dahgts

Chicago, IL

#1 Mar 5, 2013
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are expecting our first child (a boy) later this year. How do I teach my son to enjoy solitude and his own company? Too many people today turn on the radio or TV because they can't appreciate the quiet.

I want my little one to have loving friends, but also periods of quiet, reflective fun time by himself. My husband and I grew up with siblings, but he hates solitude while I find lots of activities to do by myself. I am never lonely. What's the difference between solitude and loneliness?-- SOLITARY WOMAN IN OTTAWA, CANADA

DEAR SOLITARY WOMAN: The difference between solitude and loneliness depends on how an individual handles being alone. Some people find silence threatening, while others -- like yourself -- need it to recharge their batteries.

For your son to be at ease when he's alone, ration his television time. Read to him so he'll learn to appreciate the entertainment books provide. Give him items to play with that foster creativity, such as clay, paints and paper, a cardboard box he can pretend is a playhouse or a spaceship.(You may find he prefers it to whatever toy the carton contained.) If he's encouraged to use it, his imagination will flourish.

DEAR ABBY: My father-in-law, "Earl," is an alcoholic and an avid gun enthusiast. He owns many weapons; I don't know the exact number. He has been accumulating ammunition at an accelerated rate because he's afraid that large clips will soon be banned. He drinks to excess and becomes belligerent and angry when drunk.

Last summer, during one of his moments of inebriation, he shot a gun into the air as a "surprise" to the eight family members who were sitting within two to 10 feet of him. He takes pride in the fact that his guns are kept loaded, as "what good is an unloaded gun?" On two separate occasions, I know for a fact that a loaded gun was found unsecured in his home.

When my husband and I travel with our children, ages 7, 5 and 4, to visit his family, we stay in Earl's home. I feel the combination of alcohol and loaded, unsecure guns is not safe for my children. I have suggested to my husband that we stay in a hotel during our visits from now on. The problem is, my husband is unable to stand up to his father. He told me that when he tried talking to him about his concerns, Earl called him a "wimp."

Please tell me how to get through to my husband. I don't want to alienate his family, and I do want my children to have a relationship with their grandfather.-- GUN-SHY IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR GUN-SHY: I'm sorry to say that your father-in-law may have your husband pegged accurately. A man who would allow his small children to stay in the home of an alcoholic who keeps unsecured, loaded weapons around is a wimp. There are responsible gun owners, and there are individuals like your alcohol-soaked in-law, who seem to have never learned that a bullet fired into the air must fall down somewhere and could kill or injure someone.

Your husband doesn't have to "stand up" to his father. All he has to do is make a hotel reservation and be sure the children spend no unsupervised time with Grandpa. To do anything less is child endangerment. Because your husband is unwilling to be the strong one, the responsibility for your children's lives now falls to you.

“On Deck”

Since: Aug 08

French Polynesia

#2 Mar 5, 2013
L2. Yeah, that's a recipe for disaster.
Alcohol abuse is the one common denominator in most incidents of violence.
I speak from direct experience, mind you.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#3 Mar 5, 2013
1 Geez, the kid aint even out of the birth canal and your already being a helicopter parent. Dont worry, the kid will be fine unless you make him feel awkward about it.

2 Sounds like a good ole boy to me!

Seriously though, gramps should know that loaded weapons and kids dont mix. He should unload all the ones he is not carrying. Then he needs to stay sober long enough to teach these kids how to use and enjoy those weapons safely and responsibly.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#4 Mar 5, 2013
LW1: You are taking 2 different things and considering them one. Quiet time and alone time.
You say that you had found many activities to do when you were alone. Tv is an activity to do while you are alone. Listening to music is an activity to do while you are alone. Playing video games is an activity to do while you are alone. I'm gonna guess you don't approve of these things. Fair enough. But alone time does not necessarily mean quiet time. For whatever reason, YOU value quiet time and want your kid to be like you instead of like his father.

LW2: "When my husband and I travel with our children, ages 7, 5 and 4, to visit his family, we stay in Earl's home."
Don't

"The problem is, my husband is unable to stand up to his father."
Pussy

"He told me that when he tried talking to him about his concerns, Earl called him a "wimp."
So? What's next? They gonna have a big d!<k contest?

Since: Mar 09

Miami, FL

#5 Mar 5, 2013
L1: News flash: your son might end up with a completely different personality than you. And that's okay. You can teach him to play quietly by himself when he's a child because mommy's busy or whatever, but you can't force him to like it.

L2: What Tonka said. Why are you so afraid of standing up to someone who, by taking your letter at face value, is doing things wrong?

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

United States

#6 Mar 5, 2013
1- Yeah, it's always a good idea to raise your child to be a loner... eh? Stay in Canada, libtard.

2- You're exaggerating. Admit it, gun enthusiasts make you queasy because you're an anti-gun, freedom-hating, liberal douchetard.

“Fort Kickass”

Since: Sep 09

Bloomington, IL

#7 Mar 5, 2013
L1: You can't control whether your kid is an introvert or an extrovert. Introverts recharge when they're alone. Extroverts recharge when they're with other people.

