First Prev
of 2
Next Last

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#1 Mar 19, 2014
DEAR AMY: A year ago my husband was laid off and had trouble finding work.

Due to how long it took for him to find another job we had to give up our apartment and move in with my in-laws. We pay rent and help pay for food. My life has become a living hell. My brother-in-law has been verbally and physically abusive toward my husband and me. He is bipolar and his parents act like his behavior is normal.

My mother-in-law treats me as if I'm a maid. I'm blamed whenever something goes wrong. She has also tried to push us about how we should raise our two sons.

When we ask her to trust us to do what is right for them (they are well cared for) she tells us that they live under her roof and therefore will be raised as she sees fit.

We are looking for another place to live that we can afford, but until then what can I do to keep from losing my mind?

I have tried talking, begging, crying and yielding but no matter what we do we are treated like unwelcome pests. How can I keep the peace without just staying away from them for the rest of my life?-- Lost

DEAR LOST: This situation might also be overwhelming for your in-laws, but if your mother-in-law is reacting by mistreating you, this is indefensible. If you and your children were locked in a cage with a tiger, I wouldn't tell you to beg the tiger not to hurt you, but to stay as calm as possible and avoid the tiger until you can escape.

You should get the kids out of the house every day. Visit your local library, both to give the kids the opportunity to do puzzles and pick out books, but also for you to research ways to change your living situation.

Your family might qualify for a housing voucher or other benefits because of your lower income. You should use every available opportunity. These benefits exist so families like yours can work your way back to independence.

Until you move, do your best to avoid the tiger. You don't say what role your husband plays in this dynamic, but he should step up his own efforts to move out, quickly.

DEAR AMY: My husband, "Jack" has been friends with "Joey" for a long time. Over the years I have hosted many dinner parties, and "Joey" is always invited. He has never brought a dessert or a bottle of wine.

The only time he arrived with a dessert item is when he came to our home with a date. This clearly was a thoughtful gesture on her part.

This happened again recently -- Joey arrived at our home with only his appetite.

I told my husband I did not want to host his friend anymore. He told me he would tell Joey to bring dessert with him next time. I told him this was contrived and embarrassing.

Should I continue to host someone with poor style, or stand firm and not continue being a hostess to my husband's friend?-- Not Appreciated

DEAR NOT: You could try being an even more gracious hostess and accept that some guests are not as couth as they could be. Rather than watch this guest fail in the same way repeatedly and then judge him (and not let your husband try to correct him), if you have an expectation, you should convey it: "Joey, it would be great if you could bring us a bottle of wine this Friday. I really appreciate it when guests bring something to share."

If the real issue is that you simply don't want Joey at every dinner party, then you should stop inviting him.

DEAR AMY: My grandson and his fiancee faced the typical wedding nightmare of trying to please all of their family members. Their solution: They flew to Las Vegas, rented a car and went through a drive-thru wedding -- just the two of them. They never got out of the car!

Everything has been fine since. There are simple solutions to almost every problem.-- Proud Gramps

DEAR PROUD: I completely agree.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#2 Mar 19, 2014
1- All you can do is move out

2- Do you invite this man over to get a bottle of wine, or because he is a friend? There are bigger problems in the world, let this one go

3- Yeah, and they slighted everyone who bought them gifts or gave them money. Thanks a lot

“Where is Tonka?”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#3 Mar 19, 2014
1 I notice that you are not contributing to the apt kitty. Not only will you getting a job move you out sooner, but it will give you some respite.

2 No lamy, she cant not invite her husbands friend, any more than the husband can not invite one of hers. Sheeesh!

3 Your right, I can see how that pleased everyone! <eye roll>
Hey! Another simple solution? Dont get married! See! Eazy-Peazy.

“On Deck”

Since: Aug 08

French Polynesia

#4 Mar 19, 2014
L3. How tacky.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#5 Mar 19, 2014
L1: If I was trapped with a tiger I'd use whatever I could get my hands on to put it to sleep so I could get out safely. I'd do whatever it took including reminding her once I moved out her access to the children could be limited. You mistreat my kids, you'll pay somehow.

L2: So you charge your dinner guests? That's basically what you're doing. Bringing a bottle of wine or dessert is a GIFT to the hostess. It's not REQUIRED. I'm surprised you know anyone willing to come over.

L3: Well that's going to be a thin wedding album.

“I looked, and behold,”

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#6 Mar 19, 2014
LW1: Move out as soon as you can. Things will probably be better if you arenít around each other 24/7.

LW2: IMO, itís more tacky to expect gifts from your guests and to get bent out of shape about it than it is to show up without a gift.

“An Apple a day”

Since: Jun 08

nil carborundum illegitemi

#7 Mar 19, 2014
1. If you hadn't married such a loser, and then compounded the mistake by having a bunch of brats with him, you wouldn't be in this situation. I suggest you get off your lazy behind and get a job. Why are you expecting your husband to find a solution to YOUR problem.

2. So you've lost the ability to speak? Perhaps you could inform your "friend" that he needs to bring something to the next dinner, or if he doesn't, let him know when he arrives with nothing, he's not welcome to stay. Problem solved.

