Posted in the Chicago Forum
#1 Feb 1, 2014
Dear Annie: I am 53 and am in love with a 33-year-old man. We've been together for three years, but the problem is that he says he just wants to be friends. I care about him a lot. I think there may be someone else, but I'm not sure.
I don't want to lose him from my life. What should I do? Should I tell him how I feel? Should I ask him whether he's seeing another woman? I need answers. Dee
Dear Dee: When a man tells you he "just wants to be friends," please believe him. He is no longer interested in you romantically. Whether or not he has someone else is irrelevant. If you want him in your life, it will have to be on his terms as a friend and nothing more. If that is not possible for you, please say goodbye altogether, no matter how difficult. There's no point moping around when it's over. You'll only make yourself more miserable. We recommend hot cocoa with your favorite movie, followed by a luxurious bath and commiserating with good friends.
Dear Annie: You have helped perpetuate an erroneous but widely held belief by printing a letter that referred to an ostrich burying its head in the sand.
The misconception exists because an ostrich sleeps with its head resting on the ground. Viewed from a distance, the head may appear to be buried, but it most definitely is not. If an ostrich really did bury its head, it would suffocate. La Crescenta, Calif.
Dear La Crescenta: Thanks for providing an opportunity to get into an obscure but charming subject. According to the American Ostrich Association, a male ostrich will dig a hole for the nest that can be up to 8 feet wide and 3 feet deep, so that predators cannot see the eggs from a distance. Male and female ostriches take turns sitting on the eggs in that lowered position and blend into the horizon. When the birds periodically turn the eggs over with their beaks, it can appear as if their heads are buried in the sand.
Now we know.
Dear Annie: This is in response to "Joining the Letting Go Club." My father was Mr. Charming. What wasn't seen was the physical, verbal and emotional abuse. He expected to continue the control even after we were grown and then with our children. He worked hard to pit the siblings against each other. It was horrible. I have nothing to do with him.
My in-laws are blatantly biased toward my husband's sister. She was involved with drugs, has a criminal record and treats her parents terribly. Yet they think the sun rises and sets on her. They have totally enabled her and given her tons of money. My husband never caused them trouble, paid his own way for college and visits them regularly. They can't seem to bother with him. My husband has gotten to the point where he is done with them.
And finally, there is this perspective. We are in our mid-40s with three kids. We have a difficult time understanding today's parenting style, unless it is to copy the way they were raised: the idea that their kids can do no wrong and never need be held accountable, and that kids should only do whatever makes them happy. I actually heard a friend tell her daughters not to worry about anyone else's feelings, and they should care only about their own happiness and doing whatever they want.
It's no wonder this makes for selfish, self-centered people. These kids have trouble maintaining relationships. Once things don't go their way, they walk. I heard a person say about his family, "They don't bring anything to the table for me, so why bother?"
Parents have created these selfish kids. They should not be surprised by the outcome. Another Perspective
Since: Jun 09
#2 Feb 1, 2014
How do you define being together? Do you go out in public as a couple? Are you sleeping together? Is one of you paying an inordinate amount of the expenses?
LW sounds desperate. BF sounds like he is trying to disengage.
#3 Feb 1, 2014
This is refreshing.
LW1 should take no for an answer from this man. All he wants is a friend. She should be one or leave him alone.
LW2 was a nice science essay.
LW3 is a survivor. She vented some interesting points.
#4 Feb 1, 2014
1: Is there a typo here? Are you really 20 years this guy's senior? You'd think by your age, you'd realize that he doesn't want to spend the prime of his life caring for an elderly woman who is not so many years may end up with a myriad of age-related health problems. He had his fun perhaps learning to be a more interesting lover from you but it's time you grew up and realized that you do not own this guy. He doesn't love you. At 33, he certainly would know if he did. If you really care about him realize that you can't give him what a younger woman can and leave him alone. Friendship is all you can expect and if that isn't enough, stop seeing him.
2: Interesting but that's about it. Nothing else to say about that.
3: This lw gives us more perspective on dysfunctional families and why kids turn out wrong. The thing to remember is that even "bad" parents had parents and those parents probably messed them up and so on up the family tree. Some of these parents truly try their best and then there are those who are too self-centered to really care about their kids. That doesn't cover all of it but I'm sure there are volumes written on this subject.
#5 Feb 1, 2014
Thanks for sharing, Pippa!
LW1 is an idiot, but the Annie's were very patronizing in their response. Take a bath and drink some hot chocolate? The woman is 53 years old. Surely she can handle hearing that she should take his words at face value and move on with her life.
LW2- people are stupid. They have so little thirst for knowledge, that most of them skipped over this letter. It is funnier to picture a cartoon ostrich with its head stuck in the sand. You just wasted ink and paper with your letter to the Annie's and are contributing to Global Warming.
LW3- sounds like you haven't really let go of things. There is no law that requires you to maintain contact with your family after you are grown. Move to another town, raise your children the way you see fit, associate with people who share your values, stop complaining.
Was that so hard?
#6 Feb 1, 2014
Pippa: "1: Is there a typo here? Are you really 20 years this guy's senior? You'd think by your age, you'd realize that he doesn't want to spend the prime of his life caring for an elderly woman who is not so many years may end up with a myriad of age-related health problems."
Blind, desperate stupidity knows no age limit.
#7 Feb 2, 2014
LW1 - Ewww. Sorry, but you have wrinkles in all kinds of places and saggy boobs. He is a young guy who would rather do somebody firmer and smoother. Sorry, but what you should do is let him go.
LW2 - Did you really think most people truly believe that ostriches bury their heads in the sand? Ever heard of metaphors?
Since: Jun 09
Saint Petersburg, FL
#8 Feb 3, 2014
Thanks for posting this Pippa! Nice change of pace!
LW1 needs to get her ostrich head out of the sand!
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