A'sk A'my 11*22*12
Posted in the Chicago Forum
#1 Nov 22, 2012
Dear Amy: I have been living with a guy for almost two years. Even though he owns his own house and continues to pay the bills on his own house, he lives with me (including eating all of his meals here). He has never offered to share the expense of living at my house, although I've brought it up.
I have children at home, and his response has always been that his living in my house doesn't add any additional expenses. I disagree with this and feel that I am being taken advantage of and that he should offer to pay his own way -- at the very least pay for his own food.
Am I blowing things out of proportion, or is this guy basically living off of me?
Dear Disadvantaged: After two years of living together, you should not gingerly bring up a topic as important as money in the hopes that your guy "offers" to pay a share of the household living expenses. Nor should you necessarily characterize him as "living off" of you if he does pay for some things.
If you share a household, then it is completely reasonable to put all of your shared expenses on the table. Include rent, utilities, food, etc., and negotiate what expenses you each will assume.
Fortunately, if you can't work things out, he already has a house he can go home to.
Dear Amy: "Hopelessly Confused" asked what he should do about a workplace crush.
If he is a happily married man, all he need do is include references to his wife and their happy life together in his conversations with his work friend and suggest that she and her husband join him and his wife for a social occasion.
I was in a similar situation nearly four decades ago. My new boss and I had lots in common, truly enjoyed each other's company and worked very well together. I quickly came to the same realization as Confused. "Hey, if we weren't each already married, this is a guy I would want to date!" I'm quite confident that he had the same realization.
What did we do about this realization? Absolutely nothing. We never acknowledged it. We simply continued to enjoy our friendship and our work. He and his wife included me and my husband when they hosted a party for former colleagues. As things have turned out, the four of us grew to be good friends. This long-standing friendship is a treasure to us all.
-- Not confused at all
Dear Not Confused: Your behavior in this situation is exactly what other people should emulate.I hope it inspires others to behave in a similarly mature fashion.
Since: Jan 10
#2 Nov 22, 2012
L1: Just break up already.
L2: I think for some people, that's too close. Playing with fire. some people need to NOT be closer to their boss/coworker in order to preserve marriage.
Since: Mar 09
#3 Nov 22, 2012
ITA on both, but especially L2.
LW1 needs a strong whack with the clue bat. OF COURSE he's using you! The only way it would be more obvious is if he came right out and said so.
“reign in blood”
Since: May 09
#4 Nov 22, 2012
1- I'm curious as to why he has his own place, is paying for it, yet living with you? There's something going on here. And there's absolutely an added expense to having someone live with you. Have the talk and if he's not on board, cut him loose.
2- I slept with my work crush :)
“Where is Everyone?”
Since: Jul 12
#5 Nov 22, 2012
L1: What I think she's really saying: This guy is living with me, taking money away from me and my6 kids, has his safety net to go bvack to -- but I need him to contribute but I can't say anything more b/c he'll leave me. Lady, he already has one foot out the door. Find someone you can share with. Doesn't sound like it's him.
L2: I agree with Red and Jmw. For some this is the perfect resolution. For others, it could put them in situations where they can come up with reasons why they (the coworkers) should be together. Know yourself and relationship, make that stronger in whatever way you need to.
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