Amy 6/28

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“Not a real reg”

Since: Jan 13

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#1
Jun 28, 2013
 
DEAR AMY: I recently ended a six-month relationship with a girl who often drank to the point of blacking out and from time to time took recreational drugs.

While the warning signs were there from the beginning, there was also an amazing connection, and we shared some wonderful moments. She was truly great on many levels, but her off-the-rails behavior sort of terrified me. Looking back I feel like perhaps I was too harsh. I miss her a great deal. Did I make a mistake?-- Lonely in LA

DEAR LONELY: Each of us has his/her own personal threshold of what can be tolerated. If you are with someone whose behavior ďsort of terrifiesĒ you, then, yes, your choice to end the relationship and tolerate the attendant loneliness seems to me like an important act of self-preservation.

Furthermore, I think any relatively sober person would feel frightened and unsure to be with someone who drinks to the point of unconsciousness.

Alcoholics are like everybody else: sometimes amazing, loving, smart, charming, funny and compelling. Unfortunately, the fallout from addiction can be tremendous for loved ones. It is a depleting, depressing and lonely life to be with someone long term who engages in such dangerous behavior.

So, no, I donít think you made a mistake, not at all.

DEAR AMY: I have made a conscious choice to not have contact with my grandfather. He was a womanizer and mistreated his children. This isnít your typical serial cheater. He committed several exploitive acts toward women throughout his lifetime (the details are dark and unsettling).

The choices he made resulted in total alienation from my mother and me. I was only 17 when my mother passed away, and my grandfatherís behavior at her funeral left an indelible impression. He hides behind a facade of charm, Christianity and good deeds.

I have a young child and understand his desire to be in our lives, but I donít want this. My daughter has four grandparents she is very close to. Recently, he inquired as to why I keep my distance. He also sent me a newspaper clipping pertaining to grandparentsí rights.

When I received his letter, I felt bad, but it and the article felt like a form of emotional manipulation. I donít feel the desire to reconnect. I do, however, want to answer his letter. What would be an appropriate way to respond? How can I convey my decision and remain neutral?-- Unsure

DEAR UNSURE: I donít know if your grandfatherís choice was deliberately manipulative, but I can certainly see how you would see it that way. The most neutral thing to do is to respond to his contact, saying,ďI received your letter and newspaper clipping. If I choose to reconnect with you Iíll certainly let you know.Ē

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

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#2
Jun 28, 2013
 

Judged:

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1 Whats her #? She sounds like my kinda gal.

Just because you're feeling horny you are trying to kid yourself back into a relationship with her.

2 tell gramps that you dont like his bahavior, and dont want your daughter to see it and think its acceptable. Tough to say whether your being prudish or not without those dark details.

Since: Feb 10

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#3
Jun 28, 2013
 

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Grandpa hasn't had a relationship with the kid previously and he isn't the father of the non-custodial parent, so I doubt that any of the Granparent Rights statutes would apply to him, in any state. Also, the fact that he would try to use that to force himself into the lives of people who don't want to associate with him would be a very good reason to continue steering clear of the man. If what she wrote is true, L2 has no reason to feel bad.
liner

Bellport, NY

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#4
Jun 28, 2013
 

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L1: I guess the sex was good, heh?

“Fort Kickass”

Since: Sep 09

Bloomington, IL

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#5
Jun 28, 2013
 
L1: Weeeeeeew! White gurl drunk!

L2: I'm not a parent but I feel like L2 is where Mama Bear would come out. That would just make me furious.

L3: Get lower class friends. You can have a casserole pot luck.

I did have a friend who threw a party once, didn't tell anyone to bring anything except booze, and all she had to eat was half a bag of Doritos. We left.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

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#6
Jun 28, 2013
 

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LW1: "...there was also an amazing connection, and we shared some wonderful moments. She was truly great on many levels,..."

Translation: she was f*cking hot and it was the best sex he's ever had.

Sorry, buddy. Either deal with the crazy and the hot sex or leave her alone for good.

LW2: I really wish we could have gotten some of those dark and unsettling details. Eh, oh well.

Stop letting him make you feel guilty.

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

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#7
Jun 28, 2013
 
Matilda77 wrote:
L3: Get lower class friends. You can have a casserole pot luck.
I did have a friend who threw a party once, didn't tell anyone to bring anything except booze, and all she had to eat was half a bag of Doritos. We left.
L3???