What you can do is insist that your kid learn to entertain himself. It's good to play and interact with your kid, but you shouldn't be their sole source of entertainment.

L2: If he won't stand up for your kids, you need to.

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#8 Mar 5, 2013
LW1: It all depends on the person. Not everyone is like you. Itís not something you should force on your kid for this reason.

LW2: Your FIL is right about one thing Ö your husband IS a wimp. You are going to have to go all b1tch, unfortunately, if you want to do anything about it. I would not let your children even be in a house like that, much less sleep there.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#9 Mar 5, 2013
j_m_w wrote:
L2: What Tonka said. Why are you so afraid of standing up to someone who, by taking your letter at face value, is doing things wrong?
I would not even call this "standing up" to someone. Simply saying, "I ain't bringin my kids here cause I don't feel they are safe" is altering your own actions. To me, standing up to someone involves proactively trying to stop them from doing something, specifically something that negatively affects you.

“FD&S is no way to be.”

Since: Feb 13

Chicago, IL

#10 Mar 5, 2013
1. You are a moron. You don't "get" your son to enjoy solitude. You help him to be comfortable, regardless of his inclination. If he is a social creature, you foster that. Why would you even consider stifling/trying to change that? Why do I hear the Psycho music in the background as I read your letter? "Norman? Come sit with mother."

2. Just another responsible gun owner....

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#11 Mar 5, 2013
L1: Oh, Sam -- great response!

L2: Race, is this a relative of yours?

Seriously, who needs permission from someone else to protect their children?
Kuuipo

Monterey, CA

#12 Mar 5, 2013
LW1: Easy. Don't have background noise (TV, music, movies) in your house at all times. Make quiet time for coloring, reading, or art projects.

LW2: I've posted this story before. My parents lived next door to a couple originally from Texas. The husband was a gun nut and they were both heavy drinkers who would hit the club on the weekend (fortunately only 3 blocks away), get trashed, come home in the wee hours and have loud fights. They lived in the duplex behind the front house and my parents' bedroom window was closest to their unit. When they argued, he would take out his loaded gun and point it at her! This was their regular routine until one night when he pulled the trigger and shot her three times in the abdomen. He then shot himself in the head and blew his brains out. Miraculously, she survived. The bullets didn't do much internal damage and she was able to call the paramedics herself. She only lost the end of her pinky finger because she had placed her hand over her abdomen after the first shot. THIS is what can happen when you mix alcohol and guns. PLEASE do not bring your children over there.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

United States

#13 Mar 5, 2013
Sam I Am GEAM wrote:
2. Just another responsible gun owner....
There are millions.

If you consider this guy a "responsible gun owner" and lump him in with other responsible gun owners, you are truly a hopeless case.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

United States

#14 Mar 5, 2013
Matilda77 wrote:
Introverts recharge when they're alone. Extroverts recharge when they're with other people.
Humans do not have batteries with which to recharge!

Since: Mar 09

Pittsburgh, PA

#15 Mar 5, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
There are millions.
If you consider this guy a "responsible gun owner" and lump him in with other responsible gun owners, you are truly a hopeless case.
Beep Beep Beep -- please turn on your Sarcasm Detector -- Beep Beep Beep!

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#16 Mar 5, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
Humans do not have batteries with which to recharge!
Dunno, some people around here have had BOB at one time or another

Toj

“Equality”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#17 Mar 5, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
Humans do not have batteries with which to recharge!
http://www.sciencefairadventure.com/ProjectDe...

:D
boundary painter

San Antonio, TX

#18 Mar 5, 2013
Kuuipo wrote:
LW1: Easy. Don't have background noise (TV, music, movies) in your house at all times. Make quiet time for coloring, reading, or art projects.
LW2: I've posted this story before. My parents lived next door to a couple originally from Texas. The husband was a gun nut and they were both heavy drinkers who would hit the club on the weekend (fortunately only 3 blocks away), get trashed, come home in the wee hours and have loud fights. They lived in the duplex behind the front house and my parents' bedroom window was closest to their unit. When they argued, he would take out his loaded gun and point it at her! This was their regular routine until one night when he pulled the trigger and shot her three times in the abdomen. He then shot himself in the head and blew his brains out. Miraculously, she survived. The bullets didn't do much internal damage and she was able to call the paramedics herself. She only lost the end of her pinky finger because she had placed her hand over her abdomen after the first shot. THIS is what can happen when you mix alcohol and guns. PLEASE do not bring your children over there.
That couple gives Texans a bad name.
Kuuipo

Monterey, CA

#19 Mar 5, 2013
boundary painter wrote:
<quoted text>
That couple gives Texans a bad name.
They were the first Texans I'd ever met. And they were nice until they'd had a few too many.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#20 Mar 5, 2013
VAdame wrote:
<quoted text>
Beep Beep Beep -- please turn on your Sarcasm Detector -- Beep Beep Beep!
She's not being sarcastic. That's how she views "typical" gun owners.

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