“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#21 Apr 28, 2014
LW1: Unfortunately, your parents have already involved you and your sib with the dramatic announcement and the subsequent non-dramatic reversal (on Christmas, no less). They should have come to you both with a clear decision and follow-up. However, this does not mean that you should have gone snooping just because you were confused.

I think you should stop the snooping immediately. You should talk to your parents (not just your mom) and tell them that the confusion they've created is causing you angst and that they need to (and maybe not in these words but the same sentiment) either sh!t or get off the pot. And then stay the eff out of it!

LW2: This is very rude, and even though giving them just a picture of the baby should not be a financial hardship, caving on their prejudice would set a horrible precident.

LW3: Booty call rehash smells bad! No thank you.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#22 Apr 28, 2014
Toj wrote:
No. I don't. She has no idea of context, what really is going on in the marriage, plus she is the child of the two and should not have snooped about her parents' marriage in the first place.
She probably shouldn't have done a lot of things, but that ship has sailed. The information is gained. The question now is, what to do with it. To keep mum just doesn't sound reasonable or logical, as that would be a betrayal to her father. And it's not that she's butting her nose into someone else's marriage, these are her fricken parents. I believe she has every right to be kept in the loop about who's cheating who or if they plan on separating.
Kuuipo

Elizabethtown, KY

#23 Apr 28, 2014
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>i agree that she should not have snooped. But that milk has been spilled. Context? I think the context of nekkid photos and 'sexy' conversations is quite clear.
Context could be that the father cheated first and the mother is revenge-cheating. LW does not know the whole story. What s/he knows and has seen is bad enough. You think the father doesn't already know? How do you think he'd reacted if told by his child? Why do you think they almost separated? I say, don't open that can of worms.
Kuuipo

Elizabethtown, KY

#24 Apr 28, 2014
Ugh. How do you think he'd react... we need an edit button.
Cass

Pomona, CA

#25 Apr 28, 2014
LW1 - Butt out. Let them sort it out among themselves.

LW2 - Tell your daughter to send the pictures she wants to send and if the in-laws want to spend some time with scissors and photoshop, they'll look like azzes.

LW3 - Thanks?

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#26 Apr 28, 2014
Kuuipo wrote:
Ugh. How do you think he'd react... we need an edit button.
Absolutely. I'm spoiled by FB.
cheluzal

Plant City, FL

#27 Apr 28, 2014
1: Of course it's cheating. Married women don't send nekkid pics to another man, period.
BUT--this is your parents' issue. I know I have never wanted in my parents' marital challenges. I know I'm part of the family, but I honestly don't find it healthy for kids to absorb so much...you have your life-they will live theirs.
Of course, i was born with psychotically sharp coping skills so these turmoils don't bother me like they do others...
cheluzal

Plant City, FL

#28 Apr 28, 2014
[QUOTE who="edogxxx"
2- Exactly, don't give them any. Or just give them pictures of both and tell them to suck it.[/QUOTE]
They would just display the baby and not the other. Eliminate the option: groupp hotos only. This isn't hard but hubby needs to man up NOW and tell his parents what's what.
My dad's mom treated me and bro different (watched cousin open shoes and we opened t-shirts, in the same room; cousin got 10 packs, I got 1). Dad had a very candid telling off and we pulled back.
Today, all her other sons abandoned her (and her favorite kicked her out) and now she lives with my parents. I'm nice but not close.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#29 Apr 28, 2014
Kuuipo wrote:
Context could be that the father cheated first and the mother is revenge-cheating.
Way to place the blame back on the man
Kuuipo wrote:
You think the father doesn't already know? How do you think he'd reacted if told by his child?
Grateful that he was told? And whether or not he already knows would be irrelevant to me. I'm bringing it up to him. If he already knows, fine, but I'm not factoring that into my decision to tell him
Kuuipo wrote:
Why do you think they almost separated?
'Cause his wife is a cheating succubus?
Kuuipo wrote:
I say, don't open that can of worms.
Better to let the can of worms stew and simmer until they explode? Then dad finds out the daughter knew all along? Open that can of worms, baby! Open it wide!

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#30 Apr 28, 2014
Kuuipo wrote:
<quoted text>
Context could be that the father cheated first and the mother is revenge-cheating. LW does not know the whole story. What s/he knows and has seen is bad enough. You think the father doesn't already know? How do you think he'd reacted if told by his child? Why do you think they almost separated? I say, don't open that can of worms.
so if the father cheated first, you think it ok for mom to sneak in a revenge f and keep that secret? I coild never keep that info to mysel if it involved someone i care about. If it was happening to me and people who are supposed to care about me knew all along and said nothing, my relationship with thay person would be changed forever and may even be completely over.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#31 Apr 29, 2014
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>so if the father cheated first, you think it ok for mom to sneak in a revenge f and keep that secret? I coild never keep that info to mysel if it involved someone i care about. If it was happening to me and people who are supposed to care about me knew all along and said nothing, my relationship with thay person would be changed forever and may even be completely over.
I know you didn't post to me but I didn't get that she was saying it's okay -- only that could be the mother's viewpoint. Then you have 2 people cheating and getting in the middle of that would be a real mess.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#32 Apr 29, 2014
Toj wrote:
<quoted text>
I know you didn't post to me but I didn't get that she was saying it's okay -- only that could be the mother's viewpoint. Then you have 2 people cheating and getting in the middle of that would be a real mess.
Let me be clear. I think the kid was wrong to snoop. I disagree with edogg that kids have a right to know what's going on in their parents relationship. I don't want to know or get in the middle of their problems. When my parents looked like they were going to get a divorce a few years ago, I said that verbatim to my mom. This is between the 2 of you.