Since: Mar 09

Pittsburgh, PA

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#8
Jun 28, 2013
 
PEllen wrote:
<quoted text>
L3???
Yes, there IS a LW3!

DEAR AMY: I read your response to ďA Refined Palate,Ē the man who couldnít stomach eating a friendís terrible cooking.

At last, someone had the courage to rein in a foodie. Thank you on behalf of all of us who are just regular cooks hoping to have friends over now and then.

I have been cowering in the corner as some of my erstwhile friends have become more and more ďrefinedĒ to the point of being totally intolerant of ordinary home cooking.

They wax on and on about rarefied offerings at restaurants, and at home increasingly insist on particularities in water (always bottled), wine, miniature vegetables, artisanal breads, unsalted butter, flavored vinegars, flavored olive oils, baby lettuce ó and thatís even before you dare to offer a main course, which had better not be red meat. Yikes.

I have become so intimidated that I no longer invite people over for dinner, knowing it must be so special. Iím now nervous of accepting dinner invitations, because I am indeed afraid of having to reciprocate and offend the tender sensibilities of people like Refined Palate.

When did fellowship, politeness and gratitude disappear in exchange for competitive dining?-- Marilyn in Illinois

DEAR MARILYN: You are one of a small handful of readers who agreed with my takedown of this oh-so-refined writer. I think I share your basic orientation. Thank you

“...,to wit”

Since: Jun 09

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#9
Jun 28, 2013
 
Ah Hah! The elusive Letter No.3

DEAR AMY: I read your response to ďA Refined Palate,Ē the man who couldnít stomach eating a friendís terrible cooking. At last, someone had the courage to rein in a foodie. Thank you on behalf of all of us who are just regular cooks hoping to have friends over now and then. I have been cowering in the corner as some of my erstwhile friends have become more and more ďrefinedĒ to the point of being totally intolerant of ordinary home cooking. They wax on and on about rarefied offerings at restaurants, and at home increasingly insist on particularities in water (always bottled), wine, miniature vegetables, artisanal breads, unsalted butter, flavored vinegars, flavored olive oils, baby lettuce ó and thatís even before you dare to offer a main course, which had better not be red meat. Yikes. I have become so intimidated that I no longer invite people over for dinner, knowing it must be so special. Iím now nervous of accepting dinner invitations, because I am indeed afraid of having to reciprocate and offend the tender sensibilities of people like Refined Palate. When did fellowship, politeness and gratitude disappear in exchange for competitive dining?-- Marilyn in Illinois DEAR MARILYN: You are one of a small handful of readers who agreed with my takedown of this oh-so-refined writer. I think I share your basic orientation. Thank you.
Read more at http://www.topix.com/forum/chicago/TI7DSM78U5...
Cass

Upland, CA

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#10
Jun 28, 2013
 
LW3

DEAR AMY: I read your response to the "A Refined Palate," the man who couldn't stomach eating a friend's terrible cooking.

At last, someone had the courage to rein in a foodie. Thank you on behalf of all of us who are just regular cooks hoping to have friends over now and then.

I have been cowering in the corner as some of my erstwhile friends have become more and more "refined" to the point of being totally intolerant of ordinary home cooking.

They wax on and on about rarefied offerings at restaurants, and at home increasingly insist on particularities in water (always bottled), wine, miniature vegetables, artisanal breads, unsalted butter, flavored vinegars, flavored olive oils, baby lettuce -- and that's even before you dare to offer a main course, which had better not be red meat. Yikes.

I have become so intimidated that I no longer invite people over for dinner, knowing it must be so special that it can't be comfortable. I'm now nervous of accepting dinner invitations, because I am indeed afraid of having to reciprocate and offend the tender sensibilities of people like Refined Palate.

When did fellowship, politeness and gratitude disappear in exchange for competitive dining?-- Marilyn in Illinois

DEAR MARILYN: You are one of a small handful of readers who agreed with my takedown of this oh-so-refined writer. I think I share your basic orientation. Thank you.
not a ghost

San Antonio, TX

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#11
Jun 28, 2013
 

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About LW2 getting that clipping from her grandfather; saving that and documenting his choice to pressure her might be necessary if he
doesn't back off.(Does her little girl's father
have any ideas that might help her if he is in the picture?)

