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“Not a real reg”

Since: Jan 13

Location hidden

#1 Nov 8, 2013
DEAR AMY: I am one of five friends who served in Afghanistan.“David” is (in our eyes) the true hero of our group. He is the main reason three of us returned home to our families.

Now honorably discharged, we and our families meet once a year for a cookout and mini reunion. Last year, though, David informed us he had lost his job and could not attend.
This year, David told us that he and his wife had separated and were headed for divorce. Our group paid David’s expenses in an effort to cheer him up. Then, when his cellphone was disconnected, I surfed the Internet for an e-mail address or new phone number. Imagine my shock when his name and picture popped up on a sex offender registry!

I am not sure what to do. I want to speak with him about this before I say anything to anyone else. He saved lives when we were under fire. What do you think?-- Friend Under Fire

DEAR FRIEND: You should handle this by being loving, kind and transparent toward someone who has faced (and continues to face) extreme life challenges. It sounds like your friend has a multitude of problems — and many friends and supporters.

The fact is, you do not know the nature of his offense (or even if there is one). Reach out and tell him exactly what you’ve learned, and offer to listen if he wants to talk.

DEAR AMY: My wife has grown children from a prior marriage; they make a good living. I like her children very much. However, they frequently ask us out to dinner, pick an expensive restaurant, order from the two or three most-expensive items on the menu and leave me to pay the bill.

They typically reject our offers of a home-cooked meal in favor of eating out. Any occasion will suffice to justify eating out.(My birthday seems to be the only exception.) But I was raised to believe that it is poor manners, even downright rude, to ask others out to eat and leave them to pay the bill.

I feel that I am being exploited, while my wife thinks I am being cheap. What is your view?-- Feeling Fleeced

DEAR FLEECED: I agree with you that it is ill-mannered to invite someone (or initiate the suggestion to go) out to dinner, choose the restaurant and then expect the invited guest to pay the bill.

If your wife thinks you are cheap because this bothers you, then you should ask her to take over this parental privilege.

I believe that one of the most satisfying aspects of adulthood is the ability to generously treat others to a meal (or other experience). You have had ample opportunities to experience this particular joy. Now others can take their turns.

Bring this up directly with the other adults in a positive way the next time they propose a dinner out. You can say,“We’d love to go out but I think it would be great for your mom and me if you could treat. How does that sound to you?”

DEAR AMY: As a mother and grandmother I was stunned by your reply to the young parents of a 2-week-old baby who was passed from person to person, many of whom didn’t support her head. Your response should have been,“No parents should pass around their 2-week-old baby!”

A 2-week-old can be seen as she lies in her crib or bassinet or in her parents’ arms. Visitors shouldn’t be breathing on her, kissing her or otherwise exposing her to their germs or generally mishandling her. Wait until she’s a few months old before subjecting her to all this. And even then, don’t pass her around like she’s the salt on the dinner table.-- Appalled

DEAR APPALLED: Your model of keeping a new baby in a bubble until it’s a “few months old” simply doesn’t work in many families, who have other children at home, baby-sitters, aunts, uncles and grandparents helping out — and a more open attitude about integrating a baby into the swirling life of the family.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#2 Nov 8, 2013
1 Someone can be a hero and also be a perv, but amy is right about learning why he is on the register. My gut instinct is to tell you that you may not be too happy to learn why though.

2 What you need to do is tell these kids straight up that homey aint paying for their meals unless homey is the one inviting them out.

3 Another know it all.

“Not a real reg”

Since: Jan 13

Location hidden

#3 Nov 8, 2013
RACE wrote:
3 Another know it all.
Takes one to know one...;) Commenting collectively, of course.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

Location hidden

#4 Nov 8, 2013
1. Your booking picture and name gets posted with the charge when you are arrested.

(There is a fight going on by people who are arrested but charges dropped. Those photo services are charging around $400 to take your picture down)

2. You are only put on a sex offender registry after you have been convicted. The crime is always listed although sometimes the obscure words of eh statute makes it difficult to know if the guy was convicted of picking up a prostitute or rape.

Both LW and Amy are unclear about what LW actually found on line.

L2 In advance, tell the kids- hey things are tight- we ca go to Perkins and I will treat but if you want to go to Charlie Trotters, it is Dutch treat. I will bet it is Mom who assures the kids that step-dad will pay or perhaps inflates how well he/they are doing.

“Fort Kickass”

Since: Sep 09

Bloomington, IL

#5 Nov 8, 2013
L1: Uh, sex offender lists generally tell you *exactly* why someone is on it.

L2: Team Race.

L3: My co-worker's wife brought their preemie newborn in to the office and she held her the whole time. I mentioned it to him, I was like "She's so small; I'm glad she wasn't being passed around. They make me nervous at that size." Co-worker was like "Yeah, that was kind of the idea." Smert.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#6 Nov 8, 2013
LW1: Just talk to him without judgement.

LW2: What RACE said.

LW3: You're absolutely right, babies should be kept in a bubble so they develope absolutely no immune system. That way they'll be super healthy when the get to kindergarten.

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#7 Nov 8, 2013
LW1: Even the most evil person on the planet probably has some good qualities. In my book, a child molester is not someone I want to associate with. Still, before I would cut such a person out of my life, I would make an effort to find out exactly why he is on the list.

