Abby 1-24

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pde

Schaumburg, IL

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#21
Jan 24, 2013
 
So basically, you have one seizure out of the blue and end up in the hospital because nobody has any idea what's going on. You're required by law to report that to the state within 10 days and file a medical form allowing your doctor to continue to provide information about the condition to the state. It's also likely that either the hospital or your doctor also reports it to cover themselves legally.

Since you had a seizure out of the blue, you're now being sent for tests and the like to see if a physical reason can be discovered and treated (say, brain tumor). If it is discovered and treated, and the likelihood is that you're not going to have another seizure, your doctor provides the state with that information and they consider the status of your driver's license.

If no reason is discovered, the rule of thumb is you have to be 12 months clear of seizures. Sure, you can have another seizure at home and lie to the doctor about not having any further seizures ... and then if you have a seizure behind the wheel in the future, find out your auto insurance won't cover whatever damage you did.
Sam I Am

Chicago, IL

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#22
Jan 24, 2013
 
1. There is no right or wrong answer, it's what's right for you. I personally would want to live with someone before I married them as I feel there are things about people you only find out when you share living space, and I'd rather find those things out in time to incorporate them into planning the rest of my life.

2. It is nice you want to help, part of the blame falls on you for not setting limits and enforcing them. Tell him you can give him a ride from time to time so long as he understands that, when you're ready to leave, you're leaving, and if he is not then he is going to have to take care of himself. If he turns that down, then to heck with him.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

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#23
Jan 24, 2013
 
Jess in NJ wrote:
<quoted text>
This is why there is no one answer to this question. I had no problem moving in with roommates. We made commitments to each other related to living arrangements, but we weren't looking at them as lifetime commitments. Moving in together was just a business arrangement.
With my husband, though, I would not have moved in with him without the wedding imminent (deposits given, not just promises). My roommates and I kept things very separate, but if my husband and I were going to join our lives, it was going to be complete.
From a practical point of view, the courts have a system in place for separating property if a marriage fails. There is nothing if boyfriends/girlfriends, fiances/fiancées, roommates with benefits, etc who have mingled their finances and purchases acrimoniously decide that they no longer want to live together.
You are correct; the LW has to decide what she can and cannot live with. Writing Abby for some lame permission is not really going to help her.

I lived with both of my husbands before we were married. Mostly because of convenience and money issues, especailly with my first husband since we were still in college.

When I moved in with Dickie, I was pretty dead set against getting married again, but that did not mean that I was not committed to the relationship. If I had not wanted to spend every night next to this person, I would have not moved in.
pde

Schaumburg, IL

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#24
Jan 24, 2013
 
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>Who's checking the clock? What happens if he does have one inside of 12 months? Do seizures send you the the hospital where is can be reported?
Since you're in Florida:

"A person with epilepsy may be licensed to drive upon their doctor's recommendation after they have been seizure-free for six months, so long as they are under regular medical supervision and submit a current neurological evaluation. The application is reviewed by the Medical Advisory Board of the Department of Highway Safety and Motor Vehicles, which makes a recommendation to the Department.[Fla. State.§322.126,§322.221]. If the MAB believes there are particular factors which would make it unsafe for a person to drive even though the person has been seizure-free for six months, it may recommend a longer seizure-free period. An evaluation is not needed for applicants who have been seizure-free for 2 years. Applicants with only chronic nocturnal seizures will be considered on an individual basis."

(If no other physical reasons are discovered for the seizure, you are considered to have epilepsy, btw).

It appears Illinois has no legally set time limit for being seizure-free, but your doctor has to file a followup medical report stating that he or she believes you are safe to drive in order to regain your driving privileges.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

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#25
Jan 24, 2013
 
pde wrote:
<quoted text>
If you have a driver's license and have a seizure, you're required to report it to the DMV (at least in Illinois) within ten days and submit a medical report form which allows your doctor to continue to provide information to the state.
If you don't and they find out about it, your license is likely to be suspended for longer than 12 months.
Driving is a privilege, not a right.
But again, we'r4e back to the who's checking question. I don't know jack about people seizuers. I know about pug seizures. They are not uncommn in pugs, and although they are not a good thing, they do not require a trip to the doctor. That being said, if a person has a seizure, does that require a trip to the hosptial, where it would be logged? Or is it something they just come out of a few minutes later( like apug) and therefore is never logged? If its the latter, who's gonna report that?