That being said, what you're saying to me is that if you find out, whether by snooping or by accident, that one of your parents is cheating on the other, your default behavior is to assume the other did something to deserve it?

Seems like a pretty f'd up way of looking at things to me.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#33 Apr 29, 2014
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>Let me be clear. I think the kid was wrong to snoop. I disagree with edogg that kids have a right to know what's going on in their parents relationship. I don't want to know or get in the middle of their problems. When my parents looked like they were going to get a divorce a few years ago, I said that verbatim to my mom. This is between the 2 of you.
That being said, what you're saying to me is that if you find out, whether by snooping or by accident, that one of your parents is cheating on the other, your default behavior is to assume the other did something to deserve it?
Seems like a pretty f'd up way of looking at things to me.
No. We were not talking about OUR own parents but the messed up people who write into the columnists.

Plus, given the background that they were having problems before seems to lend itself to other things going on in the relationship.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#34 Apr 29, 2014
Tonka -- from the letter:

"My parents have had some marriage difficulties. About two years ago, they told my sibling and me that they were thinking of separating.

At Christmas this year, my parents announced that my father would be moving out of the house. The next day, they took this back, and it was very confusing to us. Last summer my mother ran away from our home for the night. She lied about the trip, saying that it was for business, but we soon found out that it wasn't."

Seems to be a lot going on with that couple.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#35 Apr 29, 2014
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>Let me be clear. I think the kid was wrong to snoop. I disagree with edogg that kids have a right to know what's going on in their parents relationship. I don't want to know or get in the middle of their problems. When my parents looked like they were going to get a divorce a few years ago, I said that verbatim to my mom. This is between the 2 of you.
That being said, what you're saying to me is that if you find out, whether by snooping or by accident, that one of your parents is cheating on the other, your default behavior is to assume the other did something to deserve it?
Seems like a pretty f'd up way of looking at things to me.
Not deserve perhaps, but cheating in a marriage rarely occurs in a vacuum.

Something wasn't right and one or both of the partners didn't acknowledge the problem and work on it but instead sight company elsewhere.

“Where is Tonka?”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#36 Apr 29, 2014
Yeah, like the wife is sexting another man and running off with him for the weekend.

No mention of the husband doing this first, or even doing it at all.
Toj wrote:
Tonka -- from the letter:
"My parents have had some marriage difficulties. About two years ago, they told my sibling and me that they were thinking of separating.
At Christmas this year, my parents announced that my father would be moving out of the house. The next day, they took this back, and it was very confusing to us. Last summer my mother ran away from our home for the night. She lied about the trip, saying that it was for business, but we soon found out that it wasn't."
Seems to be a lot going on with that couple.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#37 Apr 29, 2014
RACE wrote:
Yeah, like the wife is sexting another man and running off with him for the weekend.
No mention of the husband doing this first, or even doing it at all.
<quoted text>
But you gotta ask why was he leaving the house at first and not her?

“Where is Tonka?”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#38 Apr 29, 2014
Probably because traditionally the women keep custody of the children, and its generally accepted that the kids should not be uprooted during a divorce. Dont forget that the kids are a cash cow, so women tend to try and keep them. The fact that she is a cheating skank rarely changes this unless the father is willing to pay thru the nose in lawyer's fees to try and convince a judge otherwise.
Toj wrote:
<quoted text>
But you gotta ask why was he leaving the house at first and not her?

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#39 Apr 29, 2014
Toj wrote:
<quoted text>
No. We were not talking about OUR own parents but the messed up people who write into the columnists.
So when you come up with advice, is it not born out of what you think is the right thing to do? What you would do if you were in the same situation? Seems kinda hypocritical to offer "these messed up people" advice that you yourself would not follow

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#40 Apr 29, 2014
PEllen wrote:
<quoted text>
Not deserve perhaps, but cheating in a marriage rarely occurs in a vacuum.
Something wasn't right and one or both of the partners didn't acknowledge the problem and work on it but instead sight company elsewhere.
And for all the daughter knows, mom is sneaking around on dad without his knowledge. But you all think she should let that continue. Think of how you'd feel if your daughters knew tour husband was cheating but said nothhing to you? I can't believe you would not harbor resentment toward them moving forward.

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