LW2: Split the bill and quityerbitchen.

LW3: I agree. My wife was very leery about folks handling our kids when they were first born.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#8 Nov 8, 2013
Matilda77 wrote:
L1: Uh, sex offender lists generally tell you *exactly* why someone is on it.
Not the ones I've looked at. They are vague. Something like "Inappropriate behavior with someone under the age of 18." Leaves much to the imagination.
dahgts

Chicago Heights, IL

#9 Nov 8, 2013
PEllen wrote:
1. Your booking picture and name gets posted with the charge when you are arrested.
(There is a fight going on by people who are arrested but charges dropped. Those photo services are charging around $400 to take your picture down)
2. You are only put on a sex offender registry after you have been convicted. The crime is always listed although sometimes the obscure words of eh statute makes it difficult to know if the guy was convicted of picking up a prostitute or rape.
Both LW and Amy are unclear about what LW actually found on line.
L2 In advance, tell the kids- hey things are tight- we ca go to Perkins and I will treat but if you want to go to Charlie Trotters, it is Dutch treat. I will bet it is Mom who assures the kids that step-dad will pay or perhaps inflates how well he/they are doing.
Trotters? you must have his recent demise in mind..
Blunt Advice

Suffern, NY

#10 Nov 8, 2013
1. If he had wanted to keep in touch and attend reunions he would have. He has chosen (whether it be the sex offense he commited or any othher reason) to not continue getting together. Just let him be. If he wants to reconnect he will find you.
2. Next time they invite themselves to go out with you for dinner, drive to the mcdonalds and say "here we are".
3. just dont let the sex addict and the wife who isnt getting any hold this baby. or any other rehash writer.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#11 Nov 8, 2013
L1: given the way people are put on sex offender registries, I wouldn't make any assumptions. I'm glad Amy doesn't, either. Sounds like your hero needs more support than jsut an annual get together. He may have PTSD and could use counseling. Step up. Have a conversation with him. Isn't that the least you can do?

L2: YOU pay the bill? Does your wife have her own money? Then she can pay. If your money is joint, she can still pay. I do think her children are rude and tacky, but maybe this is how they've always done it with their mom. But let her handle the plastic.

And even when my mom is buying, I keep my order reasonable. Someone else is buying, so that's how I roll.

L3: Here's a shoehorn with which to unclench your rear crevice.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#12 Nov 8, 2013
You can be put on the sex offender list for PUBLIC URINATION. It's a huge catch-all.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#13 Nov 8, 2013
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
You can be put on the sex offender list for PUBLIC URINATION. It's a huge catch-all.
I have NEVER seen anyone on a sex offender registry for public urination.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#14 Nov 8, 2013
I read an article a couple of weeks ago about a guy in Denmark or some such place, was originally arrested for masturbating on the beach, but because he was not looking at anyone in particular, it was not a crime.
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
You can be put on the sex offender list for PUBLIC URINATION. It's a huge catch-all.
Blunt Advice

Suffern, NY

#15 Nov 8, 2013
Sex offender does cover a wide range of offenses from the public urinator to viscious rapists and everything in between.

If an 18 year old and 17 year old couple have sex the 18 year old can be charged as a sex offender.

Also there are some very mean spiteful girls who will accuse a teacher of molesting them (or other sexual attack) just for revenge. Same for step fathers and mothers boyfriends, their own ex boyfriends... And even if innocent of the accusations, are put on the sex offender list.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#16 Nov 8, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
I have NEVER seen anyone on a sex offender registry for public urination.
The public urination thing is about exposure.

And as we all know, if edog haven't experienced it, it hasn't happened to anyone ever.
Kuuipo

Monterey, CA

#17 Nov 8, 2013
LW1: People are complex. David is clearly going through some hard times, and I think you are doing the right thing by attempting to talk to him about what you accidentally discovered before disclosing it to anyone else. In fact, I would be hestant to tell anyone else at all. You only meet once per year and have lost touch with him already, so clearly this is not a close, day-to-day friendship.

LW2: You should have nipped this in the bud a long time ago. Ask for separate checks.

LW3: I totally agree that 2-week-old babies should not be passed around to everybody. And most parents, and people in general, know that the baby's head needs support.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#18 Nov 8, 2013
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
<quoted text>
The public urination thing is about exposure.
And as we all know, if edog haven't experienced it, it hasn't happened to anyone ever.
Just for shts and giggles, take a look at the sex offender registry for your area. Just see what's on there.
Kuuipo

Monterey, CA

#19 Nov 8, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
Just for shts and giggles, take a look at the sex offender registry for your area. Just see what's on there.
A friend of mine found her sister's ex-boyfriend on the list for our area. This was about 4 years ago. I don't remember if she ever told her sister.

“Fort Kickass”

Since: Sep 09

Bloomington, IL

#20 Nov 8, 2013
Ha, timely. J just sent me the sex offender link for the new dude his step-aunt is dating. "attempted criminal sexual conduct - 4th degree - victim between 13-16" And it wasn't like, a youthful indescretion. It was within the last 10 years.

Step-aunt's youngest daughter is 10 or so and she has several young grandchildren. Solid pick in men, ma'am.

So glad we stopped doing Christmas Eve over there.

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