Jan 12, 2013
squishymama wrote:
And I even reread Amy's response RACE, and I'm not seeing the man bashing.
"If he drops you because of it, it will not be because you don't deserve him, but because he doesn't deserve you."

While it may be true that the prim virgin doesn't deserve the loose trampslut and can do much better, Abby worded it in a way that appeals to the self-esteem of the schoolwhore, while ignoring the underlying causes and dangers of her behavior.

Abby's basically condoning the lw's whoreness and saying if a boy has a problem with it, HE is the one with the issue.

“What's it to ya?”

Since: Mar 09

Location hidden

#8 Jan 12, 2013
RACE wrote:
I read it as amby saying that it was the mans fault that the girl
valued herself only to the extent of what a man thought she was worth.
<quoted text>
No, she was saying that if he judges her for her past then he's not worth it for the long haul. <shrug>

“Where is Tonka?”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#9 Jan 12, 2013
What an amazingly lucid argument.

edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
"If he drops you because of it, it will not be because you don't deserve him, but because he doesn't deserve you."
While it may be true that the prim virgin doesn't deserve the loose trampslut and can do much better, Abby worded it in a way that appeals to the self-esteem of the schoolwhore, while ignoring the underlying causes and dangers of her behavior.
Abby's basically condoning the lw's whoreness and saying if a boy has a problem with it, HE is the one with the issue.

“Where is Tonka?”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#10 Jan 12, 2013
Thats how YOU read it, besides why are any assumptions being made about the boy at all? Nobody know what his reaction will be, for all we know he could be relieved that she has slept around, so he wont have to worry about it later.

You just dont see it 'cause your a girl.
Mimi Seattle wrote:
<quoted text>
No, she was saying that if he judges her for her past then he's not worth it for the long haul. <shrug>
not a ghost

San Antonio, TX

#11 Jan 12, 2013
And, how does LW1 know this boy really is a "virgin"?

Agree with the answers above.
Kuuipo

Salinas, CA

#12 Jan 12, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
"If he drops you because of it, it will not be because you don't deserve him, but because he doesn't deserve you."
While it may be true that the prim virgin doesn't deserve the loose trampslut and can do much better, Abby worded it in a way that appeals to the self-esteem of the schoolwhore, while ignoring the underlying causes and dangers of her behavior.
Abby's basically condoning the lw's whoreness and saying if a boy has a problem with it, HE is the one with the issue.
The young woman in question has already figured out that she doesn't want to be the kind of person who indiscriminately sleeps around. True, she figured it out the hard way, but I don't understand or agree with the "once a ho, always a ho" philosophy. I don't think Abby is condoning LW's PAST behavior, I think she is supporting her decision to make better choices and come clean about her past to the new boyfriend. None of us know how he will react to it; hopefully he will be accepting and appreciative of her honesty.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#13 Jan 12, 2013
Mimi Seattle wrote:
<quoted text>
No, she was saying that if he judges her for her past then he's not worth it for the long haul. <shrug>
That's man bashing.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#14 Jan 12, 2013
Kuuipo wrote:
hopefully he will be accepting and appreciative of her honesty.
And if he doesn't, Abby's saying HE'S the jerk.
Kuuipo

Salinas, CA

#15 Jan 12, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
And if he doesn't, Abby's saying HE'S the jerk.
No, she said that he wouldn't deserve her. I take that to mean that they wouldn't be right for each other because he would not be willing to accept that she'd made some mistakes that she clearly regrets. I don't get "jerk" from that. I get incompatible.
Anonymous

Plant City, FL

#16 Jan 12, 2013
Mimi Seattle wrote:
<quoted text>
No, she was saying that if he judges her for her past then he's not worth it for the long haul. <shrug>
But he has his rights to do so. We use the emotionally-charged word JUDGE, but I call it preferences.
I would never date a smoker or drug user and if I found that out, it's over. He has the same right to not want to date the school slut.

And the girl has issues, and it's amazing how she feels worthy with someone who is not getting in her pants. She needs some self-esteem.
Gah--high school.
Anonymous

Plant City, FL

#17 Jan 12, 2013
Kuuipo wrote:
<quoted text>
No, she said that he wouldn't deserve her. I take that to mean that they wouldn't be right for each other because he would not be willing to accept that she'd made some mistakes that she clearly regrets. I don't get "jerk" from that. I get incompatible.
Incompatible is a very fair word...DESERVE has to many connotations to it and reads very wrong to me.
Anonymous

Plant City, FL

#18 Jan 12, 2013
2: The plurality tells me lw doesn't know how to change behavior, so I doubt asking a stranger will cure it....moron.
They felt forced because they are a wuss with their words.

3: So weird. Wouldn't even a warning startle him? I mean, if she calls out from another room before entering the on he's in....how is that much different than her presence being in a room.
He's an oddball who needs to do more accomodating on this one.

“Where is Tonka?”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#19 Jan 12, 2013
I dont think it is so much a sudden noise (after all we are all inundated with sudden noises), but more her unexpected presence. It could even be a passive aggressive habit on her part. Maybe some kind of sadistic game she plays knowing it messes with his head.
cheluzal wrote:
2: The plurality tells me lw doesn't know how to change behavior, so I doubt asking a stranger will cure it....moron.
They felt forced because they are a wuss with their words.
3: So weird. Wouldn't even a warning startle him? I mean, if she calls out from another room before entering the on he's in....how is that much different than her presence being in a room.
He's an oddball who needs to do more accomodating on this one.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#20 Jan 12, 2013
Kuuipo wrote:
<quoted text>
No, she said that he wouldn't deserve her. I take that to mean that they wouldn't be right for each other because he would not be willing to accept that she'd made some mistakes that she clearly regrets.
"Made some mistakes." Yeah, oops, I slipped and landed in your poosay.

She's the dam townwh0re! Who WOULD "deserve" her?! It's *that* type of wording that bashes the man and glorifies the woman.

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