“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#1 Nov 25, 2013
DEAR AMY: After being married for about 15 years, my husband recently came out to me as gay. I know he loves me and I love him. We are communicating and being honest about how we’re feeling. We are in couples counseling together and are trying to work this through and figure out what is the best path forward for our family (we have young children).

We’re used to hearing about respectability politics with regard to race, but it can be just as destructive when used against women in reference to their sexuality.

Through our talks, I realized that his best friend is also gay (he is also married with children). It has become obvious to me that they are attracted to each other, although his wife doesn’t know about any of it.

I don’t believe the two men have been unfaithful, and they are using each other as support through this self-discovery time. Should I say anything to this other woman about her husband being gay? I feel like my husband’s friend is not being honest with his wife, and she deserves to know the truth.

I’m not sure it’s my place to say anything, but I don’t think he will ever tell her. This other woman and I are merely acquaintances and I hold no ill feelings toward her, but I’m not sure what to do.-- Secret Holder

DEAR SECRET HOLDER: It sounds as if you haven’t really discussed this aspect of your husband’s story with him but have had a dawning realization that the two men are emotionally involved.

You and your husband should start by discussing this openly with your counselor; if the emotional connection between the two men deepens and/or becomes a physical one, what happens to your marriage?

I don’t think it’s necessary to share your theory about this man’s sexuality with his wife (so far it’s a theory) but you might split the difference by telling her your story:“My husband has come out to me. He is gay. I know our husbands have grown very close, so I thought I would let you know a little of the back story.”

DEAR AMY: My wife died this summer. She had a Facebook account for which I have the password. I never thought I wanted my own Facebook account because she only used hers for viewing pictures of the grandchildren and always invited me to look over her shoulder. We only ever had one (joint) e-mail address for the last 18 years.

What’s the appropriate action now? Most people I ask assume that I have my own Facebook account; I’m still not sure I want one. Is there a way to change her status to “the estate of”? I keep getting bombarded with e-mail requests to look at Facebook and it’s upsetting to me whenever I receive them.-- Robert

DEAR ROBERT: My sympathies for your loss. As you try to navigate this challenging time, technology has created strange (and potentially wonderful) ways to complicate the process, as a digital imprint can continue long after the person is gone. Start by adjusting the settings in the Facebook account so you don’t receive e-mail notifications.

It is possible to turn a Facebook page into a memorial. To learn how to do this, search for “memorial pages” in Facebook’s Help section. Friends and families can write on the deceased person’s wall or post photos of the person when they are thinking about them — these memorial pages can blossom into lovely and lively albums of remembrance.

You can choose to do this — or cancel it altogether. You can learn about Facebook by exploring on your own, or perhaps one of your kids (or grandchildren) can sit with you to see if you want to “memorialize” your late wife’s page, close it, or perhaps open one of your own.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#2 Nov 25, 2013
3ed letter

DEAR AMY:“Enabler” wondered if she was enabling her hard-drinking neighbor by thanking him with wine for the neighborly favors he had done. She suspects he has a drinking problem.

I don’t get it. First she is speculating about his drinking habits. Then she is hung up on how to say “thank you.” Can’t Enabler bake a pie?-- Neighborly

DEAR NEIGHBORLY: Homemade or bought (and dolled-up to look homemade)— I agree that a pie says “thank you” nicely.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#3 Nov 25, 2013
1st letter

DEAR AMY: After being married for about 15 years, my husband recently came out to me as gay. I know he loves me and I love him. We are communicating and being honest about how we’re feeling. We are in couples counseling together and are trying to work this through and figure out what is the best path forward for our family (we have young children).

We’re used to hearing about respectability politics with regard to race, but it can be just as destructive when used against women in reference to their sexuality.

Through our talks, I realized that his best friend is also gay (he is also married with children). It has become obvious to me that they are attracted to each other, although his wife doesn’t know about any of it.

I don’t believe the two men have been unfaithful, and they are using each other as support through this self-discovery time. Should I say anything to this other woman about her husband being gay? I feel like my husband’s friend is not being honest with his wife, and she deserves to know the truth.

