“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Braidwood, IL

#1 May 8, 2014
DEAR AMY: Every fall, my sister, cousins and a cousin's sister-in-law have a weekend shopping excursion in our home city.

We stay in a hotel, treat ourselves, shop for our children and go out for lunches and dinners. It is a great time to reconnect.

I have a sister "Wendy," who we do not invite. She is offended to the point of tears when she finds we have not invited her. My two sisters and I are very close in age, but Wendy hasn't been as close to this set of cousins as my sister and I have been through the years.

We are all married stay-at-home moms. Wendy is a divorced, working mom with one young child.

There are several reasons we do not include her. We know she doesn't have very much money for such an outing. She also does not have many of the same interests as we do. Her life is quite different from ours. We're not interested in what she has to talk about. She complains too much about her aches and pains, and claims to have some kind of neurological disease that some of us feel is more psychosomatic than real and which she uses to avoid getting up for church on Sundays.

She also complains about her ex-husband who left her for another woman, but everyone knows it takes "two to tango" and she is not without fault.

We're all very active churchgoers, while she only sporadically attends services. Plain and simple, she does not really fit in with us anymore.

She takes it very personally, and last year even came over to my home unannounced crying about it, which upset my children and caused my husband to threaten to call the police if she did not leave.

Now she barely speaks to me and has told our relatives that I am a horrible person (even though I've helped her).

How can we get her to understand that she should perhaps find another set of friends whose lives and interests align more closely with hers?-- Sad Sister

DEAR SAD: First, let's establish that I agree with your sister: You are a horrible person.

Obviously, you can do whatever you want and associate with -- or exclude -- whomever you want, but you don't get to do this and also blame the person you are excluding for not "fitting in."

The only way your sister would ever fit in would be for you to make room for her. You are unwilling to do that, and that is your choice. But her being upset is completely justified, and you'll just have to live with that.

Perhaps this is something you could ponder from your church pew, because despite your regular attendance, you don't seem to have learned much.

DEAR AMY: My boyfriend and I have been together for 2-1/2 years. It was great the first year but now it seems like all we do is fight.

It's gotten to the point where we break things.

I want to get past this but don't know how. We talk and then it's good for a few weeks and then back to the same.

Is it crazy to stay with him and try to get past this or should I leave him?-- Confused and in Love

DEAR CONFUSED: If your fighting is escalating and your peaceful times diminishing, you should separate in order to get a bead on what you really want, and see if you -- and he -- are both motivated and capable of committing to the hard work of changing (one person changing cannot fix this). A professional counselor can help.

Sometimes the only way to truly "get past" a relationship that has grown toxic is to look at it through the rear-view mirror as you ease on down the road.

DEAR AMY: How about that letter from "Devastated"? This was someone who was prepared to turn her life upside down after knowing a guy for a month.

I think you called it right: He's a liar. She's a mark.

What could she possibly be thinking?-- Shocked

DEAR SHOCKED: If people thought more, we'd all have less to amuse us.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

#2 May 8, 2014
1- Maybe if you got off your high horse, you could be more inclusive with your sister. "We're stay at home moms. We go on expensive shopping sprees on or husbands' dime. My sister however is a lowly peasant who works. We can't associate with such lowbrow people"
blunt advice

Livingston, NJ

#3 May 8, 2014
1. I hope your family has some normal relatives Wendy can call family. And some true friends. It's sad that her flesh and blood sisters are such judgmental snobs. I can't blame her for not wanting to go to the church she was raised in.
2. Leave him.
3. Don't remember this letter.
blunt advice

Livingston, NJ

#4 May 8, 2014
edogxxx wrote:
1- Maybe if you got off your high horse, you could be more inclusive with your sister. "We're stay at home moms. We go on expensive shopping sprees on or husbands' dime. My sister however is a lowly peasant who works. We can't associate with such lowbrow people"
Youv'e nailed it. She deserves a less snobby uptight family.
Pippa

Hancock, NY

#6 May 8, 2014
1: I was about to rip into the lw for her unchristian attitude but Amy did it for me. Here's my hands clapping for Amy (or her intern).:-) I do hope the sister reads this column and I hope she realizes there are better people in the world than her sister. As for the lw, I also hope she realizes that her attitude may very well come back to bite her. I'm almost hoping the lw's husband leaves HER for another woman. Then let's see how she feels.

