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“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Wilmington, IL

#1 Sep 13, 2013
DEAR AMY: Each year we host an elegant, upscale fundraiser on our estate for a local nonprofit. One of the major sources of income for this event is the multiple cash bars. We offer a variety of beverages, including fine wines.

For the past two years, one couple (who are close friends, neighbors and business associates) have hosted a "pre-party" at their home, which we, of course, cannot attend due to our preparation obligations. They then arrive late with several other couples in tow.

This year they even arrived with their own wine, which they not only drank but shared with several other couples.

I did not learn of their "private bar" until my husband and I walked them out. Near their vehicle was a pile of wine bottles dumped on the lawn. The amount of alcohol from the bottles left lying on our lawn amounted to about $300 to $400 in lost drink ticket sales.

I feel insulted and hurt, and I am stunned by their behavior. Aside from business associations, we see each other often. Am I overreacting? How should we handle this situation?-- Wined Out

DEAR WINED OUT: First, let me thank you for outlining the very essence of the phrase "first-world problem" in this space. And yet, even though your dilemma occurs on an estate and involves fine wine, when you boil it down, this issue simply amounts to people behaving badly and the question of how to respond. And you should respond.

You say, "Daisy and Tom, we found a pile of wine bottles on the lawn near your car, and I think they came from you and your guests. What's up with that?"

If you're stunned and disappointed, you should say so. I'm not suggesting that you bill these people for the estimated amount of spilled or drunk wine that might have gone to charity, but the advantage of speaking your own truth, plainly and clearly, is that you give someone who owes you an explanation or apology the opportunity to offer one.

And then after you have had your say, you move on. Don't dwell, punish or gossip. Consider the matter settled.

Next year you might enlist these people to join with you and use their pre-party as an additional fundraiser for the nonprofit. That way, not one drop will be wasted (unlike your guests).

DEAR AMY: I was recently told by a relative that I would be in his will. How does one respond to that? "I'm honored" sounds too formal (I mean, I'm not being knighted ...).

"Thank you" sounds weird to me. And "Gee, I don't know what to say" seems inadequate.

This issue is complicated in that the relative is very ill and may die soon (hence the discussion about the will). What is appropriate?-- Relative

DEAR RELATIVE: "I'm honored," "Thank you" and "Gee, I don't know what to say" are all acceptable responses in the moment, but most important is the realization that this very ill relative told you this for a reason.

Asking an open-ended question would give him the opportunity to convey whatever additional information he wanted to tell you. So you say, "I didn't really know what to say when you told me you had named me in your will. But is there anything specific you'd like me to know? And is there anything specific you would like me to do?"

After that, do your best to be a compassionate listener. Bringing up this topic is a way for a dying person to acknowledge his mortality as well as honor a relationship he obviously feels is important. I think it's quite brave and beautiful.

DEAR AMY: I was so incredibly touched by the letter from "Bryce," who lives in Kansas. Bryce was eager to thank neighbors (and others) who pushed up their sleeves to help his family -- and other families -- after a natural disaster. One idea was to host a dinner at a local restaurant, which he said is "struggling."

I hope he does this. What a great way to thank people and support a local business!-- Touched

DEAR TOUCHED: I agree. Bryce should also repay this generosity "forward" by helping others in need.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#2 Sep 13, 2013
L1: So so so so sick of the "First world problem" phrase. And hey, nice boozy friends you have. SO you send them off to drive home drunk? I guess it's okay, since it's for charity.

L2: Don't get too excited; he could be leaving you his poodles.

L3: Great idea.
liner

Patchogue, NY

#3 Sep 13, 2013
L1: I wonder what the poor people are doing today? Oh, I know. They're picking up empty wine bottles from some rich bahstids lawn.

Since: Aug 08

Location hidden

#4 Sep 13, 2013
LW1: I would mention that the purpose of the event is charity, that you receive most of your charitable donations via the cash bar, and they are missing the entire point of the whole event if they are bringing their own drinks to a charity event and not contributing to the cause. You can be frank about it without being a jerk about it too.

LW2: I would say,I hope you live long enough to spend all that money enjoying yourself and have none to leave me.

LW3: Showing your gratitude and paying it forward is the way to go.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#5 Sep 13, 2013
L1: I liked Amy's answer. The woman has a stick up her butt. While I can understand her point, she's too good for most of the people on this Earth to know how to deal with the plain folks.

L2: I'd probably say something like, I'm more concerned about you here and now. Unless there's something you want me to do concerning the Will, I don't want to even think about it.

L3: Nice rehash.

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

#6 Sep 13, 2013
1- You raise money for charity by selling alcohol? What's your charity? Race to cure liver disease? But anyway, you're millionaires and you're complaining about 400 dollars?

2- Just say "cool, how much you leaving me!?"

Since: Oct 09

Wagner, SD

#7 Sep 13, 2013
Toj wrote:
L1: I liked Amy's answer. The woman has a stick up her butt. While I can understand her point, she's too good for most of the people on this Earth to know how to deal with the plain folks.
L2: I'd probably say something like, I'm more concerned about you here and now. Unless there's something you want me to do concerning the Will, I don't want to even think about it.
L3: Nice rehash.
Sorry, but I didn't get that interpretation at all. What I got was her concern that the non-profit organization for which the fundraiser was being held was being shortchanged by several hundred dollars. Several hundred bucks may be pocket change to the Richie Riches who live in elegant manors, but to the kind of organization that she was raising money for, it's a huge deal. You have no idea how so many of them struggle to both fulfill their purpose adequately and to survive at all.