I’m not sure it’s my place to say anything, but I don’t think he will ever tell her. This other woman and I are merely acquaintances and I hold no ill feelings toward her, but I’m not sure what to do.-- Secret Holder

DEAR SECRET HOLDER: It sounds as if you haven’t really discussed this aspect of your husband’s story with him but have had a dawning realization that the two men are emotionally involved.

You and your husband should start by discussing this openly with your counselor; if the emotional connection between the two men deepens and/or becomes a physical one, what happens to your marriage?

I don’t think it’s necessary to share your theory about this man’s sexuality with his wife (so far it’s a theory) but you might split the difference by telling her your story:“My husband has come out to me. He is gay. I know our husbands have grown very close, so I thought I would let you know a little of the back story.”

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#4 Nov 25, 2013
2nd letter

DEAR AMY: My wife died this summer. She had a Facebook account for which I have the password. I never thought I wanted my own Facebook account because she only used hers for viewing pictures of the grandchildren and always invited me to look over her shoulder. We only ever had one (joint) e-mail address for the last 18 years.

What’s the appropriate action now? Most people I ask assume that I have my own Facebook account; I’m still not sure I want one. Is there a way to change her status to “the estate of”? I keep getting bombarded with e-mail requests to look at Facebook and it’s upsetting to me whenever I receive them.-- Robert

DEAR ROBERT: My sympathies for your loss. As you try to navigate this challenging time, technology has created strange (and potentially wonderful) ways to complicate the process, as a digital imprint can continue long after the person is gone. Start by adjusting the settings in the Facebook account so you don’t receive e-mail notifications.

It is possible to turn a Facebook page into a memorial. To learn how to do this, search for “memorial pages” in Facebook’s Help section. Friends and families can write on the deceased person’s wall or post photos of the person when they are thinking about them — these memorial pages can blossom into lovely and lively albums of remembrance.

You can choose to do this — or cancel it altogether. You can learn about Facebook by exploring on your own, or perhaps one of your kids (or grandchildren) can sit with you to see if you want to “memorialize” your late wife’s page, close it, or perhaps open one of your own.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#5 Nov 25, 2013
The letters keep disappearong.
Here is the link for Amy

http://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/style...

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#6 Nov 25, 2013
PEllen wrote:
DEAR AMY: After being married for about 15 years, my husband recently came out to me as gay. I know he loves me and I love him. We are communicating and being honest about how we’re feeling. We are in couples counseling together and are trying to work this through and figure out what is the best path forward for our family (we have young children).
We’re used to hearing about respectability politics with regard to race, but it can be just as destructive when used against women in reference to their sexuality.
Through our talks, I realized that his best friend is also gay (he is also married with children). It has become obvious to me that they are attracted to each other, although his wife doesn’t know about any of it.
I don’t believe the two men have been unfaithful, and they are using each other as support through this self-discovery time. Should I say anything to this other woman about her husband being gay? I feel like my husband’s friend is not being honest with his wife, and she deserves to know the truth.
I’m not sure it’s my place to say anything, but I don’t think he will ever tell her. This other woman and I are merely acquaintances and I hold no ill feelings toward her, but I’m not sure what to do.-- Secret Holder
DEAR SECRET HOLDER: It sounds as if you haven’t really discussed this aspect of your husband’s story with him but have had a dawning realization that the two men are emotionally involved.
You and your husband should start by discussing this openly with your counselor; if the emotional connection between the two men deepens and/or becomes a physical one, what happens to your marriage?
I don’t think it’s necessary to share your theory about this man’s sexuality with his wife (so far it’s a theory) but you might split the difference by telling her your story:“My husband has come out to me. He is gay. I know our husbands have grown very close, so I thought I would let you know a little of the back story.”
DEAR AMY: My wife died this summer. She had a Facebook account for which I have the password. I never thought I wanted my own Facebook account because she only used hers for viewing pictures of the grandchildren and always invited me to look over her shoulder. We only ever had one (joint) e-mail address for the last 18 years.
What’s the appropriate action now? Most people I ask assume that I have my own Facebook account; I’m still not sure I want one. Is there a way to change her status to “the estate of”? I keep getting bombarded with e-mail requests to look at Facebook and it’s upsetting to me whenever I receive them.-- Robert
DEAR ROBERT: My sympathies for your loss. As you try to navigate this challenging time, technology has created strange (and potentially wonderful) ways to complicate the process, as a digital imprint can continue long after the person is gone. Start by adjusting the settings in the Facebook account so you don’t receive e-mail notifications.
It is possible to turn a Facebook page into a memorial. To learn how to do this, search for “memorial pages” in Facebook’s Help section. Friends and families can write on the deceased person’s wall or post photos of the person when they are thinking about them — these memorial pages can blossom into lovely and lively albums of remembrance.
You can choose to do this — or cancel it altogether. You can learn about Facebook by exploring on your own, or perhaps one of your kids (or grandchildren) can sit with you to see if you want to “memorialize” your late wife’s page, close it, or perhaps open one of your own.
posterity