2: You need to leave. I hope you haven't made any babies with this guy. What a situation to grow up in.:-(

3: I don't recall this letter either. Does anyone know when it was published? I really do wish that when a letter referring to a previous letter is published that they would write the date of that letter for readers to refer to.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

#8 May 8, 2014
Pippa wrote:
3: I don't recall this letter either. Does anyone know when it was published? I really do wish that when a letter referring to a previous letter is published that they would write the date of that letter for readers to refer to.
It's from two days ago, guys. Sheesh

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

#9 May 8, 2014
Wait, maybe not. Similar letter though

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#10 May 8, 2014
L1: I think the LW's sister should rethink the whole thing and count her blessings. She doesn't need those pretentious witches.

L2: We'll probably be seeing you on the next episode of "Cops". Is that show playing anymore?

L3: So even Amy doesn't take the LW's situations seriously -- she's in it fo the amusement as well.
Kuuipo

Elizabethtown, KY

#11 May 8, 2014
LW1: I agree with Amy and everyone ^ who posted. LW attends church regularly, but never listens to the message. She uses it to socialize and to feel better than others.

LW2: You two bring out the worst in each other. Break up. Find someone who brings out the best in you.
Kuuipo

Elizabethtown, KY

#12 May 8, 2014
LW3: I found it.(Slow day @ work, LOL.) It's from Monday, April 21, page 3 of the forum.

DEAR AMY: I was dating this wonderful guy for about a month. We deleted our dating profiles together and our relationship blossomed.

He asked me if I would move in with him next year when his job sends him to a new location. The sparks were amazing: great chemistry, intelligent conversations.

Last Tuesday he says, "We need to talk." It turns out he's married. His wife told him she was gay, and he assured me he would never take her back. The only problem was that in that state, they require a year for a divorce to be finalized.

The ex-wife filed for divorce in July, so I told him "OK, we can do this, right?" He's like, "Yeah, you mean so much to me." I agreed to stay with him.

Two days later he says (again) that we need to talk. Basically he said he needed to get his head together and was not fit to date me -- or anyone. He said he wanted no contact with me until the divorce is finalized. No calls. No texts. No hanging out.

Then I got a text saying he is returning to his home state next week because his mother is suicidal.

I think he's going back to his wife. I never lied to him or betrayed him the way she did. It's not fair. He won't answer my calls, and I'm beside myself.

I appreciate your common sense. What do you make of this?-- Devastated

DEAR DEVASTATED: Here's what I make of this: He's a liar and you're a mark. I have a strong feeling he has probably met other women the same way he met you, and he is stringing along more than one woman.

Think about it: If he is so all-fired righteous about his wedding vows, then why did he jump into the online dating pool in the first place? And this detail about his mother -- what's that about? It's about his disappearance.

Chemistry is awesome. But chemistry pales in comparison to the real deal: Honesty, integrity, reliability and the old-fashioned ability to live a high-functioning life.

I prescribe a "man diet" for a few weeks while you sort out what you might have done differently -- and what you will do differently next time.

Since: Mar 09

Hollywood, FL

#13 May 8, 2014
L1: Well, Judgy McJudgerson, aren't you the bees knees. B1tch. Wendy is better off without you.

L2: Sounds like you should either break up, go to anger management, or both. Did either of you have a history of "breaking things" prior to this relationship? Sometimes two people just bring out the worst in each other.

Since: Jun 09

Saint Petersburg, FL

#14 May 8, 2014
Toj wrote:
L2: We'll probably be seeing you on the next episode of "Cops". Is that show playing anymore?
No kidding... I just had this conversation with someone last night!!!

ANYWAY... LW1's sister comes over upset and her husband THREATENS TO CALL THE COPS??? That's just AWFUL!!! LW1 is a mean-spirited, un-Christian, judgemental, cold-hearted, selfish B-Word! I feel bad for her sister and hope she has some decent people in her life.

I can't even fathom that there are people that would be that horrible to their family. Karma's gonna get her!
Julie

Chicago, IL

#15 May 8, 2014
LW1: Dog and Amy's intern *nailed* it.

You are a 1000% b*tch. You have no EFFING idea what the true meaning of "Christian" is.

You. Are. Vile.

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