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

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#12
Jun 28, 2013
 

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Stop Stop Stop!
Enough LW3!
Cass

Upland, CA

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#13
Jun 28, 2013
 
Wow! Suddenly, a flurry of LW3 postings.:-)

Anyway, if anyone in my house wrinkles their nose at plain home cooking, they will not be invited back. Period.

I have a bit of an opposite problem. I prefer to make fairly healthy homemade meals, including homemade salad dressing. It's actually pretty good (I like it, my husband likes it, most of my friends like it), but my in-laws scoff that we eat too many fresh vegetables (as my MIL put it, "Why in the world would you buy fresh broccoli when you can by frozen?" and "Vegetables? Yuck."). Apparently, because we eat more diverse food than meat, potatoes, and pasta, and some of it is cooked from scratch, and I am the one who cooks this stuff, I am too much of a "foodie."

“Fort Kickass”

Since: Sep 09

Bloomington, IL

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#14
Jun 28, 2013
 
Cass wrote:
Wow! Suddenly, a flurry of LW3 postings.:-)
Anyway, if anyone in my house wrinkles their nose at plain home cooking, they will not be invited back. Period.
I have a bit of an opposite problem. I prefer to make fairly healthy homemade meals, including homemade salad dressing. It's actually pretty good (I like it, my husband likes it, most of my friends like it), but my in-laws scoff that we eat too many fresh vegetables (as my MIL put it, "Why in the world would you buy fresh broccoli when you can by frozen?" and "Vegetables? Yuck."). Apparently, because we eat more diverse food than meat, potatoes, and pasta, and some of it is cooked from scratch, and I am the one who cooks this stuff, I am too much of a "foodie."
I hear you. But the upside of that is that my in-laws almost never come over to eat.

It's funny. My husband and his sister grew up eating red meat and potatoes/pasta almost every night, no veggies. Now, she's vegetarian and he *rarely* eats red meat or carbs.
liner

Bellport, NY

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#15
Jun 28, 2013
 

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Cass wrote:
Wow! Suddenly, a flurry of LW3 postings.:-)
Anyway, if anyone in my house wrinkles their nose at plain home cooking, they will not be invited back. Period.
I have a bit of an opposite problem. I prefer to make fairly healthy homemade meals, including homemade salad dressing. It's actually pretty good (I like it, my husband likes it, most of my friends like it), but my in-laws scoff that we eat too many fresh vegetables (as my MIL put it, "Why in the world would you buy fresh broccoli when you can by frozen?" and "Vegetables? Yuck."). Apparently, because we eat more diverse food than meat, potatoes, and pasta, and some of it is cooked from scratch, and I am the one who cooks this stuff, I am too much of a "foodie."
Mmmmmm, you sound like my kind of "foodie". My wife and I will be over say, around 5ish Sat nite? What kinda wine?

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

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#16
Jun 28, 2013
 
I know it stems from my bad relationship I have with food, but I loathe foodies and their pretentiousness.

I'd rather eat a sandwich made with two slices of love than a meal at some hoity-toity restaurant costing hundreds of dollars.

And in the interest of fairness, I *have* eaten at a hoity-toity restaurant and while it was fun (we knew the chef through a musician-friend of Dickie and he does some cool stuff) I felt it was a colassal waste of money for a meal that I only enjoyed two thirds of. Ugh, I still want to gag when I remember one of the desserts. It was a white chocolate "tower" filled with olive oil.

See, there goes the gagging.

Since: Dec 09

Smalltown, Colorado

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#17
Jun 28, 2013
 
liner wrote:
<quoted text>
Mmmmmm, you sound like my kind of "foodie". My wife and I will be over say, around 5ish Sat nite? What kinda wine?
Can I come, too? Pleeeease?

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

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#18
Jun 28, 2013
 
Hey, how you been hottie?
Shari23 wrote:
<quoted text>
Can I come, too? Pleeeease?

Since: Dec 09

Smalltown, Colorado

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#19
Jun 28, 2013
 
RACE wrote:
Hey, how you been hottie?
<quoted text>
I'm good but busy. Have you been taking the ship out and sailing the ocean blue?

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

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#20
Jun 28, 2013
 
Every chance I get! But it does need some fixing, one of the cylinders has stopped firing.
Shari23 wrote:
<quoted text>
I'm good but busy. Have you been taking the ship out and sailing the ocean blue?

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