3. Whatever.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#8 Mar 19, 2014
edogxxx wrote:
3- Yeah, and they slighted everyone who bought them gifts or gave them money. Thanks a lot
How so? Who gives a couple money or gifts BEFORE the wedding? Even the people who have things mailed...don't they do so in a manner that they ship the item to arrive near the wedding date? If there was no wedding invitation, there were no gifts.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#9 Mar 19, 2014
RACE wrote:
1 I notice that you are not contributing to the apt kitty. Not only will you getting a job move you out sooner, but it will give you some respite.
2 No lamy, she cant not invite her husbands friend, any more than the husband can not invite one of hers. Sheeesh!
3 Your right, I can see how that pleased everyone! <eye roll>
Hey! Another simple solution? Dont get married! See! Eazy-Peazy.
lw1: Why do you think she has no job? She says they pay the inlaws rent. If hubby had no job, that money comes from her paycheck unless they are robbing liquor stores when rent is due

“I looked, and behold,”

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#10 Mar 19, 2014
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>lw1: Why do you think she has no job? She says they pay the inlaws rent. If hubby had no job, that money comes from her paycheck unless they are robbing liquor stores when rent is due
He has a job now it sounds:

"Due to how long it took for him to find another job we had to give up our apartment and move in with my in-laws. "

It's not clear if she has a job or not, however.
liner

Delray Beach, FL

#11 Mar 19, 2014
L1: Remember guys, there's three sides to every story.
L2: Why don't you just sell tickets to your fabulous dinners?
L3: They never got out of the car? That mean they're still in it? ew.

“Where is Tonka?”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#12 Mar 19, 2014
Please re-read...
Due to how long it took for him to find another job we had to give up our apartment and move in with my in-laws. We pay rent and help pay for food

So hubby is working currently, but their is no mention of her working, or supporting the family while hubby was out of work.
My guess is young kids but even that would not prevent her from working when hubby is home.
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>lw1: Why do you think she has no job? She says they pay the inlaws rent. If hubby had no job, that money comes from her paycheck unless they are robbing liquor stores when rent is due

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Melrose Park, IL

#13 Mar 19, 2014
_Annabella_ wrote:
1. If you hadn't married such a loser, and then compounded the mistake by having a bunch of brats with him, you wouldn't be in this situation. I suggest you get off your lazy behind and get a job. Why are you expecting your husband to find a solution to YOUR problem.
Really Gloria? Dude's a loser because Obama moved his job to Mexico? And there's nothing in the letter to indicate the wife's NOT working.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Melrose Park, IL

#14 Mar 19, 2014
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>How so? Who gives a couple money or gifts BEFORE the wedding? Even the people who have things mailed...don't they do so in a manner that they ship the item to arrive near the wedding date? If there was no wedding invitation, there were no gifts.
Showers

“I looked, and behold,”

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#15 Mar 19, 2014
liner wrote:
L2: Why don't you just sell tickets to your fabulous dinners?
Ha, ha, ha.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#16 Mar 19, 2014
Sublime1 wrote:
<quoted text>
He has a job now it sounds:
"Due to how long it took for him to find another job we had to give up our apartment and move in with my in-laws. "
It's not clear if she has a job or not, however.
The way I read that is that he lost his job and was unable to find a new one right away. While he was out of work, they could not afford where they were living on just her pay, so they moved in with the inlaws and she paid them some rent. Now he has a job and they are looking to move out. Maybe need to save enough for first and last month rent + deposits and hookup fees for utilities.

If they had to move out of the apartment cause neither had a job, where was this rent to the in-laws coming from? That's my take.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#17 Mar 19, 2014
RACE wrote:
Please re-read...
Due to how long it took for him to find another job we had to give up our apartment and move in with my in-laws. We pay rent and help pay for food
So hubby is working currently, but their is no mention of her working, or supporting the family while hubby was out of work.
My guess is young kids but even that would not prevent her from working when hubby is home.
<quoted text>
see response to sub

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#18 Mar 19, 2014
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
Showers
in my experience, shower gifts are not a substitue for a wedding gift. You go to a shower you bring a gift. You go to a wedding. Another gift.

“Where is Tonka?”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me! Charlie

#19 Mar 19, 2014
But I think her lack of mentioning that she has a job indicates that she in fact does not. She only talks about her husband loosing his job, and now he has found another.

I think that if she had one, she would have mentioned it, either in relation the the saving up, or who watches her sons while she is at work.

“I looked, and behold,”

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#20 Mar 19, 2014
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>The way I read that is that he lost his job and was unable to find a new one right away. While he was out of work, they could not afford where they were living on just her pay, so they moved in with the inlaws and she paid them some rent. Now he has a job and they are looking to move out. Maybe need to save enough for first and last month rent + deposits and hookup fees for utilities.
If they had to move out of the apartment cause neither had a job, where was this rent to the in-laws coming from? That's my take.
It doesn't say they couldn't afford it only on her pay. It's not clear if she has a job.

Tell me when this thread is updated:

Subscribe Now Add to my Tracker
First Prev
of 2
Next Last

Add your comments below

Characters left: 4000

Please note by submitting this form you acknowledge that you have read the Terms of Service and the comment you are posting is in compliance with such terms. Be polite. Inappropriate posts may be removed by the moderator. Send us your feedback.

Chicago Discussions

Title Updated Last By Comments
Juanita Broaddrick explains why she supported T... 7 min BUBBA GUILTY 2
News Barack Obama, our next President (Nov '08) 8 min Micha Ben Israel 1,656,937
Trump is A 18 min Moore On 164
{keep A word drop A word} (Oct '11) 36 min honeymylove 11,556
Moore Jones will be close. 45 min The Predicting Kimd 1
Double Word Game (Dec '11) 1 hr They cannot kill ... 3,731
News Once slow-moving threat, global warming speeds ... (Dec '08) 2 hr Dudley 64,306

Chicago Jobs

More from around the web

Personal Finance

Chicago Mortgages