So, if this were just a case of entitled rich people bringing their own wine and guests to another entitled rich couple's house and her being upset about that, then you'd be justified in calling her a snob with a stick up her butt. But that isn't the case here. She's trying to help an organization that is working to address a charitable cause or issue.

“A Programmer is not in IT!”

Since: Feb 09

Neda, stay with me!

#8 Sep 13, 2013
1 Next year have a sign out front or on the invites saying no outside liquor as it reduces the amount given to the charity. Then police them.

2 How about saying "what you giving me?"
boundary painter

San Antonio, TX

#9 Sep 13, 2013
LW1 is giving upper income people a bad name.

“The two baby belly, please!”

Since: Sep 09

Evanston IL

#10 Sep 13, 2013
Team Sublime for the win!

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#11 Sep 13, 2013
Judge Janie wrote:
<quoted text>
Sorry, but I didn't get that interpretation at all. What I got was her concern that the non-profit organization for which the fundraiser was being held was being shortchanged by several hundred dollars. Several hundred bucks may be pocket change to the Richie Riches who live in elegant manors, but to the kind of organization that she was raising money for, it's a huge deal. You have no idea how so many of them struggle to both fulfill their purpose adequately and to survive at all.
So, if this were just a case of entitled rich people bringing their own wine and guests to another entitled rich couple's house and her being upset about that, then you'd be justified in calling her a snob with a stick up her butt. But that isn't the case here. She's trying to help an organization that is working to address a charitable cause or issue.
Oh, I got that it hurts the organization. It's a fundraiser, making money for a charitable organization. Someone brought things into the event that they are trying to make money on so it's cutting into the charity's funds.

"I feel insulted and hurt, and I am stunned by their behavior. Aside from business associations, we see each other often. Am I overreacting? How should we handle this situation?"

Seriously? It's not difficult to pick up a phone and call up close acquaintances and say how important the event is to you and how you felt it cut into the events donations even though you realize that wasn't their intention. Then, hit them up for a donation of either a couple of cases of wine for next year or some money for this year.

Elegant or not, it is a charity and she is a fundraiser and some of her friends did not fully support her efforts. Address the friends.

I still feel she has a stick up her butt.

Since: Jun 09

Saint Petersburg, FL

#12 Sep 13, 2013
Sublime1 wrote:
LW1: I would mention that the purpose of the event is charity, that you receive most of your charitable donations via the cash bar, and they are missing the entire point of the whole event if they are bringing their own drinks to a charity event and not contributing to the cause. You can be frank about it without being a jerk about it too.
LW2: I would say,I hope you live long enough to spend all that money enjoying yourself and have none to leave me.
LW3: Showing your gratitude and paying it forward is the way to go.
Team Sub

“reign in blood”

Since: May 09

Chicago, IL

#13 Sep 13, 2013
boundary painter wrote:
LW1 is giving upper income people a bad name.
But, rich people are evil, aren't they? With the exception of Obama and Pelosi, I thought we were supposed to hate rich people. Aren't we?

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#14 Sep 13, 2013
Or, since LW1 is wealthy, she could eliminate the cash bar, offer free drinks, and increase the ticket price to the affair.
Cass

Claremont, CA

#15 Sep 13, 2013
LW1 - So, I've always thought that those charitable events on private estates were just an excuse for rich people to hobnob with their own kind and get drunk. Sort of like happy hours at the local dive down the road for the lowly working class, but for people with a lot more money. Now my belief has been confirmed.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#16 Sep 13, 2013
edogxxx wrote:
<quoted text>
But, rich people are evil, aren't they? With the exception of Obama and Pelosi, I thought we were supposed to hate rich people. Aren't we?
Naw. I have some very rich people I'm happy to call as friends.

Heh. The woman should present those people with an uncorking fee.

Not really, but it would be funny to see their faces when they received the bill.
Kuuipo

Monterey, CA

#17 Sep 13, 2013
LW1: Some establishments allow you to bring your own wine and charge a bottle opening fee. Do that next year. And talk to your friends, kindly.

LW2: Thank him, and let him know how much you have appreciated his presence in your life.

LW3: I am a big fan of supporting small businesses rather than large chains and corporations.
Kuuipo

Monterey, CA

#18 Sep 13, 2013
OT: I can't wait to get out of here and uncork a bottle.

Since: Jan 10

Location hidden

#19 Sep 13, 2013
I don't hate Pelosi, but I think she sucks at her job. I call my cat Rosie Pelosi because I think she'd be better at that job.

Toj

“Where is Everyone?”

Since: Jul 12

Location hidden

#20 Sep 13, 2013
RedheadwGlasses wrote:
I don't hate Pelosi, but I think she sucks at her job. I call my cat Rosie Pelosi because I think she'd be better at that job.
Random thoughts you're having?

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