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“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#1 Oct 5, 2012
DEAR AMY: For the past two years, my daughter and her boyfriend "Rick" have been living in my house. They do not pay rent, but they pitch in toward utilities.

My daughter cooks for her boyfriend and herself. In the two years they have been with me, they have never invited me to have a meal with them. I believe they are being rude and petty, and recently I told them so.

Rick has a wonderful relationship with his father (his mother passed away a few years ago). I asked him if he would do something like that to his father, and his answer was that his relationship with his dad was different than my daughter's relationship with me.

I feel sad and angry about this. I have been a generous person with them, and the least I expect is for them to share a meal with me. Am I overreacting? What are your feelings?-- Sad Mom

DEAR MOM: This isn't really about a meal or two, but about the fact that you are providing housing to two people (presumably adults) who are not showing sufficient, or any, gratitude.

"Rick" gave you a clue when he outlined that his relationship with his father dictated or promoted a different kind of behavior from him. Notice where Rick lives? With you! And notice who he respects? Not you!

You will not receive gratitude by demanding it. But you can receive rent. You are not happy with this arrangement, so you should change the terms. Either charge this couple rent (in which case gratitude won't be a factor) or tell them it's time to find other housing.

DEAR AMY: My friend "S" and I have been friends since sixth grade -- almost 40 years ago! I'm politically conservative, and S is a die-hard Democrat. I have been posting political items on my Facebook page, in favor of my presidential choice.

Recently S sent me a private message saying she has temporarily "unfriended" me because she doesn't want to see all of my political drivel. She ended her message by saying that she will "see me back online after November." We live 1,300 miles apart, so it's not like we see each other often (three times in the last 30 years). We mostly communicate online.

How can I possibly accept a "friend request" from her after the election and allow things to go back to normal, after she basically kicked me to the curb? I am so confused as to whether I should stay in touch with her after this. I would never do this to someone I call a friend.-- Sad, Angry, Confused

DEAR SAD: Your friend S could have handled this in a way other than by "unfriending" you. She could adjust her Facebook settings to "hide" your postings until after the election and you would be none-the-wiser.

But S isn't really kicking you to the curb. She is rejecting your candidate. This is one hazard of promoting your political viewpoints online: You are basically broadcasting a point of view, and some consumers (be they friends or Facebook friends) can be turned off by this. Others push back or pick fights online.

S is trying to handle this privately, and she has been honest with you. She doesn't seem to think this should bother you, but it does. So you should be honest with her too. Consider this a Facebook "poke" from me and respond to her message honestly.

DEAR AMY: "Sad in Sausalito" said her husband had "mini-tantrums" whenever she wanted to make an unscheduled stop while out together. Another reader said the best solution would be for each of them to trade off choosing a stop. The actual best solution, which I learned early during 26 years in the military and which I've used for some 15 years of marriage, is to always carry a boredom killer, usually a good book.-- Jerry

DEAR JERRY: If you've got a good book with you, you're never bored (or alone). Thank you!

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#2 Oct 5, 2012
L1: The person you should be angry toward is yourself for raising your child to live this way (rent-free at mommy's house) and treat you this way, and for tolerating this behavior. Don't charge them rent. EVICT THEM. My goodness, it's time your daughter learned to pay her own way through life.

L2: I don't want to see political drivel either. You two can email each other. You're being overly sensitive about this. I'm a die-hard liberal and I don't post political stuff. If I did, I would understand if one of my uber conservative friends (or even liberal friends who just are sick of the subject) let me know they were unfriending me or blocking all my posts. get over yourself.

L3: Oh goodie, you've declared the best solution for everyone.

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#4 Oct 5, 2012
heh, my post number 3 isn't showing up. I didn't say anything bad, either.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

#5 Oct 5, 2012
1- time they find their own place to live.

2- you should know by now that liberals are intolerant of anyone who doesn't think like them.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#6 Oct 5, 2012
1 Time to stop being so accomadating.

2 FB/political crap, so dont care

3 What if you cant read?
pde

Davis Junction, IL

#7 Oct 5, 2012
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
L2: I don't want to see political drivel either. You two can email each other. You're being overly sensitive about this. I'm a die-hard liberal and I don't post political stuff. If I did, I would understand if one of my uber conservative friends (or even liberal friends who just are sick of the subject) let me know they were unfriending me or blocking all my posts.
I don't really get it. My friends list on Facebook is probably 75% liberal, 25% conservative, but the conservatives post probably 95% of the political sht. And most of it is of urban legend-type quality: easily disproven with just a minimum of research.

“Fort Kickass”

Since: Sep 09

Bloomington, IL

#8 Oct 5, 2012
L1: Who are these doormats and where do they come from?

L2:*sigh* I often notice, again, it's the older set that does this. You wouldn't just walk in to a crowd of these people and start spewing political stuff, why do you do it to your FB friends? I've seen *some* stuff on my page, especially this week after the debates, but it was fairly benign and respectful of both parties. I stay out of it. I didn't join FB to alienate people. I joined to see who from high school got fat.