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

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#26
Jan 24, 2013
 
RACE wrote:
But going out to lunch is different that going to work. You HAVE to get to work, but you dont have to go out for lunch. That is an elective, and you should not expect compensation. Ferrying someone to and from work, is a different matter. I would have no qualms about asking someone to kick in a few bucks.
<quoted text>
There's really no argument here. You would ask for gas money. I wouldn't. I see both favors to be of equal value provided that neither is an inconvenience to me. Having someone in the seat next to me is not an inconvenience. Making me wait is. Making me alter plans is.
pde

Schaumburg, IL

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#27
Jan 24, 2013
 
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>But again, we'r4e back to the who's checking question. I don't know jack about people seizuers. I know about pug seizures. They are not uncommn in pugs, and although they are not a good thing, they do not require a trip to the doctor. That being said, if a person has a seizure, does that require a trip to the hosptial, where it would be logged? Or is it something they just come out of a few minutes later( like apug) and therefore is never logged? If its the latter, who's gonna report that?
If you suddenly had a seizure--never having had one before, would you not go to the doctor? Would you not tell your doctor that you had had a seizure (especially since there's good human medications out there that can bring even the most intractable seizure conditions under control).

If you were randomly having pug-type-seizures, and "spacing out" for a few minutes, would you get behind the wheel of a vehicle even if you'd never told a doctor and never reported it to the state? That says something about your sense of responsibility to other humans. Pugs don't drive, thus the possibility of them having a seizure while driving a couple ton hunk of metal is non-existent.
pde

Schaumburg, IL

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#28
Jan 24, 2013
 
And anyhow, if you have past history of seizures, even if you've never been treated for them and illegally not told the state about them, and you have a seizure while behind the wheel, you're exposing yourself to both personal civil liability and criminal charges. Which your auto insurance is probably not going to cover.

Since: Jan 10

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#29
Jan 24, 2013
 
squishymama wrote:
Moving in together is a pretty formal commitment, signaling that you want to spend your life with this person.
I can see how many people feel this way (I know I do, and my friends would agree), but I can see how many people move in together (especially at a younger age, like college or early post-college years) because they'll save money, and they're already spending every night together anyway, but with no discussion of marriage or a future together.

I think conflict arises when one person is fine with just living together and the other person (usually the female, I suspect) sees it as a stepping stone toward marriage but doesn't actually say it out loud.

Since: Jan 10

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#30
Jan 24, 2013
 
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>But again, we'r4e back to the who's checking question. I don't know jack about people seizuers. I know about pug seizures. They are not uncommn in pugs, and although they are not a good thing, they do not require a trip to the doctor. That being said, if a person has a seizure, does that require a trip to the hosptial, where it would be logged? Or is it something they just come out of a few minutes later( like apug) and therefore is never logged? If its the latter, who's gonna report that?
Why are pugs prone to seizures?

I had a cat with a seizure disorder. Poor guy. He had a brain injury or was retarded (we knew that when we adopted him) and a very sweet guy. What sucked is he'd sometimes pee in the middle of a seizure. But we'd sit next to him,talking to him and stroking him until he was done, clean him up and he'd be like nothing happened.

It was scary the first time, and we took him to the vet, but we gave him a good life.

Since: Jan 10

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#31
Jan 24, 2013
 
PDE: I just assumed this guy has epilepsy and that it wasn't an unknown factor when he and his wife got married and had kids. You know what's wrong with assume, though. ;)

Gas: My mom would get mad at me in high school when I would drive me and my friends around the loop in town and I wouldn't ask them for gas money. I just figured, they're my friends, I don't NEED the gas money (If I was broke or my parents wouldn't give me $20 for gas, I would have had no problem asking friends for money for gas, but I never had a money problem), and they don't have cars, and this is about having fun for myself as well.

Since: Dec 09

Smalltown, Colorado

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#32
Jan 24, 2013
 
RACE wrote:
But going out to lunch is different that going to work. You HAVE to get to work, but you dont have to go out for lunch. That is an elective, and you should not expect compensation. Ferrying someone to and from work, is a different matter. I would have no qualms about asking someone to kick in a few bucks.
<quoted text>
I'm with you on paying for part of the gas but the late sh*t will not be tolerated. I'm in a situation right now where the person I'm picking up to go to rehearsals hasn't offered one thin dime for gas money in almost a year. But I am driving right past her town on my way and she hardly has any money so I've let it go. If she would just offer, I would probably refuse the money.

“bELieve”

Since: Jun 09

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#33
Jan 24, 2013
 
pde wrote:
<quoted text>If you suddenly had a seizure--never having had one before, would you not go to the doctor? Would you not tell your doctor that you had had a seizure (especially since there's good human medications out there that can bring even the most intractable seizure conditions under control).

If you were randomly having pug-type-seizures, and "spacing out" for a few minutes, would you get behind the wheel of a vehicle even if you'd never told a doctor and never reported it to the state? That says something about your sense of responsibility to other humans. Pugs don't drive, thus the possibility of them having a seizure while driving a couple ton hunk of metal is non-existent.
In NJ, your dr is not required to notify the DMV unless you are diagnosed with a seizure disorder, like epilepsy. I know this because my cousin has been going to drs for almost 4 years to try to get a diagnosis for her many symptoms that are affecting her quality of life, but don't exactly fit into any one disease. Some possibilities mentioned have been lupus, Lyme disease, epilepsy and I think they have officially diagnosed her with atypical MS.

