Posted in the Chicago Forum
“Not a real reg”
Since: Jan 13
#1 Sep 29, 2013
DEAR AMY: A week ago I got “matched” with a guy over Facebook (through a friend). I was told that I’m his type, and he’s definitely mine. We are both 19.
We have messaged each other over Facebook almost every day for a week. He only messages me once a day, and it’s usually only a few lines, so our conversation hasn’t expanded as quickly as I want it to.
In desperation I asked him for his phone number. He ignored the question but later on I gave him my number. He then replied, saying he didn’t want to swap numbers until he knew me better, but if we don’t talk, how can this happen?
A day later we had a longer exchange, which was nice, but nothing has gone further than that boring stuff like,“What do you do for work?”
I feel we have a connection, but it’s not shining through enough (or at least not fast enough) for him to keep an interest in me. Sometimes I feel like I initiate everything.
I don’t know what to do at this point. It got a tiny bit flirty today, but it needs to do better.
I don’t want to freak him out, but when is the best time to ask to meet him? Do you think I’m overreacting? Do I need to make a different move to get things going?-- Eager
DEAR EAGER: My major recommendation is for you to shove a little of your “cray cray” back in the bottle.
You are coming on way too strong. This guy is being honest with you, and you are responding by pouring on more pressure. Not smart.
He doesn’t want to talk by phone, and you are now thinking about how to manipulate him into meeting you? Yikes.
You need to follow his lead and step away from Facebook long enough for him to wonder where you are.
Stop. Relax. Stop pushing. This is an opportunity to reflect on your own behavior. Read “He’s Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys” by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo (Gallery, 2009), or watch the movie of the same name).
DEAR AMY: I’m responding to the letter from “Female Football Fan,” about the “pond scum” who was part of their tailgating group. As a psychotherapist, I have learned that one of the signs of a man’s true maturity is that he has learned to “tame his ‘junk,’” to put it somewhat indelicately.
From the fact that this fellow sent an e-mail to his tailgating friends regarding his testosterone and his marital unfaithfulness, I would say that he doesn’t rate even a passable score on the maturity scale. His wife should be happy to be rid of a husband with the psychological age of 15.(Please forgive me, all teen males who may be reading this.)
I hope that she is able to realize his problem is no reflection on her.-- Shaking My Head in LA
DEAR SHAKING MY HEAD: This man was definitely acting out. Perhaps his elevated testosterone level caused him to strut about his reprehensible behavior in such an obnoxious way. And don’t you wonder how this tailgating trauma turned out? Well, read on.
DEAR AMY: You recently published my letter in your column. I am “Female Football Fan,” who wondered how to deal with a guy tailgating with our group.(He sent out a group e-mail announcing that he had been unfaithful to his wife for years because of his “high testosterone” and that he was divorcing her.)
We had our first tailgate last Saturday, and it turns out that Mr. Testosterone has been uninvited by his friend who brought him into the group in the first place.
I wasn’t the only one offended by the “too much information” e-mail.
Our picnic tables will therefore be free of pond scum. But if I do cross paths with “Mr. T” in the stadium, I’ll ask to be removed from his e-mail list.-- Football Fan
DEAR FAN: Your letter about Mr. Testosterone generated a lively response, and I’m delighted to hear back from you and to learn that this matter was settled so appropriately.
“reign in blood”
Since: May 09
#2 Sep 29, 2013
1- He's just not that into you. Didn't realize that was an actual book.
2, 3- I like hearing the resolution to a letter. The friends did the right thing.
“Not a real reg”
Since: Jan 13
#3 Sep 29, 2013
I liked seeing the resolution, too. we can see who here had the same suggestion.
Ha...there's a book for everything out there.
#4 Sep 29, 2013
1: He could be into her. It's been a week, geez. No everyone meets someone they know for a hot second. He was honest and is comunicating....a few more weeks, sure.
But the more this stupid aggressive girl pushes, the more he will pull away. Stop. Pursuing.
If he likes you, he will chase you. If he doesn't, he wasn't moved enough to be with you--and no one deserves that.
2: The dude who uninvited him has all the balls. Go him!
Since: Oct 09
#5 Sep 29, 2013
LW2: Um......I realize you're a fancy high-and-mighty Phd. counselor and all that, but you need to realize that women are just as capable of a lack of self-control in the "handling of junk" (or whatever term we gals are supposed to use for it nowadays!) and women have also blown apart their marriages and families due to such varied performances of the mattress dance, and that it shows their lack of maturity as well. It isn't just men who do this, by no means at all.
#6 Sep 30, 2013
LW1: You need to match his energy. It doesn't work when one party is WAY more enthusiastic than the other. And you need to value yourself. A better book to read is Why Men Love B...ches.
LW2: I also like to read the resolution, and this one was perfect.
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