Since: Dec 07

DuPage County

#9 Oct 5, 2012
L1: Welcome to Doormatland, population: you!

L2: I have hidden 10-15 of my Facebook friends posts in the last 2 weeks. I despise politics and don't even want to think about it until the next 2 debates are over. I agree with a few abve comments above though, especially that liberals get especially nasty if you don't agree with them.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#10 Oct 5, 2012
L1: I wish I knew how old her daughter and the bf were. 16 or 30? Mom is the needy one here. There is no reason in the world she didn't invite her daughter to a meal SHE cooks or ask her daughter and bf to help with making dinner -- lasagne, pick a holiday, bbq -- whatever.

L2: It's probably her friend's time to unwind and the last thing she wants to do is see all the political stuff. This LW is way off base. Is her regular email broken? Her phone broken? FB is not the only way to communicate.

L3: Rehash. Let's ignore but take a bit from it. What is your favorite book? I have too many but I'll say "To Kill A Mockingbird".

“On Deck”

Since: Aug 08

French Polynesia

#11 Oct 5, 2012
L2. I call them all snake-charmers.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#12 Oct 5, 2012
Toj wrote:
L1: I wish I knew how old her daughter and the bf were. 16 or 30? Mom is the needy one here. There is no reason in the world she didn't invite her daughter to a meal SHE cooks or ask her daughter and bf to help with making dinner -- lasagne, pick a holiday, bbq -- whatever.
I think the mom has every reason to be angry. If what she's saying is true, all these kids pay for is electricity, meaning mom buys all the food.

If I was buying food and saw someone in my kitchen using my pots and pans to cook the food I bought and was not offered any, I'd be pissed too.

Since: Mar 09

Miami, FL

#13 Oct 5, 2012
Toj wrote:
L3: Rehash. Let's ignore but take a bit from it. What is your favorite book? I have too many but I'll say "To Kill A Mockingbird".
I like it!

I was actually asked this question as part of jury selection once. I said The Stand by Stephen King (and ended up on the jury). Another one that comes to mind is I Know This Much Is True by Wally Lamb.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#14 Oct 5, 2012
LW1: If the BF has such a good relationship with his dad, then suggest they move in there because they are no longer welcome in your house.

And nice job raising such an ungrateful b!tch.

LW2: Why do peeps think they have to read everything that is posted on FB? That's what the scroll bar is for.

LW3: Luckily we have better technology now and can eff around on the interwebs instead.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#15 Oct 5, 2012
Toj wrote:
L3: Rehash. Let's ignore but take a bit from it. What is your favorite book? I have too many but I'll say "To Kill A Mockingbird".
Hmmm, this is a toughy.

But I'm going to have to go with the "Foreigner" series by C.J. Cherryh. So technically that's cheating, since currently she's on #13.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#16 Oct 5, 2012
I'm going to write down the books you guys like just so I can start a new reading list.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#17 Oct 5, 2012
LW1: "his answer was that his relationship with his dad was different than my daughter's relationship with me."

"his relationship with his father dictated or promoted a different kind of behavior from him. Notice where Rick lives? With you! And notice who he respects? Not you!"

No stupid. It has nothing to do with his respect for her. Its about HER DAUGHTER's relationship with her. He might be living there, but his primary relationship is to the daughter. His interaction with the mother is influenced by the daughter. ie: he follows her lead. LW's issue needs to be handled with her daughter, not Rick.

LW2: You are both idiots. She's an idiot if seeing words not directed at her are so bothersome that she can't just scroll past it. And you are an idiot for felling kicked to the curb. She told you why. Its nothing personal. k-rist, you'd think 40 year friendships could step through the facebook BS without any issue.

LW3: Get with the program. Book schmook. How bout you carry a smart phone so you can browse porn while the wife is browsing thru the Bed, Bath, & Beyond superstore.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#18 Oct 5, 2012
pde wrote:
<quoted text>
I don't really get it. My friends list on Facebook is probably 75% liberal, 25% conservative, but the conservatives post probably 95% of the political sht. And most of it is of urban legend-type quality: easily disproven with just a minimum of research.
I am thankful that there is only 1 person on my facebook list who posts political stuff with any regularity.

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#19 Oct 5, 2012
Saluki Rod wrote:
L2: I have hidden 10-15 of my Facebook friends posts in the last 2 weeks.
If you're talking about individual posts, what's the point of hiding it after you've already seen it?

“I Am Mine”

Since: Dec 08

Location hidden

#20 Oct 5, 2012
Toj wrote:
L3: Rehash. Let's ignore but take a bit from it. What is your favorite book? I have too many but I'll say "To Kill A Mockingbird".
Bowls, Polls, and Tattered Souls: Tackling the Chaos and Controversy that Reign Over College Football by Stewart Mandel

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#21 Oct 5, 2012
Mister Tonka wrote:
<quoted text>
Bowls, Polls, and Tattered Souls: Tackling the Chaos and Controversy that Reign Over College Football by Stewart Mandel
I'll just the cliff notes from you I think.:)

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