ChicagolandChica

Atlanta, GA

#21 Apr 9, 2013
RACE wrote:
Hide what? Your sexual attraction?
If thats it, then you seem to have contradicted yourself.
And what exactly are you challenging? The fact that I would assume you are straight? I assume everyone is straight unless their appearance or actions lead me to believe otherwise.
<quoted text>
Precisely - you assume everyone is straight. They're not. That's the assumption I'm challenging.

And as I said before, it's not just who I'm willing to sleep with. Bisexuality is part of my larger identity similar to being female, the religion I grew up in, the college I went to... it's all a piece of the puzzle.

If you don't get it, that's fine. It seems most of you don't. I just thought I'd offer up the perspective of someone who actually IS married and bi.

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#22 Apr 9, 2013
ChicagolandChica wrote:
<quoted text>
I don't broadcast it. I don't walk around telling people at work, "thanks for the e-mail, and by the way, I'm bisexual".
I said I was out and honest about who I am, and I am. I see no reason to hide it, bisexual people are invisible enough as it is.
You somewhat contradict yourself. You say you donít broadcast it, but you see no reason to hide it, which is it?

Most of the women I know who are bi share it to those they are friends with and who are open minded about it. They donít share it with everyone, however. Family, nope. Co-workers, nope. People who they may be friends with on some level, but who would frown upon it, nope. They aren't on some crusade to win the hearts and minds of folks. They don't particularly care about how others think they should live their life ... not even so much as to try and change their views.

Itís generally shared with close friends who they go out with and party with. I see no reason to share with oneís family.
ChicagolandChica wrote:
<quoted text>I see no reason to hide it, bisexual people are invisible enough as it is.
Some folks want their sexuality proclivities to be invisible except with those they are intimate with or to all but their closest of friends. Thatís pretty normal, IMO.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

United States

#23 Apr 9, 2013
See? This is what I mean about narcissism. Like Angela's refusal to bow her head if she's surrounded by a prayer group because she's gotta make dam sure everyone is well aware of her religious beliefs or lack thereof. I can't understand why. Chicaland can't go around letting people assume she's straight. She's gotta make dam sure people don't have such misconceptions. Again, I can't understand why.
ChicagolandChica

Atlanta, GA

#24 Apr 9, 2013
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text> Why? Still not seeing a point. If you're not acting on your bi tendencies, why do you care?
It's not a phase. It's not "bi tendencies." It is part of who I am. Are you only straight if you're actively in a sexual relationship with a member of the opposite sex? Is someone only Christian while they're at church? Only a construction worker if they're actively building something? Why is this so hard for people to understand?

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#25 Apr 9, 2013
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text> Why? Still not seeing a point. If you're not acting on your bi tendencies, why do you care?
It's not even acting so much as being in a relationship with someone who is of the same sex. I think it makes sense to share it if you are in a relationship with someone, instead of living a lie about who your partner really is.

If you just like to have sex with someone of the same sex occasionally, but aren't in a relationship with someone of the same sex, there is no need more need to announce the fact that you like to do a sex act with someone of the same sex occasionally than there is for Angela to announce that she likes dudes to take it with a strap on to everyone or for someone to announce that they like like it in the rear. If you are one of those people, is that who you are; yes, but does everyone need to know this; no?
ChicagolandChica

Atlanta, GA

#26 Apr 9, 2013
Sublime1 wrote:
<quoted text>
You somewhat contradict yourself. You say you donít broadcast it, but you see no reason to hide it, which is it?
Most of the women I know who are bi share it to those they are friends with and who are open minded about it. They donít share it with everyone, however. Family, nope. Co-workers, nope. People who they may be friends with on some level, but who would frown upon it, nope. They aren't on some crusade to win the hearts and minds of folks. They don't particularly care about how others think they should live their life ... not even so much as to try and change their views.
Itís generally shared with close friends who they go out with and party with. I see no reason to share with oneís family.
<quoted text>
Some folks want their sexuality proclivities to be invisible except with those they are intimate with or to all but their closest of friends. Thatís pretty normal, IMO.
I didn't contradict myself. There is a big difference between broadcasting and not hiding.
For the sake of argument, let's say I had a nosejob. Broadcasting would be telling everyone "I'm gonna be out for a few weeks because of my nosejob", making a point to discuss it loudly and openly, making sure everyone knew how fabulous my new nose was.
Not hiding it would be answering questions honestly - why my nose looked different or if the topic of plastic surgery came up, volunteering some information.
I don't go around telling people I'm bi with no context. But if it comes up in conversation, if I know them well enough that it's relevant, if I have a reason to - I don't hide it.
Just Wondring

Nashville, TN

#27 Apr 9, 2013
I wonder how many letters Abby got from folks who don't support married folks broadcasting their bisexual desires and wish that they'd either foresake all others [including their own gender] when marrying or just play the field but not get married? If so, why didn't Abby print or admit to receiving them?