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#7 Nov 25, 2013
PEllen wrote:
2nd letter
DEAR AMY: My wife died this summer. She had a Facebook account for which I have the password. I never thought I wanted my own Facebook account because she only used hers for viewing pictures of the grandchildren and always invited me to look over her shoulder. We only ever had one (joint) e-mail address for the last 18 years.
What’s the appropriate action now? Most people I ask assume that I have my own Facebook account; I’m still not sure I want one. Is there a way to change her status to “the estate of”? I keep getting bombarded with e-mail requests to look at Facebook and it’s upsetting to me whenever I receive them.-- Robert
DEAR ROBERT: My sympathies for your loss. As you try to navigate this challenging time, technology has created strange (and potentially wonderful) ways to complicate the process, as a digital imprint can continue long after the person is gone. Start by adjusting the settings in the Facebook account so you don’t receive e-mail notifications.
It is possible to turn a Facebook page into a memorial. To learn how to do this, search for “memorial pages” in Facebook’s Help section. Friends and families can write on the deceased person’s wall or post photos of the person when they are thinking about them — these memorial pages can blossom into lovely and lively albums of remembrance.
You can choose to do this — or cancel it altogether. You can learn about Facebook by exploring on your own, or perhaps one of your kids (or grandchildren) can sit with you to see if you want to “memorialize” your late wife’s page, close it, or perhaps open one of your own.
posterity

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#8 Nov 25, 2013
PEllen wrote:
3ed letter
DEAR AMY:“Enabler” wondered if she was enabling her hard-drinking neighbor by thanking him with wine for the neighborly favors he had done. She suspects he has a drinking problem.
I don’t get it. First she is speculating about his drinking habits. Then she is hung up on how to say “thank you.” Can’t Enabler bake a pie?-- Neighborly
DEAR NEIGHBORLY: Homemade or bought (and dolled-up to look homemade)— I agree that a pie says “thank you” nicely.
posterity
not a ghost

San Antonio, TX

#9 Nov 25, 2013
I wouldn't blame Robert if he ignores the computer
for a few days as he grieves--then gets a truly trustworthy friend or relative to help him follow
the advice of developing a loving memorial page for his late wife.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#10 Nov 25, 2013
LW1: "I’m not sure it’s my place to say anything,..."

You're right! It's not. Concentrate on your own sh!t; you have plenty of it.

LW2: The memorial page sounds nice.

LW3: How about some rum balls?

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#11 Nov 25, 2013
LW1: I think it is naïve to think he hasn’t been hooking up with his best friend seeing as how they are both in the closet and best friends.

IMO it’s best to get a divorce and completely extricate yourself from the situation. Not sure what the point is of being married to a gay man. Pretty sure that can’t be good for the psyche.

LW2: Cancel her account if it upsets you.

LW3: Good thinking. Hard Apple Cider Pie.
liner

Patchogue, NY

#12 Nov 25, 2013
L2: You've managed without facebook this long. Delete her account and move on.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#13 Nov 25, 2013
Team Squishy.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#14 Nov 25, 2013
Sublime1 wrote:
LW3: Good thinking. Hard Apple Cider Pie.
That sounds good.
Kuuipo

Monterey, CA

#15 Nov 25, 2013
LW1: Team squishy with a side of Sublime.

LW2: A friend of mine passed over two years ago and he still has a Facebook page. I have no idea who is maintaining it.
liner

Patchogue, NY

#16 Nov 25, 2013
Kuuipo wrote:
LW1: Team squishy with a side of Sublime.
LW2: A friend of mine passed over two years ago and he still has a Facebook page. I have no idea who is maintaining it.
Was it updated on Halloween?

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