The dr was close to writing down epilepsy also, because she has had some seizures, but he didn't because he wasn't 100% sure and because that diagnosis would require follow up with the DMV.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

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#34
Jan 24, 2013
 
in hs, my friend's dad would drive several of to school. We were on his way. Never asked for a dime
My dad would regularly drop off several friends from the football team when taking me home. Never expected a dime

“bELieve”

Since: Jun 09

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#35
Jan 24, 2013
 
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
<quoted text>I can see how many people feel this way (I know I do, and my friends would agree), but I can see how many people move in together (especially at a younger age, like college or early post-college years) because they'll save money, and they're already spending every night together anyway, but with no discussion of marriage or a future together.

I think conflict arises when one person is fine with just living together and the other person (usually the female, I suspect) sees it as a stepping stone toward marriage but doesn't actually say it out loud.
What sticks out in the original letter is that the OP says she hopes they will get married someday. This couple is fighting about hypotheticals, not specifics. They are not at a point where him moving in means that he is making a lifetime commitment to her. He views it as getting to know her better or an arrangement of convenience.

I think that in a situation like this, they need more time to grow up and get to know themselves better, since they are so far apart in this issue and obviously just focusing on the symptoms rather than the problem.

Since: Jan 10

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#36
Jan 24, 2013
 
You know, I think the LW wants to help his coworker. So I think the right answer is to have him talk to his coworker about the rules and see if a second attempt will be better.

Sometimes, the right thing to do, if you're up for it, is to help someone else out and make things a tiny bit easier for them.
pde

Schaumburg, IL

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#37
Jan 24, 2013
 
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
PDE: I just assumed this guy has epilepsy and that it wasn't an unknown factor when he and his wife got married and had kids. You know what's wrong with assume, though. ;)
Yeah, I figured. It's just that I've watched two different families basically have their lives drastically alter in under 24 hours because the father suddenly had a seizure.(Both at work, and if you don't think that work is going to ship you straight to the ER in an ambulance, you're kidding yourself.)

Neither had any history of anything and no reason was determined, and they both got doctors who wouldn't clear them to drive for 12 months. One had another seizure 9 months later ... thus still isn't cleared to drive. Actually, I think it's been 12 months again since the second one, and he's still not cleared. I guess that indicates that there was another.

Since: Jan 10

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#38
Jan 24, 2013
 
Jess in NJ wrote:
<quoted text>
What sticks out in the original letter is that the OP says she hopes they will get married someday. This couple is fighting about hypotheticals, not specifics. They are not at a point where him moving in means that he is making a lifetime commitment to her. He views it as getting to know her better or an arrangement of convenience.
I think that in a situation like this, they need more time to grow up and get to know themselves better, since they are so far apart in this issue and obviously just focusing on the symptoms rather than the problem.
I agree -- arguing over things that they're not even actively discussing to actually DO at this point in time.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

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#39
Jan 24, 2013
 
pde wrote:
<quoted text>
If you suddenly had a seizure--never having had one before, would you not go to the doctor? Would you not tell your doctor that you had had a seizure
I suppose I would.
pde wrote:
If you were randomly having pug-type-seizures, and "spacing out" for a few minutes, would you get behind the wheel of a vehicle even if you'd never told a doctor and never reported it to the state? That says something about your sense of responsibility to other humans.
Really, I've never had reason to even ponder the question. When you started stating the rules for self-reporting them to the state, my first thought was how is this even trackable, which is my first thought anytime something is based on the honor system. That does not necessarily mean that I would be looking to violate the rules myself were I to ever be in that situation.

When I was in Hawaii, I drove the road to Hana. Long trip. Winding road through mountains. Periodically, we would pass fruit stands on the roadside. Un-manned. Basically, take what you want and leave us some money in the bucket. Did we take anything without paying? No. Did we steal the bucket of money? No. But my first thought was, who's keeping watch ensureing that no one does the wrong thing?

I think that GENERALLY, people are good and want to do what's right. But without safeguards/checkpoints, I wonder about the people trying to get away with doing the wrong thing.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

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#40
Jan 24, 2013
 
Oh and as far as the fruit stands, the way I worked it out in my head, they probably figure

a) there's probably a higher probability that people passing by are good instead of bad. Sure there's risk that some scumbag will steal from me, but its not a high probability

b) we have so much damn fruit growing on our property that it is going to fall to the ground and rot anyway. At least by putting it out on the side of the road, I increase the likelyhood I get a little money for it instead of letting it rot

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