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#28 Apr 9, 2013
Team Red, mostly because I don't care about what consenting adults do in their bedroom.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#29 Apr 9, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
See? This is what I mean about narcissism. Like Angela's refusal to bow her head if she's surrounded by a prayer group because she's gotta make dam sure everyone is well aware of her religious beliefs or lack thereof. I can't understand why. Chicaland can't go around letting people assume she's straight. She's gotta make dam sure people don't have such misconceptions. Again, I can't understand why.
It's more about refusing to pretend to believe something I don't believe in or agree with.

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#30 Apr 9, 2013
ChicagolandChica wrote:
<quoted text>
I didn't contradict myself. There is a big difference between broadcasting and not hiding.
For the sake of argument, let's say I had a nosejob. Broadcasting would be telling everyone "I'm gonna be out for a few weeks because of my nosejob", making a point to discuss it loudly and openly, making sure everyone knew how fabulous my new nose was.
Not hiding it would be answering questions honestly - why my nose looked different or if the topic of plastic surgery came up, volunteering some information.
I don't go around telling people I'm bi with no context. But if it comes up in conversation, if I know them well enough that it's relevant, if I have a reason to - I don't hide it.
You are all over the place. You've also said:

"Bisexual people tend to be invisible, especially if they are married or in a long-term relationship. I am assumed to be straight. I want to challenge people's assumptions."

Now you say you say you only share it if amongst other reasons you have a reason to. Unless you are going to have sex with a woman or hang with a person to the point where it's going to be apparent by your conduct if you are true to who you are when you are around this person, what reason is there to share this stuff with anyone?

The only women I know who are bi and who have shared with me that they are bi, I've seen in action or I party with and the topic naturally comes up.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#31 Apr 9, 2013
No, I dont get it, but thank you for offering your view, and please dont stop.

Why are you challenging my assumption? I just dont see any slight or malice or disrespect in making such an assumption. How is it offensive, demeaning, or disrespectful?

And you still have not explained how it is any more than who you are willing to sleep with. Is being gay more than just being attracted to you own sex? From all the gays I have heard from, that is supposed to be the only difference.
ChicagolandChica wrote:
<quoted text>
Precisely - you assume everyone is straight. They're not. That's the assumption I'm challenging.
And as I said before, it's not just who I'm willing to sleep with. Bisexuality is part of my larger identity similar to being female, the religion I grew up in, the college I went to... it's all a piece of the puzzle.
If you don't get it, that's fine. It seems most of you don't. I just thought I'd offer up the perspective of someone who actually IS married and bi.

“What's it to ya?”

Since: Mar 09

Location hidden

#32 Apr 9, 2013
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
<quoted text>
It's more about refusing to pretend to believe something I don't believe in or agree with.
Why waste your time? He will never get it.

“On Deck”

Since: Aug 08

French Polynesia

#33 Apr 9, 2013
BFD

“FD&S is no way to be.”

Since: Feb 13

Knoxville, TN

#34 Apr 9, 2013
ChicagolandChica wrote:
But it's not JUST about sex, Red. It's about self-identity. Sometimes I .
That's my ENTIRE problem right there. Why the need to make your sexuality your identity? I am not Samantha the heterosexual, I am Samantha, period. And I happen to be heterosexual. And blond. And Scandanavian. And I love hot sauce. And I am agnostic. And on and on. And none of those things singularly defines me or stands as my identity. Maybe I read your statement wrong, but I really don't give a rip if someone is gay, bi, straight or asexual. What I do care about and am put off by is when they select that one characteristic and choose to present that as their face to the world.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

United States

#35 Apr 9, 2013
Mimi Seattle wrote:
<quoted text>
Why waste your time? He will never get it.
You are correct. I do not understand this line of thinking. I've been to Catholic services, and when it came time to kneel on that uncomfortable board, I did so, even though that's not my thing. I just don't see what the deal is.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#36 Apr 9, 2013
ChicagolandChica wrote:
<quoted text>
Precisely - you assume everyone is straight. They're not. That's the assumption I'm challenging.
What exactly are you challenging? I too will assume everyone is straight unless I have reason not to. But the fact of the matteris, either way, its not like I am going around town saying "Straight. Straight. Straight. Gay" in my head as I pass by people. Do you think that in some way you are affecting some change in others that they will actively wonder about the sexual preferences of each person they encounter? Meeting a married female who is bi is not going to do anything to change people's generic assumptions.

“What's it to ya?”

Since: Mar 09

Location hidden

#37 Apr 9, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
You are correct. I do not understand this line of thinking. I've been to Catholic services, and when it came time to kneel on that uncomfortable board, I did so, even though that's not my thing. I just don't see what the deal is.
It's about personal integrity.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#38 Apr 9, 2013
ChicagolandChica wrote:
<quoted text>
It's not a phase. It's not "bi tendencies." It is part of who I am. Are you only straight if you're actively in a sexual relationship with a member of the opposite sex? Is someone only Christian while they're at church? Only a construction worker if they're actively building something? Why is this so hard for people to understand?
By "tendencies" I am talking about actual acts. I never suggested this was a phase, but if you are married to a man & monogamous, you will never be able to exercise the TENDENCIES that are central to being bisexual. So yes, you might be attracted to women, but you can do nothing about it.

Christianity is a belief system. I don't see how this compares to your sexual preferences.

I agree with Sub that you are all over the board. You are not announcing it. But you are not hiding it. What does that mean? If you are in a monogamous relationship with a man, what exactly, other than announcing, do you do to not hide that you are bisexual? You're not showing up at the cookout making out with other chicks. So how does this not announcing/not hiding manifest itself?

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

United States

#39 Apr 9, 2013
Mimi Seattle wrote:
<quoted text>
It's about personal integrity.
Oh, spare me.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#40 Apr 9, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
You are correct. I do not understand this line of thinking. I've been to Catholic services, and when it came time to kneel on that uncomfortable board, I did so, even though that's not my thing. I just don't see what the deal is.
Hypothetical.

You were raised as a church goer. Once you left the house, you stopped going, yet still consider that to be your religion. You have a child. Your mother expects you to get your child baptized. Do you do it?

Tell me when this thread is updated:

Subscribe Now Add to my Tracker

Add your comments below

Characters left: 4000

Please note by submitting this form you acknowledge that you have read the Terms of Service and the comment you are posting is in compliance with such terms. Be polite. Inappropriate posts may be removed by the moderator. Send us your feedback.

Chicago Discussions

Title Updated Last By Comments
BARACK OBAMA BIRTH CERTIFICATE: Suit contesting... (Jan '09) 19 min wojar 180,647
Barack Obama, our next President (Nov '08) 19 min Nostrilis Waxman 1,141,993
Once slow-moving threat, global warming speeds ... (Dec '08) 34 min DonPanic 48,447
Song Titles Only (group/artist in parenthesis m... (Mar '10) 1 hr RJS 7,853
mohammedyimer991@gmail.com 3 hr bisaka123rut 2
Israeli troops begin Gaza pullout as Hamas decl... (Jan '09) 3 hr Yumpin Yimminy 68,769
Abby 11-23 3 hr Mister Tonka 3
Chicago Dating
Find my Match

Chicago People Search

Addresses and phone numbers for FREE

Chicago News, Events & Info

Click for news, events and info in Chicago

Personal Finance

Mortgages [ See current mortgage rates ]

NFL Latest News

Updated 1:43 pm PST

CBS Sports 1:43PM
WATCH: T.Y. Hilton gives awesome emotional postgame interview
NBC Sports 2:05 PM
Bears win second straight, beat Buccaneers 21-13
Bleacher Report 2:14 PM
Jaguars vs. Colts: Full Report-Card Grades for Indianapolis
NBC Sports 2:43 PM
49ers grab lead just before halftime
Bleacher Report 2:55 PM
Jacksonville Jaguars vs. Indianapolis Colts: Highlights and Recap from Week 12